Noah Vinter
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a chronic disease that can affect not just the person with the drinking problem but also their family and loved ones. If you suspect your boyfriend has a drinking problem, it is important to remember that only a doctor or licensed addiction specialist can diagnose AUD. However, there are some signs that may indicate your boyfriend has a problem with alcohol, such as being unable to cut down on alcohol use, spending a lot of time recovering from the effects of alcohol, and being unable to fulfill major obligations due to alcohol use. If you believe your boyfriend has a drinking problem, there are several ways you can support him while also taking care of your own well-being.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| If your boyfriend has an alcohol problem | Encourage him to visit a doctor or medical professional |
| Offer to go with him to talk through their problematic alcohol use | |
| Explore therapies and services that might be suited to his needs | |
| Educate yourself on what your partner is going through, what treatments are available, and what resources they can access | |
| Be supportive and help them seek treatment | |
| Be honest about how their drinking addiction is hurting you | |
| Do not pay for the consequences of their intoxicated behaviour | |
| Do not enable their drinking by making excuses for them | |
| Do not blame yourself for their drinking | |
| Do not confront your boyfriend about their drinking problem; use a non-judgmental, non-combative tone | |
| If you don't feel safe, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline |
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What You'll Learn
- Recognising the problem: Understand the warning signs of alcohol abuse and when to seek help
- Looking after yourself: Alcoholism can affect your mental health, so make sure to seek support and practice self-care
- Having the conversation: Use a non-judgmental tone, prepare in advance, and encourage your boyfriend to talk to a doctor
- Treatment options: Research rehab centres, medication, and therapy. Encourage your boyfriend to seek treatment, but remember that they have to want to change
- When to leave: If your boyfriend refuses treatment, ask yourself some difficult questions to decide if it's time to leave?
Recognising the problem: Understand the warning signs of alcohol abuse and when to seek help
Recognising the problem is the first step to helping your boyfriend address his alcohol abuse. Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a progressive disease that develops over time, and spotting it in its early stages can be tricky. However, there are some common warning signs to look out for.
Firstly, people with AUD often lie about or hide their drinking. They may also regularly black out after drinking and be unable to stop once they've started. Another warning sign is drinking in dangerous situations, such as before work or driving. People with AUD may also prioritise alcohol over other aspects of their life, such as neglecting financial obligations or spending money on alcohol instead of essential purchases. They may also only attend events where alcohol is available or spend time with others who drink.
Other signs include intense mood swings, putting limits on themselves and then failing to adhere to them, and experiencing cravings or a strong desire to use alcohol. Additionally, if your boyfriend is unable to fulfil major obligations at home, work, or school because of alcohol use, it may be a sign of AUD.
If you notice these or other concerning behaviours, it's important to remember that while you may recognise his use as problematic, only a doctor or licensed addiction specialist can diagnose AUD. You can encourage your boyfriend to visit a medical professional and offer to go with him to talk through the issues and explore treatment options.
Remember, recovery is possible, and with your support and encouragement, your boyfriend can overcome his addiction and live a healthy, substance-free life.
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Looking after yourself: Alcoholism can affect your mental health, so make sure to seek support and practice self-care
Alcoholism can have a detrimental impact on your mental health, so it's crucial to prioritise self-care and seek support. Here are some ways to look after yourself:
Educate yourself on alcohol use disorder (AUD) and the resources available to your partner and yourself. Understanding AUD can help you identify warning signs and know what to expect during treatment. Al-Anon is a great resource that provides support to families and friends of people struggling with drinking problems.
Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. It is important to have a safe space to express your feelings and emotions. Consider attending a local support group, such as Al-Anon or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), where you can connect with others going through similar experiences. These groups can provide valuable insight and guidance.
Practice self-care and set boundaries. Take care of your happiness and health, and remember that you cannot control your partner's drinking. Avoid enabling behaviours such as making excuses for your partner's drinking or covering up their intoxication. Instead, establish firm boundaries that prioritise your well-being. For example, if your partner frequently vomits due to excessive drinking, ask them to clean it up once they are sober.
Be honest with yourself and your partner. Communicate directly about how their drinking is impacting you. Ask yourself important questions, such as whether you feel safe with your partner and if your children are protected from any potential violence. Your honesty can help you determine if it is time to consider leaving the relationship.
Take time for yourself and your happiness. It is easy to become codependent, neglecting your own needs and happiness. Ensure you are taking care of yourself and doing things that bring you joy. Remember, you cannot force your partner to change; they must find their inner motivation to seek treatment.
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Having the conversation: Use a non-judgmental tone, prepare in advance, and encourage your boyfriend to talk to a doctor
If you believe your boyfriend has a drinking problem, there are several ways to approach the situation and start a conversation about his alcohol consumption.
Firstly, it is important to prepare in advance. Educate yourself on what your partner is experiencing, what treatments are available, and what resources they can access when they are ready. Learn about alcohol use disorder (AUD) so that you can talk knowledgeably about the issues. This may include going to a physician or therapist to better understand AUD and the available treatments. It is also important to ensure that you have external support, such as a friend, family member, or therapist, with whom you can express your feelings in a safe environment.
When you are ready to have the conversation, use a non-judgmental and non-combative tone. Try to imagine how you would like to be spoken to if you were in your boyfriend's position. Focus on encouraging him to talk to a doctor or licensed addiction specialist, who can formally diagnose and treat alcohol use disorder. Remember that AUD is a chronic disease, and your boyfriend needs treatment to get better. It might take multiple conversations to get your boyfriend to agree to seek help, so don't expect everything to change overnight.
If your boyfriend refuses treatment or denies that alcohol is a problem, you may need to consider whether it is best for you to leave the relationship. Ask yourself some difficult questions, such as whether you feel safe with your partner, and be honest with your answers. Recovery is a process that requires a lifelong commitment, and your boyfriend has to be dedicated to it. You can make a difference by being a supportive partner and helping him seek treatment, but you cannot force him to change. The drive to get sober has to come from within him.
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Treatment options: Research rehab centres, medication, and therapy. Encourage your boyfriend to seek treatment, but remember that they have to want to change
If you think your boyfriend has an alcohol problem, there are several treatment options available. These include rehab centres, medication, and therapy.
Rehab Centres
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) offers an online tool called the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator, which helps individuals find the right treatment for them. Rehab centres typically offer inpatient or outpatient treatment programs. Inpatient treatment involves staying at the facility for a set period, while outpatient treatment allows the individual to continue living at home while receiving treatment.
Medication
There are medications available to help treat alcohol use disorder (AUD). These medications are non-addictive and are designed to help manage AUD as a chronic disorder. Three medications have been approved in the United States to help reduce drinking and prevent relapse. Medications are usually used in conjunction with therapy and support groups. Examples of medications include:
- Naltrexone (Revia®, Vivitrol®): This medication works by decreasing cravings for alcohol.
- Topiramate (Topamax®, Trokendi XR®, Qudexy XR®): This medication helps rebalance brain chemicals and correct electrical activity in brain cells.
Therapy
Therapy is an important component of treating alcohol use disorder. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is a common approach, which helps individuals identify and change the thoughts and behaviours that lead to drinking. This type of therapy teaches skills to avoid triggers and manage stress that can lead to drinking. Motivational enhancement therapy is another form of therapy that uses internal strengths to encourage and motivate change. Therapy can be administered through self-guided web-based programs or in-person sessions with a therapist.
Encouraging Treatment
If your boyfriend is reluctant to seek help, try to approach the conversation in a non-judgmental and non-combative manner. Focus on encouraging him to talk to a doctor or licensed addiction specialist, who can provide an accurate diagnosis and recommend appropriate treatment options. Remember that treatment for alcohol use disorder is a personal decision, and your boyfriend must want to change for himself. You can offer support and share your concerns, but ultimately, the decision to seek treatment rests with him.
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When to leave: If your boyfriend refuses treatment, ask yourself some difficult questions to decide if it's time to leave
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a progressive disease that develops over time. It can be challenging to admit to having an alcohol problem, and even more so to seek help. If your boyfriend refuses treatment, it's important to ask yourself some difficult questions to decide if it's time to leave.
Firstly, it's important to remember that your boyfriend's drinking problem is not your fault. You did not cause it, and you cannot control or cure it. AUD is a chronic disease, and your boyfriend needs treatment to get better. However, he has to want to change his relationship with alcohol and find his inner motivation to seek treatment.
If your boyfriend is refusing treatment, you may be experiencing some of the problems that come with being in a relationship with an alcoholic. These can include financial difficulties, stress related to managing household responsibilities, and frequent conflict around his alcohol abuse. You may also be worried about his health and well-being, and this can take a toll on your own mental health. Studies indicate that partners of people who engage in problem drinking have higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression compared to individuals in relationships with partners without alcohol misuse problems.
Ask yourself if you feel safe with your partner. Alcohol intoxication can lead to aggressive behaviour and violent crimes, and if you are experiencing any form of abuse, it is important to seek help. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for free and confidential support. If you have children, make sure they are protected from any potential violence.
Consider whether your boyfriend is willing to talk to a doctor or seek help from a support group, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). You can offer to go with him and help him explore the different treatment options available. Remember that recovery is a process and it may take multiple conversations for him to agree to get help.
If your boyfriend continues to refuse treatment and deny that there is a problem, you may need to think about your own well-being and what is best for you. It can be emotionally painful to watch someone you love struggle with addiction, and it may be time to consider leaving the relationship. This is a difficult decision, and there is support available for partners of people with alcohol use disorder, such as Al-Anon.
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Frequently asked questions
Some signs of an alcohol use disorder (AUD) include:
- Regularly blacking out after drinking
- Being unable to cut down on alcohol use
- Spending a lot of time recovering from the effects of alcohol
- Drinking in dangerous situations, such as before work or driving
- Prioritising drinking over other aspects of their life
It's important to remember that you are not responsible for your boyfriend's drinking, and you cannot control or cure it. However, you can support him by encouraging him to seek treatment. Educate yourself on AUD and available treatments, and consider joining a support group for friends and family, such as Al-Anon.
If your boyfriend refuses to seek help, you should consider the impact of his drinking on your life and whether it might be best to leave the relationship. Ask yourself questions such as: Am I safe in this relationship? Are my children protected from violence? You may also need to give your boyfriend an ultimatum, telling him you will leave if he does not immediately enter treatment.
