Battling Addiction: When Alcohol Wins Over You

what to do when loved one chooses alcohol over you

Alcohol abuse and addiction, or alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a chronic medical condition that affects not only the person drinking but also their loved ones. It can be emotionally painful and distressing to witness a loved one's struggle with alcohol abuse, and it can be challenging to know how to help them. While you cannot force someone to stop drinking, you can offer them steps to address the problem, such as suggesting they call a helpline, talk to a doctor or counsellor, or enter treatment. It is also important to remember to take care of yourself and seek support, whether through therapy, Al-Anon meetings, or other resources.

Characteristics Values
Educate yourself Learn about the effects of alcohol, signs of misuse, and treatment options
Choose the right time Pick a time when your loved one is sober, well-rested, and clear-headed
Focus on results Explain how their drinking is affecting their health and will continue to cause harm
Express concern Be open and honest about your feelings and concerns
Offer steps to address the problem Suggest helplines, doctors, counsellors, treatment, or group meetings
Stage an intervention Involve family or friends to share their concerns in a calm and supportive way
Take care of yourself Understand your own emotions and needs before trying to help your loved one
Seek support Attend local support groups like Al-Anon to connect with others in similar situations

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Express your concerns in a caring way

Alcohol abuse and addiction can affect not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be emotionally painful to watch a loved one fall victim to alcohol abuse, and you may feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and helpless. While you cannot force someone to stop abusing alcohol, you can express your concerns in a caring way.

Choose the right time and place

Select a time when your loved one is sober, and you're both calm, clear-headed, and focused. Opt for a quiet, private place where you won't be interrupted, and turn off your phones and other devices to avoid distractions.

Express your love and concern

Start by letting your loved one know how much you care about them and how their drinking habits worry you. Share your concerns about the impact their drinking is having on their health, your relationship, and the family as a whole. Try to remain neutral and avoid judging or shaming their behaviour. Remember, your goal is to help them see the situation more clearly and encourage them to seek help.

Educate yourself and offer solutions

Educate yourself on the effects of alcohol and the signs of alcohol misuse so that you can provide factual information to your loved one. Gather resources and information about treatment options, such as helplines, doctors, counsellors, rehab centres, and support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Offer these options to your loved one and encourage them to take steps towards addressing their problem.

Encourage open communication

Create a safe and non-judgmental space for your loved one to open up about the reasons behind their alcohol abuse. Are they struggling with stress, boredom, loneliness, or anxiety? Help them understand that addressing these underlying causes is crucial to their journey towards sobriety.

Consider a family intervention

If you feel overwhelmed or prefer not to confront your loved one alone, consider staging a family intervention. Ensure that everyone involved approaches the situation from a place of care and concern rather than anger or accusation. Remember, the goal is to help your loved one recognize the impact of their drinking and encourage them to seek treatment.

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Focus on the results and explain the negative consequences of their drinking

Alcohol misuse can have serious negative consequences on a person's health, and can also impact their personal and professional relationships. Alcohol affects everyone differently, depending on factors such as how much they drink, their health, age, and other variables. However, even low levels of alcohol consumption carry some risks and can cause harm.

Drinking heavily can lead to alcohol dependence or addiction, especially if the person has an underlying mental health condition like depression or anxiety, or a family history of alcohol dependence. Alcohol use disorder can lead to many health complications, and withdrawal from alcohol can cause symptoms such as tremors, agitation, and convulsions.

Excessive alcohol consumption can have immediate and long-term health risks. It can affect the whole body, including the liver, brain, gut, pancreas, lungs, cardiovascular system, and immune system. Drinking can increase the risk of muscle wasting, fractures, and recurrent gout attacks. It can also impair bone fracture repair and reduce bone density, increasing the risk of falls and other injuries. Alcohol misuse over time can lead to pancreatitis, which can affect the production of digestive enzymes and hormones that regulate blood sugar levels.

Alcohol can also increase the risk of certain cancers, including mouth, throat, breast, oesophageal, colorectal, stomach, bowel, and liver cancer. It can contribute to a "leaky gut", allowing toxins into the body and increasing the risk of colorectal cancer. Alcohol misuse can damage the heart, leading to high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, and an increased risk of heart attacks and strokes. It can also cause peripheral neuropathy, resulting in numbness in the arms and legs and painful burning in the feet.

In addition to the physical health risks, heavy drinking can also impact a person's mental health and well-being. It can worsen symptoms of mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. Alcohol can also lead to persistent changes in mood, including increased anxiety and irritability. It can cause issues at work, financial problems, and unemployment. Alcohol misuse is also linked to violence, antisocial behaviour, and unsafe sex, which can lead to unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections.

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Offer them steps to address the problem, such as helplines, doctors, or treatment

If your loved one is struggling with alcohol addiction, there are several steps you can suggest to help them address the problem. Firstly, it is important to recognise that you cannot fix the problem or change their behaviour. However, you can guide and support them in their journey towards recovery. Here are some steps you can offer them:

Helplines and Support Groups:

Suggest that they call a helpline or join a support group specifically designed for individuals struggling with alcohol addiction. These helplines are often confidential and provide a safe space for individuals to discuss their challenges and receive guidance. For example, they can contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's National Helpline at 800–662–HELP (4357). Additionally, organisations like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) offer support groups and even have an app for iOS and Android smartphones, providing easy access to resources and a community of people facing similar challenges.

Seek Professional Help:

Encourage your loved one to seek help from a medical professional, such as an addiction doctor or therapist. There are two types of addiction doctors: addiction medicine physicians and addiction psychiatrists. Addiction medicine physicians are often primary care doctors who can provide a comprehensive medical exam and brief counselling to motivate patients to make positive changes. Addiction psychiatrists, on the other hand, are mental health experts who can provide medications and talk therapy, especially if your loved one has multiple mental health concerns.

To find a qualified addiction specialist, you can refer to the American Board of Addiction Medicine (ABAM) and the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology (ABPN), which offer search tools to locate certified doctors. When considering a therapist or doctor, it is essential to ask relevant questions about the services offered, availability, costs, and insurance. Board certification is also a sign of quality, as it indicates that the specialist has undergone extensive training and continues to update their knowledge through ongoing training courses.

Online Tools and Treatment Navigators:

Online tools and treatment navigators, such as the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator®, can be a valuable resource. This online tool helps individuals find the right treatment for them in their vicinity. It offers a step-by-step process to locating highly qualified treatment providers and includes information on various treatment options. Additionally, the Navigator provides guidance on recognising quality treatment, such as the "Why you should ask" and "What to listen for" sections, empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their care.

Educate Yourself and Time Your Conversations:

It is important to learn about alcohol misuse and its effects so that you can have informed conversations with your loved one. Choose an appropriate time to talk when they are clear-headed and well-rested. Focus on expressing your concern for their well-being and how their drinking is affecting their health. Explain the potential harm that could continue if they don't seek help.

Remember, recovery is a process, and it may involve setbacks and challenges along the way. By offering these steps and supporting your loved one through their journey, you can help them address their alcohol addiction and work towards a healthier future.

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Understand the warning signs of alcohol abuse and when to seek help

Alcohol abuse can have serious consequences, and it is important to be able to recognize the warning signs to help your loved one intervene early and seek assistance. Here are some of the key warning signs of alcohol abuse:

  • Increased tolerance and withdrawal symptoms: One of the signs of alcohol abuse is the need to consume greater quantities of alcohol to achieve the desired effects or to function normally. This is often accompanied by withdrawal symptoms when attempting to stop or limit drinking. Withdrawal symptoms can include nausea, mood swings, irritability, tremors, insomnia, sweating, anxiety, and inability to sleep.
  • Loss of control: A person with alcohol abuse issues often exhibits a loss of control over their drinking. They may make unsuccessful attempts to cut back or be unable to stop drinking despite negative consequences. They may also spend a lot of time thinking about their next drink.
  • Neglecting responsibilities: Alcohol abuse can lead to neglecting responsibilities at work, school, or home, including child neglect. This may also include a decline in self-care and hygiene.
  • Changes in behavior and social isolation: A person struggling with alcohol abuse may exhibit sudden changes in behavior, such as becoming isolated and distant from friends and family. They may also exhibit sudden mood swings, increased irritability, and angry outbursts.
  • Legal and financial troubles: Alcohol abuse can lead to legal troubles, including arrests for driving under the influence or other illegal activities. It can also cause financial problems, such as an unexplained need for money, which may lead to borrowing or stealing.
  • Health consequences: Alcohol abuse can have severe health consequences, including liver disease and stroke. Visible physical symptoms may include slurred speech, impaired coordination, weight loss, malnutrition, and facial redness.

If you recognize these warning signs in your loved one, it is important to encourage them to seek professional help. There are various resources available, such as the SAMHSA National Helpline, which offers free and confidential treatment referral and information services for individuals and families facing substance use disorders. Additionally, medical professionals can provide proper diagnoses and treatment options, including detox and rehabilitation programs.

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Take care of yourself first and set healthy boundaries

Alcohol abuse and addiction can affect not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be emotionally painful to watch a loved one fall victim to alcohol abuse, and you may experience constant stress, worry, and overwhelming exhaustion. It is important to remember that you are not alone in your struggle. Alcoholism and alcohol abuse affect millions of people, and there is help available.

Take care of yourself first

Although it may seem counterintuitive to focus on yourself first, it is critical to look after your own emotions and needs before trying to help your loved one. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a chronic medical condition, and you are not the cause nor the cure of your loved one's substance abuse issues. While you can contribute positively to their recovery, you cannot do the hard work of overcoming addiction for them.

Set healthy boundaries

Enabling behaviours, such as making excuses for your loved one or bailing them out of jail for a DUI, can minimise the impact of their drinking on your family. In time, you can learn to set healthy boundaries and follow through with consequences. Al-Anon meetings are a great resource for you to share your experiences with others and find strength and hope. Seeking therapy, either as a family or by yourself, can also help you navigate recovery with your loved one.

Offer steps to address the problem

While you cannot force someone to stop abusing alcohol, you can offer them steps they can take to address their problem. Choose a quiet and private place where you won't be interrupted, and express your concerns in a caring and compassionate way. Tell your loved one about the worries you have regarding their drinking and the effects it's having on their health, your relationship, and the family as a whole. Encourage them to open up about the reasons why they're abusing alcohol and offer them resources from doctors, counsellors, inpatient alcohol rehab, and outpatient centres.

Frequently asked questions

Alcohol abuse and addiction, also known as "alcohol use disorder" (AUD), can affect not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. While you cannot force someone to stop abusing alcohol, you can offer them steps to address the problem, such as calling a helpline, talking to a doctor or counsellor, or entering treatment. It is important to remember that you are not alone in your struggle and that there is help available.

It is important to choose a quiet and private place where you won't be interrupted. Express your concerns in a caring and compassionate way, focusing on the effects of their drinking on their health, your relationship, and the family. Encourage your loved one to open up about the reasons behind their alcohol abuse and consider staging an intervention if they are not ready to seek treatment.

It is crucial to focus on your own emotions and needs before trying to help your loved one. Consider attending a local support group, such as Al-Anon, where you can receive support from others in similar situations. Additionally, seek therapy or counselling to navigate your own healing process and set healthy boundaries with your loved one.

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