Lena Savoie
Relapses are common during recovery from alcohol addiction, and it is important to know that up to 90% of people in recovery relapse at least once. If a recovering alcoholic has relapsed, it is crucial to approach them with warmth, affection, and empathy. While it is natural to feel disappointed, angry, or frustrated, expressing these emotions to the person may be harmful. Instead, it is recommended to focus on the person's progress, encourage self-belief, and remind them of their ability to make positive changes. It is also important to listen, acknowledge their efforts, and provide support without being pushy or making them feel guilty.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Empathy | Put yourself in their shoes, listen carefully, and acknowledge their efforts and struggles |
| Support | Offer love and support, encourage self-belief, and remind them of their progress |
| Non-confrontational | Avoid aggression, hostility, defensiveness, and lecturing |
| Action | Remove alcohol from the home, encourage them to call their sponsor or therapist, and help them find a treatment program |
| Understanding | Recognize that addiction is an illness, not a moral failing, and that relapses are common |
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What You'll Learn
Be empathetic, supportive, and non-judgemental
When a recovering alcoholic relapses, it can be difficult to know what to say. It is important to be empathetic, supportive, and non-judgmental. Here are some ways to do that:
Empathize and Listen
Try to put yourself in their shoes. Understand that long-term sobriety is a battle, and sometimes the voice in their head becomes too difficult to control. Listen carefully to what they have to say and acknowledge their struggle with addiction. Be mindful of your facial expressions and body language to avoid coming across as defensive or judgemental.
Offer Support and Encouragement
Remind them of the incredible progress they have made and that a relapse is just a minor setback. Offer a hug, a home-cooked meal, or suggest a leisurely walk. Focus on the present moment and ask what you can do to help them feel good right now. Encourage them to seek help, for example, by calling their sponsor or therapist.
Avoid Being Harsh or Confrontational
Do not lecture or be aggressive. Addiction is not a choice or a moral failing; it is a medical condition. Your loved one is likely already feeling disappointed in themselves, so avoid making them feel guilty or ashamed. Instead, express your worries in a supportive manner and redirect them to their relapse prevention plan.
Take Action and Stay Positive
Help them stay motivated by encouraging self-belief and reminding them of their past successes. Change occurs through action, so remove any alcohol from their environment and suggest new activities or hobbies to try together. Remember that relapse is a common occurrence, and long-term recovery is a journey with setbacks and obstacles.
Remember, it is important to approach these conversations with empathy and support, and to seek professional help if needed.
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Remind them of their progress and encourage them to stay motivated
Reminding a recovering alcoholic of their progress and encouraging them to stay motivated is a key part of helping them through a relapse. It is important to remember that addiction is not a choice but a medical condition. Relapse is a common experience for people recovering from addiction, and it is often caused by stress or an unpleasant life situation. It is crucial to approach your loved one with warmth and affection, and to remember that shame and guilt can be just as toxic as the substance itself.
When speaking to a recovering alcoholic who has relapsed, it is important to be direct and caring without being harsh or confrontational. You should express your worries in a supportive manner, avoiding derogatory phrases such as "addict", "clean", and "filthy". Instead, acknowledge and validate their struggle with addiction, reminding them of how far they have come in their recovery journey and that they have control over their addiction. You can also encourage self-belief by reminding them of what has worked well for them in the past and being positive about them getting back on track.
It is also important to understand why relapses occur and not to allow the voice of addiction to undermine the progress that has been made. You can help create a calm, positive environment for your loved one by removing any alcohol from the home and encouraging them to call their sponsor or therapist. You can also suggest new activities or hobbies to do together, which may help them discover a new passion.
Remember that long-term recovery is a journey, and setbacks are normal. By focusing on the present moment and offering practical support, you can help your loved one stay motivated and continue on their path to recovery.
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Offer practical help and remove triggers from their environment
Offering practical help and removing triggers from the environment of a recovering alcoholic who has relapsed can be crucial in supporting their recovery journey. Here are some detailed suggestions to help you navigate this challenging situation:
Offer Practical Help
- Provide Emotional Support and Empathy: It is essential to offer a listening ear and emotional support without being harsh, confrontational, or pushy. Express your care and concern in a supportive manner, and acknowledge their efforts and struggles. Avoid derogatory phrases and instead, remind them of their progress and encourage them to seek help.
- Encourage Self-Belief and Positivity: Help them stay motivated by believing in their ability to change and get back on track. Remind them of their past successes and the tools they've learned during their recovery journey.
- Assist with Treatment and Support Services: Offer to help them find treatment programs, providers, or support groups. Encourage them to meet with healthcare professionals or therapists specializing in alcoholism and addiction.
- Remove Alcohol and Drugs from their Environment: Take proactive steps to remove any alcohol, drugs, or paraphernalia from their surroundings. This includes avoiding drinking or using drugs yourself in their presence, as it can trigger cravings and set the stage for a future relapse.
- Engage in Distracting Activities: Suggest and participate in new activities or hobbies to help distract them from cravings and focus on their well-being. This can also help them discover new passions and healthier coping mechanisms.
Identify and Remove Triggers
- Understand Individualized Triggers: Triggers can vary from person to person. Work with your loved one to identify their specific triggers, whether emotional states, stressful situations, or particular objects or places.
- Create a Calm and Positive Environment: Once triggers are identified, actively work to minimize or eliminate them from their environment. This may include avoiding certain people or places associated with their drinking or drug use.
- Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Help your loved one develop healthy ways to cope with cravings or difficult emotions. This could be through therapy, support groups, exercise, meditation, or other activities that promote well-being and resilience.
- Be Mindful of Warning Signs: Educate yourself on the warning signs of a potential relapse. Early identification of these signs can help you provide support and intervene before a full-blown relapse occurs.
- Regular Check-Ins: Maintain open communication and regularly check in with your loved one. This allows you to notice any changes in behaviour or emotions that could indicate a need for additional support.
Remember, recovery is a journey with setbacks and obstacles. By offering practical help and removing triggers, you can play a vital role in supporting your loved one's journey towards long-term sobriety.
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Avoid aggression, shame, and guilt—these can be toxic
It is important to remember that addiction is a medical condition and not a choice. Substance use disorder is a disease and should be treated as such. Shame and guilt can be just as toxic as the substance itself. The individual is likely already feeling ashamed and disappointed in themselves, and knowing that someone else is angry or blaming them can be extremely harmful.
Instead of aggression, shame, and guilt, approach your loved one with warmth and affection. Recognise the relapse as a small setback and redirect them to their addiction relapse prevention plan. Remind them of the incredible progress they have made and ensure they do not let one minor blip undo all their achievements. Remind them that relapses are common and do not undermine their progress or strength.
It is natural to feel disappointed, angry, or frustrated, but it is important to deal with these emotions on your own or with a therapist. You can express your worries in a supportive manner, but do not use derogatory phrases such as "addict", "clean", or "filthy". Do not make them feel guilty as this will only add to their stress and could cause them to continue drinking.
Instead, focus on the present moment and how you can help them feel good right now. This could be with a hug, a home-cooked meal, or a walk. Encourage self-belief and remind them of their progress and what has worked well for them in the past. Offer to help them find a treatment program or support group.
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Focus on the present and future, not the past
It is important to remember that addiction is not a choice. Substance use disorder is a medical condition and should be treated as such. It is completely natural to feel disappointed, angry, or frustrated as you want your loved one to lead a healthy life. However, for many individuals in active recovery, shame and guilt can be just as toxic as the substance itself. Your loved one is probably already being hard on themselves, and knowing that someone else is angry and blaming them can be even more harmful. Instead, acknowledge their efforts and redirect them to their addiction relapse prevention plan.
Try to focus on the present and future, not the past. Help your loved one stay in the present moment by asking, "What can I do to help you feel good at this moment?". You could also offer a hug, a home-cooked meal, or suggest a leisurely walk. It is important to be proactive and know your loved one's individual warning signs during the stages of relapse. Speaking up if you observe any signs of relapse will be more helpful to their addiction recovery process.
Remember that long-term recovery is a journey, and like all journeys, there are often setbacks and obstacles to overcome. Understand that relapses occur and do not allow the voice of addiction to creep back in and undermine the incredible progress that has been made. Remind your loved one of the progress they have made and make sure they don't let one minor blip undo everything they have achieved.
It is crucial to approach these conversations with a collaborative and empathetic mindset. Be direct and caring without being harsh or confrontational. Do not use derogatory phrases such as "addict", "clean", and "filthy". Instead, directly express that you care for them and are worried about their relapse in a supportive manner.
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Frequently asked questions
A lapse is when a person first uses alcohol or drugs after a period of sobriety. A relapse is when someone returns to drinking or using drugs regularly.
It is important to be direct and caring without being harsh or confrontational. You can express your worries in a supportive manner, and encourage them to return to sobriety by reminding them of how far they have come in their recovery journey.
Avoid being aggressive, hostile, or enabling. Do not use derogatory phrases such as "addict", "clean", or "filthy". Do not lecture or shame them, as this can be just as toxic as the substance itself.
Offer your love and support, and remove any alcohol from their home. Encourage them to call their sponsor or therapist, and help them to stay motivated by encouraging self-belief and reminding them of what has worked well for them in the past.
Relationships are essential to people’s ability to overcome their addiction. Support from others lowers the chance of relapsing and can aid in their recovery. You can help by being kind and supportive, and asking how you can help.
