Theo Nash
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a serious health condition that can lead to liver disease, cardiovascular problems, and other health issues. People with AUD often engage in denial, refusing to acknowledge the severity of their problem with alcohol. This can be incredibly difficult and frustrating for friends and family members who want to help their loved ones but are met with resistance. Denial is often a self-defense mechanism, as admitting to a serious problem with alcohol can be overwhelming and frightening. It is important to approach conversations about alcohol use with sensitivity, patience, and empathy. While you cannot force someone to seek treatment, there are ways to encourage them to get the help they need, such as setting boundaries, offering support, and seeking professional guidance.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Lying | The urge to continue drinking may be so strong that the person lies about their drinking habits |
| Rationalizing | They might insist that they only drink when they have a stressful day at work |
| Dismissing | They may simply dismiss the topic of their drinking whenever it comes up |
| Making comparisons | They may excuse their drinking by saying "I don't drink as much as Charlie, and he's not having any problems." |
| Blame | They may shift the conversation to blame rather than their drinking |
| Shame | They may feel shame about their drinking |
| Lack of knowledge | They may not have up-to-date information about how much alcohol is considered "normal" use |
| Brain science | Research shows that the same areas of the brain affected by addiction may also be responsible for self-awareness |
| Support system | Family and friends may unwittingly enable the denial by covering for them |
| Setting boundaries | It's important to set clear boundaries and communicate them regularly |
| Professional intervention | An interventionist can guide the person through the process of understanding the impact of their addiction |
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What You'll Learn
Understand the denial
Denial is a common symptom in people struggling with an alcohol disorder. It is an unconscious process that causes a person to refuse to acknowledge the severity of their problem with alcohol. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a serious health condition, and many people who live with it have difficulty accepting or recognizing their problem with drinking.
People with AUD are likely to employ denial because admitting that alcohol has become a serious problem can be incredibly difficult. Many people with AUD drink more than they intend to but want to believe they are still in control of their drinking. They may also not have up-to-date information about how much alcohol is considered "normal" use. New research shows that brain science may also contribute to someone's lack of insight about their drinking. The same areas of the brain affected by addiction may also be responsible for self-awareness.
Denial can come in many forms, such as rationalization, minimization, and blaming. For example, they may say something like, "My friend drinks so much that he can't hold down a job. My drinking isn't that bad." They may also shift the conversation to be about blame rather than their drinking, such as saying, "If you hadn't given me such a hard time, I wouldn't have had those drinks."
Another form of denial is dismissal. People with AUD may simply dismiss the topic of their drinking whenever it comes up. They may tell their loved ones, "Don't worry about it," when they try to discuss their drinking with them. They may also make comparisons, such as "I don't drink as much as Charlie, and he's not having any problems."
Lying is another way that people with AUD may engage in denial. The urge to continue drinking may be so strong that they lie about their drinking habits to avoid being scolded by family and friends or because they are aware that their drinking is a problem.
It's important to remember that denial is often a self-defense mechanism for people under stress, whether or not they drink heavily. People who are displaying denial are typically using it as a way to avoid facing truths that they are unable to deal with. They might feel powerful, unpleasant emotions such as shame, stress, and fear at the thought of confronting the problem.
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Prepare to have a conversation
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a serious health condition. People with AUD are likely to be in denial because admitting that alcohol has become a serious problem can be incredibly difficult. Many people with AUD drink more than they intend to but want to believe they are still in control of their drinking.
Learn about AUD
Try to familiarise yourself with common symptoms of AUD. Does your loved one drink at inappropriate times, such as in the morning? Do they continue to drink even though it’s had a negative impact on their life? Do they experience withdrawal effects such as anxiety, agitation, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, nightmares, tremors, hallucinations, and seizures? Do they neglect their responsibilities or have impaired performance at work or school? Do they drink to cope with stress or emotional pain?
Choose the right time and place
Try to pick somewhere quiet and private so your loved one doesn’t feel ambushed or attacked. It should ideally be a place where they feel safe and comfortable and where you won’t be interrupted. If your loved one feels relaxed, this will make it more likely that they’ll be able to open up to you about their drinking in an honest way, instead of just denying it.
Have examples of their drinking behaviour
If you raise the subject of your loved one’s drinking with them, and are instantly met with denial, it can be really useful to have some specific examples of their drinking behaviour ready to share with them.
Focus on your fears
You’re likely having this discussion because you’re worried about the person’s well-being and future. Make sure to highlight this with examples. Point out recent incidents where they’ve engaged in high-risk behaviours, have jeopardised their work, or have disappointed loved ones. This is meant to serve as a gentle reminder that the problem is real and impacting their lives.
Avoid labels like “alcoholic” and “addiction”
If the person is still in denial, they may not be ready to deal with these labels. Instead, you can focus on their behaviour and the consequences of their actions.
Be prepared for resistance
Understand that denial is a natural part of the addiction process. Offering support and understanding the importance of timing when discussing the subject of alcohol use is crucial.
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Set boundaries and expectations
Setting boundaries and expectations is a crucial step when dealing with an alcoholic in denial. It is important to remember that this is not about punishing the person struggling with alcohol use disorder (AUD); rather, it is about creating an environment where their actions have consequences. This can help them understand that their drinking is impacting not only themselves but also the people around them.
When setting boundaries, it is essential to be firm and consistent. For example, if you are uncomfortable with their intoxicated behaviour, you can set a boundary by saying, "I can't continue to be around you when you're intoxicated, so I'll need to step away if that happens." It is important to communicate these boundaries clearly and regularly, especially when the person is sober and not under the influence of alcohol. This helps hold them accountable for their actions and encourages them to take responsibility.
Boundaries can also be set to protect yourself and other vulnerable people in the household, such as children. For instance, you could make arrangements for your children to be elsewhere if your loved one is intoxicated. By sticking to these boundaries, you ensure that you are not enabling their drinking and shielding them from the consequences of their actions.
In addition to boundaries, having expectations in place can help the person with AUD understand how their actions are affecting others. For example, you might expect them to minimise the impact of their drinking on the wider family and work cooperatively with you to reduce these effects. This can include not drinking around children or at inappropriate times, such as first thing in the morning.
While setting boundaries and expectations is essential, it is also important to approach the situation with empathy and support. AUD is a serious health condition, and denial is often an unconscious process driven by powerful emotions like shame, stress, and fear. By combining boundaries with compassionate communication, you can create a safe and supportive environment that encourages your loved one to confront their disorder and seek treatment.
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Seek professional help
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a serious health condition. Many people living with AUD have difficulty accepting or recognizing their problem with drinking. Denial is a common symptom of AUD and can be incredibly challenging for friends and family members to navigate.
If your loved one is resistant to seeking help, professional intervention may be necessary. An interventionist can help guide you and your loved one through the process, ensuring they understand the impact of their addiction and feel motivated to seek help. Here are some steps you can take to seek professional help:
- Educate yourself about alcoholism and AUD: Familiarize yourself with the common symptoms of alcoholism and AUD. This will help you better understand what your loved one is going through and make more informed decisions about their care.
- Choose the right time and place to talk: Look for a quiet and private place where your loved one feels safe and comfortable. Avoid approaching them when they are intoxicated, as they may be less receptive to your concerns.
- Approach the conversation with empathy and support: It is important to remain calm, supportive, and non-judgmental throughout the conversation. Speak empathetically and express your concerns without anger or accusation. Focus on your fears and how their drinking has impacted their life and the lives of those around them.
- Ask open-ended questions: Encourage an open dialogue by asking questions about their alcohol use and how it may be affecting their health, career, and personal life. Let them lead the conversation as much as possible.
- Set clear and consistent boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial for your well-being and can help the alcoholic understand the consequences of their actions. For example, you might say, "I cannot continue to be around you when you are intoxicated, so I will need to step away if that happens."
- Offer to accompany them to appointments: Encourage your loved one to speak to their doctor or a healthcare professional about their drinking. Offer to go with them to appointments for moral support.
- Reach out to specialist services: Contact specialist services, such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline, to seek guidance on treatment options and support groups in your area.
- Consider inpatient or outpatient programs: Depending on the severity of your loved one's condition, they may benefit from inpatient or outpatient programs that offer therapy, detoxification, and support for mental health concerns.
Remember, seeking professional help is a positive step towards supporting your loved one in their journey towards recovery.
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Look after yourself
Living with or being close to an alcoholic can be challenging, and their drinking can have a real impact on you and others in your household. It is important to remember to look after yourself too. Here are some ways to do that:
- Make time for yourself every day to do something relaxing or enjoyable. This could be going for a walk, reading a book, taking a hot bath, or doing something else that you enjoy.
- Join support groups, such as Al-Anon or Families Anonymous, to share your experiences and receive support from others in similar situations.
- Set clear boundaries and communicate them regularly and clearly to your loved one, especially when they are not under the influence of alcohol. For example, you could make it clear that you will not tolerate them being intoxicated around your children and make arrangements for your children to be elsewhere if this happens.
- Encourage them to seek professional support and offer to accompany them to appointments for moral support.
- Focus on creating an environment that fosters honest communication and provides a safe space for the individual to acknowledge their struggles.
- Learn as much as you can about alcoholism and familiarize yourself with common symptoms.
- Choose the right time and place to talk to them about their drinking. Try to pick somewhere quiet and private so your loved one doesn't feel ambushed or attacked.
- Be prepared for resistance and understand that denial is a natural part of the addiction process.
- Do not enable their drinking behaviour.
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Frequently asked questions
Denial is a common symptom in people struggling with an alcohol disorder. It is an unconscious process that causes a person to refuse to acknowledge the severity of their problem with alcohol. It often comes down to not being ready to accept that they have a problem and needing to change.
Admitting that alcohol has become a serious problem can be incredibly difficult. People with alcohol use disorder might deny their drinking problem due to feelings of shame, stress, and fear at the thought of confronting the problem. They may also lack knowledge about what constitutes healthy drinking.
It is important to remember that you cannot force someone into recovery. You can offer support and take steps to ensure you are not enabling their drinking. It is recommended to approach the person when they are sober and in a safe, comfortable environment. Focus on your concerns for their well-being and provide examples of how their drinking has impacted their life. Avoid accusations, judgment, and labels such as "alcoholic."
Signs of denial include rationalization, minimization, and blaming others. For example, they may make statements such as "I only drink when I've had a stressful day at work" or "If I start having real health problems, that's when I know I have a problem." They may also compare themselves to others, stating, "I don't drink as much as Charlie, and he's not having any issues."
It is important to educate yourself about alcoholism and its effects. You can encourage the person to speak with their doctor or seek professional treatment. Support groups such as Al-Anon or Families Anonymous can provide support for both the alcoholic and their loved ones.
