Lena Savoie
Living with an alcoholic can be stressful and take a toll on your mental health and overall happiness. It can be challenging and emotionally draining, and it is important to take care of yourself and those around you. Alcohol abuse and addiction, or alcohol use disorder, not only affects the person drinking but also their family and loved ones. If you are living with an alcoholic, there are steps you can take to support them and yourself. It is important to have a good support system and to take time for yourself. You can also encourage the person to seek professional treatment and help them set new limits and realistic ways of sticking to those limits.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Support | It is important to have a support system of close friends, family members, teachers, or someone in the addiction community to rely on. |
| Routine | Stick to a family routine, such as going to work, eating meals, relaxing, and going to bed at the same time every day. |
| Self-care | Focus on your own physical and mental health. Make sure you are engaging in hobbies, exercising, spending time outdoors, and eating healthy meals. |
| Safety | Have an emergency plan in place if you feel unsafe. This could include telling a teacher or another trusted adult about the situation at home. |
| Communication | Communicate boundaries in a clear and concise manner and relay an action plan and set of consequences if these boundaries are crossed. |
| Treatment | Research possible treatment options and gather resources from doctors, counselors, inpatient alcohol rehab, and outpatient centers. |
| Triggers | Help your loved one identify their triggers and learn how to avoid them. This includes removing alcohol from the home and avoiding events or places where alcohol may be present. |
| Goals | Help your loved one write down their drinking goals and devise strategies for adhering to them, such as taking a break between drinks or pursuing new interests and social groups that don't revolve around drinking. |
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What You'll Learn
Set boundaries and communicate them clearly
Setting boundaries and communicating them clearly is essential when dealing with an alcoholic in your home. It is important to remember that you cannot control or stop their drinking; instead, focus on setting boundaries that protect your physical and mental health.
If you are living with an alcoholic partner, some boundaries to consider include having your own bank account, sleeping in separate beds, and not enabling their behaviour. For example, you might decide not to get into a car with them if they are intoxicated or set boundaries around drinking at home. Communicate these boundaries clearly and concisely to your partner and be prepared to enforce them.
If you have children, it is crucial to establish a safe physical space for them at home. This might include setting rules and explaining the consequences of breaking them. For example, removing alcohol from the home and explaining that this is a consequence of their alcohol use.
It is also important to take time for yourself and focus on your own self-care. This might include sticking to a routine, engaging in hobbies, exercising, and spending time outdoors. Building a support network of friends, family, or professionals can also help you through this challenging time.
Remember, it is not your responsibility to fix the alcoholic's behaviour. By setting boundaries and communicating them clearly, you are taking steps to protect yourself and your loved ones while supporting your alcoholic partner in a healthy way.
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Focus on your own physical and mental health
Living with an alcoholic can be stressful and can take an extreme toll on your mental health. It can also be dangerous, as individuals who live with alcoholics are at a higher risk of abuse on all levels, including physical, emotional, and verbal. It is therefore important to focus on your physical and mental health.
Firstly, it is crucial to be aware of your emotions and feelings. Notice how your loved one's drinking problem makes you feel. Understand that it is okay to feel the way you do, and express your feelings using words rather than harmful actions. It is important to seek moments of joy in your daily routine. Make sure you engage in your hobbies, stick to an exercise routine, spend time outdoors, and eat healthily.
Secondly, ensure you have a good support system around you. This could include other family members, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen. Talking to others who are going through the same thing can help you cope.
Thirdly, learn to step back. Trying to save the person every time there is an issue will likely enable their addiction to continue. They may need to hit rock bottom before they can recognize their need for change.
Finally, have an emergency plan in place. If you feel that your mental health is deteriorating, or if there are any signs of verbal, emotional, physical, or financial abuse, activate your emergency plan. This could include telling a teacher or another trusted adult that you are unsafe, and having a bag packed and an emergency fund ready if you need to leave home.
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Avoid controlling or stopping their drinking
While it is natural to want to control or stop a loved one's drinking, it is important to remember that you cannot make someone stop drinking. The choice to stop drinking is ultimately theirs. However, there are several ways you can help them address their problem without attempting to control or stop their drinking.
Firstly, educate yourself about addiction and alcohol abuse. Learn about the different types of treatment and self-help options available. This will enable you to have an informed conversation with your loved one about their drinking and offer them the support and resources they need. Choose a calm, quiet, and private moment when your loved one is not drinking to express your concerns in a caring and compassionate manner. Encourage them to open up about the reasons behind their drinking and offer them steps they can take to address the problem, such as calling a helpline, talking to a doctor or counsellor, or joining a support group.
It is also crucial to respect your loved one's goals and boundaries. If they are not ready to quit drinking altogether, help them set realistic limits and strategies to reduce their alcohol intake. For example, they could commit to having alcohol-free days each week and find alternative activities to drinking. Encourage them to write down their drinking goals and devise strategies to stick to them, such as avoiding triggers and bad influences and pursuing new interests and social groups that do not revolve around drinking.
Additionally, it is important to build good emotional habits and create a safe space for open communication. If you are living with an alcoholic parent, know that it is not your fault and that you should not blame yourself for their substance use. Be aware of your emotions and express them in a healthy way. Seek support from a therapist or join a support group specifically for family members of people with alcohol abuse problems, such as Al-Anon/Alateen.
Remember, recovery from alcoholism is a gradual process, and relapses may occur. The key is to provide ongoing support, encourage treatment, and promote healthy habits without attempting to control or stop your loved one's drinking.
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Help them set realistic drinking limits
Setting realistic drinking limits is a key step in reducing alcohol consumption and managing alcohol dependence. Here are some detailed and practical strategies to help you or your loved one set and achieve realistic drinking limits:
Understand current drinking patterns: It is important to know how much alcohol is currently being consumed and whether it is considered excessive or harmful. Keep a diary for a few weeks to track drinking habits, including the number and type of drinks consumed, and the situations or triggers that lead to drinking. This awareness will help identify problem areas and set a realistic baseline for reduction.
Set specific and achievable goals: Based on the current drinking patterns, define specific and achievable drinking limits. For example, decide on the number of drinks per day or week, or commit to having alcohol-free days. The U.S. Dietary Guidelines recommend that healthy adults limit drinking to one drink per day for women and two drinks per day for men. However, these limits may vary depending on individual health conditions and circumstances.
Make a written plan: Putting goals in writing enhances motivation and commitment. Write down the reasons for reducing alcohol consumption, such as improving health, relationships, or sleep quality. Include strategies to deal with triggers and high-risk situations, such as avoiding certain people or places associated with drinking. Develop a plan for special events or holidays, where drinking may be more prevalent.
Monitor progress and adjust: Regularly compare actual alcohol consumption with the set goals. If the goals are consistently met, consider gradually reducing the limits further to optimize health benefits. If the goals are not met, reflect on the challenges faced and adjust the plan accordingly. Seek support from a doctor or health professional to discuss any difficulties in sticking to the drinking limits.
Build a supportive environment: Inform trusted friends and family members about the goal to drink less, and ask for their encouragement and assistance. Avoid keeping alcohol at home, as this can help reduce temptation and make it easier to stick to the drinking limits.
Remember, changing drinking habits can be challenging, and setbacks may occur. Persistence and ongoing effort are crucial in achieving long-term success.
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Encourage non-drinking activities
Living with an alcoholic can be emotionally and physically draining. It is important to take some time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system. Here are some tips to encourage non-drinking activities for an alcoholic in your home:
- Set realistic goals: Help your loved one set realistic drinking goals. For example, they can commit to not drinking on certain days of the week.
- Write down their drinking goals: Encourage them to write down their drinking goals and devise strategies to stick to them.
- Pursue new interests: Encourage them to pursue new interests and social groups that do not revolve around drinking. For example, they could pick up a new hobby like painting, playing a musical instrument, or woodworking.
- Team sports: Expose your loved one to healthy hobbies and social activities such as team sports.
- Non-alcoholic drinks: When socialising, consider ordering non-alcoholic drinks or mocktails.
- Plan an outing: Schedule an outing or class based on deals you can find, such as a spa day or a cooking class.
- Spiritual practice: Encourage your loved one to explore a spiritual practice such as quiet reflection and gratitude.
- Support groups: Encourage your loved one to join a support group or call a hotline to get support from others going through similar experiences.
- Remove alcohol from the home: Get rid of any alcohol in your home and routinely check potential hiding places.
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Frequently asked questions
Dealing with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally and physically draining. It is important to know that you are not the cause of their drinking, nor can you control or cure it. You can, however, contribute positively to their recovery by:
- Having a conversation with them when they are sober and expressing the impact their drinking is having on you and others.
- Letting them know that you will support them through their recovery.
- Encouraging them to seek professional help and creating an environment that encourages sobriety.
Alcohol abuse affects not just the person drinking but their family too. It is important to understand the nature of Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) and explore treatment options. You can help your loved one by:
- Setting realistic drinking goals and strategies to stick to them.
- Helping them develop new, healthy routines that do not involve alcohol.
- Understanding that recovery is a continuous process and relapses may occur.
If your teen is exhibiting signs of alcohol abuse, it is important to monitor their activity and know their whereabouts and friends. You can help them by:
- Talking to them about underlying issues and encouraging other interests and social activities.
- Explaining that their drinking has consequences and laying down rules.
- Removing alcohol from your home and checking potential hiding places.
- Encouraging them to seek help from support groups like Al-Anon/Alateen.
