Helping An Alcoholic Friend: Steps To Take

how to deal with an alcoholic best friend

Watching a friend struggle with alcohol addiction can be upsetting and stressful. It's important to remember that you are not responsible for their recovery, but there are ways you can help make their path to sobriety easier. You can start by talking to your friend about your concerns and offering support. It is recommended to approach this conversation with care and kindness, and to do it when your friend is sober. You can also suggest activities that don't involve drinking alcohol. Additionally, you can seek support for yourself through resources or therapy, and join support groups for loved ones of people with alcohol use disorder, such as Al-Anon.

Characteristics Values
Talk to your friend Choose a time when they are sober and in a setting that allows you both to concentrate on the conversation.
Use direct but empathic "I" statements, such as "I understand that you are struggling, but I am concerned about you."
Express your concerns directly and focus on concrete, observable behaviors and consequences.
Listen to your friend's thoughts and concerns without interrupting.
Ask them how they are feeling and what you can do to help.
Offer options instead of demands, such as suggesting they see a doctor to talk about their alcohol use.
Seek support Join support groups such as Al-Anon, SMART Recovery, or NAMI Family Support Group.
Seek counseling or therapy to discuss and process your feelings.
Involve other friends and family members so you are not dealing with this alone.
Take care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating well, and continuing to do things you enjoy.
Recognize and pull back from enabling behaviors to maintain your own happiness.

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Recognise the signs of alcohol addiction

Recognising the signs of alcohol addiction in your friend can be difficult, as the symptoms can vary from person to person. However, there are some common signs that may indicate your friend is struggling with alcohol addiction.

Firstly, take note of your friend's drinking habits. Alcohol addiction can manifest as binge drinking in the evenings or drinking throughout the day. Your friend may be drinking much faster and far more than others in your group, becoming intoxicated while others are only having one or two drinks. They may also be drinking to intoxication more frequently, and you may notice that every time you see them, they are either drunk or recovering from a hangover.

Another sign to look out for is a change in their social behaviour. Your friend may no longer want to participate in activities you used to enjoy together unless alcohol is involved. They may have also started to distance themselves from you and spend more time alone or with others who drink heavily. They could be exhibiting signs of social dysfunction, such as impaired judgement, inappropriate sexual behaviour, aggressiveness, or poor social functioning.

Additionally, keep an eye out for any changes in their mental health. Alcohol addiction can lead to mood changes, anxiety, depression, and even suicidal behaviour. They may also exhibit signs of physical health issues, such as an inflamed stomach lining, indigestion, nausea, bloating, or other withdrawal symptoms when they haven't been drinking.

It's important to remember that some of these signs may be related to something other than alcohol addiction. However, if you notice several of these signs together, it may be time to speak to your friend about your concerns and encourage them to seek professional help.

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Prepare what to say in advance

It is important to prepare what you want to say to your friend in advance. You can start by accepting your feelings and emotions. It is normal to feel nervous or upset. You can practice what you want to say by writing a script or role-playing the conversation with a friend. You should plan to keep the conversation brief and focus on one change that could help your friend. You can also plan to talk by choosing a good time and place. Wait until you are both feeling calm and can focus on the conversation without distractions.

You should also prepare to approach your friend with a kind and understanding tone. You can use direct but empathetic "I" statements like, "I understand that you are struggling, but I am concerned about you." You can express your concerns directly and focus on concrete, observable behaviours and consequences. You can say something like, "I am concerned about your drinking because I've noticed you've been missing work." You can also give specific suggestions like, "Let's do things that don't involve drinking. How about grabbing a coffee?"

You can also encourage your friend to seek professional help. You can say, "I've done some research and found these treatment options." You can offer to call local treatment centres or take them to a doctor's appointment. You can also encourage them to talk to a doctor or licensed addiction specialist if they won't talk to you. You can say, "I was wondering if you would consider seeing a doctor to talk about your alcohol use." It is important to offer options instead of demands and avoid using stigmatizing terms like "alcoholic" or "addict."

It is also helpful to chat with mutual friends in advance to see if they have noticed any problems with your friend's drinking. This can give you a better sense of how serious the issue is. If you are part of a close-knit group, you can consider teaming up to talk to your friend together. This approach can show your friend that everyone in the group is worried about them. It is important to approach the conversation with care and avoid making your friend feel blindsided or attacked, as this may cause them to distance themselves from you.

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Don't drink with them

It can be tempting to try to help your friend by drinking with them and attempting to control the extent of their alcohol abuse. However, this is a mistake and will only enable their addiction. Alcohol misuse doesn't just affect the person drinking, it affects their friends and family too. It can be stressful and worrying for those close to the person struggling with alcohol addiction.

If your friend only wants to do things that involve drinking, it's important to suggest activities that don't include alcohol. This could be as simple as stopping by their house to water plants and check in on them, or suggesting a walk or coffee date. You can also encourage your friend to address the problems that led them to drinking. For example, if they drank due to boredom or anxiety, these issues will still be present when they stop drinking, so it's important to find healthier ways of coping.

You can also offer to accompany your friend to AA meetings, or help with daily tasks and errands while they are in rehab. You could even offer to make phone calls and fill out rehab admissions paperwork if this feels overwhelming for your friend.

Remember, recovery is an ongoing process that requires time and patience. Your friend will likely face a host of new challenges when they become sober, and your ongoing support and love can make a real difference.

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Seek support for yourself

It can be stressful to care for an alcoholic friend, and sometimes you may need to keep a little distance to maintain your own mental health. You can start by seeking support from your own friends and family. You can also seek support from a group like Al-Anon, a mutual support programme that offers in-person, call-in, online, and international group meetings to help friends and families of alcoholics. By sharing their experiences, Al-Anon members learn ways to deal with a loved one's addiction.

You can also begin counselling or therapy with a mental health professional to discuss and process your feelings. Talking to others who have been in your position can help you develop healthier strategies to protect your boundaries. Your local hospital, faith community, or community centre may also have special programmes for friends of people with drinking problems.

If you are feeling confused or hopeless, remember that there is hope. With your support, your friend may start feeling empowered enough to ask for and accept professional help. You can help your friend accept help and go to rehab by having information on hand about treatment centres and how it works.

Remember, you are not responsible for your friend's recovery, but with the right tools, you can help make their path easier.

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Suggest treatment options

  • Behavioural treatments: These treatments aim to change drinking behaviour through counselling. Counselling can be done on an individual basis or in a group setting, such as with family or mutual friends. Group counselling can be beneficial as it allows your friend to connect with others going through similar experiences and provide a sense of community and support.
  • Medications: There are currently three medications approved for Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) in the United States: Naltrexone, Acamprosate, and Disulfiram. Naltrexone helps reduce the urge to drink and is available as a pill or injection. Acamprosate is a pill that decreases the negative symptoms associated with alcohol abstinence, making it easier to maintain sobriety. Disulfiram discourages drinking by causing unpleasant symptoms when alcohol is consumed.
  • 12-step programs: While not the only option, 12-step programs are a well-known and commonly used treatment approach for alcohol addiction. These programs provide a structured framework for recovery and often involve peer support and mentorship.
  • Inpatient treatment centers: Sometimes, a more intensive level of care is needed, especially if your friend is experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms or has co-occurring mental health issues. Inpatient treatment centers provide 24-hour care and supervision, typically in a residential setting, to help individuals safely detox from alcohol and begin their recovery journey.
  • Local support groups: Support groups such as Al-Anon offer a network of support for friends and family members of those struggling with alcohol addiction. These groups can provide you with valuable resources, encouragement, and shared experiences to help navigate the challenges of supporting your friend. Additionally, your friend can benefit from these types of support groups, offering them a safe and non-judgmental space to share their experiences and connect with others in similar situations.
  • Online tools: Online tools such as the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator® can help individuals find the right treatment options near them. These tools often provide a step-by-step process to finding qualified treatment providers and can be a great starting point for understanding the different treatment options available.

Remember, it is important to involve your friend in the decision-making process and consider their unique needs and preferences when exploring treatment options. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to treating alcohol addiction, and it may require some trial and error to find the most effective combination of treatments for your friend's specific situation.

Frequently asked questions

Some signs of alcohol addiction include drinking heavily, being unable to control how much one drinks, becoming violent when drinking, drinking and driving, and drinking at inappropriate times. Other signs include drinking faster and more than everyone else in the group, experiencing mental health changes such as anxiety or depression, lying about drinking, and distancing oneself from friends and family.

It is important to approach the conversation with care and kindness. Talk to your friend when they are sober, express your concerns directly, and focus on specific incidents and behaviours. You can use "I" statements, such as "I am concerned about your drinking". Offer options instead of demands, such as suggesting they speak to a doctor about their alcohol use.

You can be involved in your friend's recovery process by joining them for counselling meetings, suggesting activities that don't involve alcohol, and being present to provide emotional support. You can also encourage your friend to seek professional help and provide them with information about treatment centres. Additionally, you can seek support for yourself through resources like Al-Anon, therapy, or support groups for loved ones of people with alcohol use disorder.

Avoid drinking with your friend to try and control their alcohol consumption, as this is rarely successful. Don't give them money, as it may enable them to buy alcohol. Don't ignore your friend's problems or make excuses for their behaviour. Avoid using labels such as "alcoholic" or "addict", as these terms are stigmatizing. Instead, focus on recognizing your friend as a person with an addiction.

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