Lena Savoie
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) can take over a person's life, causing them to drink despite the damage it does to their relationships or plan their life around their next drink. It can be challenging to know how to help a loved one suffering from AUD while also tending to your own needs. While you cannot cure your loved one's alcoholism, allowing natural consequences to occur can push them towards the decision to make a change. It is important to protect yourself and any children from unacceptable behaviour and not to tolerate hurtful or negative comments. You can also encourage your loved one to seek treatment, such as therapy, support groups, or outpatient programs, and ensure they are addressing any accompanying medical and mental health issues. Additionally, you can seek support for yourself through friends, family, community, and support groups, or by reaching out to a mental health professional.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Protect yourself and your children | Do not tolerate hurtful or negative comments addressed towards children |
| Do not enable their behaviour | Do not cover up for them |
| Do not accept unacceptable behaviour | Do not tolerate behaviour that disrespects your boundaries |
| Seek support | Lean on people around you, reach out to a mental health professional, or join a support group |
| Understand it is not your job to cure them | Allow natural consequences to occur |
| Take care of yourself | Seek support from friends, family, community, and support groups |
| Avoid triggers | Avoid people, places, or activities that trigger a craving for alcohol |
| Manage stress | Exercise, meditate, or practice breathing exercises or other relaxation techniques |
| Detoxification | Seek medically supervised detoxification if you are a long-term, heavy drinker |
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What You'll Learn
Recognise unacceptable behaviour and set boundaries
Recognising unacceptable behaviour and setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with an alcoholic loved one. It can be challenging to know what to do when supporting someone with an alcohol use disorder (AUD), but setting clear and healthy boundaries is essential for your well-being and their recovery journey.
Firstly, identify your needs and what is important to you. This self-reflection is vital as it helps you understand your limits and priorities. Once you have this clarity, you can set boundaries that align with your values and comfort level. For example, if you are uncomfortable around intoxicated people, you have a right to express that and set a boundary around it.
Communication is key when setting boundaries. Be explicit about your boundaries and the behaviours you will not tolerate. For instance, you can say, "I am not comfortable with this," or "I will not be spoken to like this." It is important to provide specific examples of unacceptable behaviours, such as using alcohol, lying, stealing, or driving under the influence. While communicating these boundaries, remember to do so with compassion and empathy.
Maintaining boundaries is just as important as setting them. When boundaries are broken, take action to hold your loved one accountable and protect yourself. Set clear consequences and enforce them when your boundaries are crossed. These consequences can vary depending on the situation and may include calling the police, cutting off communication, or seeking legal action.
It is also crucial to recognise that the addict or alcoholic may test the boundaries. They may try to manipulate or disregard them, especially if they are still actively abusing substances. Do not give in to this manipulation and remain firm in upholding your boundaries. Additionally, be mindful of your own emotions and seek support if needed. Setting boundaries can evoke feelings of shame, guilt, or blame, but it is important to accept and work through these emotions.
Remember, setting boundaries is not only about protecting yourself but also about providing a framework that can help your loved one recognise the need for change and move towards recovery. It is a challenging journey, but with clear and maintained boundaries, you can support your own well-being and enable your loved one to confront their addiction.
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Protect children from exposure to alcoholics
Protecting children from exposure to alcoholics is crucial, and there are several steps that can be taken to achieve this. Firstly, it is important to establish clear boundaries and enforce rules regarding alcohol use. This includes not allowing alcohol at parties in your home and preventing children from attending parties where alcohol is served. By setting and upholding these standards, you can effectively shield children from direct exposure to alcohol and alcoholic behaviours.
Open and respectful communication is a powerful tool in safeguarding children. Research suggests that adolescents are less likely to drink if they are aware that their parents would be upset by their alcohol consumption. Therefore, it is essential to communicate your concerns and expectations clearly and developmentally appropriately. Discuss the risks and consequences of alcohol use and emphasise that you will not tolerate underage drinking.
Additionally, it is beneficial to cultivate an understanding of parental influence on children's drinking behaviours. Genes play a role, with certain genetic factors influencing drinking behaviours from birth. For example, some individuals have a naturally high tolerance for alcohol, while others experience an unpleasant response that discourages excessive drinking. By recognising these factors, parents can tailor their conversations and strategies accordingly.
Furthermore, it is crucial to prioritise the well-being of children and provide them with alternative avenues for fun and stress relief. Help them find enjoyable activities that do not involve alcohol and encourage healthy coping mechanisms for stress, such as exercise, meditation, or relaxation techniques. By promoting positive outlets, you can reduce the risk of children turning to alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Lastly, it is important to recognise when to seek professional help. If you are concerned about a child's exposure to alcohol or their involvement with it, don't hesitate to reach out for support. Organisations like SAMHSA offer confidential helplines and can connect you with local assistance and support groups. Remember, protecting children from exposure to alcoholics is a collective responsibility, and seeking help is a sign of strength.
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Prioritise your own mental health and seek support
Prioritising your own mental health is crucial when dealing with an alcoholic loved one. It can be challenging and emotionally draining to navigate this situation, so ensuring you have the necessary support is essential. Here are some ways to prioritise your mental health and seek support:
Recognise the Impact
First, acknowledge the toll that this situation can take on your mental health. Caring for or living with someone struggling with alcoholism can be incredibly stressful and emotionally exhausting. Recognising the impact on your well-being is the first step towards prioritising self-care and seeking support.
Set Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries is essential for your mental health and overall well-being. Decide what behaviours you will and will not tolerate, and communicate these boundaries to your loved one. Remember, you are not responsible for their actions or their recovery. Protect yourself from unacceptable behaviour and do not hesitate to keep your distance if your boundaries are not respected.
Practice Self-Care
Prioritise self-care by engaging in activities that nourish your mental health. This could include exercising, meditating, practising breathing exercises, or taking up hobbies that bring you joy and help you relax. Ensure you have alcohol-free days and find healthier ways to manage stress.
Seek Professional Help
Consider seeking professional help if you feel overwhelmed or if you develop symptoms of mental health issues such as anxiety or depression. Reach out to a mental health professional who can provide you with the necessary tools to cope with the stress and challenges of having an alcoholic loved one.
Join Support Groups
Support groups like Al-Anon Family Groups can be incredibly beneficial when dealing with a loved one's drinking problem. These groups provide a safe space to share your experiences, connect with others in similar situations, and gain valuable insights and support.
Utilise Helplines and Online Resources
Take advantage of helplines and online resources specifically designed to offer support and guidance for friends and family members of alcoholics. For instance, SAMHSA's National Helpline offers a confidential referral service for mental health, drug, and alcohol issues. They can connect you with local assistance and support, providing much-needed help and guidance during challenging times.
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Understand the recovery process and treatment options
Alcoholism is a disease that typically develops gradually over time, as increased and regular drinking causes chemical changes in the brain. Alcohol recovery is also a gradual process with no set timeline. While recovery can take weeks, months, or even years, most people progress through six stages of change: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and termination.
The first step often involves a detoxification process, as alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening. Detoxification should be done in a medically managed environment, and can be done on an outpatient basis or in a hospital or alcohol treatment facility. Doctors can prescribe medications to address withdrawal symptoms and make the process safer and less distressing.
Following detox, people can begin to work on the psychological, social, and behavioral problems that accompany alcohol addiction. Treatment programs include long-term residential treatment, short-term residential treatment, outpatient treatment programs, individualized counseling, group therapy, and 12-step programs. The action stage typically lasts from three to six months and sometimes up to 18 months, but it does not mark the end of the recovery process. Setbacks are common, and persistence is key.
It is important to understand that no single treatment will benefit everyone. Treatment should be tailored to the individual, and it may be helpful to determine whether the treatment will adapt to meet changing needs. It is also worth learning if the program offers medication and whether mental health issues are addressed together with alcohol treatment. Many people with alcohol use disorder (AUD) also suffer from co-occurring mental health conditions such as depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, and trauma- and stress-related disorders. Addressing drinking problems and seeking treatment for any accompanying medical and mental health issues is crucial.
Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, having a sponsor, or participating in therapy or outpatient treatment programs can improve your chances of staying sober. Alcohol abuse is often an attempt to manage stress, so finding healthier ways to manage stress is important. This can include exercising, meditating, or practicing breathing exercises and other relaxation techniques. Cravings for alcohol can be intense, especially in the first six months after quitting, so it is important to develop new coping skills and avoid triggers.
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Identify triggers and avoid high-risk situations
If you are trying to keep alcoholics out of your life, it is important to identify triggers and avoid high-risk situations. This can be a complex and challenging process, but there are some key steps that can help you navigate it effectively. Firstly, educate yourself about alcohol use disorder (AUD) and the signs and symptoms associated with it. Understanding the nature of the disorder will enable you to better identify triggers and high-risk situations.
Triggers can vary from person to person, but some common ones include stress, specific people or social circles, places associated with drinking, and certain activities. Being aware of these triggers can empower you to make informed choices about your surroundings and the company you keep. For example, if you know that a particular friend often triggers drinking urges, you may choose to spend time with them in a different context, such as going for a walk or engaging in an activity that doesn't involve alcohol.
Additionally, it's crucial to set clear boundaries and communicate them assertively. Let the alcoholic in your life know your boundaries and that you will not enable their drinking. For instance, you could say, "I will not provide you with alcohol or cover up your drinking habits." This approach helps to establish a firm stance that discourages the alcoholic from expecting any form of enablement from you.
Self-care is also an important aspect of managing high-risk situations. Ensure that you are taking care of your own physical and mental health by engaging in stress-relieving activities such as exercise, meditation, or therapy. Joining support groups like Al-Anon Family Groups can provide you with valuable support and guidance from people who understand your situation.
Finally, be prepared for cravings and urges to drink, and develop strategies to manage them effectively. This may include urge surfing, where you learn to experience cravings in a new way and ride them out until they subside. By following these steps, you can effectively identify triggers and avoid high-risk situations, enabling you to keep alcoholics out of your life while also supporting your own well-being.
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Frequently asked questions
Dealing with a loved one's alcoholism can be challenging. It is important to remember that it is not your job to "cure" them of their addiction. Instead, focus on supporting their recovery while also taking care of yourself. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups like Al-Anon Family Groups, and don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional if needed. Remember, you do not have to tolerate unacceptable behaviour or hurtful comments, especially if you have children.
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is characterised by changes in mood and behaviour. Signs may include craving alcohol, drinking despite negative consequences on relationships, drinking more or longer than intended, spending a lot of time drinking or recovering from hangovers, and repeatedly failing to meet work or family obligations. If you or someone you know exhibits these signs, it is important to seek help from a healthcare provider or a support service.
Treatment options for alcohol use disorder include behavioural therapies, medications, and mutual-support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. Outpatient or inpatient hospital treatment may be necessary, especially for heavy drinkers, as alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening. Doctors can prescribe medications to manage withdrawal symptoms and make the process safer.
If you wish to distance yourself from alcoholics, it is important to set boundaries and prioritise your well-being. Avoid people who encourage you to drink, and stay away from places or activities that trigger your urge to drink. Practise saying no politely and find alternative activities to drinking, such as hobbies or sports. Seek support from friends and family, and consider joining support groups or reaching out to mental health professionals if needed.
