Talking To Your Child About Your Alcoholism Recovery

Alcohol abuse is a difficult topic to discuss with children, especially when it involves a parent or caregiver. However, it is important to be honest and direct with children about a parent's alcohol problem. It is crucial to explain that the parent has a problem controlling their alcohol consumption and that this issue causes them to behave differently. It is also essential to emphasize that the child is not responsible for getting the parent to stop drinking and that relapse is a common occurrence during recovery. While it can be challenging to know how much information to share and when, it is recommended to initiate conversations about alcohol early on and to provide age-appropriate explanations. Seeking support from professionals or support groups can also help parents effectively communicate with their children and navigate the complexities of recovery.

Be honest and explain that alcohol is dangerous

Being honest with your child about your past struggles with alcohol is a brave and important step. It is a chance to educate them about the dangers of alcohol and help them develop a healthy relationship with it. It is also an opportunity to build trust and encourage open communication.

It is important to recognise that children are exposed to alcohol from a young age and are naturally curious about it. They see adults drinking at home, at restaurants, and during family celebrations, and they also see it on television and in movies. It is estimated that children see over 75,000 drinking scenes before they turn 18. Therefore, it is crucial to have honest conversations about alcohol and its potential dangers.

When talking to your child, be direct and empathetic. Explain that alcohol is a drug that can harm their health and change the way they act. You can say something like, "I struggled with drinking too much alcohol in the past, and it made me act differently. It was hard for me to stop because it is addictive, but I am better now because I got help." Emphasise that getting drunk is never a good thing and can be dangerous. You can also explain that some people develop alcoholism, which is an illness that makes it hard for them to control their drinking.

It is also important to tailor your conversation to your child's age and understanding. For younger children, focus on setting rules and providing information to help them make good choices. For example, you can explain that adults choose to drink for various reasons, but it is important for them to wait until they are older to make that decision. As they get older, you can have more in-depth conversations about the dangers of alcohol and the importance of maintaining good health.

Remember, it is crucial to listen to your child's concerns and answer their questions honestly. Encourage them to express their emotions and seek support if needed. By having these honest conversations, you are helping your child develop a healthy understanding of alcohol and its potential dangers.

Discuss the parent's problem and the impact on behaviour

Parents may struggle with the decision to disclose their history of alcoholism to their children, weighing the potential benefits of honesty against the risks of causing emotional distress or confusion. This dilemma is particularly common among those with a history of alcohol use disorder (AUD), a medical condition characterised by an inability to stop or control alcohol consumption despite negative consequences.

The impact of parental alcoholism on children can be profound, affecting their emotional well-being, behaviour, and overall development. Children may experience a range of negative emotions, such as embarrassment, anger, or sadness, and they may struggle with the unpredictability and instability that often accompany a parent's active addiction. Moreover, they may internalise messages about alcohol's role in coping with life's challenges, increasing their risk of developing similar substance use disorders in the future.

However, disclosing a history of alcoholism to one's children can be delicate and requires careful consideration of the child's age, maturity, and existing knowledge about alcohol. For younger children, conversations about alcohol can focus on explaining why adults might choose to drink and emphasising the importance of waiting until they are older to make their own decisions about alcohol consumption. Parents can also use these conversations as an opportunity to teach children about maintaining good health and making healthy choices, both physically and psychologically.

For older children and teenagers, parents may need to address more complex issues, such as the genetic risks associated with alcoholism or the potential impact of their past drinking on the family. It is crucial to be honest and direct, acknowledging the problem and taking responsibility for making positive changes. This can help children understand that recovery is possible and that they are not alone in dealing with the consequences of a parent's alcoholism.

Regardless of the child's age, it is essential to provide clear and consistent messages about alcohol and recovery. Parents should also be prepared to answer their children's questions honestly and initiate conversations about alcohol when appropriate. Seeking support from professionals or mutual aid groups can help parents navigate these challenging conversations and ensure they are providing their children with accurate information and emotional support.

Ask the child about their feelings and experiences

It is important to ask your child about their feelings and experiences when discussing your history with alcoholism. Children are naturally curious about alcohol and its effects, and they may have questions or concerns about your past drinking habits. They may also have noticed changes in your behaviour or experienced the impact of your alcoholism firsthand.

Start by asking your child what they already know or suspect about alcohol and your past drinking habits. This will help you understand their level of awareness and knowledge on the subject. Be honest and direct in your responses, but also sensitive to their feelings. Explain that alcoholism is a disease that affects a person's ability to control their alcohol consumption, and that it is not their fault. It is important that children understand they are not responsible for their parent's drinking or recovery.

Encourage your child to share their feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. They may feel a range of emotions, such as embarrassment, anger, sadness, or loneliness. Ask them if they ever felt responsible for your drinking or if they kept your drinking a secret. It is common for children of alcoholics to develop habits of not speaking up or hiding their feelings to avoid triggering their parent's drinking. Reassure them that it is safe to express their emotions and that seeking support from other trusted adults or peers is healthy.

If your child is old enough, discuss the impact of alcohol on the body and mind, including the negative consequences that can arise from excessive drinking. Explain that your past drinking may have caused you to behave differently and impacted your family life. Be open to answering their questions and addressing any concerns they may have about your recovery or potential relapse. It is important to provide reassurance that relapse is a common part of the recovery process and does not mean failure.

Throughout these conversations, remember to validate your child's feelings and experiences. Let them know that it is normal to have a range of emotions and that you are there to support them. Offer resources or referrals to therapy or support groups if they need additional support in processing their feelings and experiences.

Ensure the child knows they are not responsible

When talking to your child about your past alcoholism, it is important to ensure that they understand they are not responsible for your drinking or recovery. Children may blame themselves for their needs not being met, which can lead to feelings of shame and unworthiness. They may also feel that they need to take on a caretaker role for their parents or siblings. This can cause a child to feel trapped and unsafe in their own home.

Ask your child if there have been times when they thought it was their fault and explain that it is a problem that only the parent can fix. Make it clear that it is not their responsibility to get their parent to stop drinking. Children need to hear from you and other adults that they are not responsible for their parent's drinking or recovery.

Be sure to give them relevant information, asking them what they already know and filling in the gaps. Use the child's words when talking to them about your alcoholism. For example, you could say, "You may have noticed that I drink beer. I want to talk to you about that." You can explain to your child that you have a problem with alcohol, which means that you find it hard to avoid and control the amount you drink. You can tell them that this problem causes you to behave differently.

It is important to have consistent messages and information. Talk with your support network about who will provide information to your child, so they receive clear messages. As you recover, you may become more involved in these conversations and can support your child further.

Explain that relapse is common during recovery

Alcohol relapse is common during recovery. It is estimated that alcohol relapse occurs in almost one-third of recovering alcoholics during their first year of sobriety. 70% of individuals struggling with alcoholism will relapse at some point, however, relapse rates decline the longer someone stays sober. Relapse can be caused by a number of factors, such as stress, fear, exposure to triggers, and a lack of support and motivation.

When a person uses a drug regularly, they develop a tolerance to it, meaning they need to use more to get the same effect. This can lead to an increased risk of overdose if someone relapses and consumes the same quantity of alcohol or drugs they previously used.

Relapse is not a sign of failure but rather a normal part of the recovery process. It can be an opportunity for the individual to learn more about their triggers and reinforce their treatment plan to prevent future relapses. It is important to manage expectations and understand that recovery from alcohol dependence is a process that takes time.

If you are talking to a child about a parent's relapse, it is crucial to explain what has happened and provide reassurance that relapse is common during recovery. Be clear that it does not mean things have failed and encourage the child to share any fears or worries they may have. Let them know that it is not their responsibility to get their parent to stop drinking.

Frequently asked questions