Lena Savoie
Alcohol abuse and addiction, or alcohol use disorder, affects not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be challenging to deal with a loved one's alcohol abuse, and it may trigger distressing emotions such as shame, fear, anger, and self-blame. However, there are ways to help a loved one struggling with alcohol abuse and to support your own healing. It is important to recognize the signs of alcohol use disorder, understand the specific issues your loved one is facing, and know the treatment options available. You can encourage healthier ways to cope with stress, such as exercise or meditation, and help your loved one avoid triggers and cope with cravings. Interventions can be effective, but it is crucial to approach them constructively, and seeking professional help through therapy, support groups, or helplines is also beneficial.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Feelings | Shame, fear, anger, self-blame, frustration, heartbreak, helplessness |
| Actions | Neglecting responsibilities, getting into financial and legal difficulties, mistreating or abusing family members, bailing them out of jail, minimising the impact of drinking, avoiding the issue, hiding alcohol, lecturing them, forbidding them from drinking, pleading with them to stop |
| Treatment | Individual, group and family therapy sessions, residential treatment or rehab, detox, medication, mutual-help groups, 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Al-Anon, SMART Recovery, Women for Sobriety, helplines, support groups |
| Advice | Do not blame yourself, do not obsessively monitor their behaviour, do not attempt to control or cure their drinking, do your research, talk to your loved one, prepare for relapses, help them find healthier ways to cope with stress, such as exercise, meditation or relaxation practices |
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What You'll Learn
Recognise the signs of alcohol abuse
Recognising the signs of alcohol abuse can be difficult, especially when it comes to a loved one. Alcohol abuse can manifest in many ways, and it's important to be aware of the signs to help yourself or someone close to you.
Firstly, alcohol abuse often leads to a person neglecting their responsibilities at home, work, or school. They may also exhibit signs of binge drinking, which is defined as consuming more than six units of alcohol in one sitting. This could be two large glasses of wine or two to three pints of beer. Binge drinking often occurs during social events, with a focus on drinking large amounts quickly.
Another sign of alcohol abuse is when a person starts lying about or covering up their drinking habits. They may drink in private or isolate themselves, making it challenging for others to recognise the problem. Alcohol abuse can also lead to memory issues, including blackouts and an inability to remember what they said or did while drinking.
Emotional signs of alcohol abuse include extreme mood swings, irritability, and a change in behaviour. The person may also exhibit signs of denial, blaming others or circumstances for their drinking habits. They may become defensive when confronted about their drinking and refuse to acknowledge the problems it causes.
Finally, alcohol abuse can lead to physical changes and withdrawal symptoms. These can include tolerance, where a person needs to drink more to feel the effects, as well as symptoms like trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, seizures, or hallucinations when not drinking.
It's important to remember that recognising these signs is just the first step. If you or someone close to you is struggling with alcohol abuse, seeking professional help is crucial.
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Understand the causes and get help
Alcohol abuse and addiction, or "alcohol use disorder", affects not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be challenging to deal with a loved one's alcohol abuse, and it can trigger distressing emotions, including shame, fear, anger, and self-blame. It is important to understand the causes of their alcohol abuse and to seek help for yourself and your loved one.
Understand the Causes
Alcohol use disorder is a treatable, persistent medical illness characterised by the compulsive use of alcohol despite negative consequences. The signs of an alcohol use disorder include failed attempts to cut back or stop drinking, using alcohol despite knowing it exacerbates emotional or physical problems, using alcohol in risky situations, increased family conflict, neglecting responsibilities, and craving alcohol. It is important to recognise these signs and understand that your loved one's alcohol abuse is not your fault.
Get Help
There are several ways to get help for yourself and your loved one struggling with alcohol abuse:
- Research and understand addiction: Educate yourself about alcohol abuse and addiction, including the different stages of addiction and the specific issues your loved one is facing. This can help you better understand their situation and how to help them.
- Seek professional help: Talk to doctors, counsellors, or therapists who can provide guidance and treatment options. Inform your loved one's doctor about their addiction so they can better identify the issues and recommend courses of action.
- Encourage healthy coping mechanisms: Help your loved one find healthier ways to cope with stress and reduce their stress levels by encouraging exercise, confiding in others, meditation, or relaxation practices.
- Support groups and therapy: Mutual-help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Al-Anon can provide support and resources for both your loved one and yourself. Family therapy sessions can help identify the root causes of alcohol abuse, repair relationships, and develop skills to reduce drinking.
- Treatment facilities: Residential treatment or "rehab" facilities offer intensive treatment for alcohol abuse, including detox, therapy, and medication.
- Hotlines and helplines: National hotlines, such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's National Helpline, offer free and confidential treatment referrals, information, and support for individuals and families dealing with substance abuse disorders.
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Set boundaries and avoid enabling
Dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse or alcoholism can be challenging for the whole family. It is important to set boundaries and avoid enabling the alcoholic to continue their harmful behaviour. Enabling often stems from a fear of losing your loved one to addiction and can prevent them from seeking help.
Boundaries are essential to protect yourself and your family from the negative consequences of the alcoholic's behaviour. Without boundaries, you may find yourself consumed by the needs of the alcoholic, who will continue to take advantage of your support. Enabling behaviour can include providing money, shelter, or transportation, or protecting the alcoholic's feelings by avoiding arguments or difficult discussions when they are intoxicated.
To set boundaries, first identify what your limits are. For example, you may decide that you will leave as soon as your loved one has one drink, or you may refuse to serve alcohol in your home. Write down these boundaries and the reasons for setting them, so that you can refer back to them when needed. When communicating these boundaries, remain calm and concise, sticking to the facts without overexplaining or becoming defensive.
It is important to remember that boundaries are not about trying to control the alcoholic or make them change. Instead, they are about establishing how you want to be treated and preserving your sense of self in a difficult situation. Boundaries create a framework that lets the alcoholic know how to treat you and can help to prevent them from feeling entitled to your support.
In addition to setting boundaries, it is crucial to encourage the alcoholic to seek professional help. This may include therapy, rehab facilities, or support groups. You can also help your loved one find healthier ways to cope with stress, such as exercise, meditation, or other relaxation practices.
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Find support for yourself and your family
Dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse or alcoholism can be challenging and distressing for the whole family. It is important to remember that you are not the cause of your loved one's substance abuse issues, and that their recovery is their responsibility. However, there are ways to support your loved one's recovery and your own healing.
Educate yourself about addiction
Research the specific drug or alcohol issues that your loved one is facing to better understand their situation. Understanding the stages of addiction can help you determine where your loved one is in their journey and how best to help them. Suggest a routine check-up with a doctor, but be sure to inform the doctor of the addiction beforehand so they can better identify the issues and recommend courses of action.
Seek support
Consider reaching out to a helpline, such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's National Helpline (1-800-662-HELP or 4357). These services are free, confidential, and available 24/7. They can provide treatment referrals and information services for individuals and families dealing with substance use disorders. Additionally, support groups such as Al-Anon/Alateen can be a great resource, allowing you to connect with others who are going through similar experiences and providing a safe space to share your feelings.
Practice self-care
Taking care of yourself is critical when dealing with a loved one's addiction. Find healthy ways to cope with stress, such as exercising, confiding in others, or adopting relaxation practices. It is also important to set boundaries and follow through with consequences. Remember that you did not cause your loved one's drinking, and you cannot control or cure it.
Consider therapy
Therapy can be beneficial for both the individual and the family. Individual, group, and family therapy sessions can help your loved one identify the root causes of their alcohol use, repair relationships, and develop skills to reduce their drinking. It can also provide support and guidance for family members affected by the addiction.
Prepare for relapses
Relapses are common in recovery, and it is important to remember that they are not your fault. Help your loved one plan how to avoid triggers, deal with cravings, and cope in social situations where there is pressure to drink. Encourage them to find distractions when cravings hit, such as calling someone, going for a walk, or riding out the urge.
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Prepare for relapses
It's important to recognize that relapse is a common and often inevitable part of the recovery process for alcoholics. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the possibility of relapse, and understand that it doesn't mean your loved one has failed or that their treatment is ineffective. Each relapse presents an opportunity to learn and make adjustments to their treatment plan. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this challenging situation:
Firstly, educate yourself about relapse triggers and warning signs. Triggers can vary from person to person and may include stress, environmental cues, emotional distress, or social situations. Common warning signs of an impending relapse include changes in behavior, such as increased irritability, secrecy, or a lack of commitment to recovery activities. By recognizing these signs, you can intervene early and help your loved one get back on track.
Develop a relapse prevention plan together with your loved one and their treatment team. This plan should include strategies to avoid triggers, manage cravings, and cope with high-risk situations. Encourage your loved one to actively participate in creating this plan, as it will empower them and increase their sense of ownership over their recovery. The plan should also include a list of people your loved one can call on for support, as well as alternative activities they can engage in when cravings strike.
It is also crucial to establish clear boundaries and consequences. While you offer support and understanding, make it clear that you will not tolerate certain behaviors, such as drinking in the house or driving under the influence. Communicate the specific consequences of relapsing, such as temporarily distancing yourself or asking them to leave the house if they refuse to seek help. Doing so will help your loved one understand the seriousness of their actions and the impact they have on those around them.
Take care of yourself by seeking support for yourself as well. Dealing with a relapsing alcoholic can be emotionally draining and stressful. Attend support groups for friends and family members of alcoholics, such as Al-Anon, to connect with others who understand your struggles and can offer advice and encouragement. Additionally, practice self-care by engaging in activities that help you relax and maintain your emotional well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with supportive friends.
Remember, relapse doesn't have to be a setback but an opportunity to strengthen your loved one's recovery and reinforce their commitment to sobriety. By preparing yourself and responding calmly and constructively, you can help guide them back on the path to long-term recovery.
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Frequently asked questions
If your loved one regularly neglects their responsibilities, lies about their drinking, binges or drinks more than intended, blacks out or can't remember what they said or did, or continues drinking despite relationship problems, they may have a drinking problem.
You can help your loved one by finding healthier ways to cope with stress, such as exercising, confiding in others, or meditating. You can also suggest enjoyable hobbies or activities that do not involve drinking. Additionally, you can accompany them to mutual-help groups and refrain from keeping alcohol in your house.
You can suggest a routine check-up appointment with a doctor, informing the doctor of the addiction beforehand. This can help your loved one think clearly and recognize the issues. You can also research treatment options and gather resources from doctors, counselors, inpatient rehab, and outpatient centres.
It is important to recognize that you are not the cause or cure of your loved one's substance abuse issues. Focus on your own emotions and needs, and seek support from friends, family, therapists, or support groups such as Al-Anon or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
