Theo Nash
Alcoholism is a problem that can have a profound impact on the alcoholic's family, especially their children. Even high-functioning alcoholics, who may seem to have their drinking under control, can have a detrimental influence on their children's upbringing, psychological health, and development as they grow into adulthood. Functional alcoholics often become emotionally or physically unavailable to their children, leading to feelings of abandonment and difficulties in forming healthy relationships later in life. The children of alcoholic parents are also at an increased risk of developing mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, and are more likely to engage in substance misuse themselves. While functional alcoholics may not fit the stereotype of the 'down-and-out drunk', their behaviour can still have a significant impact on their families, and the delay in seeking help can make eventual recovery more challenging.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Stereotype | Functional alcoholics do not fit the popular stereotype of a 'down and out drunk' |
| Deception | Masters of deception, both of self and others |
| Appearance to the outside world | Functional alcoholics appear to be managing life well |
| Career | Functional alcoholics have well-paid jobs and are respected by co-workers |
| Manipulation | Manipulative and charmingly persuasive |
| Double life | Skilled at living a compartmentalized 'double' life |
| Family life | Usually in a relationship and often have children |
| Isolation | Will isolate and drink at home |
| Denial | Deny their drinking and/or get angry when asked about it |
| DUI arrest | DUI arrest, but if a first-time offense, will explain away their responsibility |
| Seeking help | Unlikely to seek help for alcoholism – they are not 'alcoholics' |
| Entitlement | Feel entitled to drink because of their career success |
| Emotional neglect | Functional alcoholic parents may not physically neglect or abuse their child, but emotional neglect can occur and leave significant scars |
| Impact on children | Children of functional alcoholics may develop an intense fear of abandonment, have self-esteem issues, or feel different from others |
| Long-term impact | Functional alcoholism can have long-term effects on children that last into adulthood |
| Treatment | Functional alcoholics rarely hit a dramatic "rock bottom," so they often delay seeking help until problems become dire |
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What You'll Learn
The impact on children's mental health
Functional alcoholics can be of any age and gender, and they often have children. They are able to excel at work and maintain good relationships despite their addiction. However, their addiction can still have a deep impact on their children's mental health.
Children of functional alcoholics may develop self-esteem issues and feel different from others because of their upbringing. They may also struggle with their ability to trust people due to an intense fear of abandonment. The unpredictable and unreliable environment caused by their parent's addiction can make them feel unsafe in their own homes. They may also feel trapped and unable to escape the pain caused by their parent's alcoholism. These children may also blame themselves for their parent's addiction, leading to feelings of shame and unworthiness.
The impact of a functional alcoholic parent can be devastating to the family, as there is often little support from people outside the home who are unaware of the problem. The children may exhibit anxiety, depression, antisocial behaviour, relationship difficulties, and other behavioural issues. They are also more likely to develop an alcohol use disorder (AUD) themselves.
The effects of growing up with a functional alcoholic parent can last into adulthood. Adult children of functional alcoholics may suffer from mental health problems, poor self-esteem, college attrition, unemployment, unsatisfactory relationships, and an inability to manage finances. They may also have difficulty forming healthy relationships and experience hypervigilance and emotional dysregulation.
It is important to note that the impact of a functional alcoholic parent can vary among children. While some may develop severe and persistent effects, others may experience minimal lasting consequences. Seeking help from a mental health professional or therapist specializing in trauma or substance use disorders can aid in processing and overcoming these adverse childhood experiences.
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Emotional and physical abandonment
Functional alcoholics often have children and appear to be managing their lives well. However, the reality is that their addiction affects their family the most. Even if a functional alcoholic parent does not physically neglect or abuse their child, they often become emotionally and physically unavailable to their children, causing them to develop an intense fear of abandonment.
Children of alcoholic parents may grow up to struggle with their ability to trust others due to a fear of betrayal or abandonment. They may worry that people will leave them or grow bored of them. This can cause them to hold on to relationships that they should let go of. Children of alcoholic parents may also develop a saviour complex, neglecting their own needs to "rescue" people they believe need their help. These behaviours can make it difficult for them to form healthy, satisfying relationships.
Children of alcoholic parents often learn to hide their emotions as a defence mechanism. They conceal negative emotions such as sadness, anger, embarrassment, shame, and frustration, creating a sense of denial. This allows them to feel safe, but it can cause a shutdown of all emotions in adulthood, making it difficult to express positive emotions as well. As a result, they may struggle with self-esteem issues and feel different from others due to their upbringing.
Children of alcoholic parents are also at risk of developing various mental, emotional, behavioural, and social conditions, including depression, social phobia, separation anxiety, obsessive-compulsive issues, delinquent and antisocial behaviour, aggression, suicidal thoughts and behaviours, emotional isolation, eating disorders, behaviour disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They are also more likely to engage in alcohol or substance misuse themselves. The impact of a functional alcoholic parent can be devastating to the family, and each member will experience and react to the situation differently.
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The role of the co-parent
Functional alcoholics are often in denial about their addiction and the impact it has on their family. They may be able to maintain a job and a certain level of normalcy in their lives, but their addiction will inevitably affect their psychological health and behaviour.
Provide Emotional Support: Children of alcoholic parents may experience a range of negative emotions, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety, guilt, anger, and fear of abandonment. The co-parent can offer a listening ear, validate their feelings, and provide comfort and reassurance.
Promote a Sense of Stability: An alcoholic parent can create an unpredictable and unreliable environment, leading to feelings of chaos and uncertainty for the children. The co-parent can help establish structure, consistency, and stability in the household, ensuring that the children's basic needs for nutrition, safety, education, affection, and healthcare are met.
Foster Open Communication: Encouraging open and honest conversations about the alcoholic parent's behaviour and its impact on the family can help children process their feelings and make sense of their experiences. The co-parent can also help children develop healthy communication skills and emotional regulation strategies.
Protect from Parental Dysfunction: The co-parent can act as a buffer between the children and the alcoholic parent's dysfunction. They can shield them from exposure to arguments, marital problems, and the negative consequences of the addiction. This may involve setting boundaries with the alcoholic parent and prioritising the children's well-being.
Encourage Healthy Relationships: Children of alcoholic parents may struggle with trust issues and unhealthy attachment patterns in their relationships. The co-parent can model healthy relationships and help the children develop secure attachment styles. Encouraging social connections and supporting the children in fostering positive friendships can also help prevent isolation.
Seek Professional Help: Recognising the need for professional support is crucial. The co-parent can facilitate family therapy, recovery programs, and support groups specifically designed to address the challenges faced by families of alcoholics. This can help both the co-parent and the children develop coping strategies and formulate healthy relationship patterns.
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The impact on a child's development
Functional alcoholics are often well-respected by their peers and can be successful in their careers. They are also usually in relationships and have children. However, they may isolate themselves at home and drink, blaming their family for their drinking. They can be difficult to identify as they do not fit the typical stereotype of an alcoholic. Despite their ability to function, their addiction can still have a deep impact on their children.
Children of functional alcoholics may not experience physical neglect or abuse, but they can still suffer from emotional neglect, which can leave significant scars. They may develop self-esteem issues and feel different from others because of their upbringing. They may also struggle with their ability to trust people due to a fear of abandonment.
The impact of a parent's alcohol use can last into adulthood. Children of alcoholics are more likely to engage in substance misuse themselves and can suffer from various mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and social phobia. They may also experience difficulties in relationships and have problems with financial management.
The home environment of a functional alcoholic can be unpredictable and unreliable, causing children to feel unsafe and trapped. They may also be exposed to chaos, uncertainty, and arguments, which can lead to feelings of shame and unworthiness. Additionally, children in these households may have to take on a caretaker role for their parents or siblings, causing them to mature at an accelerated pace.
It is important to note that not all children of functional alcoholics will suffer the same effects. While some may develop severe and persistent issues, others may experience minimal lasting effects. However, the impact of a parent's alcohol use can be mitigated through therapy and support groups, which can help individuals process traumatic experiences and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
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Spotting the signs of functional alcoholism
Functional alcoholics are often referred to as "high-functioning alcoholics" and can be difficult to identify. They are masters of deception, both to themselves and others, and can lead a double life, separating their professional and drinking lives. They may have a well-paid job, be respected by their peers, and have a family. However, they may isolate themselves at home and drink, blaming their family for their drinking. They may also deny their drinking problem, become angry or defensive when confronted, and feel entitled to drink due to their career success.
- They appear to be managing their life well and do not fit the typical 'down and out' alcoholic stereotype.
- They have a successful career, a well-paid job, and are respected by their colleagues.
- They are skilled at living a compartmentalized life, keeping their drinking separate from their professional life.
- They are in a relationship and may have children, but they may emotionally neglect their family, leading to significant scars on their children.
- They isolate themselves at home and drink alone, blaming their family for their drinking.
- They deny having a drinking problem or become angry and defensive when confronted about their drinking.
- They may have a DUI arrest but will explain it away as a first-time offense and not take responsibility.
- They are unlikely to seek help for their alcoholism because they do not identify as alcoholics.
It's important to note that functional alcoholism can still have negative consequences on the individual and their family, especially their children. The impact may not be apparent to those outside the home, and the alcoholic's spouse and children may bear the brunt of their behaviour. Even if the alcoholic parent seems to have their drinking under control, their addiction can have a deep psychological impact on their children, affecting their upbringing, self-esteem, and ability to relate to others.
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Frequently asked questions
A functional alcoholic is someone who struggles with alcoholism but does not fit the typical stereotype of a 'down and out drunk'. They are often successful in their careers, well-paid, well-respected, and may have a family. However, they live a double life, isolating and drinking at home while maintaining a facade of normalcy in their professional lives.
Growing up with an alcoholic parent can have a significant impact on a child's psychological health and development, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships, trust others, and cope with social situations. Children of alcoholic parents are at an increased risk of developing mental, emotional, and behavioral issues, including depression, low self-esteem, social phobia, and delinquent behavior. They may also experience emotional neglect, feel unsafe in their home environment, and develop an intense fear of abandonment.
Yes, the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent can last into adulthood. Adult children of alcoholic parents may struggle with mental health issues, poor self-esteem, relationship difficulties, unemployment, and substance use disorders. They are also more likely to have a lower socioeconomic status and choose partners with substance use disorders.
Recognizing the problem is the first step. Functional alcoholics often deny their drinking problem and may need an intervention from loved ones. Seeking professional help is crucial, and resources such as detox centers, rehab facilities, and 24-hour hotlines are available. Family recovery programs and therapy can also help the family unit heal and recover together.
