Arielle Cruz
Growing up with an alcoholic parent can have a profound impact on a child's personality and behaviour. The unpredictable and dysfunctional family environment often leads to children adopting specific roles within the family as a coping mechanism. These roles can persist into adulthood, and understanding them can be crucial to healing and moving forward. The five most common personality types of children of alcoholics are: the Enabler, the Hero, the Scapegoat, the Lost Child, and the Mascot. Each of these roles serves a different function within the family dynamic and can have distinct characteristics that carry over into adult life.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Externalizing | Lowest rates of major depression, highest rates of substance abuse disorder |
| Inhibited | Highest rates of generalized anxiety disorder, highest rates of avoidant personality disorder |
| Emotionally Dysregulated | Highest rates of major depression, highest rates of avoidant personality disorder |
| Reactive/Somatizing | Highest rates of major depression |
| High-functioning | N/A |
| Impulsive behavior | Often make choices without considering the consequences |
| Isolation | Feel different from everyone around them, believe they cannot function with other people |
| Seeking approval from others | Prioritize the opinions of others, difficult to take criticism |
| Lying | Unfamiliar with socially acceptable responses |
| Inconsistency | Overcommitment in work, home, and personal relationships |
| Difficulty in romantic relationships | Unable to engage with others positively, staying in damaging relationships |
| Overreaction to changes | Extreme emotional response to unsolicited change |
| Abandonment issues | Fears of abandonment or concerns about lack of support |
| Relationship issues | Attracted to alcoholics or other compulsive personalities |
| Poor coping skills | Unable to cope with the trauma and dysfunction experienced during their formative years |
| Mental health concerns | Anxiety, stress, depression, self-loathing, panic attacks, phobias, paranoia |
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What You'll Learn
Impulsive behaviour
While there is no consensus on the optimal classification of alcoholics, researchers generally agree that alcoholics vary widely along clinically relevant variables. This includes age of onset, drinking pattern, the severity of dependence, personality traits, and family history.
Children of alcoholics are a heterogeneous group, and parental alcoholism may not be the direct cause of the identified subtypes. However, the family-related variables associated with alcoholism are thought to undermine normal psychological development, causing distress and impaired functioning.
The roots of impulsivity in ACOAs often lie in their childhood experiences in a dysfunctional family environment. Growing up with an alcoholic parent may force children to take on adult responsibilities prematurely, resulting in a sense of missed childhood experiences. This premature role reversal can contribute to their impulsive behaviour as they seek the freedom to act without facing adult consequences.
Overcoming impulsivity as an ACOA is a gradual process that requires self-awareness, skill-building, and support. Recognizing triggers, practising mindfulness, delaying gratification, seeking therapy or counselling, and developing a self-care routine are all strategies that can help ACOAs manage their impulsive urges and foster personal growth.
By addressing impulsivity head-on and developing healthy coping strategies, ACOAs can break free from the cycle of chaos and regain a sense of control over their lives. This process requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth, with setbacks and challenges expected along the way.
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Isolation and relationship issues
While there is no consensus on the optimal classification of alcoholics or the children of alcoholics, research has identified certain personality traits that are common in children of alcoholics. These traits can lead to isolation and relationship issues.
Children of alcoholics often experience an unpredictable and chaotic home environment, with arguments, inconsistency, and unreliability. This can result in them developing traits such as low self-esteem, rejection sensitivity, and over-reactivity. They may also exhibit impulsive behaviour, making choices without considering the consequences or other options. This can lead to a cycle of trying to fix the problems that arise and covering up the consequences. The stress and trauma of growing up in this environment can also cause children of alcoholics to develop anxiety and fears of abandonment.
The inability to engage with others positively can make it difficult for children of alcoholics to form and maintain healthy relationships. They may find themselves attracted to alcoholics or other compulsive personalities, or form relationships with people who need to be rescued, neglecting their own needs. They may also struggle with seeking approval from others and taking criticism, often responding with emotional manipulation. Substance use disorders are also common, as are issues with dishonesty, as they may have had to lie for their parents from a young age.
The dysfunction and disruption caused by parental alcoholism can lead to children developing maladaptive coping strategies and mental health problems. The family environment may be characterised by disrupted parent-child relationships, inadequate parenting, and deviant parental role models. This can result in children of alcoholics feeling different from those around them and struggling to function in relationships. They may also have difficulty recognising and expressing emotions, further hindering their ability to form healthy connections with others.
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Approval-seeking and lying
Approval-seeking behaviours are often a result of the emotional neglect and unpredictability experienced in alcoholic households. Children of alcoholics frequently feel that their social and emotional needs are not met, leading to low self-esteem and a constant need for approval and validation from others. This can manifest as a tendency to overcommit and people-please, neglecting their own needs to focus on helping others. Approval-seeking can also be driven by a fear of abandonment, which is common in children of alcoholics due to their unreliable caregivers.
Lying is another common trait, often stemming from deep-seated shame and a lack of understanding of honest communication. Children of alcoholics may have been exposed to entrenched patterns of deceit within their families and may have been forced to lie for their parents from a young age. As a result, they may carry these behaviours into adulthood, lying or omitting the truth even when it is unnecessary or acceptable to do so. This can be linked to a broader difficulty in knowing how to respond appropriately in social situations.
The impact of parental alcoholism on children's personalities is highly variable and heterogeneous, and it is important to recognise that not all children of alcoholics will exhibit the same traits. However, the development of approval-seeking and lying behaviours can be understood within the context of the trauma and dysfunction that often characterises alcoholic family environments. Seeking professional support and addressing childhood trauma can be crucial steps towards healing and developing healthier coping mechanisms.
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Substance use disorders
Children of alcoholics (COAs) are at an increased risk of substance use disorders due to the early exposure to addictive substances. Alcohol and tobacco are the most commonly used substances among children and adolescents, followed by cannabis. This early onset of substance use is associated with poorer mental health and neurobiological changes in the brain. Additionally, children from families with a history of alcoholism are more likely to exhibit impulsive behaviour, which can contribute to their propensity for substance experimentation.
The family environment plays a significant role in the development of substance use disorders among COAs. Parental alcoholism creates a disruptive and dysfunctional family dynamic, characterised by inadequate parenting, deviant role models, and disturbed parent-child relationships. These factors can undermine the normal psychological development of children, leading to distress and impaired interpersonal functioning. COAs may also struggle with understanding appropriate social responses, often feeling isolated and different from their peers. As a result, they may turn to substance use as a coping mechanism or a means of fitting in with their peers.
Furthermore, the negative consequences of parental substance use disorders extend beyond the immediate family unit. Studies have shown that children affected by parental substance abuse are at a higher risk of experiencing abuse, neglect, and family instability. These adverse experiences can lead to attachment disorders, emotional dysregulation, and externalizing or internalizing disorders. The impact of parental substance use disorders on children's ability to establish trusting relationships and their tendency to take on adult roles prematurely further contributes to their risk of developing substance use disorders themselves.
The effects of parental substance use disorders on children's psychological development and well-being are complex and far-reaching. While the specific personality subtypes of COAs may vary, the presence of substance use disorders as a common trait highlights the need for early intervention and prevention initiatives. Public health programmes, including school, family, and community interventions, have shown promising results in reducing the risk of substance use among high-risk populations. Additionally, social workers and mental health professionals can play a crucial role in addressing substance use disorders within families and providing education about the risks associated with substance abuse during pregnancy.
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Inconsistency and overreaction
It is important to note that there is no homogeneous group of personality traits among children of alcoholics. Familial dysfunction can produce a variety of different consequences on the personality of children of alcoholic parents. However, one of the five personality subtypes identified among children of alcoholics is "emotionally dysregulated", which may manifest as inconsistency and overreaction.
Children of alcoholics often experience an unpredictable home environment, with arguments, inconsistency, unreliability, and chaos. This can lead to them developing traits such as low self-esteem, rejection sensitivity, and over-reactivity. They may also carry deep shame and not know how to be truly honest with themselves or others. As a result, they may lie, even in situations where the truth would be acceptable. This can be linked to their difficulty in recognizing and describing emotions (alexithymia).
Inconsistency in children of alcoholics may present as a difficulty with follow-through and a tendency to overcommit in various areas of life. They may feel the need to take care of everyone and everything around them, but struggle to make good on their commitments. This can lead to problems in their personal relationships, as they may stay in damaging relationships too long or take themselves too seriously, making healthy romantic relationships rare.
Overreaction often occurs in response to changes outside their control. Instead of processing the potential positive aspects of the presented change or focusing on how to adjust, children of alcoholics may respond with an extreme emotional reaction that does not help them move forward. This may be related to their inability to deal with negative emotions and higher levels of aggression compared to children of non-alcoholic parents.
It is important to recognize that the presence of parental alcoholism does not necessarily cause these personality traits. However, the dysfunction and trauma experienced by children of alcoholics can shape their characteristics and personalities. Seeking professional support is crucial to overcoming these lasting effects and learning healthy coping mechanisms.
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Frequently asked questions
There is no definitive list of five personality types of children of alcoholics. However, children of alcoholics (COAs) are a heterogeneous group, and several traits have been observed in many COAs, including impulsivity, disinhibited behaviour, and negative emotionality. Four personality subtypes that have been identified in adolescent and adult children of alcoholics are externalizing, inhibited, emotionally dysregulated, and high-functioning.
Adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) often exhibit impulsive behaviour, isolation, and a tendency to seek approval from others. They may also have difficulty in romantic relationships and overreact to changes outside their control. Many ACOAs develop substance abuse problems themselves, despite witnessing the devastating effects of alcohol and drug use firsthand.
Growing up with alcoholic parents can disrupt a child's healthy development, leading to challenges such as relationship difficulties, anxiety, impulsivity, and fears of abandonment. The family environment is often unpredictable, characterised by arguments, inconsistency, and unreliability. Children of alcoholics may develop maladaptive coping strategies and mental health problems if they do not receive proper guidance and support.
