Vivian Marlowe
Alcoholism is a disease that not only affects the person drinking but also their family and loved ones. Alcohol impairs judgement, decision-making, and problem-solving abilities, making it difficult for people to control their emotions, particularly anger. This can lead to sudden bursts of anger, aggression, and even violence. If you are dealing with an angry drunk person, it is important to remain calm, use soothing language, and avoid confrontation to de-escalate the situation. Removing yourself from the situation and seeking help from professionals or others around you is crucial if you feel unsafe. It is also important to focus on your own physical and mental health and set boundaries to protect yourself. Encouraging the alcoholic to seek treatment and supporting them in their recovery can be beneficial, but it is important to remember that you cannot force them to change.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| How to deal with the alcoholic | Remove yourself from the situation.) Engage with your loved one when they are sober. |
| How to deal with your own anger | Identify triggers and create strategies, like setting limits on drinking or finding healthier ways to cope with emotions. |
| How to help an alcoholic | Learn about addiction and alcohol abuse, and offer treatment and support. Maintain a level of normality and routine. Focus on yourself and your household's physical and mental health. |
| How to talk to an alcoholic | Do not talk when they are drunk. Do not shout, judge, or blame. Do not accept that you are the reason for their drinking. |
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What You'll Learn
Recognise the signs of alcohol abuse
Recognising the signs of alcohol abuse can be challenging, as some people try to hide their drinking habits by consuming alcohol in private and isolating themselves. However, it is crucial to be vigilant and aware of the warning signs, as early intervention can make a significant difference in an individual's recovery. Here are some key indicators to look out for:
Behavioural Changes
Behavioural signs can include frequent drinking or binge drinking, leading to neglect of responsibilities at work, school, or home. Individuals may also exhibit sudden changes in friends, favourite hangouts, and hobbies. They may start borrowing or stealing money without providing a clear reason. Additionally, they may become anxious or stressed when social gatherings do not include alcohol, indicating a strong reliance on it.
Health and Emotional Concerns
Alcohol abuse can lead to various health issues, including blackouts or short-term memory loss. Mood swings, irritability, extreme anger, depression, paranoia, and anxiety are also common emotional symptoms associated with alcohol abuse. The individual may also experience physical withdrawal symptoms when not drinking, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, or a racing heart.
Impact on Relationships and Activities
Alcohol abuse often negatively impacts relationships and social activities. The person may start making excuses for their drinking, such as needing it to relax or cope with stress. They may choose drinking over other obligations and isolate themselves from friends and family members. They might also give up important social, work, or recreational activities due to their drinking habits.
High-Risk Situations
Alcohol abuse can lead to hazardous situations, such as drinking and driving, unsafe sexual behaviour, or operating machinery while intoxicated. These situations significantly increase the risk of harm to oneself and others.
Craving Alcohol and Inability to Stop
A strong indicator of alcohol abuse is a persistent craving for alcoholic beverages. The individual may find it challenging to stop drinking, even when it negatively affects their health, safety, and relationships. They may also need to drink more to achieve the desired effects or to function "normally".
It is important to remember that recognising alcohol abuse is not always straightforward, and some signs may be more subtle than others. If you suspect that someone you know may be struggling with alcohol abuse, it is essential to seek professional help and support.
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Understand the link between alcohol and anger
Alcohol is a psychoactive drug that can amplify emotions and reduce inhibitions. While it may seem that anger is the most common emotion caused by alcohol, it is not always the case. Anger is an emotion made up of many different feelings like dissatisfaction, displeasure, hurt, and frustration. It is a natural human response when something seems unfair or a value is threatened.
Alcohol can contribute to increased anger, especially in people with higher levels of "trait anger". Individuals with this personality trait tend to seek out stimuli that activate feelings of anger and are more prone to behaving aggressively when drinking. Other factors that can contribute to increased anger when consuming alcohol include decreased inhibition, neurobiological effects, increased impulsivity, and poor problem-solving skills. Alcohol can also make it more difficult to think straight, affecting how you perceive situations and impairing your ability to process information.
Research by the World Health Organization (WHO) has found that alcohol use is more closely associated with aggressive behaviour than any other type of psychotropic substance. However, drinking alcohol can elicit different behaviours in different people. Alcohol can provoke different emotional responses, making some people sad and others angry. It is important to note that anger and aggression are not the same. Aggression refers to a range of behaviours that can result in physical or psychological harm, and it can be rooted in emotions other than anger, such as fear or competitiveness.
It is possible that underlying mental health conditions or long-term unresolved anger are causing anger issues when drunk. If someone has experienced trauma, they may manifest their trauma in the form of anger, and this may only become noticeable when drinking. Understanding the effect that alcohol has on emotions can help disconnect it from being a personality flaw. Seeking a solution for alcohol-related anger or aggression is essential for health and safety. Treatment options such as psychotherapy approaches rooted in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are available.
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Learn how to protect yourself
Dealing with an angry drunk person can be challenging and requires a calm, composed approach. Here are some ways to protect yourself:
Stay Calm and Avoid Arguments
It is important to remain calm and avoid arguing or reasoning with an angry drunk person. Their judgment and comprehension may be impaired, and trying to reason with them could escalate the situation. Instead, speak in a soft, soothing tone and listen with empathy.
Remove Yourself from the Situation
If you feel threatened or unsafe, immediately leave the area. Your safety and well-being are paramount. Avoid placing yourself in situations where you may be alone with an angry drunk person, especially if they are intoxicated.
Engage When They Are Sober
If the angry drunk person is someone close to you, such as a spouse or partner, it is important to address the issue when they are sober. Voice your concerns about their anger and aggression when drunk, providing specific examples of unsettling behaviours. Remain objective and try to keep emotions out of the conversation.
Seek Outside Support
Dealing with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining and stressful. It is crucial to have a support system in place, including close friends and family members who can provide a listening ear and help you cope with the situation. Consider joining support groups like Al-Anon, where you can connect with others who have similar experiences.
Focus on Yourself and Your Household
Prioritize your physical and mental health, as well as that of others in your household who may be affected by the alcoholic's behaviour. Take time for yourself, maintain a routine, and stick to regular mealtimes, work schedules, and bedtimes.
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Know how to approach your loved one
Dealing with an angry alcoholic loved one can be challenging and emotionally draining. It is important to know how to approach them and offer support effectively. Here are some detailed and instructive guidelines to help you navigate this difficult situation:
Educate Yourself on Alcohol Use Disorders:
Understand that alcoholism is a disease and a treatable condition. Educate yourself about the signs and effects of alcohol use disorders (AUD). Learn about the physical and behavioural changes associated with alcohol misuse, such as frequent anger, secrecy, and a negative impact on relationships and health. This knowledge will help you identify the problem and prepare for conversations with your loved one.
Seek Professional Guidance:
Consider seeking advice from a therapist, mental health specialist, or substance abuse expert. They can provide valuable insights into how to approach your loved one effectively. Additionally, accessing resources, articles, or books on AUDs can offer additional strategies and perspectives. Remember to take care of your own mental health and well-being during this challenging time.
Choose the Right Time and State:
Avoid approaching your loved one when they are intoxicated. Alcohol impairs decision-making and can lead to a loss of self-control, making it difficult to have a rational conversation. Wait until they are sober, as they are more likely to be receptive to your concerns and take in what you have to say. Choose a calm and private moment to express your thoughts.
Express Love and Support:
Let your loved one know that you care about them and want to support their recovery. Admitting a problem and seeking help can be scary, so your support can be crucial in encouraging them to take positive steps. Offer specific examples of their behaviours that are concerning you, but try to remain objective and non-judgmental. Focus on their actions rather than assigning blame.
Encourage Treatment and Provide Distractions:
Help your loved one explore treatment options and professional support. Encourage them to seek help from support groups, therapy, or medical professionals. Additionally, work with them to develop distraction techniques for when cravings hit. Suggestions may include calling a supportive person, going for a walk, or engaging in activities that promote a healthy lifestyle. Remember, while you can offer guidance and encouragement, your loved one is ultimately responsible for their sobriety.
Remember, it may take multiple conversations and a lot of patience to help your loved one recognise and address their alcohol misuse. Take care of yourself and seek support from trusted people or groups who understand what you are going through.
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Seek professional help
Alcoholism is a disease, and it is treatable. If you are dealing with an angry alcoholic, it is important to seek professional help for yourself and to encourage them to do the same.
Seeking help for yourself
First and foremost, it is crucial to remember that you are not alone. Dealing with an angry alcoholic can be stressful, and it is important to take care of yourself. Make sure you have a good support system in place, including friends, family, and community or support groups. Take time for yourself and focus on your own physical and mental health. Remember, your loved one is ultimately responsible for managing their illness, and you cannot control their drinking.
Encouraging the alcoholic to seek help
If your loved one is an angry drunk, do not engage with them while they are intoxicated, as they will not be in their right mind and will not be able to respond rationally. Instead, wait until they are sober, and then express your concerns in a calm and objective manner, giving specific examples of their behaviour that has upset you. Remember to approach the conversation without judgement or blame, as this could cause them to retreat further into their addiction.
If your loved one is willing to seek help, encourage them to speak to their doctor or a specialist treatment centre. It may be helpful to research different treatment options, as not every treatment will work for every person. Look for treatments that offer medication and address mental health issues alongside alcohol treatment, and that can be tailored to the individual. Remember that setbacks are common, so regular check-ins with a treatment provider may be beneficial.
If your loved one refuses to seek help, an intervention may be necessary. However, it is important to remember that the person must ultimately want to change, and they cannot be forced into treatment.
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Frequently asked questions
Your loved one may have a drinking problem if they regularly neglect their responsibilities, lie about their drinking, drink more than they intended, or continue drinking despite it causing problems in their relationships.
Educate yourself about addiction and treatment options. Be open and honest about your concerns, but remember that you cannot force them to stop. Do not shout, judge, or blame, and do not accept any blame for their drinking.
If you are concerned about your safety, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Otherwise, try to distract them or remove yourself from the situation. Do not engage with them while they are intoxicated, as they are unlikely to respond rationally.
Focus on yourself and your own health, and set boundaries. Do not try to control or stop their drinking, but encourage them to get help and support them in seeking treatment.
Alcohol lowers inhibitions and increases impulsivity, making it easier for anger to surface. Angry drunks may have reduced emotional control, increased hostility, and decreased self-awareness.
