Comforting A Friend: Alcoholic Parent

Alcohol use disorders, or alcoholism, affect millions of people worldwide, and the effects of this addiction can be significant, not just for the person with the alcohol addiction but also for their family and friends. Alcoholism can cause a parent to act in ways that are humiliating to their children, and children of alcoholics often struggle with self-esteem issues and feelings of blame, worry, and anxiety. It is not easy to live with a parent who has a substance use problem, and it can affect how you feel and act, as well as your family life. If you are a friend of someone with an alcoholic parent, there are many ways you can provide comfort and support.

Listen and be supportive

If your friend is going through a difficult time due to their parent's alcoholism, listening to them and offering support can be incredibly valuable. Here are some ways to do that:

Create a Safe Space for Open Conversations:

Provide a safe and non-judgmental space for your friend to share their feelings. Encourage them to open up about their experiences, fears, and emotions. Let them know that they can confide in you without fear of their parent being judged or their family situation being gossiped about. This can help your friend feel less alone and isolated.

Listen Without Judgment:

Listen attentively and compassionately when your friend shares their struggles. Avoid interrupting or offering quick fixes. Instead, validate their feelings and let them know that their emotions, whether it's anger, sadness, embarrassment, or worry, are understandable and justified. Make sure they feel heard and respected.

Reassure Them That It's Not Their Fault:

Many children of alcoholics struggle with self-blame and guilt, wondering if they caused their parent's drinking problem. Reiterate to your friend that their parent's alcoholism is not their fault. Help them understand that alcoholism is a complex illness and that their parent's drinking is not a reflection of their worth or their love for their child.

Offer Concrete Support:

In addition to emotional support, offer practical help. This could include accompanying your friend to family events or gatherings where their parent's drinking may be an issue, helping them research and contact support groups or treatment centres, or simply being available for regular check-ins to see how they are doing.

Encourage Self-Care:

Remind your friend to take care of themselves during this challenging time. Encourage them to maintain healthy habits, such as eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Suggest fun activities or distractions that can provide a temporary respite from their worries, such as watching a movie together, going for a walk, or engaging in a hobby they enjoy.

Remember that your role as a supportive friend is invaluable. Your presence and willingness to listen can make a significant difference in your friend's life as they navigate the complexities of having an alcoholic parent.

Encourage them to seek help

If your friend is dealing with an alcoholic parent, they may be experiencing a range of emotions, such as confusion, sadness, anger, embarrassment, and worry. They may also be struggling with self-esteem issues and blaming themselves for their parent's drinking. It is important to encourage your friend to seek help and support to cope with this difficult situation. Here are some ways you can do this:

Listen and Offer Emotional Support: Be a trusted and non-judgmental listener for your friend. Let them know that you are there for them and encourage them to open up about their feelings. It can be a relief for your friend to share their experiences and emotions with you. Make sure they know that they are not alone and that they have your support.

Encourage Professional Help: Suggest that your friend seek professional help from a therapist, counsellor, psychologist, social worker, or other mental health professionals. These experts can provide your friend with the necessary tools and support to cope with the impact of having an alcoholic parent. They can also guide your friend towards resources and support groups specifically designed for children of alcoholics.

Research and Provide Resources: Do some research on rehab centres, support groups, and other resources that could help your friend and their parent. Provide your friend with brochures, websites, or contact details of these resources. Offer to accompany them to meetings or appointments, so they know they have your support every step of the way.

Involve Trusted Adults and Family Members: Encourage your friend to reach out to trusted adults, such as teachers, doctors, or relatives. These adults can provide additional support and guidance to your friend and may be able to help convince their parent to seek treatment. Family members of the alcoholic parent can also be involved to provide a different perspective and potentially intervene.

Join Forces with Friends: If you are part of a mutual friend group, consider joining forces to approach your friend together. This shows your friend that everyone cares about them and is concerned. It also relieves some of the burdens on you as an individual supporter, as you can share the responsibility with others.

Remember, it is important to approach these conversations with care and empathy. Be gentle and focus on expressing your concerns rather than accusing your friend or their parent. Your friend may be in denial or defensive about the situation, so it is crucial to remain calm and supportive throughout.

Reassure them it's not their fault

It is not uncommon for children of alcoholics to blame themselves or think that they could be doing more for their parent. It is important to reassure your friend that their parent's alcoholism is not their fault. Alcoholism is an illness, and a doctor or medical professional is needed to help them get better. It is not something that your friend could have caused or prevented.

Your friend may feel responsible for their parent's drinking problem, but this is not the case. Alcoholism can severely and negatively impact an individual's personal, professional, social, and financial life. It can also cause a parent to act in ways that are extremely embarrassing or humiliating to themselves and their children. It is not fair that children have to take on the role of an adult in the family, and this can lead to bitterness and resentment.

Your friend may have thoughts like, "Is my parent going to come home safe?", "What kind of mood will they be in?", or "Are they ever going to find help?". They may have tried to save their parent, and this can lead to feelings of guilt and worry. It is important to validate these feelings and let your friend know that it is not their fault and that they are not alone.

Encourage your friend to express their emotions and provide a safe and non-judgmental space for them to do so. Let them know that it is normal to feel embarrassed, angry, or sad about a parent's substance use. Help them understand that their feelings are valid and that they do not have to go through this alone. Offer to accompany them to a support group or therapy session, where they can talk freely to people who understand and feel less isolated.

Remember that your friend may be going through a challenging time, and it is crucial to provide support and encouragement. Your friendship and presence can make a real difference in their life.

Help them find a safe space to talk

If your friend is going through a difficult time due to their parent's alcoholism, it is crucial to help them find a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. Here are some ways to achieve this:

Encourage Them to Open Up

Let your friend know that you are there for them and encourage them to share their feelings. It can be challenging for your friend to talk about their parent's alcoholism, so reassure them that they can confide in you without fear of judgment. Creating a safe and non-threatening environment for your friend to express themselves is essential.

Listen Without Judgment

When your friend opens up, listen attentively and non-judgmentally. Avoid interrupting or offering quick fixes. Instead, validate their feelings and let them know that their emotions are understandable given the circumstances. Show empathy and compassion as they share their experiences, worries, and fears.

Offer a Distracting Environment

Sometimes, your friend may need a break from the intensity of their situation. Offer to spend time with them in a safe and neutral environment, such as going for a walk, watching a movie, or engaging in an activity they enjoy. This can provide a temporary respite from their worries and help them feel supported and cared for.

Suggest Professional Help

Encourage your friend to seek professional help if they feel comfortable doing so. Suggest contacting a school counsellor, therapist, or joining a support group specifically for individuals dealing with a parent's alcoholism, such as Alateen. These professionals can provide your friend with additional tools and resources to cope with their parent's alcoholism and ensure that they have ongoing support.

Be Respectful of Their Boundaries

Remember that everyone has different ways of coping, and your friend may not always want to talk about their parent's alcoholism. Respect their boundaries and let them know that you are there for them whenever they need you. It is important to follow their lead and provide support in the way they want to receive it.

Helping a friend with an alcoholic parent can be challenging, but by creating a safe and supportive environment, you can make a significant difference in their life.

Offer to join them at their first appointment

If your friend is open to getting help, you can offer to join them at their first appointment. This could be an appointment with a therapist, a support group, or a medical professional. Here are some ways to offer support and comfort to a friend with an alcoholic parent:

Offer Practical Help

You can start by researching rehab centres, support groups, or therapists who specialise in addiction and have experience treating people with alcohol issues. Having this information readily available can make the process less overwhelming for your friend. You can also offer to make the initial phone call or join them at their first appointment. This will show your friend that they don't have to go through this alone and that you are committed to supporting them.

Listen and Be There for Your Friend

Sometimes, your friend may just need someone to talk to and confide in. Be a trusted listener and let them know that you are there for them. Encourage them to express their emotions and share their experiences without fear of judgement. It can be a relief for your friend to know that they are not alone in their struggles.

Encourage Healthy Habits

Help your friend build good emotional habits. Encourage them to speak up, express their feelings, and seek professional help if needed. Support groups or therapy can provide valuable tools to break the cycle of addiction and improve their overall well-being.

Show Your Support

Let your friend know that you care about them and are concerned about their well-being. Offer to accompany them to meetings or appointments, and be respectful of their wishes. Remember that recovery is a journey, and your friend may need ongoing support and encouragement along the way.

Take Care of Yourself

Helping a friend through this challenging time can also take a toll on your own well-being. Remember to practice self-care and seek support from other friends or professionals if needed. Taking care of yourself will enable you to provide more effective support to your friend in the long run.

Frequently asked questions