Lena Savoie
Alcohol abuse is a growing problem among the elderly, with alcohol use disorders affecting 29.5 million Americans. Alcoholism can severely impact an individual's personal, professional, social, and financial life, and it can be challenging to get older adults to acknowledge they have a drinking problem. If you suspect your parent is suffering from an alcohol problem, it's important to speak up and offer your support during their recovery process. While you cannot make them seek help, there are things you can do to better deal with their alcoholism, such as joining a support group or seeing a therapist.
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What You'll Learn
Recognising the signs of alcoholism
- Drinking more or longer than intended.
- Specific beverage choices and drinking only at certain times or in certain situations.
- Asking others to cover up their drinking habits, such as calling in sick to work or borrowing money.
- Missing events or responsibilities due to drinking.
- Increased alcohol tolerance over time.
- Health risks and hindering the ability to deal with emotions and underlying mental health issues.
- Negative impact on personal, professional, social, and financial life, including family members, especially children.
If you suspect your ageing parent is struggling with alcoholism, it's important to speak up and seek support. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you navigate these challenging circumstances.
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Knowing how to approach the conversation
Dealing with an ageing alcoholic parent can be challenging and painful. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that there are many resources available to help you navigate this difficult situation.
Know the signs: Alcohol use disorder (AUD) or alcoholism affects 29.5 million Americans, making alcohol the most commonly abused substance in the United States. Alcoholism can manifest differently in different people. Some common signs to look out for include drinking more or longer than intended, drinking at specific times or in certain situations, and hiding liquor bottles. Alcoholism can also lead to missed events or responsibilities and can impact a person's health, work, and relationships.
Prepare for the conversation: Before approaching your parent about their alcohol consumption, take time to prepare and gather your thoughts. Choose a safe, private, and comfortable time and place for the conversation. It is important to avoid having these conversations while your parent is drinking, as it can be difficult for them to absorb and respond appropriately when they are not sober and rational.
Choose your wording carefully: When speaking with your parent, be mindful of your wording. Avoid using labels such as "alcoholic" or "addict," as these can be stigmatizing and shame-inducing. Instead, focus on their drinking habits or alcohol use. Use ""I" statements to express your concerns and how their drinking affects you. For example, say, "I'm worried about you" or "I'm concerned about the amount you're drinking when you get in from work." Mention specific instances where their drinking has put them or others at risk.
Remain calm and supportive: It is important to approach the conversation with a calm and gentle tone. Avoid anger or disapproval, as this may hinder your parent's willingness to listen and engage. Remember that your parent may already be aware that they have a problem, and your continued support and encouragement can help motivate them to seek help. It is also crucial to take care of yourself during this process, as dealing with an alcoholic parent can be emotionally exhausting. Seek support from siblings, friends, or professionals to ensure you have the necessary help and outlets for stress.
Seek professional help: There are many resources and support groups available to help families of alcoholics, such as Al-Anon, which offers a 12-step program for family members of alcoholics. You can also reach out to mental health professionals, such as therapists, psychiatrists, or social workers, to help you cope with your feelings and improve your mental state. Additionally, connecting with a treatment provider can be beneficial in addressing your parent's alcohol abuse.
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Looking after yourself
Open Up and Seek Support
Share what you are going through with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, counsellor, or doctor. It can be a relief to express your feelings and experiences, and these individuals may be able to provide additional support and guidance. Joining support groups, such as Al-Anon, specifically designed for families and children of alcoholics can provide you with emotional support and help you navigate daily life.
Prioritise Self-Care
Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could include reading, watching TV, or spending time with friends. Finding outlets for stress is essential, as dealing with a parent's alcoholism can be emotionally taxing and exhausting. Relaxation techniques and self-care practices can help stabilise your moods and prevent depression.
Practice Good Emotional Habits
It is important to express your emotions and speak up, as bottling up your feelings can hinder your ability to form healthy relationships in the future. Therapy can be beneficial in building healthy emotional habits and coping mechanisms. Additionally, it can help you stop the cycle of substance abuse, as children of parents with substance use problems are at a higher risk of developing similar issues.
Avoid Self-Blame
Understand that your parent's sobriety and abstinence are their choice alone. It is not your fault, and you are not responsible for their drinking problem. Many factors, such as underlying mental health issues, major life changes, or chronic health conditions, can contribute to alcohol abuse, and it is crucial to recognise that you did not cause their substance problem.
Prepare and Plan Conversations
If you intend to address your parent's alcohol abuse, choose a safe, private, and comfortable time and place. Avoid conversations while they are drinking, as it may be challenging for them to respond rationally and absorb what you are saying. Use “I” statements, positive language, and a concerned tone to express your worries and set boundaries.
Remember, while supporting your parent is essential, taking care of your own well-being is equally vital. By seeking support, practising self-care, and prioritising your emotional health, you can better navigate the challenges of having an ageing alcoholic parent.
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Getting support for yourself
Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be challenging and affect your emotional well-being and physical health. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that there are many resources and support groups that can provide help and support.
Firstly, it is important to open up to someone you trust, such as a good friend, a teacher, a school counsellor, a doctor, a therapist, or another relative. It can be a relief to share your feelings and experiences, and they may be able to offer further help and advice.
Secondly, consider joining a support group, such as Al-Anon, the largest and most well-known support group for families of alcoholics, which includes a 12-step program to help members cope. Support groups can provide emotional support, help with grief, and tips for getting through daily life.
Thirdly, take time for yourself and do activities that you enjoy, such as reading, watching TV, or spending time with friends. It is important to find outlets for stress and practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with the stress and exhaustion of dealing with a parent's alcoholism.
Finally, if you feel overwhelmed or unable to cope, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or mental health counsellor. They can help you sort through your feelings, improve your mental state, and provide clarity and relief.
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Finding treatment options
Dealing with an ageing alcoholic parent can be challenging, but there are many treatment options available. It is important to remember that you cannot make your parent seek help or treatment, but there are things you can do to encourage them to get the support they need.
Firstly, it is crucial to start a conversation with your parent about their drinking. Choose your words carefully and avoid using the term "alcoholic", as this may carry a stigma and lead to feelings of shame or guilt. Instead, focus on their drinking habits and how these make you feel. Have mini conversations to express your concerns and let them know about the harm they are causing. Remember that your parent is probably already aware that they have a problem, and it can be challenging for older adults to acknowledge and admit that they need help.
If your parent is in assisted living or you are considering this option, check the alcohol policies of different facilities. Some may serve alcohol, while others may ban it or only allow it under a physician's guidance. Carefully consider what would be the best option for your parent.
There are many treatment providers and resources available to help your parent address their alcohol use. These include specialised treatment facilities, rehab centres, and support groups tailored to older adults. Treatment programs can be successful for older adults, and an understanding physician can advise on health risks, available treatment options, and refer to other resources. Local health departments and social services agencies can also provide contact information and details on costs and insurance coverage.
In addition to professional treatment, support groups such as Al-Anon, modelled after Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), offer a 12-Step program to help families of alcoholics cope. These groups provide emotional support, practical help, and communities of members who can offer peer support.
Remember, it is important to also take care of yourself during this process. Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be emotionally challenging, and support groups or therapy can help you build good emotional habits and ensure you are looking after your own health and well-being.
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Frequently asked questions
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) or alcoholism affects 29.5 million Americans and is the most commonly abused substance in the United States. Some common signs of alcoholism include drinking more or longer than intended, drinking at specific times and in certain situations, and hiding liquor bottles. Alcoholism can also lead to emotional, physical, mental, and financial abuse and neglect of children.
It is important to choose a time and place that is safe and private. Avoid conversations while they are drinking as it can be difficult to talk to someone who is not sober and rational. Use phrases that start with "I" instead of "you", such as "I'm worried about you". Ask open-ended questions, mention specific instances of risky drinking behaviour, and stick to positive language.
It is common for older adults to be in denial about their drinking habits and it can take time for them to come around. Your parent might be concerned about the stigma associated with alcoholism or feel they are too old for rehab. Continue to offer your support and encouragement throughout their recovery process.
It is important to look after your own health and well-being. You can do this by joining a support group, talking to someone you trust, or seeking help from a mental health professional. Remember, your parent's sobriety is their choice alone.
