Coping With Alcoholic Parents: Strategies For Adult Children

Alcohol use disorders (AUDs) can have a profound impact not only on the individual but also on their families, with spouses, siblings, parents, and children experiencing the consequences. Children of parents with alcohol addiction are in a unique position to identify problems and support their parents' recovery. However, it is crucial that they also focus on their well-being and seek support if needed. The effects of growing up with alcoholic parents can persist into adulthood, and children in these situations must learn to cope and survive. This paragraph will explore the topic of how adult children can cope with having an alcoholic parent.

Recognise the signs and symptoms of a drinking problem

Recognising the signs and symptoms of a drinking problem is the first step to helping your parent address their alcohol use disorder (AUD). AUD, commonly known as alcoholism, affects not just the individual but also their family.

Children of parents with AUD may experience or exhibit anxiety, depression, anger issues, guilt, low self-esteem, and an inability to trust. They may also be four times more likely to engage in excessive drinking themselves and develop an AUD.

Some signs that your parent may be struggling with alcoholism include:

• Increased drinking frequency: If your parent is drinking more frequently, it could indicate a growing dependency.
• Binge drinking: Consuming large amounts of alcohol in a short period can lead to health issues and risky behaviours.
• Neglecting responsibilities: If your parent's drinking causes them to neglect their work, family, or financial obligations, it's a cause for concern.
• Legal problems: Encounters with the law, such as DUIs or public intoxication charges, are clear indicators of a drinking problem.
• Withdrawal symptoms: Symptoms like sweating, shaking, or nausea when trying to reduce drinking indicate severe alcohol dependence.

It's important to remember that no one is responsible for someone else's drinking problem. Blaming yourself or thinking you could do more is common among children of alcoholics, but it's essential to recognise that the problem lies with the individual struggling with addiction.

Understand the impact on your life and mental health

Growing up with an alcoholic parent can have a profound and lasting impact on a child's life, even into adulthood. The effects can be far-reaching, affecting mental health, relationships, careers, and overall well-being and functioning. It's important to understand the potential consequences and be aware of any signs or patterns that may be influencing your life as an adult.

One of the significant impacts of having an alcoholic parent is the emotional and behavioural consequences. Children of alcoholic parents may struggle with low self-esteem, guilt, shame, anger, and an inability to express emotions effectively. These issues can persist into adulthood, affecting one's ability to form healthy relationships, communicate openly, and manage intense emotions. The unstable and chaotic environment created by alcoholism can also lead to feelings of loneliness, depression, anxiety, and distrust.

The impact of an alcoholic parent can also extend to an adult's relationships. Adult children of alcoholics may find themselves struggling with codependency, dysfunctional relationships, insecurity, and difficulties establishing healthy boundaries. They may also exhibit antisocial behaviours, including aggression, and have a higher risk of substance use disorders themselves. The normalisation of unhealthy drinking habits within the family can contribute to this risk.

Additionally, the financial and practical implications of having an alcoholic parent can be significant. Adult children may find themselves struggling with financial management, unemployment, and the long-term effects of any financial neglect they experienced during their childhood. This can create a cycle of instability and further contribute to mental health issues.

It's important to recognise that the impact of an alcoholic parent can manifest differently for each individual. While some adult children may exhibit specific characteristics or behaviours, others may not. The unique experiences, family dynamics, and personal resilience of each person play a role in shaping how they are affected. However, understanding the potential consequences and seeking support can help mitigate the negative impacts and promote healing.

Seek support from groups like Al-Anon, Co-Dependents Anonymous, or a therapist

Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be extremely challenging and painful, and the effects of growing up with alcoholic parents can last through adulthood. It is important to seek support and remember that you are not alone. Support groups like Al-Anon, Alateen, and Co-Dependents Anonymous can be very helpful. Al-Anon is the largest and most well-known support group for families of alcoholics, with a 12-step program to help members cope with their family member's alcoholism. Similarly, Co-Dependents Anonymous is a 12-step support group dedicated to helping those struggling with co-dependent relationships impacted by alcohol and drug use.

Support groups provide a safe space to talk with others going through similar experiences, which can be very helpful in coping with the challenges of having an alcoholic parent. These groups can provide emotional support and help you build healthy habits and improve your mental state. They can also provide practical resources and support, such as college scholarships and daily life tips.

In addition to support groups, you may also consider seeking individual therapy or counselling. Speaking with a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker, can help you process your feelings, improve your mental state, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Therapy can be a safe space to explore your experiences, thoughts, and emotions without fear of judgment.

It is important to remember that you are not alone in dealing with an alcoholic parent. By seeking support from groups like Al-Anon, Co-Dependents Anonymous, or a therapist, you can find a community of people who understand your struggles and can provide you with the tools to cope and thrive.

Talk to your parent about their drinking

Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be challenging, and it's important to remember that you cannot control their drinking. However, there are ways to effectively communicate your concerns and support your parent's journey towards recovery. Here are some detailed suggestions on how to talk to your parent about their drinking:

Choose an Appropriate Time and Place:

Create a safe and private environment where your parent will feel comfortable. This can help set the tone for an open and honest conversation.

Express Your Feelings and Concerns:

Start the conversation by sharing your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "I'm worried about you" or "I'm concerned about your drinking." Explain how their drinking impacts you and describe specific incidents or behaviours that have worried you. Be honest and genuine, but avoid blame, accusations, or shaming language, as this may cause them to shut down.

Empathise and Understand:

Recognise and acknowledge any difficulties or stressors your parent may be facing. Show empathy by saying, "I know you've been having a hard time at work and feeling more pressure" or "I understand that you're going through a stressful time." This can help them feel supported and understood.

Offer Options and Suggest Solutions:

Instead of making demands or issuing ultimatums, present options and suggest solutions. For example, say, "I was wondering if you would consider seeing a doctor to talk about your alcohol use" or suggest they contact an organisation like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or seek private therapy. You can also offer to accompany them to medical appointments or therapy sessions.

Focus on Behaviour, Not Labels:

Avoid using outdated and stigmatising terms like "alcoholic" or "addict." Instead, focus on their behaviour and how it impacts them and those around them. This helps to reduce shame and guilt and increases the likelihood of your parent listening to your suggestions.

Prepare for Multiple Conversations:

Recognise that your parent may not be ready to accept or address their drinking problem immediately. It may take several conversations for them to acknowledge the issue and seek help. Be patient and persistent, and agree to have ongoing discussions about their drinking.

Remember, it's important to prioritise your own health and well-being during this process. Don't be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or professional support groups for help.

Remember it's not your fault

It is important to remember that having an alcoholic parent is not your fault. You may feel responsible and believe that you are the cause of their drinking problem, but this is not the case. Alcohol use disorders (AUDs) are often influenced by genetic factors or the normalisation of unhealthy drinking habits within a family. This can cause a parent to prioritise their addiction over their child's basic needs, such as nutrition, safety, education, structure, consistency, affection, and healthcare.

Children of alcoholic parents often have to mature quickly and may take on the role of another adult in the family, which can lead to bitterness and resentment. This can cause feelings of guilt, as they blame themselves or think they could be doing more for their parent. However, it is crucial to remember that this guilt is both untrue and unfair. Alcoholism can severely and negatively impact a child's personal, professional, social, and financial life, as well as their emotional and behavioural functioning. Research shows that children of parents with AUDs have an increased risk of various mental, emotional, behavioural, and social conditions, including depression, low self-esteem, social phobia, separation anxiety, obsessive-compulsive issues, delinquent and antisocial behaviour, aggression, and suicidal thoughts and/or behaviours.

As an adult, it is important to recognise that the effects of having an alcoholic parent can last into adulthood. Adult children of alcoholics can display certain common characteristics, such as difficulties handling intensely positive and negative moods, anger or resentment towards their parent, difficulties in establishing trusting and healthy relationships, insecurity, and antisocial behaviours. They may also find it challenging to communicate with others and may ignore their own needs in order to care for others.

It is not your fault that your parent has an alcohol problem, and it is important to seek support for yourself. There are many resources and support groups available, such as Al-Anon and Co-Dependents Anonymous, which can provide emotional support and help you cope with the impact of your parent's alcoholism. Seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker, can also be beneficial in understanding and improving your mental state.

Frequently asked questions