Mason Delacroix
Alcohol addiction is a chronic illness that can be incredibly challenging to deal with, especially when it's a parent. It can affect the entire family, causing feelings of loneliness, anger, confusion, worry, and embarrassment. It's important to remember that you didn't cause your parent's alcoholism and it's not your responsibility to fix it. Asking for help is crucial, whether it's through therapy, support groups, helplines, or confiding in a trusted adult or friend. If you're planning to talk to your alcoholic parent, it's best to prepare in advance and choose a safe, private setting. While it can be difficult to break the cycle of addiction, with the right support, your parent can take steps towards recovery.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Recognising the signs of alcoholism | Drinking more or longer than intended, drinking specific beverages at certain times, missing events or responsibilities, asking you to cover up their drinking |
| Understanding the impact on the family | Alcoholism affects the entire family and can cause problems at home and work, including neglect, unpredictable moods, abuse, and violence |
| Seeking support | Reach out to trusted adults or family members, join support groups or therapy, contact helplines like NACOA or Alateen |
| Communicating with the alcoholic parent | Choose a safe and private time and place, use "I" statements and open-ended questions, stick to positive language and a concerned tone, set and maintain boundaries |
| Prioritising self-care | Prioritise your well-being, join support groups, practice self-care activities like reading or spending time with friends |
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What You'll Learn
Recognising signs of alcohol addiction
- They drink specific beverages and only at certain times and in certain situations.
- They ask you to cover up their drinking problem, such as calling in sick to work or borrowing money.
- They miss important events or neglect their responsibilities due to drinking.
- They exhibit impaired judgment, inappropriate sexual behaviour, aggressiveness, mood changes, or depression.
- They have poor social functioning, including problems in their relationships and at work.
- They engage in other substance use, such as cannabis, cocaine, heroin, or sedatives.
- They neglect their personal care, hygiene, or appearance.
- They experience frequent falls or accidents.
- They have recurring absences from work or school.
- They drink more or for longer than they originally intended.
It is important to remember that your parent may not display all of these signs, and they may even appear to be functioning well in some areas of their life. However, if you are concerned about their drinking, it may be helpful to seek professional advice or support.
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Looking after yourself and seeking support
Living with an alcoholic parent can be incredibly difficult and can take a toll on your mental health. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this, and asking for help is okay. Here are some ways to look after yourself and seek support:
Open up to someone
Talking to someone you trust, such as a good friend, a teacher, a school counsellor, a doctor, a therapist, or another relative, can be a relief. Let them know what you are going through, and they may be able to help you navigate this challenging time.
Join a support group
Support groups like Alateen can provide extra support and advice. They can help you feel less alone and provide valuable guidance on how to manage an alcoholic parent.
Contact helplines
Helplines such as NACOA offer a free, confidential service where you can share your experiences and talk to others via online message boards or instant chat.
Prioritise self-care
Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be emotionally draining, so it is crucial to prioritise your own well-being. Plan activities that you enjoy, such as reading, watching TV, or spending time with friends.
Seek professional help
If you are an adult helping a child cope with an alcoholic parent, understanding the available help options is vital. Rehab centres provide a structured environment with programmes that include counselling, support groups, and aftercare planning. These services can guide individuals through detox and address the root causes of addiction.
Remember, your parent is dealing with a chronic illness, and it is not your responsibility to fix it. Your health and mental stability are just as important, so make sure to seek the support you need to navigate this challenging situation.
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How to approach your parent about their addiction
Approaching a parent about their addiction can be challenging, and it's important to remember that you are not alone in this situation. Here are some steps to guide you on how to approach your parent about their addiction:
Choose an Appropriate Time and Place:
Select a time when your parent is sober and in a calm state of mind. Ensure the location is private and comfortable, creating a safe and comfortable environment for the conversation.
Start the Conversation with "I" Statements:
Instead of using accusatory language, begin with phrases like "I'm worried about you" or "I've noticed some changes in your behaviour." This approach expresses your concern without sounding judgemental.
Share Specific Examples:
Provide specific instances or events that have caused you concern. For example, you can say, "I noticed that you've been drinking more frequently after work." Being specific can help your parent understand your perspective and the impact their drinking has on you.
Ask Open-ended Questions:
Encourage an open dialogue by asking open-ended questions. For example, "I'm concerned that drinking may be affecting your health. How do you feel about it?" This approach invites your parent to share their thoughts and feelings, fostering a collaborative conversation.
Maintain a Calm and Compassionate Tone:
Speak in a kind, gentle, and sympathetic manner. Avoid sounding disapproving or angry. Remember that your parent is struggling with a chronic illness, and they may not fully recognise the extent of their problem.
Offer Solutions and Support:
Be solution-focused and positive when discussing next steps. Offer your support and love, assuring your parent that you will be by their side throughout their journey towards recovery. Provide information about treatment options and offer to help them find the right resources.
Remember, it's important to prioritise your well-being during this process. Consider seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals.
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Treatment options and getting professional help
Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be emotionally draining and challenging. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this situation and that asking for help is okay. Remember, your parent is dealing with a chronic illness and may be subconsciously aware that they need help. If your parent is ready to get help, offer your support and love and assure them that you will be with them throughout the process. If you are uncomfortable with approaching your parent about their drinking problem, you can seek professional help to stage an intervention. Organisations like UKAT work with professional interventionists who can advise you on the process and help plan what you want to say.
If you are a teenager or a child, you can reach out to support groups such as Alateen, which specifically caters to teenagers living with alcoholic parents. Support groups can help you cope with the situation and make you feel less alone. You can also speak to a trusted adult, such as a teacher or a family member, or contact a helpline to share your experiences and talk to others. Priory Group and Oasis Bradford also offer guidance and support for dealing with alcoholic parents.
Rehab centres provide a structured and supportive environment for recovery. Inpatient rehab programmes offer 24-hour care, guiding individuals through detox and providing therapy to address the root causes of addiction. These programmes include counselling, support groups, and aftercare planning to ensure long-term sobriety.
Remember to prioritise your own well-being and seek support for yourself through therapy, support groups, or by talking to trusted friends and family members.
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Keeping yourself and your family safe
Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be emotionally draining and can have profound consequences on your mental health. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this and that asking for help is okay. Here are some ways to keep yourself and your family safe:
Recognise the signs
Recognise the signs of alcoholism. Some common signs include drinking more or for longer than intended, missing events or responsibilities due to drinking, and asking you to cover up their drinking habits. Recognising these signs can help you identify that your parent may be struggling with alcoholism and needs help.
Seek support
Seek support for yourself and your family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals such as therapists or counsellors. Support groups, such as Alateen for teenagers, can provide extra support and help you feel less alone. It is important to take care of your own well-being and not shoulder the burden alone.
Open communication
Encourage open communication with your parent. Choose a safe, private, and comfortable time and place to express your concerns. Try to use "I" statements, such as "I'm worried about you," and ask open-ended questions. Stick to positive language, avoid labels, and maintain a calm and concerned tone. Be prepared for the conversation and set boundaries, making it clear that you will not enable their drinking habits.
Safety first
Prioritise your safety and that of your family members. If you feel that your parent's alcoholism is putting anyone in danger, reach out to authorities or trusted adults who can help intervene and ensure everyone's safety. Remember that you are not responsible for your parent's alcoholism, and it is not your fault.
Addressing the problem
If your parent is ready to address their alcoholism, offer your support and love throughout their recovery journey. Seek professional help or interventionists if needed. Remember that addiction is a chronic illness, and your parent may need your compassion and understanding as they confront their condition.
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Frequently asked questions
Some common signs of alcoholism include drinking more or for longer than intended, drinking only specific beverages and only in certain situations, and missing events or responsibilities due to drinking. Recognisable symptoms can also include trouble keeping a job or paying the bills, and increased risk of domestic violence.
It's important to remember that you didn't cause their alcoholism and it's not your responsibility to fix it. However, you can try talking to them about it. Choose a safe, private time and place, use "I" statements, ask open-ended questions, and stick to positive language. If you're unsure about what to do or say, you can seek professional help or advice from organisations like UKAT or NACOA.
It's important to remember that addiction can cause people to act differently and deny that they have a problem. If your parent is not receptive to your attempts to talk to them, consider seeking professional help to stage an intervention. An interventionist can advise you on what to say and give you the tools and courage to help your parent into treatment.
Your support could be the most important factor in helping your parent turn their life around. Show them love and support, and tell them that you will be there for them every step of the way. Avoid drinking with them or planning social events where alcohol will be present. Prioritise your own well-being by seeking support for yourself through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends and family members.
It's important to know that you're not alone and that asking for help is okay. Reach out to a trusted adult or a support group for teenagers with alcoholic parents, such as Alateen.
