How To Discuss Alcoholism With Your Child

Talking to your child about an alcoholic parent can be difficult but necessary. It is important to be honest and upfront with children about their parents' alcoholism, as it can help them make sense of events and prevent them from developing assumptions or feeling at fault. Children often feel confused, embarrassed, angry, or sad about a parent's substance abuse, and may need help understanding that it is neither normal nor their fault. It is also crucial to provide support and encourage open communication so that they can express their feelings and not bottle them up. There are various resources available, such as support groups, hotlines, and therapy, to help children cope with having an alcoholic parent.

Be honest and build trust

It is important to be honest with your child about their alcoholic parent, as it can be the foundation of a relationship based on trust. Children generally know a lot about their parents' alcohol and drug use, and being honest can help them make sense of what is happening. It can also prevent them from developing assumptions about their parents' behaviour and blaming themselves.

When talking to your child about their alcoholic parent, it is crucial to match your explanations to their age and developmental stage. Use clear and simple terms to explain that their parent's alcohol use is not their fault and that they are not responsible for getting their parent to stop drinking. Let them know that it is a problem the parent has and that it is up to the parent to make it better. Explain that relapse is common and does not mean failure. It is also important to tell them about their parent's attempts to overcome their addiction and change their behaviour, as this can alleviate their worries and help them believe that change is possible.

Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and seek out age-appropriate self-help groups or therapy. Let them know that it is okay to feel the way they do and that they should use words, not harmful actions, to express their emotions. It can be a relief for them to share their experiences with a trusted adult or friend.

Remember that the way you speak and interact with your child can help lessen the impact of having an alcoholic parent. Establish open and honest communication, show them that you care, and spend one-on-one time with them. This can help build a strong, supportive bond and encourage them to live up to your expectations. It is also important to provide consistent messages and information and to support the alcoholic parent in having these conversations with their child, as it can help rebuild their connection.

Explain alcohol use disorder

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a common medical condition, sometimes called alcoholism, that affects a person's ability to stop or control their alcohol consumption. People with AUD continue to drink even when it negatively impacts their health, safety, and personal relationships. The condition can be mild, moderate, or severe, and is considered a brain disorder that causes lasting changes in the brain, making individuals vulnerable to relapse.

The symptoms of AUD include an impaired ability to control alcohol consumption, drinking more or longer than intended, spending a lot of time drinking or recovering from hangovers, repeatedly failing to meet obligations due to drinking, giving up social or recreational activities, drinking in hazardous situations, experiencing withdrawal symptoms, and having a high tolerance for alcohol. These symptoms can lead to physical issues, such as cravings or withdrawal symptoms, and changes in mood and behaviour.

AUD can have negative consequences for the individual and their loved ones, especially their children. Children of parents with AUD can suffer various adverse effects on their mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. They may experience increased risks of depression, low self-esteem, social phobia, separation anxiety, obsessive-compulsive issues, delinquent behaviour, aggression, emotional isolation, and eating disorders, among others. Research shows that 1 in 5 adults in the US grew up with an alcoholic relative, and children can be significantly impacted by their parents' drinking habits.

It is important to note that the development of AUD is influenced by multiple factors, including age, genetics, family history, mental health, and trauma. For example, individuals who started drinking at an early age are more likely to develop AUD, and genetics can account for approximately 60% of the risk. Additionally, certain mental health conditions, such as depression, PTSD, and ADHD, are commonly associated with AUD.

Treatment for AUD typically involves medication, behavioural therapy, mutual-support groups, or a combination of these approaches. Medications such as naltrexone, acamprosate, and disulfiram can help reduce or stop alcohol consumption. Behavioural therapies, also known as alcohol counselling or talk therapy, aim to change drinking behaviour and teach skills to prevent relapse. Mutual-support groups provide peer support and are often easily accessible in communities or online.

Ensure they feel safe

It is important to ensure that children feel safe when discussing their parent's alcoholism. Here are some ways to achieve this:

Firstly, it is crucial to establish open and honest communication. Encourage your child to express their feelings and emotions without fear of judgement. Let them know that it is safe to share their experiences and that you are there to listen and support them. This can help build trust and strengthen your relationship.

Secondly, reassure the child that they are not to blame for their parent's alcoholism. Children often feel guilty and responsible for their parent's drinking, so it is essential to address this directly. Explain that alcoholism is a disease and that it is not their fault. Help them understand that their parent's drinking is not a reflection of their worth or actions.

Additionally, provide a safe and stable environment for the child. If the child feels unsafe at home due to their parent's alcoholism, consider alternative living arrangements or seek professional help to ensure their immediate safety. Creating a stable and predictable environment can help reduce feelings of anxiety and uncertainty.

Encourage the child to seek support from trusted adults or peers. Suggest speaking to a school counsellor, teacher, relative, or joining support groups specifically for children dealing with alcoholic parents, such as Al-Anon/Alateen. Knowing that they have a support system can make them feel less isolated and more empowered.

Finally, be consistent in your messages and approach. Ensure that the child receives clear and consistent information from all adults involved in their life. This can help reduce confusion and provide a sense of stability.

Remember, ensuring that the child feels safe and supported is crucial to their well-being and can help mitigate the negative impacts of growing up with an alcoholic parent.

Discuss treatment options

It is important to explain to children that their parent's alcohol problem is not their fault and that they are not responsible for getting their parent to stop drinking. It is also crucial to provide them with accurate information about their parent's condition and treatment options, as this can help them understand and cope with the situation.

When discussing treatment options with the child, it is essential to consider their age and developmental stage. Explain the situation in clear and simple terms, assuring them that their parent is seeking help to get better. Provide age-appropriate information about the various treatment options available, such as detox, outpatient and inpatient programmes, aftercare, and the types of therapies offered.

Encourage the child to express their feelings and worries throughout the treatment process. Regularly check in with them to see how they are feeling and what their concerns are. Explain that relapse is common during recovery and does not mean that treatment has failed. Address any fears or worries they may have, including any pressure they might feel to keep their parent's relapses a secret.

It is also beneficial to seek support for yourself as a parent. Consider individual counselling or joining mutual support groups specifically for families and friends of people with alcohol problems, such as Al-Anon. Taking care of your own well-being will enable you to better support your child during this challenging time.

Additionally, there are various helplines and support services available for children and families affected by a parent's alcohol problem. For instance, Al-Anon/Alateen offers a 24-hour hotline at 1-800-344-2666, providing support and guidance to those impacted by a loved one's drinking. SAMHSA's National Helpline (1-800-662-HELP) is another confidential, free service that provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organisations. These resources can be invaluable in helping both children and parents navigate the treatment process and find the support they need.

Encourage self-help groups

It is important to encourage children and teens to seek out self-help groups when dealing with an alcoholic parent. Self-help groups can provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences and learn from others who are going through similar challenges.

One such self-help group is Al-Anon, which has a special program for teens called Alateen. Al-Anon is a free support group for family members and friends of people struggling with alcoholism. Meetings are led by individuals who are dealing with similar issues, and they can provide practical tips and skills to help navigate the challenges of having an alcoholic parent. Alateen also offers a 24-hour hotline for additional support.

Another option is the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) program, a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition program specifically designed for individuals who grew up in dysfunctional homes. ACA provides a safe and nonjudgmental environment that allows participants to grieve their childhoods, heal from trauma, and experience freedom from shame and abandonment.

These self-help groups can be incredibly beneficial for children and teens dealing with an alcoholic parent. They can provide a sense of community, understanding, and practical strategies for coping with the unique challenges they face.

It is also worth noting that while self-help groups can be a great source of support, individual therapy or counseling may also be beneficial for children and teens. Speaking with a trusted adult, such as a teacher, school counselor, doctor, therapist, or relative, can also provide additional support and help them develop healthy emotional habits.

Frequently asked questions