Vivian Marlowe
Alcoholism can cause anguish not only for the person with the addiction but also for everyone involved with them. If you are concerned that your parent may have a problem with alcohol, you may feel terrified to bring it up with them. However, it is important to remember that you are not alone, and there are many resources and support groups available to help you cope with the problems alcoholism creates in families. If you are underage and your parent's alcoholism is causing them to neglect or abuse you, you can and should report them to a trusted adult, family member, school, or law enforcement official. You can also call hotlines such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the Childhelp National Hotline.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Hotlines | 1-800-344-2666 (Alateen), 1-800-448-3000 (Your Life Your Voice from Boys Town), 1-800-4-A-CHILD (Childhelp National Hotline), 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (SAMHSA's National Helpline), 0330 111 2015 (Delamere) |
| Support groups | Al-Anon, Alateen, The National Association for Children of Addiction, Your Life Your Voice from Boys Town, Childhelp National Hotline |
| Online resources | Addictioncenter.com, Delamere.com, Kidshealth.org, Thrive Training Consulting, Alcohol.org, SAMHSA.gov |
| Tips for talking to a parent about their alcoholism | Choose a time when they are not intoxicated, prepare what you want to say, give clear examples of how their alcoholism has affected you and your family, keep your manner calm and reassuring |
| If your parent refuses help | Give them an ultimatum, enlist the help of a professional interventionist, report them to a family member, school, or law enforcement official if you are underage and they are neglecting or abusing you |
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What You'll Learn
Recognising the signs of alcoholism
Alcohol addiction impacts everyone differently. Some alcoholics exhibit many signs, while others exhibit very few. However, some signs are common to many, if not most, alcoholics. Alcoholism can cause a person to neglect their responsibilities, which can have a negative impact on their children. Children with alcoholic parents are four times as likely to engage in excessive drinking at some point in their lives. They may also experience feelings of loneliness, depression, anxiety, guilt, anger issues, and an inability to trust.
Children in households with alcohol addiction may have to take on a caretaker role for their parents or siblings. They may also be exposed to violence, arguments, and marital problems. This can cause children to feel trapped and unsafe in their own homes. They may also develop feelings of shame and unworthiness, and experience increased difficulties in academic and social settings.
If you are concerned that your parent may have a problem with alcohol, you might be scared to bring it up with them. You might fear that they will get angry or yell at you. However, remember that the risks of having this conversation are generally outweighed by the potential benefits. It is important to choose a time when they are not too intoxicated so that they can recall the conversation and take on board what you have to say. Prepare what you want to say and give clear examples of how their alcoholism has affected you and your family. Keep your manner calm and reassuring, and if the conversation becomes too much, walk away and try again another time.
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Finding support for yourself
It is important to understand that your parent's drinking problem is not your fault, nor is it your responsibility to fix it. However, it is natural to want to help them.
If you are underage and your parent's alcoholism is causing them to neglect or physically abuse you, you should report them to a family member, a teacher, or another trusted adult, or to law enforcement officials. If you feel unsafe at home, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE. If you or another family member are in immediate danger, call 911.
If you are not in immediate danger, but your home environment feels toxic, consider reaching out to trusted friends or relatives and asking if you can stay with them for a while when the situation at home becomes difficult.
You can also practice self-care. Mindfulness practices, exercise, spending time outdoors, and participating in activities you enjoy can all help you cope with stress and build resilience.
It can be helpful to seek support from others who are going through the same thing. Support groups such as Al-Anon, Alateen, and the National Association for Children of Addiction can provide emotional support, college scholarships, help with grief, and tips for getting through daily life. Alateen has a 24-hour hotline at 1-800-344-2666, and the National Association for Children of Addiction has a helpline at 1-800-448-3000.
If you are not ready to join a support group, you can look online for resources that might work for you. For example, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) has resources to help family members understand the effects of alcohol on the brain, and to learn that addiction is not a choice.
You can also call a helpline to connect with a caring admissions navigator, who can guide you through the treatment and admissions process and help you understand health insurance coverage for rehab. SAMHSA's National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service in English and Spanish for individuals and families facing substance use disorders. You can reach them at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
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How to talk to an alcoholic parent
Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be extremely challenging and painful. Alcoholism can severely impact an individual's life, and it can be difficult to know where to turn for help. However, your support can be life-changing. Here are some suggestions on how to talk to an alcoholic parent:
Choose the Right Time and Place
Select a time when your parent is not intoxicated, so they can recall the conversation and take on board what you have to say. Choose a safe and private place where your parent feels comfortable. This will help keep the conversation calm and focused.
Prepare What You Want to Say
Before the conversation, think about what you want to express. Try to use phrases that start with "I" rather than "you." For example, say, "I'm worried about you" or "I'm concerned about your drinking." Ask open-ended questions and give specific examples of how their alcoholism has affected you and your family. Stick to positive language and avoid labels like "alcoholic" or "addict."
Keep a Calm and Reassuring Manner
During the conversation, maintain a calm and reassuring tone. If the discussion becomes heated or intense, take a break and try again later. Remember, your goal is to express your concerns and encourage your parent to seek help.
Provide Clear Information
Inform your parent that alcoholism is a medically recognized psychiatric illness and a disease of the brain. Explain that recovery is challenging without professional help and that it tends to progress without treatment. Share information about treatment options and support groups specifically designed for families dealing with alcoholism.
Seek Outside Help if Needed
If your parent denies having a problem or refuses help, consider enlisting the support of other family members or friends. You can also seek the assistance of a professional interventionist or a medical professional, therapist, or clergyperson. Additionally, support groups like Al-Anon can provide valuable resources and emotional support for families of alcoholics. Remember, you don't have to go through this alone, and your support can make a significant difference.
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Treatment options and interventions
Living with a parent who has an alcohol problem can be challenging and stressful. It can affect your emotional well-being, physical health, and family life. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that there are ways to cope with this situation and help your parent. Here are some treatment options and interventions to consider:
Starting the Conversation
It can be difficult to approach a parent about their alcohol problem, but it is important to express your concerns and let them know how their drinking is affecting you. Choose a time when they are sober and calm, and speak from a place of love and concern. You can also involve other family members or friends to support you and help convince your parent to seek help. Remember, you cannot force them to change, but you can encourage them to seek treatment and offer your support.
Treatment Options
If your parent recognizes that they have a problem and is willing to seek help, there are various treatment options available:
- Detox and Rehabilitation Programs: Detox programs help your parent safely withdraw from alcohol, and rehabilitation programs offer comprehensive treatment for alcohol addiction, including therapy and counselling.
- Inpatient and Outpatient Treatment: Inpatient treatment involves your parent staying at a facility to receive intensive treatment, while outpatient treatment allows them to receive treatment while living at home.
- Therapy and Counselling: Individual or group therapy can help your parent address the underlying issues contributing to their alcohol problem and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
- 12-Step Programs: Programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) provide a structured framework for recovery, including admitting powerlessness over alcohol and submitting to a higher power.
- Family Therapy: Family therapy can help address the impact of your parent's alcohol problem on the family and improve family dynamics. It also educates family members on how to support their loved one's recovery.
Support for Yourself
Dealing with a parent's alcohol problem can take a toll on your own mental health and well-being. It is important to prioritize self-care and seek support:
- Support Groups: Support groups such as Al-Anon or Alateen provide a safe space to connect with others who understand what you are going through and offer emotional support and guidance.
- Therapy: Individual therapy can help you process your emotions, build healthy coping mechanisms, and reduce your risk of developing substance use disorders yourself.
- Open Communication: Talking to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, school counselor, doctor, or relative, can provide you with emotional support and guidance in dealing with your parent's alcohol problem.
- Self-Care: Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, spending time in nature, or practicing relaxation techniques.
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What to do if you feel unsafe
If you feel unsafe because of a parent's alcoholism, there are several things you can do to help yourself cope and stay safe. Firstly, understand that your parent is unwell, and that their drinking problem is not your fault or responsibility. It is natural to want to help, but remember that you cannot force someone to change their behaviour.
If you feel you are not safe at home, you should call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE, or if you or another family member is in immediate danger, call 911. If there is no immediate threat, but your home environment feels toxic, consider reaching out to trusted friends or relatives to ask if you can stay with them for a while.
It is important to find support and not keep your parent's alcoholism a secret. Talking with others who are going through the same thing can be extremely helpful. Support groups such as Al-Anon, Alateen, and the National Association for Children of Addiction can provide you with emotional support and resources to help you cope. There are also 24/7 hotlines such as the National Helpline for Mental Health, Drug, and Alcohol Issues (1-800-662-HELP) that can provide referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.
If you are underage and your parent's alcoholism is causing them to physically abuse or neglect you, you should report them to a trusted adult such as a family member, school official, or law enforcement officer. You can also seek out the services of a professional interventionist or a medical professional, therapist, or clergyperson to help your parent see that they need help. Remember that your safety and well-being are the top priorities, and don't be afraid to reach out for help.
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Frequently asked questions
First of all, it's important to remember that you are not alone in this situation and it is not your fault. If you are underage, reach out to a trusted adult or a helpline for support. You can also call a helpline if you are worried about your safety or the safety of others. If you are an adult, consider talking to your parent about your concerns and encourage them to seek help. There are many support groups and resources available to help you cope with the situation.
It can be challenging to talk to an alcoholic parent about their drinking. Choose a time when they are sober and prepare what you want to say in advance. Keep the conversation calm and structured, and give clear examples of how their drinking has affected you and your family. Remember that you cannot force them to change, but you can bring their attention to the fact that you think they have a problem.
Alcohol addiction can look different for everyone, but some common signs include a negative impact on home life, health, and work. Alcohol use disorder or problematic drinking can cause violence, abuse, neglect, and unpredictable behaviour. Trust your instincts if you feel that something is not right.
