A Sober Seder: Strategies For An Alcohol-Free Passover

The Passover Seder is a ritual feast that marks the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover. It is held on the eve of the 15th day of Nisan in the Hebrew calendar, which falls in late March or April of the Gregorian calendar. The Seder is integral to Jewish faith and identity and involves a ceremonial meal and the retelling of the story of the Israelite's Exodus from Egypt. The word Seder means order in Hebrew, and the ritual involves a specific order of dishes, blessings, prayers, stories, and songs, which are outlined in the Haggadah, a Jewish text. When conducting a Seder with a recovering alcoholic, it is important to be mindful of their needs and boundaries. While there are many food and beverage rules during Passover, alcohol is typically off-limits, which can be beneficial for a recovering alcoholic. However, it is crucial to understand that relapse may occur, and it is essential to provide support and encouragement throughout their recovery journey.

Prepare a seder plate with symbolic ritual foods.

The seder plate holds ritual foods used throughout the Passover seder, with each item symbolising the Exodus story and helping participants retell the story each year. The seder plate traditionally holds five or six items, but there are no hard rules regarding the number of items or the form of the seder plate.

• Karpas – A vegetable such as parsley, celery, watercress, or green onion, representing hope, renewal, and the flourishing of the Israelites when they first arrived in Egypt. It is dipped into salt water at the beginning of the seder, with the dripping water symbolising the tears shed by Hebrew slaves in Egypt.
• Salt Water – This represents the tears shed by the enslaved Israelites and is used for dipping the karpas.
• Zeroa – Typically a roasted lamb shank bone or chicken wing, symbolising the Korban Pesach (Passover sacrifice) or Pascal Lamb. It represents the lamb sacrifice made before the Exodus from Egypt.
• Beitza / Beitzah – A hard-boiled or roasted egg, symbolising the hagigah sacrifice, the cycle of life, and the festival sacrifice made in biblical times.
• Maror – A bitter herb or vegetable such as horseradish, eaten during the seder to symbolise the bitterness of slavery.
• Chazeret – Another bitter herb, often romaine lettuce, used in addition to maror.
• Charoset – A mixture of fruits (such as apples and raisins), nuts, spices, and kosher wine, symbolising the mortar used by enslaved Jews to build pyramids and other Egyptian structures.

In addition to these traditional items, some people add modern symbolic items to the seder plate to represent social justice themes and liberation struggles. For example, an orange to symbolise inclusion, particularly of LGBTQ+ Jews and other marginalised groups within the Jewish community, and an olive to express solidarity with Palestinians.

Light candles and say blessings before the meal

The Seder is a ceremonial meal and retelling of the Passover story on the first two nights of Passover. (In Israel, Jews have a Seder only on the first night.) The word "Seder" means "order" and refers to the building blocks of the ritual.

The host traditionally lights the holiday candles and says a blessing before the Seder begins. The blessing is:

> Bah-rookh ah-tah ah-doh-noi eh-loh-hay-noo meh-lekh hah-oh-lahm ah-sher ki-deh-shah-noo beh-mitz-voh-tahv veh-tzee-vah-noo leh-hahd-lik nayr shehl shah-baht koh-dehsh.

> בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲ-דֹנָי אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו, וְצִוָּנוּ לְהַדְלִיק נֵר שֶׁל שַׁבָּת קֹדֶש́

Translated, this means:

> Blessed are You, L‑rd our G‑d, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us to kindle the light of the holy Shabbat.

If there is a woman over the age of bat mitzvah in the house, she should light the candles. If there is no woman in the house, then the obligation falls upon the man.

The candles should be long enough to last until Kiddush and preferably through the Friday night Shabbat meal. On Shabbat, the candles should not be extinguished unless there is a fire.

Read the Haggadah aloud in a language you connect with

The Haggadah is a foundational Jewish text that sets forth the order of the Passover Seder. According to Jewish tradition, the Haggadah developed during the Mishnaic and Talmudic periods, though the exact timeframe is unknown. The text has existed in different forms over history and therefore cannot be attributed to a single author. Its corporate author is traditionally designated as the Baal Haggadah (master of the Haggadah). The Haggadah includes the retelling of the story of the Israelites' Exodus from Egypt.

The Haggadah is usually read aloud at the Seder table to fulfil the mitzvah incumbent on every Jew to recount the Egyptian Exodus story to their children on the first night of Passover. The text of the Haggadah was never fixed in one final form, as no rabbinic body existed with the authority to do so. Instead, each local community developed its own text.

If you are conducting a Seder with a recovering alcoholic, it may be helpful to choose a language that you connect with and that you feel comfortable reading aloud. This could be the original Hebrew, English, or another language that has a personal significance to you. Reading the Haggadah aloud in a familiar language can help create a warm and meaningful atmosphere for everyone involved.

You can also prepare for reading the Haggadah aloud by setting aside time beforehand to review the text and familiarise yourself with its structure and content. This can help ensure that you feel confident and comfortable during the Seder, especially if you are tailoring the text to accommodate a recovering alcoholic.

Expect relapse and know how to navigate it

It is important to understand that relapse may occur during your loved one's recovery from alcohol use disorder. Approximately 66% of people who enter treatment for alcohol use disorder experience a relapse at some point in their lives. A relapse occurs when a person regresses from the recovery stage of their alcohol use disorder back into active alcohol use. It is important to note that relapse is not a sign of weakness or failure, but rather a continuation of old coping patterns that need to be replaced with new ones.

There are several things you can do to navigate a relapse. Firstly, it is crucial to seek medical support if the person is experiencing any unusual or significant symptoms, especially if they haven't used alcohol for a long time. Ensure that the person has a strong support network of friends, family, and medical professionals nearby to help them stay safe. Encourage the person to be honest about their relapse and to seek help as quickly as possible. The faster they discuss their relapse and return to treatment, the better their chances of a successful recovery.

In addition to seeking professional help, there are some immediate steps you can take to navigate a relapse. This includes avoiding people, places, and situations that used to lead the person to use alcohol. Encourage the person to engage in meaningful activities that build a positive self-image and have a positive impact on the community, such as joining a community sporting group or a special interest group.

Long-term solutions for managing relapse involve both immediate strategies and a focus on behavioural changes. It is important to identify red flags that may indicate a relapse is forthcoming and to develop a plan to avoid it. This includes practicing scenarios that may trigger a relapse and determining how to handle them effectively. Remember, relapse prevention is a long-term strategy, and it may take multiple attempts before a person successfully maintains change.

Provide a non-alcoholic drink option

When planning a seder, it is important to be mindful of the needs of all guests, especially those who are recovering alcoholics. While the seder is a ceremonial meal that involves the telling of the Passover story, it is possible to accommodate guests with non-alcoholic drink preferences or requirements.

Firstly, it is worth noting that there are many food and beverage rules during Passover, and alcoholic drinks are often not included. Typically, the only drink served at a seder is wine. However, it is important to provide a non-alcoholic option for those who require it. Some non-alcoholic drinks that can be offered include sparkling water, fruit juices, non-alcoholic wine, or mocktails. It is important to ensure that these drinks are clearly labelled and separated from any alcoholic beverages to avoid confusion or accidental consumption.

In addition to providing non-alcoholic drinks, it is also helpful to create a supportive and understanding environment for those in recovery. This may include ensuring that other guests are aware of the non-alcoholic options and are respectful of the recovering individual's journey. It is also beneficial to have other non-alcoholic beverages available throughout the seder, such as tea or coffee, to provide an additional alternative to alcohol.

By providing a variety of non-alcoholic options and creating a supportive atmosphere, you can ensure that all guests, including those in recovery from alcoholism, feel included and respected during the seder. It is also important to remember that relapse is a potential part of the recovery process, so being mindful of this and providing a safe and non-judgmental space is crucial.

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