Mason Delacroix
Alcohol addiction is a chronic medical condition with physical, emotional, social, and financial consequences for both the alcoholic and their spouse. Alcoholism is often referred to as a family disease because of the disruptions it causes in the lives of those closest to the addict. It is common for the wife of an alcoholic to blame herself for her husband's drinking problem, leading to feelings of guilt and self-blame. Christian wives of alcoholics can benefit from their inner spiritual strength, their network of friends, and church resources. They can also seek solace in their community, get counseling for themselves, and encourage their husbands to seek professional help to stop drinking.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Emotional | Unravel and cope with your emotions, blame yourself for your husband's drinking problem, feel personally responsible for your husband's drinking, feel that you deserve the trauma you've experienced, endure abusive behaviour, feel angry and resentful |
| Physical | Bruising, pain, headaches, increased risk of chronic conditions such as arthritis, diabetes, and immune dysfunction |
| Marital | Loss of trust, denial, abuse, including physical, mental, sexual, or emotional mistreatment, volatile situations, hypersensitivity, defensiveness, belligerence, name-calling, co-dependency, secrets and silence |
| Financial | Financial consequences |
| Social | Support from Christian network of friends, church resources, community, and family |
| Spiritual | Inner spiritual strength, biblical guidance, prayer, spiritual battle, finding solace in God, Christian counselling, reading the Bible, understanding alcoholism as a disease |
| Treatment | Intervention, inpatient or outpatient rehab, detox, sobriety programs, AA, marriage counselling, family therapy, Al-Anon, understanding alcohol use disorder, diagnostic criteria, helplines, support groups, inpatient treatment, healthy friendships |
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What You'll Learn
Seek support from a community, counsellor, or helpline
As a Christian wife dealing with an alcoholic husband, you may feel embarrassed and afraid of judgment, causing you to suffer in silence. However, it is important to seek support from your community, a counsellor, or a helpline to help you navigate the challenges of having an alcoholic spouse.
Community
The first step is to find solace in your community. Reach out to your Christian network of friends and church resources for support. Remember that addiction is treatable, and you don't have to go through this alone. Many people in your community may have had similar experiences, and sharing your story with them can help you feel less isolated.
Counsellor
Consider seeking individual counselling to help you cope with the emotional toll of having an alcoholic husband. A substance abuse counsellor or a trusted clergyman can provide you with a safe space to unload your negative feelings and process the complex emotions you may be experiencing. They can also help you better understand alcohol use disorder and the potential health problems it causes, so you can be in a stronger position to help your husband.
Helpline
Calling a helpline can provide you with anonymous and confidential support. Helplines, such as Al-Anon, offer a listening ear and valuable information about alcohol use disorder. They can provide you with diagnostic criteria and connect you with other people's experiences, so you feel less alone in your struggles.
Remember, you don't have to go through this alone. Seeking support from your community, a counsellor, or a helpline can provide you with the strength and resources you need to navigate this challenging time.
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Understand Alcohol Use Disorder and its effects
Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a medical condition characterised by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences. AUD is considered a brain disorder and can be mild, moderate, or severe. The severity of AUD is determined by the number of criteria a person meets based on their symptoms.
The diagnostic criteria for AUD include:
- Drinking despite the negative impact on your health and safety
- Experiencing alcohol-related memory blackouts
- Needing to drink more than usual to feel the desired effects
- Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when the effects of alcohol wear off, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, dysphoria, malaise, feeling low, or seizures
- Giving up or reducing activities that were once important, interesting, or pleasurable to prioritise drinking
- Engaging in risky behaviours while drinking, such as driving, swimming, or operating machinery
The effects of AUD are far-reaching and can impact an individual's life in various ways. AUD can lead to physical, emotional, social, and financial consequences. It can cause changes in personality, behavioural and mental health issues, making individuals more argumentative and unkind, especially when they are inebriated. AUD can also result in job performance decline, loss of touch with faith, and increased risk of domestic violence or abuse.
Treatment for AUD is essential and often involves a combination of medication, behavioural therapy, and support groups. Evidence-based treatments, such as behavioural therapies, mutual-support groups, and medications, can effectively help individuals with AUD achieve and maintain recovery.
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Set boundaries and encourage treatment
Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with an alcoholic husband, and it is important to remember that these boundaries are not to control his thoughts and behaviours but rather to set guidelines to protect yourself. These boundaries can be physical, such as not allowing alcohol in the house or not being physically around him when he is drinking. They can also be emotional, prioritising your emotions and preventing your husband from projecting his feelings onto you. For example, you may set a boundary that you will not engage in conversation with him until he is able to have a mature, level-headed talk.
It is also important to communicate your boundaries clearly and compassionately. Give examples of unacceptable behaviours, such as drinking and driving or asking for money, and identify acceptable behaviours. Remember that your husband may try to bend or disregard these boundaries, so it is important to enforce them.
Additionally, you can encourage your husband to seek treatment by first educating yourself on alcohol use disorder and the potential health problems it causes. Learn about the diagnostic criteria and seek out the experiences of others with alcoholic partners. You can then talk to your husband calmly when he is sober, providing facts about the impact of alcohol and the treatment options available. Offer to connect him with resources such as counselling, treatment centres, and support groups.
If your husband is not receptive to treatment, an intervention may be necessary. Gather the people he trusts and loves and ask them to read him a letter explaining their care and concern. If he is responsive, you can share treatment options, which may include inpatient or outpatient rehab and detox, depending on the severity of his drinking.
Remember, you cannot do the recovery work for your husband, but you can offer support and ask how you can assist him in reducing his drinking and abstaining from alcohol. Consider making a list of goals and setting dates to check in and offer encouragement.
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Forgive and remain compassionate
Alcohol addiction is a chronic medical condition with physical, emotional, social, and financial consequences for both the alcoholic and their spouse. The wife of an alcoholic is confronted with a unique and complex problem due to the way she is affected by her spouse’s addiction. It is common for the wife of an alcoholic to blame herself for her husband’s drinking problem. This creates a feeling of deserving the trauma experienced because of something one has done. Because one sees the situation as their fault, they tend to endure abusive behaviour instead of seeking the proper remedy.
Learning to resent the illness and not the man allows you to be more compassionate toward your husband. You can despise and feel angry with the disease while staying strong in love. Those who are living with alcohol abuse are usually hypersensitive. Negative sentiments can send them further into the pain that causes them to drink in the first place. The healthiest way to unload your negative feelings is to confide in a trusted clergyman or a substance abuse counsellor. When someone is drunk, they are much more prone to getting into an argument. Not only that, but the guilt an alcoholic feels often leads them to get defensive and belligerent. While their words can hurt, getting into name-calling will only serve to make both parties more miserable.
As a Christian, you likely depend on the principles found in the Bible to help you during difficulties such as dealing with an alcoholic husband. Here are a few biblical helps during this time:
- God already knows what you need during this time (Matthew 6:8)
- Commit this time to God and trust Him to help you (Proverbs 3:5-6)
- Acknowledge that God has forgiven you, and you can forgive your husband (Colossians 3:13)
- Remain compassionate and humble (1 Peter 3:8-9)
To forgive and remain compassionate, it is important to understand that alcoholism is a disease and that your husband is suffering from a chronic illness. This illness affects his brain and compels him to seek out and take alcohol. Over time, his brain will associate the substance with reward and change its structure accordingly. Because of these changes in the brain, addicted individuals are unable to derive pleasure from anything but a substance. Understanding this can help you to forgive your husband and have compassion for his suffering.
Additionally, seek solace in your community and get counselling for yourself. Find a trusted clergyman or counsellor with whom you can share your feelings and who can support you in remaining compassionate. Educate yourself about alcohol use disorder and the potential health problems it causes. Learn about the diagnostic criteria and seek out other people’s experiences with an alcoholic partner. Attend support group meetings like Al-Anon to better understand the illness and share your experience. Family therapy can also be helpful when addressing your spouse’s drinking habits and subsequent health issues.
Finally, remember that addiction is treatable. Your husband can recover from alcoholism with professional help and your support. You can encourage your husband to seek professional help and treatment by staging an intervention. As his wife, you can bring together all the people he trusts and loves. Ask them to read him a letter explaining how much they care about him and why they want him to go to rehab. When confronted with compassion, understanding, and love, he is much more likely to be responsive and make an effort to recover.
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Protect yourself and your children
Alcohol addiction is a chronic medical condition with physical, emotional, social, and financial consequences for the alcoholic and their spouse. It is essential to remember that alcoholism is a disease and that your husband's drinking problem is not your fault. You did not cause it, and you cannot control or cure it. Instead of blaming yourself, try to understand that your husband's alcoholism is robbing him of his ability to make the right decisions and control his behaviour.
As a Christian wife, you can benefit from your inner spiritual strength and Christian network of friends and church resources. You can also find solace in your community, seek counselling for yourself, and encourage your husband to seek professional help to stop drinking. Remember that your husband may be experiencing powerful emotions, and that alcoholics are three times more likely to place someone at risk of domestic violence or some other form of abuse. Protect yourself by confiding in a trusted clergyman or a substance abuse counsellor.
If you have children, it is important to understand the potential effects of parental alcohol misuse on them. These effects can include a wide range of negative academic and cognitive consequences, such as low GPAs, failed grades, poor performance in math, reading, and spelling, and impaired learning capacity. Your children may also suffer negative effects on their mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. It is important to seek support for them and to consider family therapy.
To protect yourself and your children, it is crucial to educate yourself on your husband's condition, the treatments available, and the resources that can help you all. You can call a helpline or attend support group meetings like Al-Anon, which can provide you with coping skills and support from people who are going through similar experiences. Additionally, consider seeking professional help for yourself and your children to process any emotions or trauma you may be experiencing. Remember that you are not alone, and there is support available to help you navigate this challenging time.
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Frequently asked questions
The first step is to recognise that alcoholism is a disease and that your husband is not fully in control of his behaviour. It is also important to understand that you are not to blame for his drinking problem.
You can encourage your husband to seek professional help and treatment for his addiction. You can also find solace in your community, get counselling for yourself, and attend support groups such as Al-Anon.
Alcoholism can have physical, emotional, social, and financial consequences for both the alcoholic and their spouse. You may experience abuse, blame yourself for your husband's drinking, or feel embarrassed to admit there is a problem.
You can commit this time to God and trust in Him for help (Proverbs 3:5-6). Remember that God has forgiven you, and you can forgive your husband (Colossians 3:13). Remain compassionate and humble (1 Peter 3:8-9) and seek to create a godly atmosphere in your home.
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