Vivian Marlowe
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is defined as a problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress. AUD can be challenging to identify, especially in the early stages of dating. However, if you're concerned that your partner may have a drinking problem, there are several signs and behaviours that may indicate alcohol addiction. These include prioritising alcohol over responsibilities, drinking at any time to satisfy cravings, displaying mood swings and personality changes, and neglecting financial obligations in favour of buying alcohol. If you suspect your partner is struggling with alcoholism, open communication, clear boundaries, and professional help are crucial for managing these challenges and fostering a healthy relationship.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Social activities revolve around alcohol | May suggest going to a bar after a date night where alcohol isn't present |
| Drinks whatever is available | Drinks any type of alcohol, regardless of brand |
| Always has enough money for drinks | Prioritises alcohol over financial obligations |
| No signs of intoxication after consuming large amounts of alcohol | Has a high tolerance for alcohol |
| Drinks at any time of day | Drinks in the morning, afternoon, or late at night to satisfy cravings |
| Mood changes | Calm and kind when sober but becomes cruel, angry, or emotional after drinking |
| Impacts all areas of life | Alcohol begins to affect work, relationships, and finances |
| Irritability | Becomes easily irritated and upset when they haven't had a drink |
| Drinking in secret | May disappear for unexplained periods and drink alone |
| Neglecting responsibilities | Neglects work, childcare, and other commitments due to drinking |
| Borrowing money | Asks to borrow money due to spending on alcohol |
| Prioritises alcohol | Alcohol takes precedence over other aspects of life, including finances and relationships |
| Inability to control drinking | Unable to regulate how much, how often, or where they drink |
| Behavior changes | Extreme mood and behavioral changes, including unpredictable behaviors |
| Withdrawal symptoms | Exhibits physical and emotional withdrawal symptoms when trying to cut back |
| Denial | Denies having an issue with alcohol |
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What You'll Learn
Alcoholics often drink alone and in secret
Functional alcoholics, for example, can be difficult to identify because they seem to be living a normal life. They may hold down stable jobs and have strong ties with their family, friends, and community. They can be successful at hiding their drinking for years or even decades. They may appear to be functioning well, but they are still facing business and personal problems. Being in a relationship with a high-functioning alcoholic can cause emotional and serious psychological damage.
Alcoholics may also drink alone because they are prioritising alcohol over other aspects of their life. They may neglect financial obligations in favour of buying alcohol. They may not have enough money for a dinner date, for example, but will still manage to buy alcohol. They may also put off essential purchases, such as repairs to their house.
Alcoholics may also drink alone because they are unable to regulate how much or how often they drink. They may have a few drinks before their date arrives or before leaving for a function. They may also drink at any time of day to satisfy their cravings, such as first thing in the morning, mid-afternoon, or late at night.
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They may have unpredictable mood swings
Alcoholism can cause unpredictable mood swings and behavioural changes. Alcohol is a depressant and a sedative that affects the central nervous system, which can cause mood swings and changes in personality. For example, a person who is usually calm and kind when sober may become cruel and angry when drunk.
Alcoholics often drink in secret, disappearing for unexplained periods, and neglecting responsibilities like work and childcare. They may also ask you to cover for them, such as by calling their workplace and telling them they're sick. They may also ask to borrow money, as they may have spent their money on alcohol.
Functional alcoholics are individuals who seem to be living a normal life but have an alcohol addiction. They may hold down stable jobs and have strong ties with their family, friends, and community. However, they are dependent on alcohol and cannot go a day without drinking. They may also be in denial about their problem and believe that if they are happy, successful, and doing well financially, then they do not have an issue.
Alcohol addiction can negatively impact relationships, causing emotional and physical harm. It can affect the social, psychological, and physical aspects of a relationship, causing unnecessary heartache and even risking trauma. Alcoholics may also prioritise alcohol over their relationships and financial responsibilities.
If you are dating an alcoholic, it is important to set boundaries and seek support. Open communication, clear boundaries, and professional help are key to managing the challenges of dating an alcoholic and fostering a healthy relationship. It is also important to be aware of self-help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and support groups for friends and family, such as Al-Anon.
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They will drink whatever is available, whenever
Alcohol addiction can be challenging to identify, especially in the early stages of a relationship. However, one telltale sign of an alcoholic partner is their willingness to drink whatever is available, whenever.
People who drink socially tend to stick to specific types and brands of alcoholic beverages. For example, they may opt for a non-alcoholic drink if their preferred drink is unavailable. In contrast, individuals struggling with alcoholism will drink whatever alcohol is available, regardless of the type or brand. For them, the priority is the alcohol itself, not the specific beverage.
Alcoholics may also demonstrate their willingness to drink whatever is available by neglecting financial obligations and essential purchases in favour of buying alcohol. They may not have enough money for a dinner date but will find the funds to purchase drinks at a bar. This behaviour can lead to significant financial issues and cause problems in various areas of their lives.
Another indicator of an alcoholic partner is their ability to always have just enough money to buy drinks. They may become resourceful and find ways to obtain alcohol, even if it means borrowing money or neglecting other financial responsibilities. Alcoholics may also exhibit high tolerance, drinking large quantities without appearing intoxicated. This can be particularly noticeable when drinking with a partner, as the alcoholic may show no signs of intoxication while their partner feels the effects after just a few drinks.
If you suspect your partner is an alcoholic, it is important to remember that alcoholism is a disease, not a moral failing. It can be challenging for alcoholics to admit they have a problem, and they may deny it or be in a state of denial themselves. Open communication, clear boundaries, and professional help are crucial in managing these challenges and fostering a healthy relationship. Support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Al-Anon can provide resources and support for individuals struggling with alcoholism and their loved ones.
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They prioritise alcohol over responsibilities
Alcohol addiction can have a detrimental impact on relationships, causing emotional and physical harm. Alcoholics often act by neglecting their responsibilities like work and childcare. They may ask their partners to lie to their employers and call in sick for them. They may also borrow money from friends and family to fund their drinking habits, neglecting financial obligations.
Alcoholics may also become easily irritated and upset at minor annoyances when they haven't had a drink in a while. This can lead to unpredictable behaviours that can negatively affect relationships and endanger the alcoholic's and their partner's well-being. Alcoholics may also experience mood swings and behavioural changes, becoming angry or aggressive after drinking.
Functional alcoholics, who seem to be living a normal life, may find it challenging to admit they have a problem. They may be successful and doing well financially, but their addiction can still cause business and personal problems. They may be in denial about their drinking and refuse to acknowledge that they have an issue.
Alcoholics will often drink at any time of day to satisfy their cravings. They may drink first thing in the morning, in the afternoon, or late at night, attempting to justify their behaviour. They may also drink alone to hide the amount they are consuming. Alcohol becomes the priority for alcoholics, taking precedence over financial and other responsibilities.
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They may ask to borrow money
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a progressive disease that often involves impaired control over drinking, including being unable to regulate how much, how often, or where one drinks, an inability to stop once started, or drinking at inappropriate times and places. A person with AUD will often show no signs of intoxication after consuming a large amount of alcohol, and they will drink whatever is available, regardless of type or brand.
A functional alcoholic is someone who appears to be living a normal life but has an alcohol addiction. They may hold down stable jobs and have strong ties with their family, friends, and community. However, they are dependent on alcohol and cannot go a day without drinking. Functional alcoholics often deny having a problem and believe that if they are successful and doing well financially, they do not have an alcohol issue.
If you are dating a functional alcoholic, they may ask to borrow money from you because they have spent their funds on alcohol. They may put off essential purchases or neglect financial obligations in favor of buying alcohol, which can lead to significant problems and consequences. Enabling a functional alcoholic by giving them financial help can delay their decision to seek treatment.
If you decide to lend money to someone with an alcohol problem, it is important to set clear boundaries and communicate your concerns. Get the terms of the loan in writing to prevent misunderstandings and specify the amount, repayment dates, and consequences of non-payment. Consider consulting a financial advisor before agreeing to the loan and prioritize your financial stability.
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Frequently asked questions
Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is defined as "a problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress". If your partner exhibits some of the following signs, they might be at risk for AUD:
- Their social activities revolve around alcohol.
- They drink at any time of day to satisfy their cravings.
- They prioritise alcohol over their financial responsibilities.
- They show signs of withdrawal and become irritable if they haven't had a drink in a while.
Signs of withdrawal in alcoholics can include physical symptoms such as slurred speech or coordination issues, as well as mood swings and behavioural changes. They may also become easily irritated at minor annoyances.
Open communication and setting clear boundaries are key to fostering a healthy relationship and helping your partner manage their alcohol consumption. Encourage them to seek professional help, and consider joining a support group for friends and family of alcoholics, such as Al-Anon.
Alcohol addiction can negatively impact relationships, causing emotional and physical harm, and endangering the well-being of both the alcoholic and their partner. Alcoholics may also engage in risky behaviours that compromise their safety, such as driving under the influence or having unprotected sex.
