Confronting Alcoholism: Supporting Your Teen's Journey To Sobriety

Alcoholism is a disease that can cause lasting brain changes, making it difficult for someone to stop drinking. It is important to understand the warning signs of alcohol addiction in your 18-year-old and seek professional help if needed. While you may not have the same control over your child as when they were younger, you can still provide support and encourage treatment. This includes having calm, non-judgmental conversations about your concerns, setting boundaries, and seeking support for yourself through individual counselling or support groups. It is crucial to separate the addiction from the individual and remember that your love and concern can encourage your child to seek help and start their healing journey.

Understand the signs of alcohol addiction

Alcohol addiction, or Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD), is a chronic, relapsing disease that causes lasting brain changes that make it very hard for someone to stop drinking. AUD is characterised by an inability to stop or control alcohol use despite negative consequences.

It is important to understand the warning signs of alcohol addiction, especially in teenagers and young adults, as this can help determine when it is time to seek professional help. Research shows that people who start drinking before the age of 15 are at a higher risk of developing AUD later in life. Alcohol can interfere with brain development, potentially affecting both brain structure and function, increasing vulnerability to AUD.

Some warning signs that may indicate alcohol addiction include:

• Drinking more or for longer periods than intended.
• Being unable to cut down on alcohol use, even when expressing a desire to do so.
• Spending most of their time drinking or recovering from drinking.
• Neglecting responsibilities at home, work, or school due to drinking or recovering from drinking.
• Binge drinking or drinking excessively.
• Lying about or trying to hide how much they are drinking.
• Experiencing blackouts or memory loss when drinking.
• Continuing to drink despite problems in relationships or other areas of life.
• Trading in old friends for new ones.
• Experiencing academic, social, physical, or mental health problems.

If you suspect that your 18-year-old child is struggling with alcohol addiction, it is important to remain calm and avoid confrontations. Express your concerns from a place of love and support, and encourage them to seek professional help.

Learn how to talk to your child about their drinking

It is important to talk to your child about alcohol early and often as they grow up. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggests that parents should talk to their kids about alcohol as early as age nine. This can help to build a strong, supportive bond with your child and establish open communication. Here are some tips for talking to your 18-year-old child about their drinking:

Choose an appropriate time and place

Wait until your child is sober and in a private setting without distractions. Alcohol can impair their judgment and make them act unpredictably or aggressively, so ensure your own safety as well.

Be honest and open

Have multiple little talks instead of one big talk. Share simple, honest information about the effects of alcohol on the body and the dangers of drinking for growing bodies and minds. Be a trustworthy source of information and help them find answers if you don't know something.

Show that you care

Express your love and concern, and let them know that you care about their health and success. Emphasize that you are coming from a place of love and that you want to support them.

Avoid ultimatums and criticism

Lecturing, criticizing, or giving ultimatums can cause your child to become defensive and less willing to listen. Instead, appeal to their self-respect and let them know they are too smart to need alcohol as a crutch.

Encourage them to seek help

Let your child know that you are willing to assist them in seeking help. Encourage them to consult a doctor or therapist, help them research treatment centers, and offer to accompany them to family therapy. Remember that it may take a few tries before they are ready to seek help, so don't give up hope and be patient.

Take care of yourself and seek support

Dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse or alcoholism can be challenging and painful for the whole family. It can trigger a range of distressing emotions, including shame, fear, anger, and self-blame. It is important to take care of yourself and seek support.

Firstly, it is crucial to understand that alcoholism is a disease. Just like other diseases and conditions, Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a medical problem that can be treated. Evidence-based treatment can help the brain heal and support a person in leading a healthier and sober life. Therefore, it is important to learn as much as you can about alcohol and how it affects the brain. This will help you better understand what you can do to support your child.

It is also important to separate your child from their addiction. You can love your child and hate their alcohol addiction. Be concerned, caring, and non-judgmental. Express your concern and make it clear that your worry comes from a place of love. Spend time with them one-on-one, doing activities they enjoy. Draw the line by setting realistic expectations and letting them know the behaviours you will and will not tolerate.

Additionally, seek support for yourself. Dealing with a loved one's alcohol problem can be stressful. Individual counselling can be a helpful way to make time for yourself, give you a place to talk about your feelings, and learn healthy ways of self-care. You could also attend mutual support groups for families and friends of people with alcohol problems, such as Al-Anon. These groups can provide you with a sense of community and understanding, as well as practical advice and resources.

Finally, remember that you cannot make someone stop drinking or force an adult to seek treatment. You can offer support and encouragement, but ultimately, the decision to seek help and make changes rests with your child. It is important to hold them accountable for their actions and behaviours and not enable their addiction.

Avoid enabling your child

Alcoholism is a disease that can be challenging for both the affected individual and their family. It is natural to want to help your child, but it is important to avoid enabling their addiction. Here are some ways to avoid enabling your child's alcoholism:

Understand the difference between helping and enabling

Helping your child is doing something for them that they are incapable of doing themselves. On the other hand, enabling creates an atmosphere where they feel comfortable continuing unacceptable behaviours. Enabling includes giving them money, regardless of what they say they need it for, and rescuing them from the consequences of their substance use. This prevents them from facing these consequences and recognising their need for change.

Set boundaries and realistic expectations

Express your concerns and make it clear that your worry comes from a place of love. Draw the line by setting realistic expectations and outlining the behaviours you will and will not tolerate. Explain the consequences of their actions and the impact they have on you and others.

Encourage professional help

Encourage your child to seek professional help to prevent the problem from worsening and to address associated harms and health effects. Alcohol addiction is a medical problem that often requires professional treatment. Only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose alcohol use disorder (AUD) and provide evidence-based treatment.

Take care of yourself

Dealing with an alcoholic child can be stressful and trigger distressing emotions. It is important to take care of yourself and make time for self-care. Individual counselling can provide a space to talk about your feelings and learn healthy ways of self-care. You can also attend mutual support groups, such as Al-Anon, specifically designed to support families and loved ones of those with alcohol addiction.

Monitor your child's activities

If your child is a minor, monitor their activities, know their whereabouts, and who they spend time with. Remove alcohol from your home and routinely check potential hiding places. Talk to your child about underlying issues, as they may be turning to alcohol to cope with stress, pressure, or mental health issues.

Encourage your child to seek treatment

Dealing with an alcoholic 18-year-old can be challenging and stressful for the whole family. It is important to remember that you still have a major impact on the choices your child makes, even though they are now legally an adult. Here are some ways to encourage your child to seek treatment:

Express Concern and Avoid Judgement

Using "I" statements can help keep the conversation focused on how their drinking impacts you and others. It is important to remain calm and non-judgmental when confronting your child. Make sure to schedule a time when they are calm and sober.

Outline Realistic Expectations and Boundaries

Let your child know the behaviours you will and will not tolerate, and outline the consequences for not following through. It is important to separate your child from their addiction. You can love your child and hate their addiction.

Encourage Them to Voice Their Concerns and Offer Support

Show that you care and are supportive by spending time with them one-on-one doing activities they enjoy. Draw the line at enabling behaviours that allow them to continue their addiction. Offer financial support only to the degree that you can afford it and only if it will help them move towards a better life.

Suggest Treatment Options

Encourage your child to seek professional help and suggest starting with individual counselling or attending support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Al-Anon, which are specifically designed to support families and loved ones of those with alcohol addiction. You can also suggest contacting SAMHSA's National Helpline, a free and confidential 24/7 treatment referral service for individuals and families facing substance use disorders.

Understand the Warning Signs and Potential Causes

Educate yourself on the warning signs of alcohol addiction and the potential causes of your child's drinking. Only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD), but understanding the signs can help you determine when it is time to seek professional help. Some warning signs include drinking more than intended, neglecting responsibilities, and continuing to drink despite relationship problems.

Frequently asked questions