Lena Savoie
Relapses are a common part of the recovery journey for many people dealing with alcohol addiction. It is important to remember that a relapse does not mean that the person is doomed to a life of addiction or that their treatment has failed. As a loved one, it is normal to experience a range of emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, and resentment. However, it is crucial to avoid shaming or blaming the person, as this can exacerbate feelings of guilt and failure, potentially pushing them further into addiction. Instead, focus on providing a calm and supportive environment, offering love and encouragement, and helping them reconnect with their support network or treatment plan.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Relapse is common | 40-60% of people in recovery experience some form of relapse |
| It's not a failure | It's a continuation of old coping patterns that need to be replaced with new ones |
| It's not sudden | There are stages of relapse, and it can be identified early on |
| It's not the end | Recovery is still possible, and a sober life can be achieved |
| Understand the condition | Educate yourself on alcohol use disorders, how to spot and treat them |
| Empathy | Put yourself in their shoes, understand their relationship with alcohol |
| Support | Encourage them to seek help, offer emotional support, be firm but supportive |
| Action | Help them get support, plan relapse prevention techniques, motivate them to accept help |
| Reflection | Ask questions, encourage them to turn this into a learning experience |
| Avoid triggers | Help them avoid triggers, plan and practice coping strategies |
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What You'll Learn
Empathy is key: Put yourself in their shoes
Empathy is key when speaking to a loved one who has relapsed. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand that long-term sobriety is a battle, with a voice in their head telling them that one drink won't hurt. Understand that bad days happen, and while you may reach for chocolate or a glass of wine, the reality for an alcoholic is very different. The voice in their head may become too loud to control, and they need your support.
It is important to remember that relapse is common, and up to 90% of people in recovery relapse at least once. It is a setback, but it does not undo the progress made. Addiction is not just physical dependence; it is a multifaceted condition with underlying emotional and psychological causes and triggers. Recognise that relapse has occurred, and do not ignore the issue. Be firm but supportive, and do not downplay the situation. Allow your loved one to feel guilty, as this may encourage them to seek help.
Offer empathy and let them know you care. You can say, "I can see this is painful for you, and I'm sorry," or "I love you, and I'm sorry this has happened." You can also offer reassurance that they are not alone and that recovery is a journey with setbacks. Remind them of the progress they have made and that a minor blip does not undo all their hard work. You can ask how you can help and offer a hug, a home-cooked meal, or a walk. Focus on the present moment and be proactive in knowing your loved one's warning signs.
It is important to avoid aggression, hostility, or enabling behaviours. Do not use drugs or drink alcohol in front of your loved one, as this can cause cravings and set the stage for a relapse. It is okay to set healthy boundaries and say, "I love you, but this behaviour is unacceptable." Finding the balance between compassion and boundaries can be challenging, but it is crucial to supporting your loved one through their recovery journey.
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Recognise the progress: Remind them of how far they've come
Recognising the progress made by a loved one who has relapsed is a crucial aspect of helping them navigate the challenges of recovery. Here are some ways to approach this:
Remind Them of Their Strength and Courage
It is important to acknowledge and validate the strength and courage demonstrated by your loved one in their recovery journey so far. Remind them of the difficult steps they have taken towards sobriety, such as seeking treatment, attending appointments, and facing their addiction. This recognition can help boost their self-esteem and reinforce their sense of agency in their journey.
Highlight Their Achievements
Take the time to reflect on and highlight the tangible achievements your loved one has made since beginning their recovery. These achievements could include maintaining periods of sobriety, developing healthier coping mechanisms, repairing relationships, or pursuing personal goals that were previously hindered by their addiction. By bringing attention to these accomplishments, you can help your loved one see the tangible progress they have made, even if they have experienced a setback.
Emphasise the Value of Their Journey
Reinforce the idea that recovery is a journey, and like all journeys, setbacks and obstacles are to be expected. Help them understand that relapses do not erase the progress they have made or diminish the value of their journey thus far. Encourage them to view their relapse as an opportunity to learn and grow, and to develop a deeper understanding of their triggers and challenges. Remind them that many people experience setbacks during recovery, and it does not mean they have failed or need to start from scratch.
Offer Continued Support and Encouragement
Let your loved one know that you are proud of how far they have come and that you will continue to support and encourage them in their recovery. Offer specific examples of how you can provide practical support, such as accompanying them to appointments, helping them avoid triggers, or simply being available to listen and offer emotional support. This can help them feel less alone and more empowered to continue their journey.
Encourage Self-Reflection and Learning
Encourage your loved one to reflect on their recovery journey thus far, including the challenges they have overcome and the strategies that have helped them stay sober. This self-reflection can help them identify their strengths and the tools they have acquired to manage their addiction. Additionally, encourage them to view this relapse as a learning opportunity. Ask open-ended questions to help them explore the triggers and underlying causes of the relapse, and work together to develop strategies to prevent future relapses.
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Be supportive: Ask how you can help
When a person gives up alcohol, their senses are adapting to new situations without the alcohol that they relied on for so long, and the disorientation can be overwhelming. The transition back to the world outside rehab can come as a huge shock, so your support and understanding are vital, especially when they need reassurance after a relapse. It is important to remember that relapse is not a sign of weakness or failure but a continuation of old coping patterns that need to be replaced with new ones.
To help an alcoholic who has relapsed, you will need to be empathetic, calm, and caring. You should also be direct and supportive without being harsh or confrontational. It is important to put yourself in their shoes and understand their relationship with alcohol. You can express your worries in a supportive manner and acknowledge their efforts and struggles with addiction. Offer encouragement to return to sobriety by reminding them of how far they have come in their recovery journey and that they are in control. You can also offer to assist them in finding a program, service, or meeting if they are interested in receiving treatment or support following a relapse.
It is also important to understand the signs of an oncoming relapse so that you can intervene early. Ask yourself: Are they withdrawing from social interactions? Are they making excuses? Are they experiencing withdrawal symptoms? Are they in denial about their addiction? Are they experiencing mood swings? Have they begun to question the merits of recovery or sobriety? By talking regularly to someone going through the recovery process, you can notice when these behaviours start and work through them early.
You can also encourage them to get in touch with a drug or alcohol service and be open about the difficulties they are having. You can also help them stay motivated by encouraging self-belief, reminding them about what has worked well for them in the past, and being positive about them getting back on track. You can offer to attend addiction meetings with them to get their recovery on track. You can also help them avoid triggers that remind them of using alcohol, such as certain people, places, or things.
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Avoid aggression: Work through your feelings elsewhere
It is understandable that you may feel angry or frustrated with a loved one who has relapsed into alcoholism. However, it is crucial to avoid aggression and hostility when addressing the situation. Here are some ways to work through your feelings and channel them into something constructive:
Educate yourself about alcoholism:
Understand that alcoholism is a chronic brain disorder or disease, and relapse is a common part of the long-term recovery process. Educate yourself about the complicated and uncontrollable nature of alcoholism, including how to spot it, treat it, and manage it. This knowledge will help you empathize with your loved one and offer them the support they need.
Recognize triggers and warning signs:
Triggers for relapse can vary and may include certain people, places, scents, or stressful situations. By recognizing these triggers and warning signs, you can help create an environment conducive to sobriety. Remove alcohol-related items from their surroundings and encourage positive activities to distract them from cravings.
Offer non-judgmental support:
Instead of aggression, channel your feelings into providing love, concern, and understanding. Your loved one may already be feeling guilty, worthless, or hopeless. Avoid making accusations or criticizing their behavior, as this may cause them to act defensively. Rather, offer a listening ear and ask how you can help.
Encourage professional help:
Encourage your loved one to connect with a therapist, addiction counselor, or support group meetings. Ongoing relapse prevention, professional input, and honest conversations are essential to reducing future risks. Remember, recovery is a journey, and setbacks are opportunities for growth and learning.
Seek support for yourself:
It can be challenging to manage your feelings while supporting a loved one through relapse. Consider seeking therapy or counseling for yourself or joining support groups for friends and family of addicts. It is crucial to work through your feelings constructively and avoid projecting them onto your loved one.
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Encourage reflection: Turn a challenging time into a learning experience
Relapses are common among people recovering from addiction, and it is important to recognise that they happen. When an alcoholic relapses, it can be a highly emotional situation for everyone involved. The person may feel overwhelming shame, guilt, or anxiety, and their loved ones may feel angry or anxious.
Offer empathy and support
It is important to offer empathy and let the person know that you care about them. You can say something like, "I can see this is painful for you, and I'm sorry," or "I love you, and I'm sorry this has happened." You can also offer a hug, a home-cooked meal, or suggest going for a leisurely walk.
Remind them of their progress
It is crucial to remind your loved one of the progress they have made in their recovery journey. Let them know that relapses are common and that they should not be ashamed. Help them understand that long-term recovery is a journey with setbacks and obstacles, and that one minor blip does not undo all their hard work.
Focus on the present
Help your loved one stay in the present moment and focus on what they are feeling right now. Ask them how you can support them and help them feel good at this moment. Offer to connect them with local assistance and support groups.
Avoid blame and shame
Do not blame or shame the person for relapsing. Addiction is a disease, not a sign of weakness or failure. Work through any feelings of anger or frustration on your own or with a therapist.
Encourage reflection
Ask your loved one questions to encourage reflection on what led to the relapse. Be engaged in their responses and ask follow-up questions. Help them identify any triggers and work on avoiding these in the future. This may include certain people, places, or situations that could trigger cravings or relapse.
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Frequently asked questions
Recognise that the relapse has happened. Relapses are common, and the person may feel guilt or shame about their drinking. It is important to be kind and supportive, and avoid aggression, hostility, and enabling behaviours.
Offer empathy and let them know you love and care about them. You can say something like, "I can see this is painful for you and I'm sorry," or "I love you, and I'm sorry this has happened." It is also important to remind the person of the progress they have made and that setbacks are part of the journey.
Focus on the present moment and ask what you can do to help them feel good right now. Offer a hug, a home-cooked meal, or suggest a leisurely walk. Be engaged and ask follow-up questions to encourage a learning experience.
Do not shame, blame, or enable the person. Avoid using drugs or drinking alcohol in front of them, even if they say it is okay. Do not confront or demand that they take accountability, as this can cause conflict and drive a wedge between you.
