Coping With An Alcoholic Partner: Strategies For Support

Alcoholism in a partner can lead to a host of issues, from financial strain to emotional turmoil, and it can be incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing to navigate life with an alcoholic spouse. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a medical condition characterized by an inability to manage drinking habits despite negative consequences, and it can impact not just the person with the disorder but also their partner's physical and mental health. If you are in a relationship with an alcoholic, it is important to prioritize your well-being and safety while also supporting your partner in getting the help they need. Understanding the warning signs of alcohol abuse and knowing when to seek help are crucial steps in dealing with an alcoholic partner.

Seek support for yourself, your family, and your partner

Dealing with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining, stressful, and impact your mental health. It is important to seek support for yourself, your family, and your partner.

Firstly, it is crucial to recognise that you are not the cause of your partner's substance abuse issues and that you cannot control or cure their drinking. You can, however, contribute positively to their recovery and your own healing.

To do this, you must ensure you have a good support system around you. This could include friends and family, as well as support groups and helplines. For example, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline offers confidential, free support and treatment referrals for individuals and families dealing with substance use disorders. Other resources include Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Families Anonymous, and Recovering Couples Anonymous.

Consider trying couples therapy to help maintain a healthy relationship and build a supportive dynamic that encourages addiction recovery. It is important to address the issue early to prevent more severe complications in the future and to promote healing.

Additionally, encourage your partner to seek professional help and support them in doing so. This could include speaking to their GP, a specialist treatment centre, or a healthcare provider or addiction specialist to assess their specific situation and determine the appropriate course of action, which may include detox, rehabilitation, therapy, and ongoing support.

Understand the warning signs of alcohol abuse

Alcohol abuse can manifest in many ways, and it can be challenging to determine whether a partner is struggling with alcohol abuse. However, recognising the warning signs is crucial as it can enable you to seek help and make informed decisions about your future together. Here are some common warning signs to look out for:

Lying and secrecy

Alcohol abuse often involves lying about or hiding drinking habits. Your partner may try to conceal their drinking by consuming alcohol in private or becoming isolated and distant from friends and family. They may also explicitly lie about their drinking or try to keep it a secret, not wanting others to know the extent of their alcohol consumption.

Impact on personal life

Alcohol abuse can negatively affect a person's personal life, causing issues with family and friends. Your partner may start neglecting their responsibilities and obligations, choosing drinking over important tasks or commitments. This can lead to increased stress and challenges as you try to manage household duties alone. Additionally, alcohol abuse can result in financial difficulties and frequent arguments or conflicts within the relationship.

Health risks

Alcohol abuse poses significant health risks, including the development of serious health complications and potentially life-threatening consequences. Your partner may continue drinking despite causing problems at work or home, or even when it's dangerous, such as drinking and driving. They may also exhibit signs of irritability and extreme mood swings, memory loss or temporary blackouts, and health issues related to excessive drinking.

Denial and rationalisation

Denial is a common aspect of alcohol abuse. Your partner may be in deep denial about their addiction, refusing to acknowledge the negative impact of their drinking. They may rationalise their drinking behaviour, blaming others or circumstances instead of taking responsibility. This defence mechanism prevents them from recognising the harm caused by alcohol and seeking a sober lifestyle.

Remember, these warning signs should not be ignored. If you recognise any of these signs in your partner, encourage them to seek help and support, and prioritise your own physical and mental well-being during this challenging time.

Take time for yourself and your own health

Living with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining and can have a serious impact on your health and well-being. It is important to take time for yourself and your own health. Here are some ways to do that:

Maintain a support system

Surround yourself with a good support system of friends and family who can help you through these trying times. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that there are people who care about you and will support you. Reach out to them and let them know what you are going through.

Seek professional help

Consider seeking professional help to cope with the stress and anxiety of having an alcoholic partner. This could be in the form of therapy or counselling. Couples therapy can also help to build a supportive relationship that encourages addiction recovery while also providing a safe space to resolve conflicts.

Focus on your physical and mental health

Prioritise your physical and mental health by engaging in self-care practices such as exercise, healthy eating, and relaxation techniques. Stick to a routine and try to maintain a level of normality in your daily life. Eat meals, go to work, and relax at the same time every day.

Set boundaries

It is important to set clear boundaries with your partner to protect your own well-being. Do not enable their behaviour or make excuses for them. Understand that you did not cause their drinking and cannot control or cure it. Focus on yourself and your own healing journey, separate from your partner's.

Join support groups

There are many support groups available for partners of alcoholics, such as Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and Families Anonymous. These groups can provide you with a sense of community and offer resources and guidance on how to cope with your partner's alcoholism.

Talk to your partner about their drinking

Talking to your partner about their drinking can be daunting, but it is an important step to take. Here are some suggestions on how to approach this conversation:

Choose an appropriate time and place

It is important to talk about your concerns when your partner is sober and has plenty of time to talk. Choose a quiet setting where you can sit down one-on-one and have a calm, non-defensive conversation.

Prepare what you want to say

Before the conversation, do some research on alcohol use disorder (AUD) and talk to medical and mental health professionals to better understand the disease. Plan what you want to say by reflecting on specific instances where your partner's drinking has negatively impacted their health, relationships, or responsibilities. Be very specific about how their behaviour has affected you and your family.

Approach the conversation with compassion and support

Enter the discussion with support, compassion, and empathy, avoiding judgement and confrontation. Express your love and concern, and let your partner know how you feel and what your concerns are. Remember that your partner may be in denial or become defensive, which is common among high-functioning alcoholics.

Encourage your partner to seek help

Help your partner understand how their drinking is negatively impacting their life and the lives of those around them, and encourage them to get help. Suggest options such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings, inpatient alcohol addiction treatment, therapy, or other support groups. Offer to accompany them to these meetings or appointments if they wish.

Set goals and plan next steps together

Work with your partner to set measurable goals and create a plan for their recovery. Hold them accountable while also being supportive and understanding. Remember that recovery is a journey and that there will be good days and bad days.

Encourage your partner to seek treatment

Dealing with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining, stressful, and scary. It is important to remember that you are not the cause of their drinking, nor can you control or cure it. However, there are ways you can positively contribute to their recovery and your own healing.

Firstly, it is crucial to encourage your partner to seek professional help. This may include asking them to get help for their addiction, which can be a difficult conversation to have. It is recommended to approach this conversation in a calm, non-defensive manner, expressing your love and concern. It is also important to be very specific about your concerns and how their behaviour has affected you and your family. It is advised to plan what you want to say ahead of time and to research alcohol use disorder. It may be helpful to suggest couples therapy as a way to encourage your partner to seek help while also addressing any relationship issues that may be contributing to their drinking.

It is important to remember that your partner may be in denial about their addiction, which is common among high-functioning alcoholics. They may also try to blame their drinking on external factors or others around them. Therefore, it is crucial to avoid enabling behaviours, such as making excuses for their drinking or covering up for them. Instead, focus on encouraging them to take responsibility for their actions and seek treatment.

In addition to seeking professional help, you can also support your partner by helping them replace alcohol-related activities with healthier alternatives, such as exercising or learning a new skill. It is also important to set clear boundaries and hold them accountable for their actions.

Finally, it is essential to take care of yourself during this process. Dealing with an alcoholic partner can have a serious effect on your own health and well-being, so ensure you have a good support system in place. Consider reaching out to support groups or helplines for assistance.

Frequently asked questions