Mason Delacroix
Living with or dealing with an alcoholic can be emotionally draining and stressful. It is important to remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease that gets worse until the person seeks help. While there is no quick fix for addiction, there are several things you can do to support your loved one while also protecting your own well-being. It is important to encourage treatment and provide ongoing support and guidance, while also setting clear boundaries and being honest about the situation.
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What You'll Learn
Take time for yourself and seek support
Living with or dealing with an alcoholic can have a serious impact on your health and well-being. It is important to take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system around you.
Firstly, it is crucial to understand that you are not responsible for their drinking or their actions. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and a brain disorder, and only the person with the addiction can take steps to address it. While you may want to help your loved one, a crisis is usually the time to do nothing. This can be difficult, but it is important to allow the crisis to play out so that the person can finally admit they have a problem and begin to seek help.
Secondly, you must face the reality of what is happening. Be honest and speak up about the situation at home. Don't cover up for the person or make excuses for their drinking. Dealing with the problem openly and honestly is the best approach.
Thirdly, take time for yourself and do things that bring you joy. Continue engaging in your hobbies, social life, work, and workout routine. Go for walks, practise breathing exercises, and engage in positive self-talk. Maintain physical distance if necessary, and ensure you have a safe place outside of the home to go to when you need to.
Finally, seek support from friends, family, therapists, support groups, or professional interventionists. Recovery is an ongoing process that requires time and patience, and it is important to take care of your own mental and physical health while supporting a loved one through their journey.
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Don't try to control their drinking
It's important to remember that people with alcohol use disorder (AUD) cannot control their drinking, so it's highly unlikely that you'll be able to change it either. Trying to control or stop their drinking will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Instead, focus on encouraging them to seek professional help and supporting them through their recovery.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease that gets worse over time. It's not something that can be controlled or managed without addressing the underlying issues. If your loved one is struggling with alcohol addiction, they need to seek professional treatment and support to address the root causes of their drinking.
Enabling behaviours, such as covering up for their drinking or making excuses, only serve to perpetuate the problem. It's important to deal with the problem openly and honestly. By enabling their drinking, you are preventing them from facing the consequences of their actions and delaying their decision to get help.
It's also crucial to understand that you are not responsible for their drinking or their recovery. You can provide support and encouragement, but ultimately, the decision to change has to come from them. Taking on the responsibility of controlling their drinking will only lead to burnout and resentment.
Finally, it's important to prioritise your own well-being. Living with or dealing with an alcoholic can be emotionally draining and stressful. Make sure you have a good support system in place and take time for yourself. Joining a support group for friends and family of alcoholics can provide you with valuable resources and connections.
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Don't cover up for them
When dealing with an alcoholic, it is important to remember not to cover up for them. This means not hiding the results of their drinking or making excuses for their behaviour. For example, if they have been drinking heavily and made a mess, don't clean it up for them. Let them see the consequences of their drinking. It is common for people with alcohol use disorder (AUD) to try to blame their drinking on others or external circumstances. It is important not to enable this behaviour by covering up for them or making excuses. Instead, deal with the problem openly and honestly.
Enabling an alcoholic to avoid the consequences of their actions can lead to denial of the issue and more dire consequences. It is not your responsibility to keep their drinking a secret, and doing so may delay their decision to get help. A crisis can often be the time when someone finally admits they have a problem and reaches out for help. If family members or friends "rescue" the person from this situation, it can prevent them from facing the reality of their addiction.
It is important to be truthful about the situation, especially if others ask about it. This includes being honest with yourself and seeking support if needed. Living with an alcoholic can take a toll on your own health and well-being, so it is crucial to take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system. Remember, you are not responsible for their actions, and it is their decision to use alcohol. Don't carry the weight of their addiction.
Additionally, it is important to set clear boundaries and encourage the alcoholic to seek treatment. Offer to accompany them to appointments or support groups, and help them set realistic goals and strategies for reducing their alcohol intake. However, don't try to control or stop their drinking, as this is ultimately their responsibility. Provide encouragement and resources in a compassionate and non-judgmental manner, and be there for them as they navigate their recovery journey.
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Don't talk when they're drunk
When dealing with a loved one's drinking problem, it is important to remember that you cannot control their drinking. It is also not your fault. While you may want to help them, sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing. This is because a crisis may be the only way to create change.
However, there are some things you can do to support your loved one while protecting your own well-being. Firstly, do not talk to them when they are drunk, as they are unlikely to take in what you have to say. Anger and alcohol are often linked, so they may become defensive or angry, making the situation even more challenging.
If your loved one is drunk, it is best to wait until they are sober and in a good mood before attempting to talk to them about their drinking. Pick a calm time when you can talk without distractions and focus on having a conversation rather than a confrontation. You should also encourage them to talk to their doctor or another trusted professional about their drinking.
Remember, it can be very difficult for someone to admit they have a problem with alcohol, and they may not be ready to change. They may feel upset, worried, or guilty about their drinking, and if they feel under attack, they may become defensive or refuse to talk. It is important to approach the conversation in a non-judgmental way and to give them time to think and respond.
It can also be helpful to suggest some activities you can do together that do not involve drinking, such as hobbies or social activities. This can show that you can enjoy yourself without alcohol. However, if they are trying to cut down, do not force them to join activities that make them feel uncomfortable.
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Encourage treatment
Encouraging a loved one to seek treatment for alcoholism can be challenging, but there are several strategies that can help guide them towards recovery. Firstly, it is important to encourage open and honest conversations about their alcohol consumption. This can be initiated by expressing your feelings using phrases such as "I feel this way..." instead of accusatory statements like "you did this". It is crucial to approach these conversations from a place of empathy and support, rather than anger or blame.
During these discussions, it is important to encourage your loved one to open up about the underlying reasons for their alcohol abuse. Are they struggling with stress, boredom, loneliness, or anxiety? By identifying these contributing factors, you can help them address the root causes of their drinking. It may take multiple attempts to have a meaningful conversation, so be prepared for pushback and denial. Remember that recovery is an ongoing process that requires time, patience, and unconditional love.
You can also offer practical support by accompanying them to doctor's appointments, group meetings, or counselling sessions. Help them develop a concrete plan that outlines specific changes and strategies to reduce their alcohol intake. This could include setting drinking limits, such as committing to alcohol-free days or adhering to healthy drinking limits. Encourage them to write down their drinking goals and devise strategies to achieve them, such as pursuing new interests and social groups that don't revolve around drinking.
It is important to remember that you cannot force someone into treatment. Instead, provide encouragement and resources in a compassionate manner. You can also suggest contacting a professional interventionist if you feel an intervention is necessary. Finally, be mindful of your own well-being during this process. Supporting someone through recovery can be emotionally draining, so ensure you have a strong support system and practice self-care.
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Frequently asked questions
It's important to take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system. Let the alcoholic know that you care and offer unconditional support, but don't try to control or stop their drinking. Focus on maintaining your own physical and mental health, and don't accept any unacceptable behaviour.
Don't blame yourself or enable their drinking by covering up for them. Don't take things personally or accept blame for their drinking. Avoid trying to handle the situation alone, especially if you feel unsafe. Don't try to talk to them when they're drunk, and don't shout, judge, or blame.
Encourage treatment in a compassionate and empathetic manner, providing resources and offering to accompany them to appointments or meetings. Help them set realistic goals and strategies for reducing their alcohol intake, and encourage them to develop new hobbies and interests that don't involve drinking. Understand that recovery is an ongoing process and that relapses are common.
