Lena Savoie
Alcoholism, or alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a common condition where a person is unable to stop drinking despite the negative impact on their life and the lives of those around them. It can be challenging to confront an alcoholic, especially when they are a loved one. However, it is important to address the issue, as the longer alcohol abuse goes on, the worse it becomes. Confrontation can be done through an intervention, a planned meeting where concerned individuals, such as family and friends, gather to discuss the impact of the alcoholic's behaviour. It is recommended to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, providing specific examples of the alcoholic's behaviour and suggesting treatment options.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Feelings before confronting an alcoholic | Fear of offending them, angering them, or harming the relationship |
| Alcoholic's feelings | Denial about their condition, defensive, angry |
| Steps to confront an alcoholic | Research and find treatment options, have a clear understanding of alcoholism, write down your concerns, identify your main points, communicate them in a firm and compassionate way, be ready to provide support |
| Intervention | A planned meeting with concerned parties, a substance abuse counselor, family therapist, or spiritual advisor may also attend |
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What You'll Learn
Be aware of the signs of alcoholism
Alcoholism, or alcohol use disorder, is a common medical condition. People with this condition are unable to stop drinking, even when drinking negatively affects their health, safety, and personal relationships. While the signs of alcoholism vary from person to person, here are some common signs and behaviours to watch out for:
Craving Alcoholic Beverages
A person with alcoholism may crave beverages containing alcohol and be unable to stop thinking about their next drink. They may also have a high tolerance for alcohol and experience withdrawal symptoms if they do not drink.
Negative Impact on Relationships
Alcoholism can lead to damaged relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. The person may continue to drink even when it causes issues with those around them. They may also give up important social, work, or recreational activities because of their alcohol consumption.
Inability to Control Drinking
People with alcoholism often drink more than they intended or for longer periods than they planned. They may spend a lot of time obtaining alcohol, drinking, or recovering from hangovers. They might also repeatedly try to reduce their alcohol intake but fail to do so.
Impact on Work and Obligations
Alcoholism can interfere with work and personal obligations. The person may frequently be unable to fulfil their responsibilities due to their drinking. They may also drink in physically hazardous situations or while operating machinery, which can be dangerous.
Health Risks
Alcoholism can have severe health consequences. A person with alcoholism may continue to drink even when they have a medical condition or mental disorder that is worsened by alcohol. It is important to watch for any signs of health deterioration related to alcohol consumption.
If you recognise these signs in yourself or a loved one, it is important to seek help. There are various treatment options available, including medication, therapy, rehab facilities, and support groups. Remember that recovery is possible, and many people can reduce their alcohol intake or stop drinking entirely with the right support.
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Prepare what to say in advance
Before approaching your loved one, it is important to have a clear understanding of alcoholism. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is when a person is unable to manage their drinking and cannot stop even when it is impacting their life. People with AUD can be emotionally and physically reliant on alcohol. They may be unable to stop drinking even when expressing that they want to.
When preparing what to say, it is important to write down your concerns and identify your main points. It is also crucial to communicate these points in a firm but compassionate way. Avoid being confrontational or accusatory, as this may prompt denial or anger. Instead, express concern for their well-being and be empathetic and understanding.
Provide specific examples and concrete instances that illustrate your concerns. For instance, point out behaviours that are troubling, such as an inability to stop drinking despite the negative impact on relationships and mental health. You can also suggest particular treatment options that may be helpful. Research viable treatment options in advance and present your loved one with a list of readily available resources, such as rehab facilities, support groups, or therapy options.
Remember that you don't have to say everything all at once. It is important to listen as much as you speak. Be prepared for pushback, as the person may be defensive or deny the problem. It is normal to worry about their reaction, but staying silent sends the message that their behaviour is not an issue. Let them know how their alcohol use is impacting your relationship with them.
Lastly, have some concrete next steps for them to choose from if they are ready to get help. Look for local support groups, find therapists or counselors, and research treatment facilities. Offer to assist them in taking these steps, such as by offering them a ride.
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Be empathetic and supportive
When confronting an alcoholic, it is important to be empathetic and supportive. This means understanding their perspective and offering help without being judgemental or confrontational. Here are some ways to do this:
Educate yourself on alcoholism and the treatment options available: Before approaching your loved one, take the time to learn about alcoholism, including the signs, symptoms, and treatment options. Understand that alcoholism is a medical condition where people are unable to stop drinking even if it is causing negative consequences in their lives. By educating yourself, you can approach the conversation with more empathy and knowledge of potential next steps.
Express concern and care: Start the conversation by expressing your concern for their well-being. Let them know that you are coming from a place of care and support. For example, you could say, "I've noticed you've been more stressed lately. How are you doing? Are you okay?" This approach can help make the conversation more productive and show that you are there to help.
Provide specific examples and concrete next steps: When discussing their alcohol use, provide specific examples of behaviours that have concerned you. Be prepared to offer concrete next steps, such as suggesting local Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, finding counsellors, or researching treatment facilities. Having a clear plan can make the conversation more focused and productive.
Listen as much as you speak: Remember that it is important to listen to the person struggling with alcoholism. Give them the space to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption. This can help build trust and make them feel heard and understood.
Seek support for yourself: Confronting someone about their alcohol use can be emotionally challenging for you as well. Make sure to take care of yourself by seeking support from trusted friends, counsellors, or support groups specifically for people dealing with a loved one's drinking problem, such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or Alateen.
Remember, the goal is to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, while also providing concrete steps towards treatment and recovery.
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Suggest treatment options
Confronting an alcoholic is a challenging task, and it's normal to worry about how they might react. However, staying silent about their behaviour will only enable them to believe that their drinking is not a problem. It's important to let them know how their alcohol use is impacting their relationships and lives.
- Educate yourself: Before confronting your loved one, take the time to understand alcoholism and alcohol use disorders (AUD). Learn about the signs of AUD, the different types of treatment options, and self-help resources available. This will help you have a more informed and compassionate conversation.
- Seek professional guidance: Consider consulting an intervention specialist, therapist, counsellor, psychologist, or substance abuse specialist. These professionals can provide valuable guidance and strategies for addressing your loved one's alcohol misuse. They can also help you prepare for the conversation and support you throughout the process.
- Choose an appropriate time and place: Pick a time and place where both of you are calm, sober, and undisturbed. Ensure you are both feeling safe and comfortable to increase the likelihood of a productive conversation.
- Use specific examples and direct requests: Avoid vague statements and instead, point out specific behaviours that are troubling. Provide direct requests and suggestions for treatment options. For example, you could say, "I've done some research and found these treatment options that I think could help."
- Offer a list of resources: Research viable treatment options beforehand and present your loved one with a list of readily available resources, such as rehab centres, detox programs, or support groups. Make sure to include contact information and any relevant details.
- Involve their doctor: Encourage your loved one to speak with their primary care doctor or GP. Their doctor can evaluate their drinking patterns, overall health, and provide treatment referrals or medication if appropriate.
- Suggest a 12-step program or support group: Attending support groups, such as AA meetings, is a common and effective treatment option. These groups provide social connection, advice on staying sober, and a sense of community with others facing similar struggles.
- Support their treatment plan: If your loved one chooses to seek treatment, offer to help them with their treatment plan and goals. This could include participating in family therapy or mutual support group meetings. Staying involved demonstrates your commitment to their recovery.
- Encourage lifestyle changes: Help your loved one set new limits and realistic strategies to reduce their alcohol intake. This could include setting drink limits, taking breaks between drinks, avoiding triggers, and pursuing new interests and social groups that don't involve drinking.
Remember, the conversation may not go as planned, and it may take more than one conversation to encourage your loved one to seek help. Be prepared for different reactions and remain supportive and firm in your commitment to their wellbeing.
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Seek support for yourself
Dealing with an alcoholic's drinking problem can be an emotional rollercoaster and can take a heavy toll on your health, outlook, and well-being. It is important to seek support for yourself during this stressful time. Here are some ways to do that:
Educate yourself on alcohol use disorders
Learn about the nature of the person's problem and how you can help. Research viable treatment options online and make calls to treatment centres that appear appropriate. The more informed you are, the better equipped you will be to lend your support and get your loved one the help they need.
Seek professional help
You don't have to go through this alone. Consider seeking help from a therapist, counsellor, psychologist, interventionist, or substance abuse specialist. These professionals can advise you on how to talk to your loved one about their alcohol use and help you develop healthier strategies to protect your boundaries.
Join a support group
Consider joining a support group for loved ones of people with alcohol use disorders, such as Al-Anon or SMART Recovery for Friends and Family. Listening to others facing the same challenges can serve as a tremendous source of comfort and support. These groups can also help you learn about the importance of setting healthy boundaries when dealing with someone with an alcohol use disorder.
Take care of yourself
Taking care of yourself is important when you are concerned about someone you love. Your needs are just as important as anyone else's, and taking care of yourself doesn't mean that you don't care about your loved one. Remember that you are not to blame for your loved one's drinking problem and that you can't make them change.
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Frequently asked questions
It is called an intervention.
An intervention is a planned meeting where concerned parties confront an alcoholic about their behaviour.
The alcoholic's spouse or partner, children, parents, friends, coworkers, employer, and anyone else affected by the alcoholic's behaviour can be a part of an intervention.
The purpose of an intervention is to make the alcoholic aware of how their behaviour is affecting those around them and to present them with a treatment plan.
If you worry about how much or how often your loved one drinks, you make excuses for their behaviour, or you've been hurt or embarrassed by them when they were drinking, it may be time for an intervention.
