Vivian Marlowe
Alcoholism is a challenging condition that not only affects the person suffering from it but also their friends and family. It can be difficult to know if a friend is struggling with alcohol addiction, as symptoms can vary, but certain signs can indicate a problem. Friends may notice that the person is drinking more than others, experiencing mental health changes, or only wanting to do activities that involve alcohol. As a friend, it's important to talk about the issue in a calm and compassionate way, offer support, and encourage professional help without enabling harmful behaviour. It's also crucial to take care of one's own well-being and seek support if needed. Dealing with a friend's alcoholism can be a complex and emotional journey, but with the right approach, it is possible to support them towards recovery.
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What You'll Learn
Recognising the signs of alcoholism
Behavioural Changes
You may notice that your friend is distancing themselves and spending more time alone or with heavy drinkers. They may also start to lose interest in activities you used to enjoy together unless alcohol is involved. They might also exhibit signs of anxiety or depression that weren't present before.
Drinking Patterns
One of the clearest signs of alcoholism is a loss of control over drinking habits. This could manifest as drinking more than intended, drinking faster and more than others in the group, or drinking to intoxication while others are having just one or two drinks. They may also experience withdrawal symptoms such as nausea, tremors, and insomnia when they try to stop drinking.
Impact on Life
Alcoholism often leads to prioritising drinking over other obligations and activities. Your friend may start neglecting work, family, or social commitments due to their drinking. They may also continue drinking despite the negative consequences on their health, relationships, or other areas of their life.
Physical and Mental Health
Alcoholism can take a toll on both physical and mental health. Look out for any signs that your friend's health is suffering due to their drinking. They may also exhibit increased tolerance, needing to drink more to achieve the same effect.
If you recognise several of these signs in your friend, it may be time to have a conversation about your concerns. Remember to approach this with kindness and understanding, and be mindful of choosing an appropriate time when they are not under the influence. While it can be difficult to confront a friend about their drinking, your support and encouragement could be a crucial step in their journey towards recovery.
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How to approach a friend about their drinking
Approaching a friend about their drinking can be a difficult conversation to have. It's important to be prepared and approach the topic with sensitivity and empathy. Here are some steps to guide you through this challenging conversation:
Recognise the Signs
Firstly, it's essential to recognise the signs of problematic drinking. While only a doctor or licensed addiction specialist can diagnose someone with alcohol use disorder (AUD), there are certain red flags that may indicate your friend is struggling with alcohol addiction. These can include behavioural changes, such as distancing themselves from you or others who don't drink heavily, and only wanting to participate in activities that involve alcohol. You may also notice that they drink much faster and more than others in social situations or that they experience negative consequences due to their drinking, such as issues at work or changes in their mental health.
Prepare Yourself
Before approaching your friend, take time to accept your own feelings and prepare what you want to say. It's normal to feel nervous or upset about having this conversation. Writing down your thoughts or role-playing the conversation with a trusted confidant can help you feel more confident and calm. It's also a good idea to involve other mutual friends or family members so that you have a support system and can get a sense of how they perceive your friend's drinking.
Choose the Right Time and Place
When you decide to have the conversation, choose a time when your friend is not under the influence of alcohol and is likely to be in a good mood. Avoid times when they might be hungover or feeling unwell. Select a private setting where you can both concentrate on the conversation without distractions.
Use Empathy and Positive Language
When you begin the conversation, lead with empathy and understanding. Use "I" statements to express your concerns, such as, "I understand you might be struggling, and I am worried about you." Avoid accusatory or angry tones, and instead, use positive language that focuses on the benefits of making a change. For example, you could say, "It would be great to spend more time together and do some activities that don't involve drinking."
Share Specific Examples
Provide specific examples of how their drinking has impacted you or resulted in negative consequences. For instance, you could say, "I felt scared last night when you were shouting after drinking," or "I noticed you missed work a few times, and I'm concerned about how drinking might be affecting your professional life." Sharing specific instances can help your friend understand the impact of their drinking and encourage them to consider making changes.
Encourage Treatment and Offer Support
Suggest activities and social events that don't involve alcohol, and encourage your friend to seek professional help. Offer to join them in appointments or support group meetings, and provide them with resources and tools for managing their drinking. Remember that overcoming alcohol misuse is an ongoing process, and setbacks may occur. Be supportive and patient throughout their journey towards recovery.
Remember, you don't have to go through this alone. There are support groups and resources available for friends and family members of people struggling with alcohol addiction. Taking care of yourself is also important, so ensure you seek help if you need it.
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Supporting a friend through recovery
If you have a friend who is struggling with alcohol addiction, it can be a heartbreaking and confusing experience. You may feel unsure about what to do or say to help them. Here are some ways to support a friend through their recovery:
Educate Yourself on Addiction and Recovery:
Learn about the signs and symptoms of alcohol addiction and the recovery process. Understanding the disease can help you better comprehend what your friend is going through. Talk to professionals, such as your doctor or an addiction specialist, to gather information and advice on how to discuss the situation with your friend. Understanding that relapse may be a part of your friend's recovery is also important. Approximately 66% of people who enter treatment for alcohol use disorder experience relapse, but many of those who relapse can effectively navigate back to remission.
Talk to Your Friend with Empathy and Understanding:
Approach your friend with kindness and empathy. Choose a time when they are sober and in a comfortable, safe setting. Be direct and honest about your concerns, using "I" statements, such as "I understand your struggle, but I am worried about you." It is normal for your friend to be in denial or to accuse you of overreacting, so be prepared for this reaction and remain patient and non-judgmental.
Offer Practical Help and Support:
You can offer to accompany your friend to support group meetings, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), or help with daily tasks and errands during their recovery. If they are considering rehab, offer to make phone calls and assist with paperwork. Educate yourself on treatment centres and insurance options to help your friend understand the process and feel more comfortable taking that step.
Encourage Non-Drinking Activities:
Suggest and participate in enjoyable hobbies or activities that do not involve drinking. Look for social events that don't revolve around alcohol, such as concerts, sporting events, or volunteer activities. This can help your friend build a social network and create memories that aren't centred on alcohol.
Build a Supportive Network:
Encourage your friend to build a solid support system, including mutual-help groups and positive relationships. At the same time, be mindful of removing unsupportive people from their network—those who may encourage their drinking habits.
Take Care of Yourself:
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Finding sober activities and friends
It can be challenging to maintain sobriety when your friends are drinking, and you may feel pressure to conform. However, it is possible to stay sober and socialise with drinking friends by employing a few strategies. Firstly, be honest with your friends about your desire to stop drinking and ask for their support. True friends will understand and respect your decision. You can also be selective about the social situations you choose to be in. Avoid places and activities that trigger drinking, and decline invitations that you know may tempt you to drink. Instead, suggest alternative activities that don't revolve around alcohol, such as concerts, art exhibitions, sporting events, or volunteer work.
To make new friends who are also sober, you can join support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, which has over 2 million members in the US. These groups often organise substance-free events, providing an excellent opportunity to meet other sober people. If a 12-step program doesn't appeal to you, there are many other communities to explore. For example, you could take a course, join a gym or fitness class, try a new hobby, or volunteer.
You can also use online platforms like MeetUp to find local sober communities and connect with like-minded individuals. Social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram also have groups and influencers focused on sobriety, wellness, and life after sobriety. These online communities can be a great way to expand your worldview and foster connections before meeting in person. Additionally, sober-minded retreats can encourage you to embrace your vulnerability and find connections with like-minded individuals.
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Knowing when to walk away
- Your friend refuses to accept help or make any changes: If your friend is not willing to acknowledge their problem and seek support, it may be time to step away. You can encourage them to speak with a medical professional or addiction specialist, but ultimately, they need to take responsibility for their recovery.
- The relationship is damaging your mental health: Alcoholism can impact not just the person drinking but also those around them. If you find that the relationship is causing you significant stress, anxiety, or unhappiness, it may be necessary to take a step back and focus on your own healing.
- Your friend becomes abusive: Alcohol abuse can sometimes lead to abusive behaviour. If you are experiencing any form of abuse, it is crucial to remove yourself from the situation immediately and seek help.
- You are enabling their drinking: Enabling behaviours can include providing money that may be spent on alcohol, covering up for missed responsibilities, or making excuses for their drinking. While it may be difficult, sometimes the best way to support your friend is to let them face the consequences of their actions and seek help.
- You feel unsafe: If you ever feel unsafe around your friend due to their drinking, it is important to remove yourself from that situation.
Remember, walking away does not have to be permanent. You can always choose to re-establish the relationship if your friend decides to get help and make positive changes. In the meantime, focus on taking care of yourself and seek support if needed.
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Frequently asked questions
While only a doctor or licensed addiction specialist can diagnose someone with alcohol use disorder (AUD), there are some signs you can look out for. These include drinking much faster and more than everyone else in the group, drinking to intoxication when others are not, and experiencing withdrawal symptoms such as nausea, tremors, and insomnia.
It's important to talk to your friend about your concerns in a calm and compassionate way. You can suggest that they speak with a medical healthcare provider or an addiction specialist. You can also offer to make phone calls and fill out paperwork related to rehab admissions. Additionally, you can support your friend by spending time with them and doing activities that don't involve drinking.
Firstly, be honest with your friend and ask for their support. You can also hold a virgin drink to avoid questioning and suggest alternative activities that don't revolve around alcohol. Joining a support group, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, can help you connect with other sober people and provide a higher chance of remaining substance-free.
