Arielle Cruz
Alcoholism, or alcohol use disorder, is a health condition that affects the brain and makes it difficult for a person to stop drinking or make good choices. Living with or dealing with an alcoholic can be challenging and complicated, especially if you are in a car with one. While laws vary depending on the state and country, it is generally illegal to have open containers of alcohol within reach of the driver or in the passenger area of the car. In some states, passengers are allowed to drink alcohol while the vehicle is in motion, but the driver must remain sober. If you are in a car with an alcoholic, it is important to prioritize your safety and well-being, set healthy boundaries, and seek support from trusted individuals or groups such as Al-Anon.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Living with an alcoholic | Set healthy boundaries, such as having your own space and not engaging with them when they are intoxicated |
| Have an emergency plan and be prepared to leave if there are any signs of abuse or threatening behavior | |
| Take care of your own mental health and practice self-care | |
| Have a support system of people you trust who can offer advice and help | |
| Understand that alcoholism is a health condition that affects the brain and makes it difficult to stop drinking | |
| Plan and practice what you want to say to the alcoholic in a calm and honest way, without blame or guilt | |
| Avoid lecturing, acting superior, or bribing, as these approaches can be counterproductive | |
| Do not make decisions that will harm you, such as getting into a car with a driver who has been drinking |
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What You'll Learn
Avoid getting in the car with them if they are intoxicated
If you notice that someone is intoxicated and they are about to get behind the wheel, you should avoid getting in the car with them. Politely but firmly tell the person that you cannot let them drive because you care about them and don't want to put themselves or others at risk. It might be difficult to speak up, but your courage could save their life or that of an innocent victim.
If possible, do not embarrass the person or be confrontational. Speak calmly and softly, and remain patient. Suggest alternative options for getting home, such as calling a cab or a rideshare service. If you are at a party, you could suggest that they sleep over or that one of you could take a bus or a cab. You could also offer to ride with someone else.
If the intoxicated person refuses to listen and insists on driving, you should not get in the car with them. Instead, try to take away their car keys or call 911 and explain the situation. You could also try to delay them by suggesting they sit down and offering them a non-alcoholic drink. Remember, it is essential to handle the situation calmly and safely for everyone involved.
Additionally, if you are in a public place, you can ask for help from others, such as security personnel or staff, to intervene and prevent the intoxicated person from driving. They can assist in de-escalating the situation and ensuring the safety of everyone involved. It is important to act quickly and decisively to prevent the intoxicated person from endangering themselves or others.
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Set healthy boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is essential when dealing with an alcoholic, especially in a potentially dangerous situation like driving. Here are some steps to help you establish and maintain these boundaries:
Identify Your Needs and Values
The first step in setting boundaries is understanding what is important to you and what your needs are. For example, you may feel uncomfortable around intoxicated people or be against drinking and driving. Recognize these feelings and values as they will guide your boundary-setting process.
Determine Unacceptable Behaviours
Decide on the behaviours that you consider unacceptable. For instance, you may not be comfortable with the alcoholic driving under the influence or asking you for money. Identify these behaviours to help you set clear boundaries.
Set Clear Boundaries and Communicate Them
Once you have identified your needs and values, clearly communicate your boundaries to the alcoholic. Explain your boundaries using specific examples and reasons. For instance, you could say, "I am not comfortable with you drinking and driving because it puts us both in danger." Be empathetic but firm in communicating these boundaries.
Maintain and Enforce Boundaries
Boundary setting is an ongoing process. It is important to maintain and enforce your boundaries consistently. If your boundaries are crossed, follow through with clear consequences. For example, you could refuse to get into a car with the alcoholic if they have been drinking or refuse to provide them with financial support if they are using the money to buy alcohol.
Seek Support and Therapy
Setting boundaries can be challenging, and you may experience feelings of guilt or blame. Consider seeking support from a therapist or addiction support group. Family therapy can also help strengthen your relationships and create a safe space for open communication, which is essential for maintaining healthy boundaries.
Remember, setting healthy boundaries is not only beneficial for your well-being but also for the alcoholic's path to recovery. By establishing clear boundaries, you can help hold them accountable for their actions and encourage them to seek help.
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Understand the disease
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a medical condition characterised by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences. AUD encompasses conditions such as alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence, alcohol addiction, and alcoholism. It is considered a brain disorder, with lasting changes in the brain caused by alcohol misuse perpetuating AUD and making individuals vulnerable to relapse.
The risk of developing AUD depends on various factors, including the amount, frequency, and speed of alcohol consumption. Binge drinking and heavy alcohol use increase the risk of AUD, with those who drink at an early age being more susceptible. Genetics and family history also play a significant role, with hereditability accounting for approximately 60%. However, like other chronic health conditions, the risk of AUD is influenced by the interaction between genetic predispositions and environmental factors.
The modern disease theory of alcoholism states that problem drinking is caused by a disease of the brain, characterised by altered brain structure and function. This results in impaired control over alcohol consumption, compulsive thoughts about alcohol, and distorted thinking. Alcoholism can lead to physical dependence and diseases such as cirrhosis of the liver, pancreatitis, epilepsy, alcoholic dementia, and several types of cancer.
While the term "alcoholism" is commonly used, it lacks a precise definition. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD) and ASAM defined it in 1992 as "a primary, chronic disease characterised by impaired control over drinking, preoccupation with the drug alcohol, use of alcohol despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking." The World Health Organization (WHO) notes that the term has a "variable meaning," and it is not favoured in professional and research contexts, where "alcohol abuse," "alcohol dependence," or "alcohol use disorder" are preferred.
Alcohol misuse has been associated with various psychological, interpersonal, social, economic, and medical problems. It can increase the risk of depression, suicide, violent behaviour, traffic accidents, unsafe sexual behaviour, and negative pregnancy outcomes. The American Medical Association recommends a two-drink daily limit for men and a one-drink daily limit for women to avoid heavy drinking and its associated risks.
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Have an emergency plan
Living with an alcoholic can be emotionally challenging. It is important to remember that you are in control and have options on how to handle the situation. If they refuse to seek help, your safety and well-being are the top priorities, and you should consider removing yourself from the situation.
- Verbal or physical abuse: Any signs of verbal or physical abuse, or threatening behaviour should prompt you to leave immediately. If you feel that your mental health is deteriorating to the point that you may have a breakdown, this is also a sign to activate your emergency plan.
- Create a safe space: Ensure you have your own space and boundaries. This could include having a lock on your bedroom door, not engaging with the person when they are intoxicated, and not allowing them to borrow your car or money.
- Bag packed and funds: If possible, have a bag packed and an emergency fund stashed away. This will enable you to leave the house immediately if things become dangerous or unmanageable.
- Support network: It is crucial to have a support network of people you trust and who can provide advice and help in a crisis. This could include close friends, family members, therapists, or support groups such as Al-Anon, which is specifically for families of people struggling with alcohol abuse.
- Self-care: Living with an alcoholic can negatively impact your mental health and happiness. It is important to practice self-care by engaging in hobbies, exercising, spending time outdoors, and maintaining a healthy diet.
- Avoid enabling behaviour: Enabling behaviour includes making excuses for the alcoholic, bailing them out of jail for DUI, or minimising the impact of their drinking on your family. Instead, allow them to face the consequences of their actions and focus on setting healthy boundaries.
- Plan what to say: When addressing the issue of alcoholism, plan and practice what you want to say in advance. Be honest and calm, avoiding blame or guilt. For example, you could say, "I've noticed you seem to be drinking more, and because I care about you, I'm worried."
- Refuse to ride: If the alcoholic is intoxicated and insists on driving, refuse to ride with them. Show them you are serious about their condition and don't trust their abilities. Explain that you care about their well-being and cannot let them drive.
- Offer alternatives: Instead of getting into a car with an intoxicated person, offer alternatives such as public transportation or a safe ride home. You can also join them to ensure they get home safely.
- Collect car keys: If you are hosting an event, ensure everyone has a safe ride home by collecting car keys and offering non-alcoholic options. Stop serving alcohol a few hours before the party ends to help prevent impaired driving.
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Prioritise self-care
Handling a person with an alcohol use disorder can be challenging and stressful. It is important to prioritise self-care while supporting a loved one with alcohol dependence. Here are some strategies to take care of yourself:
- Set boundaries and avoid enabling behaviour: It is important to set clear boundaries with your loved one to avoid enabling their destructive behaviour. Enabling can prevent them from facing the consequences of their actions and may hinder their recovery. For example, if your loved one passes out due to excessive drinking, instead of helping them into bed, let them face the natural consequences of their actions. This can be a powerful motivator for change.
- Seek support: Dealing with a loved one's alcohol dependence can be emotionally draining and isolating. It is crucial to seek support for yourself. Consider joining a support group, such as Al-Anon, which provides assistance to families and friends of individuals with drinking problems. These groups can offer guidance, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Practise self-care activities: Take time for yourself and engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress relief. This could include exercising, meditating, practising deep breathing, or indulging in hobbies and activities that bring you joy. Finding healthy outlets for your emotions is essential for maintaining your well-being.
- Prioritise your own health: Alcoholism in a loved one can be all-consuming, but it is vital to remember your own physical and mental health needs. Ensure you are eating nutritious meals, staying hydrated, and getting enough quality sleep. Make time for regular check-ups with your doctor and prioritise any concerns or issues you may have.
- Consider therapy: If you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed due to your loved one's alcoholism, consider seeking individual therapy. Therapy can provide you with a safe space to process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and gain a different perspective on the situation. It can also help you set boundaries and make informed decisions regarding your role in your loved one's recovery.
- Educate yourself: Understanding alcohol use disorder and its effects can help you better navigate the challenges you face. Educate yourself about the signs of alcohol intoxication, the risks associated with alcohol consumption, and the resources available for treatment and recovery. This knowledge will empower you to make informed decisions and provide more effective support to your loved one.
Remember, it is important to strike a balance between supporting your loved one and taking care of yourself. By prioritising self-care, you will be in a stronger position to offer help and guidance while also maintaining your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
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Frequently asked questions
You should not get into a car with a driver who has been drinking. It is important to set healthy boundaries with the alcoholic person in your life and not enable their behaviour.
Any signs of verbal or physical abuse should prompt you to leave immediately. If you feel unsafe, it is important to have an emergency plan in place. This could include telling a trusted adult, such as a teacher, and having a bag packed and an emergency fund stashed away.
It is important to understand that alcoholism is a real health condition that makes it extremely difficult to stop drinking. You can offer help and support by calmly expressing your concern for their well-being and encouraging them to seek treatment.
If they refuse to seek help or discuss their drinking, remember that your safety and well-being are top priorities. You may need to distance yourself from the situation and focus on taking care of yourself.
Yes, Al-Anon is a support group specifically for the loved ones of alcoholics, offering both online and in-person meetings across the US. Connecting with a community that understands what you're going through can give you strength and remind you that you are not alone.
