Vivian Marlowe
Alcoholism is a challenging issue that affects millions of families worldwide. It is a medical illness that alters brain function and behaviour, and it is important to recognise that it is not a moral failing. If you are worried that your loved one is struggling with alcohol abuse, you may feel afraid, helpless, ashamed, angry, or even self-blame. However, there is help available, and your patience, love, and support can play a crucial part in their long-term recovery. Here are some steps you can take to help your loved one deal with alcoholism: educate yourself on Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) and treatment options, plan a respectful and compassionate conversation with your loved one when they are sober, offer concrete next steps and professional help options, set realistic expectations, maintain healthy boundaries, and prioritise your own well-being.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Alcoholism recognition | Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a medical illness, not a moral failing. |
| Alcoholism symptoms | Cravings, difficulty controlling intake, withdrawal symptoms, persistent drinking despite worsening health, damaged relationships, or declining job performance. |
| Communication | Be open and honest, non-judgmental, empathetic, and sincere. |
| Conversation planning | Plan the conversation carefully to ensure it is constructive, respectful, and compassionate. |
| Treatment options | Research and understand the various treatment options, from inpatient rehab to outpatient programs, counselling, therapy, and medication. |
| Support | Offer support without trying to control their recovery journey. |
| Self-care | Prioritize your own well-being and seek support if needed. |
| Relapse | Understand that recovery will likely include relapses, setbacks, and moments of resistance. |
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What You'll Learn
Understand the nature of Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) and its signs
Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a common, chronic, and relapsing medical condition. It is characterized by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences. AUD is a brain disorder that alters brain function and behaviour. It can be mild, moderate, or severe, depending on the number of criteria a person meets based on their symptoms.
The signs and symptoms of AUD include:
- Strong cravings to drink, even when not socially appropriate
- Difficulty controlling alcohol intake, even after attempting to reduce it
- Withdrawal symptoms, such as anxiety, trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, dysphoria (feeling uneasy or unhappy), malaise (general sense of being unwell), feeling low, or a seizure
- Persistent drinking despite worsening health, damaged relationships, declining job performance, or increased safety risks
- Binge drinking or drinking more than intended
- Lying about or trying to cover up drinking habits
- Blackouts or memory loss while drinking
- Neglecting responsibilities at home, work, or school due to drinking or recovering from drinking
It is important to remember that AUD is a medical illness and not a moral failing. By recognizing the signs and symptoms of AUD, you can approach your loved one with empathy and compassion.
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Be supportive, not controlling
Alcoholism affects millions of families worldwide, and it can be challenging to watch a loved one struggle with this disease. It's important to remember that you can't "fix" your loved one, but you can be a source of stability and support throughout their recovery journey. Here are some ways to be supportive without being controlling:
Offer Compassionate Support
Recognise that Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a medical illness, not a moral failing. Understand the signs of AUD, such as strong cravings to drink, difficulty controlling alcohol intake, and persistent drinking despite negative consequences. Approach your loved one with empathy and compassion, and remember that their drinking is not likely to get better on its own.
Educate Yourself and Them
Educate yourself about the dangers of problematic alcohol use, treatment methods, and rehab options. Share this information with your loved one in a caring and supportive way. Help them understand the consequences of their actions and the benefits of seeking help.
Plan a Constructive Conversation
Timing is crucial when approaching a loved one about their alcohol use. Choose a time when they are sober and have the time and space to talk. Be open and honest about your concerns, but remember that you cannot force them to change. Offer them steps they can take, such as calling a helpline, talking to a doctor, or seeking treatment.
Avoid Enabling Behaviour
While it's important to be supportive, avoid enabling behaviour that may hinder their recovery. Don't take on all their responsibilities or provide financial support unless it's directly related to treatment. Understand that recovery may include relapses and setbacks, and maintain your patience and compassion during these challenging times.
Take Care of Yourself
Helping a loved one with alcoholism can be emotionally demanding and stressful. Prioritise your own well-being by seeking support from friends, family, or support groups like Al-Anon. Remember that you cannot control their journey, but your participation and encouragement can make a significant difference.
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Educate yourself on the dangers of alcohol misuse and treatment methods
Alcohol misuse can have a wide range of adverse effects on the body, including the brain, bones, heart, liver, pancreas, and peripheral nervous system. It can also lead to accidents and injuries, violence and antisocial behaviour, unsafe sex, loss of personal possessions, and unplanned time off work or school. Long-term alcohol misuse can increase the risk of heart attacks, strokes, and cancer, weaken the immune system, and cause bone fractures or breaks.
The treatment options for alcohol misuse depend on the severity of the condition and whether the individual is trying to reduce their drinking or abstain completely. Treatment options include behavioural treatment, medication, support groups, family therapy, brief interventions, and detoxification.
Behavioural treatment involves counselling sessions with addiction counsellors or psychologists, who employ techniques to change the individual's drinking behaviour. Medication, such as naltrexone, acamprosate, topiramate, and gabapentin, can help reduce cravings and prevent relapse. Support groups, such as 12-step programs, provide individuals with a supportive community that understands their situation. Family therapy helps involve family members in the recovery process and offers them support as well.
Brief interventions are short counselling sessions that cover the risks associated with drinking patterns, advice on reducing alcohol intake, available support networks, and emotional issues surrounding drinking. Keeping a "drinking diary" can help individuals track their alcohol consumption and identify situations that trigger their drinking. Detoxification can be done at home or in a hospital/clinic setting, depending on the severity of alcohol dependence, and may involve medication to ease withdrawal symptoms.
Educating yourself about the dangers of alcohol misuse and treatment methods is crucial when supporting a loved one struggling with alcoholism. This knowledge will enable you to approach your loved one with compassion and provide them with accurate information about the consequences of their actions. It will also empower you to make informed decisions about treatment options and support your loved one's journey towards recovery.
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Offer steps to address the problem, such as helplines, doctors, or rehab
It can be challenging to talk to a loved one about their drinking, and you may worry that they will get angry, defensive, or deny having a problem. However, it is important to speak up, as the situation is unlikely to improve on its own. While you cannot force someone to stop drinking, you can offer them steps to address their problem. Here are some suggestions:
Helplines
Encourage your loved one to call a helpline for advice. Helplines such as SAMHSA's National Helpline (1-800-662-HELP (4357)) offer free, confidential treatment referrals and information services for individuals and families facing substance use disorders. You can also text your zip code to 435748 (HELP4U) to access this service. Offer to sit with them while they make the call if they would find this supportive.
Doctors
Suggest that your loved one schedule a routine check-up appointment with their doctor. Inform the doctor of your loved one's addiction beforehand so that they can recommend an appropriate course of action. Doctors can help identify the issues and recommend treatments while maintaining doctor-patient confidentiality. Offer to accompany your loved one to their appointments if they would find this helpful.
Rehab
Gather resources on residential rehabilitation or "rehab" facilities, where your loved one can reside for 30 to 90 days and receive intensive treatment such as detox, therapy, and medication. Inquire with your doctor or local healthcare authority about rehab options in your area. Some rehab facilities, such as AAC, offer same-day admissions depending on factors like the person's willingness to receive help. You can also contact a treatment provider in advance to discuss the admissions process, insurance coverage, and how to explain the program to your loved one.
Remember that recovery is an ongoing process that requires time and patience. While your loved one is ultimately responsible for managing their illness, your support and participation can make a significant difference.
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Take care of yourself, too
It is important to remember that alcoholism affects not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. Watching a friend or family member struggle with a drinking problem can be heartbreaking and painful. Your loved one's drinking may be disrupting family life, causing them to neglect their responsibilities, get into financial and legal difficulties, or mistreat or even abuse you and other family members. Witnessing your loved one's drinking and the deterioration of your relationship can trigger many distressing emotions, including shame, fear, anger, and self-blame.
Caring for a person who has problems with alcohol can be very stressful. As you try to help your loved one, it is important to also take care of yourself. The emotional impact of helping a loved one stay sober can take a toll. If you are developing your own symptoms of depression or anxiety, think about seeking professional help for yourself. Remember that your loved one is ultimately responsible for managing their illness. While you can play a crucial part in their long-term recovery, you cannot "fix" them. Your role is supportive, not controlling.
To take care of yourself, you can seek support from others, including friends, family, community, and support groups. You can also talk to a trusted friend, counsellor, or spiritual leader about what you are going through. Organisations like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and Alateen have networks all over the country and online to support those dealing with a loved one's heavy drinking.
It is important to set realistic expectations right from the start. Understand that recovery will likely include relapses, setbacks, and moments of resistance. Your loved one may resist help, deny their problem, or become defensive. In these moments, it is crucial to avoid frustration or anger and to maintain patience and compassion.
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Frequently asked questions
Alcohol use disorder is defined by how drinking affects your loved one's life. If they are neglecting responsibilities, binge drinking, lying about how much they drink, or drinking to cope with stress, these are signs that your loved one's drinking has become a problem.
Educate yourself on the effects of alcohol misuse and treatment options. Have a conversation with your loved one about your concerns when they are sober. Offer to accompany them to appointments with a doctor or addiction counsellor. Encourage healthier ways to manage stress, such as exercise, confiding in others, or meditation.
Denial is common in alcohol misuse. Help your loved one understand the consequences of their actions and what could happen if they don't get help. Get clear reasons for why they don't want to get help, which may include the cost of treatment or stigma associated with addiction. Continue to offer support and research treatment options in case they change their mind.
Treatment options include behavioural therapies, medications, and mutual support groups. Residential treatment facilities provide intensive treatment, including detox, therapy, and medication. Primary care and mental health providers can also provide effective treatment by combining medication with counselling.
Supporting a loved one with a drinking problem can be stressful, so it's important to also prioritise your own emotional and mental health. Seek support from friends, family, community, or counselling groups. Set boundaries for your own actions so that you don't enable your loved one's drinking or let it affect you too much.
