Noah Vinter
Alcohol addiction is a complex issue that affects not only the individual but also their loved ones. Dealing with an alcoholic who refuses help can be challenging and emotionally draining. It is important to understand the underlying reasons for their denial and unwillingness to change. Enabling behaviours from family and friends can also hinder the recovery process. To effectively support an alcoholic who is refusing service, it is crucial to educate oneself about alcoholism and set healthy boundaries. While it is essential to remain supportive, patient, and compassionate, it is equally important to avoid enabling behaviours and establish consequences for breaking the rules. Seeking professional help and intervention can be beneficial in guiding both the alcoholic and their loved ones towards a positive path to recovery.
Dealing with an unwilling alcoholic
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Be aware of your surroundings | Take note of people heading towards intoxication |
| Intervene early | Subtly inform them they will be refused service if their behaviour deteriorates |
| Seek assistance | Get approval and assistance from your manager and security staff |
| Be patient and polite | Calmly inform the patron that you can no longer serve them alcohol |
| Don't delay | Decide and act on your decision to refuse serving them alcohol |
| Offer alternatives | Provide them with a glass of water or some food |
| Ensure the patron leaves | Ask them to leave within a reasonable period of time |
| Keep a record | Document the incident, reasons for refusal, what was said, actions taken, and any aggressive behaviour |
| Family intervention | Initiate change or start the family's recovery process |
| Professional help | Work with professionals to identify changes to the alcoholic's family and environment |
| Be supportive | Remain supportive, patient, and compassionate to help them regain a life free from alcohol |
| Inpatient rehab | Convince them to enter outpatient services or support group meetings |
| Don't give up | Don't take their refusal personally, but don't give up on them |
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What You'll Learn
Be patient, calm, and polite
When dealing with a confused unwilling alcoholic who is refusing service, it is important to be patient, calm, and polite. This can be a challenging situation, but remaining patient and keeping your calm can help increase their chances of making changes and seeking treatment. Here are some ways to approach this:
Be Patient
It is important to remember that recovery is a journey, and it may take time for your loved one to accept the help they need. Don't give up on them, and continue to offer support and guidance. Understand that addiction has a strong grip on a person's life, and it is never as simple as just stopping. Focus on your well-being first so that you can be there for them in the long run.
Keep Calm
Remaining calm is crucial when dealing with an unwilling alcoholic. Losing your temper or becoming impatient will likely lead to a negative response from the individual. While it is important to set boundaries and know when to walk away, maintaining a calm demeanour can help de-escalate tense situations.
Be Polite and Direct
When refusing service or offering help, do so in a polite and respectful manner. Avoid using embarrassing or defensive language, such as the word "drunk." Speak euphemistically, for example, saying something like, "you've had too much fun tonight." Offer them alternatives, such as water or food, and stand firm on not providing more alcohol.
Offer Non-Judgmental Support
As a family member or loved one, you can help by addressing any behaviours that directly or indirectly enable the alcoholic's behaviour. Work with professionals to identify changes that can be made to the alcoholic's family and environment, increasing their chances of seeking treatment. Offer support without judgement and help them navigate the path to recovery.
Remember, this is a challenging situation, and it is important to take care of yourself as well. Seek support from professionals and other loved ones to help you through this process.
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Offer alternatives like water or food
If you are a bartender or server, it is your responsibility to ensure that you abide by your state's Responsible Service of Alcohol (RSA) legislation. This includes refusing service to intoxicated patrons, which is mandatory in places like Australia. While this can be a challenging task, especially when dealing with agitated or violent patrons, there are strategies you can employ to handle the situation effectively. One approach is to offer alternatives like water or food to divert the patron's attention from alcoholic drinks.
Offering alternatives like water or food can be a subtle way to divert the patron's attention and reduce their urge to consume more alcohol. You can suggest a glass of water or even offer gourmet food items to shift their focus. This approach can be particularly effective if you present non-alcoholic drinks attractively or with a fancy name to evoke curiosity. For instance, you could suggest a specialty mocktail or a non-alcoholic version of a classic cocktail, such as a Moscow Mule made with ginger beer.
Additionally, you could recommend alcohol-free beverages that mimic the taste and complexity of traditional alcoholic drinks. These alternatives are becoming increasingly popular and can include zero-alcohol beers and wines and spirit substitutes. For example, you could suggest a gin lover try a juniper-flavored non-alcoholic spirit like Seedlip, mixed with tonic water. These alternatives allow individuals to engage in drinking behaviors without the risks associated with alcohol consumption. They also help individuals avoid scrutiny or questions about why they are not drinking alcohol.
In some cases, offering water or food may not be enough to deter an unwilling alcoholic from continuing to drink. Alcoholic denial is common, and individuals often refuse to acknowledge their drinking problem, blaming external factors instead. In these situations, it is essential to remember that you cannot directly control the alcoholic's behavior. However, you can work with professionals, such as interventionists and addiction specialists, to identify changes that can be made to the alcoholic's family and environment to increase their chances of seeking treatment.
Remember, when dealing with an intoxicated patron, it is crucial to assess their level of intoxication, seek assistance from your manager and security staff, and ensure that they leave the premises within a reasonable period. Offering alternatives like water or food is just one tool in your toolkit for managing these challenging situations effectively and ensuring the safety of your patrons and staff.
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Interventions can help
If your loved one is an alcoholic and is refusing help, it is important to remember that you cannot directly control them. However, there are still many ways you can help them begin their recovery journey. Firstly, do not take their refusal of help personally, and do not give up on them. It is important to remain patient, supportive, and compassionate throughout their recovery.
It may be beneficial to work with professionals to identify changes that can be made to the alcoholic’s family and environment. This could increase their chances of making changes and seeking treatment. Interventionists and other addiction professionals can bring their knowledge and experience to the situation, as well as an unbiased view.
If your loved one is refusing to enter inpatient rehab, you may have better luck convincing them to enter outpatient services. This would allow them to continue with their usual routine while attending treatment at a clinic during the day. If they are opposed to residential treatment, they may be willing to attend support group meetings as a first step.
In extreme cases, family members may have the option to seek civil commitment, where the court mandates that a person attends substance abuse treatment. However, civil commitment laws vary significantly from state to state.
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Focus on your own well-being
It is important to focus on your own well-being when dealing with a confused, unwilling alcoholic who is refusing service. Here are some ways to do that:
Recognise the Challenges
Dealing with a loved one's drinking problem can be painful and challenging. Their actions can affect not just themselves but also their family, employers, and others in their social circle. It can be frustrating to watch them deteriorate while feeling helpless to do anything about it. It is important to recognise and accept these challenges.
Understand Addiction
It is important to understand that addiction has a powerful grip on a person's life. It is incredibly difficult to comprehend the hold that substances can have on an individual without having experienced it yourself. Remind yourself that it is never as simple as just stopping, and focus on your well-being to ensure your efforts to foster recovery are effective.
Seek Professional Help
Interventionists and addiction professionals can be incredibly helpful in these situations. They bring knowledge and experience, as well as an unbiased perspective, which can be beneficial in guiding your loved one towards recovery. They can also help you identify changes that can be made to your loved one's family and environment to increase their chances of seeking treatment.
Suggest Routine Check-ups
Suggest or schedule routine check-up appointments with a doctor. Inform the doctor of the addiction beforehand so they can better identify the issues and recommend courses of action. Doctors can provide an outside perspective that may help your loved one think more clearly and serve as a wake-up call.
Explore Treatment Options
There are various treatment options available, including inpatient rehab, outpatient services, support group meetings, behavioural therapy, and medication. If your loved one is worried about disrupting their life with inpatient rehab, suggest outpatient services that allow them to continue their daily routine while attending treatment. Remember, recovery is a journey, and it is important to remain supportive, patient, and compassionate throughout.
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Know your workplace's refusal protocol
As an employee who sells alcohol to customers, it is your responsibility to ensure you abide by your state's Responsible Service of Alcohol (RSA) legislation. If you don’t, and are found to have breached RSA laws, you can be fined, and the licensed premises you work for may also face penalties. While each state is in control of its own RSA laws, the general theme is a duty of care by taking all reasonable steps to provide a safe environment for patrons and staff. This means not allowing drunk or disorderly people into licensed premises, not serving anyone underage, and refusing to serve alcohol to people who are intoxicated.
When you start working at a licensed premises, seek out the venue’s refusal-to-serve-alcohol policy and study it. Knowing how to manage these situations before they occur will ensure you have the best chance of securing a positive outcome for everyone involved.
- Early intervention: Be aware of your surroundings, and take note of people who are heading towards intoxication. Subtly and tactfully inform them that they will be refused service if their behaviour deteriorates and that they may be asked to leave.
- Seek assistance: Before approaching any intoxicated patron, seek approval and assistance from your manager and security staff. This will ensure you are covered should anything go wrong, and if it’s your first time in such a situation, you will receive guidance on how to deal with it.
- Be patient and polite: Confidently but politely inform the patron that you can no longer serve them alcohol. Don’t call them names, stay calm and don’t raise your voice.
- Don’t delay: If you decide they’ve had enough alcohol, don’t delay your decision to refuse serving them.
- Offer alternatives: Providing them with alternatives like a glass of water or some food would ease their urge to have more. Offer to phone a taxi or a friend to drive them home.
- Ensure they leave: Once a patron becomes intoxicated, they must leave the premises and not be allowed back in, even if they have accepted your offer of a non-alcoholic drink. It’s your responsibility to ensure they leave safely and do not loiter outside.
- Keep a record: Once the patron has been safely removed from the premises, record the details of what happened in writing. This should include the reasons for refusal of service, what was said by everyone involved, what actions were taken, and if there was any aggressive behaviour. Ensure management witnesses and signs off on it.
If you are a supervisor or manager dealing with alcoholism in the workplace, your role is not to diagnose the alcohol problem but to exercise responsibility in dealing with the performance or conduct problem, hold the employee accountable, refer the employee to the EAP, and take any appropriate disciplinary action. Your role in dealing with alcoholism in the workplace is crucial. The most effective way to get an alcoholic employee to deal with the problem is to make them aware that their job is on the line and that they must get help and improve performance and conduct, or face serious consequences, including the possibility of losing their job.
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Frequently asked questions
It is important to remember that you cannot force an alcoholic to get help. However, you can work with professionals to identify changes that can be made to their environment and family situation. This could increase their chances of making changes and seeking treatment. You can also encourage them to attend support group meetings as a first step. If they are still unwilling to change, the family can and should start their own recovery process.
It is important to be vigilant for signs of intoxication, such as wobbly walking, slurred speech, or glassy eyes. Before taking action, discuss the situation with a supervisor or security personnel for support. When refusing service, be patient and polite. For example, you could say, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you any more alcohol. It seems like you're already a bit drunk." Offer them a glass of water or suggest non-alcoholic drinks with fancy names to evoke curiosity.
The main reason an alcoholic may not want help is that they believe the benefits of drinking outweigh the consequences of stopping. This could be because they want to maintain a victim mentality, or they may not want to take ownership of the problems caused by their drinking. Alcoholic denial often comes with a refusal to admit there is a drinking problem, instead blaming everyone and everything else.
