Coping With An Alcoholic Mom: Strategies For Self-Care

Alcohol addiction, or alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a chronic disease that involves being unable to stop or control alcohol consumption despite negative consequences to one's health and relationships. Alcohol addiction impacts everyone differently, but it can be challenging to learn how to deal with an alcoholic parent. It is important to remember that alcoholism is an illness and that you are not alone in this experience. There are several steps you can take to help your mom and yourself as you navigate this challenging situation.

Recognising signs of alcoholism

Alcohol addiction, or alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a chronic disease that involves not being able to stop or control alcohol intake, regardless of the negative consequences to one's health, safety, and personal relationships. AUD can manifest differently in different people, and some may not display many symptoms at all. Here are some signs that may indicate your mom is struggling with AUD:

• Craving beverages containing alcohol and being unable to stop drinking even when it affects your health, safety, or relationships.
• Drinking more than intended or for longer periods than intended.
• Spending a lot of time obtaining alcohol, drinking, or recovering from hangovers.
• Failing to meet work or family obligations due to drinking.
• Giving up important social, recreational, or work activities because of alcohol.
• Using alcohol in physically hazardous situations or when having a medical condition or mental disorder that worsens with alcohol consumption.
• Developing a high tolerance for alcohol or experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not drinking.
• Appearing to be functional at work and in relationships while struggling with AUD.

It's important to remember that alcoholism is a complex illness, and each person's experience is unique. If you suspect your mom is struggling with AUD, it's crucial to approach the situation with understanding and care. Seeking professional help and support for both your mom and yourself is essential in managing and recovering from alcohol addiction.

Starting a conversation about their drinking

Starting a conversation about your mom's drinking can be challenging, but it could be what saves her life. It is important to remember that alcoholism is an illness, and your mom will need professional help to recover. Here are some steps you can take to start a conversation about her drinking:

Choose the Right Time and Place

Select a time and location where your mom will feel safe and comfortable. Make sure you are in a clear state of mind and that your mom is not intoxicated during the conversation.

Express Your Care and Concern

Start the conversation by expressing your love and support for your mom. Let her know that you are coming from a place of care and concern for her well-being. Use phrases that start with "I" rather than "you" to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I'm worried about you" or "I'm concerned about your health."

Share Specific Examples

Provide specific instances or events that have caused your concern. For example, you can say, "I noticed you've been drinking more when you get home from work, and I'm worried about the impact it's having on your health and our family." Mention any changes in her behaviour, such as loss of interest in activities or relationships, financial problems, or neglect of personal hygiene.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Ask open-ended questions to encourage a dialogue. For example, "I've noticed some changes in your drinking habits. Is there something going on that you want to talk about?" Avoid being confrontational or telling her what to do. Instead, focus on sharing your observations and concerns.

Avoid Stigmatizing Language

Refrain from using labels such as "alcoholic" or "addict." These terms can be stigmatizing and cause harm. Stick to positive language and focus on expressing your concern for her health and well-being.

Offer Emotional and Practical Support

Let your mom know that you are there for her and offer your emotional support. Include other important people in her life who can provide additional support. Offer practical help, such as accompanying her to a doctor's appointment or support group meetings.

Remember that these conversations can be difficult, and your mom may not initially respond positively. It is important to approach these conversations with understanding, trust, and care. Take care of yourself throughout this process and seek support from friends, family, or professional therapists if needed.

Seeking support from others

It is important to seek support from others when dealing with an alcoholic mother. Here are some ways to do that:

Talk to a trusted adult or friend:

Confide in someone you trust, such as a teacher, school counsellor, doctor, therapist, or relative. They can provide a fresh perspective and help you navigate this challenging situation. It can be a relief to share your feelings and experiences with someone else, and they may offer practical advice or additional support.

Join support groups:

Support groups like Al-Anon/Alateen provide a community of people who understand what you're going through and can offer guidance and emotional support. These groups often have online resources or hotlines that you can access anytime. Support groups can also help you avoid the risks associated with having a parent with a substance use problem, as you are more vulnerable to developing similar issues.

Educate yourself and your family:

Educate yourself about alcoholism and its triggers, warning signs, and effects. This knowledge will help you better understand your mother's behaviour and make more informed decisions. Additionally, involve your family in this learning process, as they can provide valuable support and benefit from improved relationships and coping strategies.

Encourage professional help:

Encourage your mother to seek professional help, such as alcohol detox, residential treatment programs, or support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These programs offer various therapies and tools to support her recovery journey. Remember that recovery is a process that takes time and consistency, so be patient and continue offering your support throughout.

Prioritize self-care:

Caring for an alcoholic parent can be emotionally draining, so it's crucial to prioritize self-care. Take time for yourself, practice self-compassion, and seek individual therapy if needed. By taking care of your own emotional well-being, you'll be in a better position to support your mother and improve your overall quality of life.

Encouraging professional help

Alcohol addiction, or alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a chronic disease that involves not being able to stop or control alcohol use despite negative consequences to one's health and relationships. It is important to remember that alcoholism is an illness, and your mother will need a doctor or medical professional to help her get better.

Educate yourself about alcoholism

Educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism so you can better understand what your mother is going through. Learn about the triggers, relapse warning signs, and other aspects of the disease. This will help you identify problems and support your mother through her recovery journey.

Choose an appropriate time and place for a conversation

If you want to address your mother's alcohol abuse and talk to her about it, choose a time and place that is safe and private, where she will feel comfortable. Try to use phrases that start with "I" instead of "you", such as "I'm worried about you" or "I'm concerned about the amount you're drinking". Ask open-ended questions and mention specific instances or events. Stick to positive language and avoid labels like "alcoholic" or "addict".

Express your care and support

Let your mother know that you care about her and offer her emotional and practical support. Include other important people in her life and try to build trust. It is important to understand that if your mother is addicted to alcohol, she cannot simply decide to quit, as addiction changes the brain's chemistry.

Encourage professional treatment options

Encourage your mother to seek professional help, such as alcohol detox, residential treatment programs, or support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). There are also behavioural therapies, experiential therapies, medication-assisted treatment, and family therapy options available. Remind her that recovery is a process that takes time and consistency, and that you will support her every step of the way.

Seek support for yourself

Caring for someone with AUD can be exhausting and feel like a full-time job. It is important to look after yourself and seek support for yourself as well. Consider joining a support group or therapy to help you cope with the situation and learn new coping mechanisms. Remember, you cannot control your mother's behaviour, and her actions are not your fault.

Looking after yourself

Living with a parent who has an alcohol problem can be challenging and stressful. It can affect your emotional well-being, physical health, and family life. It is important to look after yourself and seek support. Here are some ways to take care of yourself:

Open up to someone you trust

Talking to a good friend, a relative, or an adult you trust, such as a teacher, school counsellor, doctor, or therapist, can be a great relief. They can provide support and help you cope with the situation. It is important to remember that you are not alone, and seeking help is crucial in managing the impact of your mother's alcoholism on your life.

Join support groups

Support groups like Al-Anon/Alateen provide a community of people who understand what you are going through. They offer emotional support, practical advice, and resources to help you navigate daily life. Support groups can also help you avoid the risks associated with growing up with an alcoholic parent and provide tools to improve your emotional habits and future relationships.

Educate yourself about alcoholism

Understanding alcoholism as a disease can help you better navigate your mother's behaviour and the recovery process. Educating yourself about the triggers, relapse warning signs, and treatment options can empower you to support your mother effectively and improve your own mental wellness.

Prioritize self-care

Caring for someone with an alcohol use disorder can be emotionally and physically draining. Remember that you cannot control your mother's behaviour, and it is important to set boundaries and practice self-care. This may include therapy, exercise, or other activities that promote your well-being.

Seek professional help

Consider seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker. They can provide you with tools to cope with your feelings, improve your mental state, and navigate the challenges of having an alcoholic parent. Online addiction and mental health counsellors are also available for support via phone, video, or live chat.

Frequently asked questions