Arielle Cruz
When a friend or loved one decides to get sober, it can be challenging to know what to say or how to act. It's important to be patient and understanding, and to offer support and encouragement without being pushy. It's also crucial to avoid triggering topics or environments that may jeopardize their recovery. As a friend, you can help by talking openly about their triggers and helping them avoid people, places, and things linked to their substance use. Additionally, it's important to listen without judgment and avoid offering unsolicited advice. Supporting your loved one in finding a suitable support group or 12-step program can be beneficial, as they provide an opportunity to connect with other recovering individuals and learn from their experiences. Remember that recovery is a process, and your role is to provide a safe and non-judgmental space for your loved one to share their struggles and celebrate their progress.
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What You'll Learn
Be supportive, encouraging, and non-judgmental
Supporting a newly sober person can be challenging, but your role as a friend or family member is crucial to their recovery. Here are some ways to be supportive, encouraging, and non-judgmental:
Offer Encouragement and Avoid Criticism
Be encouraging without being pushy. Allow your friend to choose their own path to recovery. Even if they are following a 12-step programme, your words of encouragement can make a difference. Support them in the early days of sobriety, and they will start to feel more confident about their recovery journey.
Avoid Triggers and Temptation
Be mindful of triggers and avoid bringing up past drinking or drug use. This includes sharing stories about your own alcohol consumption or going into detail about social events that involve drinking. Understand that your friend may need to break ties with toxic friends or avoid certain places that trigger their addiction. As a friend, you can help identify and avoid these triggers, whether they are people, places, or things linked to their substance use.
Listen Without Judgment
If your friend wants to open up about their addiction, listen without judgment and avoid offering unsolicited advice. Let them take the lead in these conversations, and focus on listening with an open mind and heart. Remember that not everyone is comfortable talking about their addiction, so respect their boundaries if they are not ready to share.
Focus on Empathy and Understanding
Show empathy and understanding for your friend's struggles. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and concerns about their alcohol use and how it has impacted you. For example, say, "I am concerned about your alcohol use and how it is affecting your health." Avoid blaming or shaming and focus on genuine expressions of concern.
Offer Options and Resources
Instead of making demands or forcing your friend to seek help, offer them options and resources. For example, say, "I was wondering if you would consider seeing a doctor to talk about your alcohol use." Educate yourself on alcohol use disorders and treatment options so that you can provide them with information about different types of support and recovery programmes. Remember that it may take more than one conversation to encourage them to seek help, so be patient and persistent.
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Avoid triggers and enable healthy habits
When it comes to helping an alcoholic who is newly sober, it's important to remember that recovery is an ongoing process that requires time, patience, sensitivity, and honesty. Here are some ways to help your loved one avoid triggers and enable healthy habits:
Identify and Avoid Triggers
Triggers can be people, places, or activities that encourage alcohol use, directly or indirectly. Talk openly and honestly with your loved one about their specific triggers, and help them avoid these triggers. For example, if certain friends or social gatherings are triggers, suggest alternative activities that don't involve alcohol, such as taking a class, volunteering, or spending time in nature.
Build a Support Network
Encourage your loved one to build a sober social network and connect with others who are going through similar struggles. Support can come from family members, friends, counsellors, other recovering alcoholics, healthcare providers, or support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These groups provide a sense of community, reduce isolation, and offer valuable advice on staying sober.
Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Alcohol abuse is often a way to cope with stress, boredom, loneliness, or other negative emotions. Help your loved one find healthier ways to manage these feelings without relying on alcohol. This could include exercising, meditating, practising breathing exercises, or engaging in other relaxing activities. Encourage them to address the underlying issues that led to their alcohol abuse and guide them towards positive alternatives.
Practice Self-Care
Maintaining physical health can positively impact mental health during recovery. Encourage your loved one to eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. Also, help them develop a self-talk script to guide them through cravings and challenge any beliefs that romanticize alcohol use. Remind them to focus on their goals and the negative consequences of alcohol use.
Maintain Open Communication
Effective communication is crucial during recovery. Be empathetic, compassionate, and a good listener. Use positive language and avoid demands, threats, or judgement. Encourage your loved one to express their thoughts and struggles honestly so that you can better understand their experience and provide patient and composed support.
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Listen and communicate effectively
When communicating with a newly sober friend or loved one, it is important to be sensitive, patient, and honest. Here are some tips on how to listen and communicate effectively:
Be a Good Listener
Let your friend or loved one take the lead in the conversation. Your job is to listen with an open mind and heart. Don't interrupt or try to fix the problem by offering unsolicited advice. Allow them to speak their mind freely. Remember that not everyone is comfortable talking about their addiction or the details of their substance abuse. Respect their boundaries and drop the subject if they are not ready to discuss it.
Show Empathy and Understanding
Use empathetic statements to express your concern and let them know that you understand what they are going through. For example, say, "I know you've been having a hard time at work and feeling more pressure lately." Avoid making them feel judged or ashamed. Understand that recovery is a challenging and ongoing process, and there is no specified end date.
Focus on Positivity and Avoid Triggers
Provide positivity and affirmation to your friend or loved one. Recognize their progress and accomplishments, and encourage them to continue on their journey. Talk about the positive aspects of their life and how proud you are of their success. Avoid bringing up the past or asking invasive questions that might make them uncomfortable. Be mindful of common triggers, such as certain people, places, or topics that may encourage drug or alcohol use, and help your friend avoid them.
Offer Options and Support
Instead of making demands or using threatening language, present options and let them make their own decisions. For example, say, "I was wondering if you would consider seeing a doctor to talk about your alcohol use," instead of "You need to get help." Offer readily available treatment options and resources if they are willing to consider treatment. Remember that it may take more than one conversation to encourage them to seek help.
Encourage Healthy Connections and Activities
Support your friend or loved one in finding a substitute for their drinking habits. Encourage them to attend 12-step meetings or support groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, where they can connect with other recovering individuals and build a network of sober friends. Invite them to sober events or activities that do not involve drugs or alcohol, such as coffee, board games, or a new venue for dancing or dining.
Remember that effective communication is crucial in building trust and maintaining a healthy recovery process. Be patient, sensitive, and non-judgmental in your interactions with your newly sober friend or loved one.
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Understand relapse is a common part of recovery
Relapse is a common part of recovery from alcohol use disorder. Research has found that 40% to 60% of people dealing with substance abuse disorders relapse within a year. Experts consider relapses a part of the recovery process, and it can take five or six attempts before a person successfully maintains long-term sobriety.
Relapse is different from a lapse. A lapse is a temporary and short-term departure from recovery goals, such as having a glass of wine at a party and then returning to sobriety the next day. A relapse, on the other hand, is when a person completely stops maintaining their goal of reducing or avoiding alcohol use and returns to their previous levels of consumption.
There are a variety of circumstances that may promote relapse. Situations that tempt the person to return to drinking, such as places or people they associate with alcohol use, can act as triggers. Other triggers may include social pressures, personal setbacks, or pre-existing mental or emotional issues.
To support a friend who is newly sober, it is important to be encouraging without being pushy. Allow them to choose their own path and show your love and support. Be mindful of triggering topics and avoid going into detail about drinking or drug use. Talk openly and honestly about their triggers, and help them avoid people, places, and things linked to their substance use. Offer words of encouragement and support them in their early days of sobriety to build their confidence.
If your friend does relapse, encourage them to see it as an opportunity to learn more about their triggers and to develop new coping strategies. Therapy, support groups, and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can all be effective tools to prevent future relapses and maintain long-term recovery.
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Suggest support groups and professional help
Support groups and professional help can be crucial in helping someone with an alcohol problem achieve sobriety and avoid relapse. Research shows a correlation between participation in support groups and reduced drinking and cravings.
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is the most widely available self-help group for alcoholics, with over 120,000 groups in around 180 countries. The group's approach to sobriety centres on the 12 Steps, spiritual principles that members apply to their daily lives. These steps include admitting powerlessness over alcohol, accepting that a Higher Power will help through the journey, and making amends to those harmed by the addiction. AA meetings provide an opportunity for a newly sober person to find a substitute for their drinking and replace drinking buddies with a group of recovering friends.
Other support groups include LifeRing, a secular peer support network, SMART Recovery, a research-based support program, and Women for Sobriety, a self-help program designed for women. These groups offer a non-religious approach to recovery, focusing on empowerment, motivation, and emotional and spiritual growth.
In addition to support groups, professional help can be beneficial. Alcohol counselling sessions are run by professionals trained in handling addiction. Counsellors may use cognitive-behavioural therapy or other clinical approaches to help individuals cope with substance abuse issues.
It is important to remember that everyone's needs and preferences are unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. It may take some research and trial and error to find the right support group and professional help.
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Frequently asked questions
Do show your love and support, and be encouraging without being pushy. Don't make assumptions about their recovery or be critical of their efforts. Avoid bringing up the past or "the good old days" when you'd get drunk or high together.
Avoid using outdated and stigmatizing terms like "alcoholic" or "addict". Don't offer unsolicited advice, and don't tell them they aren't acting like themselves. Refrain from going into detail about your own drinking or drug use.
Let them know that you're proud of their progress and that you're there for them. Offer options instead of demands, such as suggesting they see a doctor or therapist to talk about their alcohol use. Share your own experiences and strengths, especially if you're an ex-drinker who is now sober.
