Withholding Support: Helping Or Hindering An Alcoholic Family Member?

Alcoholism, or alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a chronic medical disorder that affects the brain and body. It is characterized by a loss of control over drinking, preoccupation with alcohol, and continued use despite negative consequences. It is natural to want to help a family member struggling with alcoholism, but it is important to remember that you cannot force them to change. Enabling behaviours, such as covering up for their drinking or making excuses, can prevent them from facing the natural consequences of their actions and delay their decision to seek help. Instead, it is recommended to set boundaries, encourage treatment, and provide a supportive environment. However, it is crucial to prioritize self-care and seek support from groups like Al-Anon, as helping an alcoholic family member can be emotionally and mentally demanding.

Educate yourself about alcohol addiction

Educating yourself about alcohol addiction is a crucial step in supporting a loved one's recovery journey. Here are some ways to do that:

Understand the Basics of Addiction

Start by learning about the nature of addiction. Addiction is a complex condition that involves both psychological and physical dependence on a substance, such as alcohol. It is important to recognize that addiction is not a choice but a slippery slope that individuals may slide down. Understanding this perspective can help you approach your loved one's situation with empathy and compassion.

Research the Impact on the Brain and Body

Alcohol and other substances affect the brain's chemistry, particularly the reward systems, making recovery challenging as it requires a complete rewiring of these systems. Research the specific impacts of alcohol on the body, including both short-term and long-term effects, as well as withdrawal symptoms. Understanding these physical aspects can help you recognize the challenges your loved one is facing.

Learn about Treatment Options

Familiarize yourself with the various treatment options available for alcohol addiction. This includes behavioral treatments, such as counseling and support groups, as well as medical treatments. Medications like naltrexone, acamprosate, topiramate, and gabapentin are approved for alcohol use disorder treatment. Knowing these options can help you guide your family member toward professional help.

Understand Codependency and Boundaries

Codependency is a common issue in relationships where one person is battling addiction. It involves a dysfunctional dynamic where the non-addicted partner may enable the addiction, feel a need to rescue their loved one, or take on excessive responsibility. Understanding codependency can help you set healthy boundaries in your relationship. This may include not covering for their drinking, not making excuses, and not helping them acquire more alcohol.

Attend Support Groups

Consider attending support groups like Al-Anon and Alateen, which are specifically designed for people who have a loved one struggling with addiction. These groups provide a firsthand look at the challenges of recovery and can offer valuable insights into your loved one's experience. Additionally, they can provide you with a supportive community that understands your situation.

Remember, educating yourself about alcohol addiction empowers you to provide meaningful support and guidance to your alcoholic family member while also taking care of your own well-being.

Understand Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD)

Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a common medical condition characterised by impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences. AUD is sometimes referred to as alcoholism, alcohol dependence, or alcohol addiction. It is a brain disorder that can range from mild to severe.

The risk of developing AUD depends on how much, how often, and how quickly one consumes alcohol. Genetics and family history also play a role, with hereditability accounting for approximately 60%. Mental health conditions and a history of trauma are associated with an increased risk of AUD. Certain psychiatric conditions, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, are comorbid with AUD.

The signs of AUD include an increased tolerance to alcohol, experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not drinking, and a preoccupation with alcohol. People with AUD may also find it difficult to stop drinking, even when it negatively affects their health, safety, and personal relationships. They may also drink noticeably more than others.

Treatment for AUD includes medication, behavioural therapy, and support groups. Three medications approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to help reduce drinking and prevent relapse are naltrexone, acamprosate, and disulfiram. Behavioural treatments, such as alcohol counselling and talk therapy, aim to change drinking behaviour and teach coping skills. Support groups provide peer support and can be especially helpful in preventing a return to drinking.

It is important to remember that recovery from AUD is possible, and treatment approaches should be tailored to the individual. Family members can support their loved ones by creating a supportive environment, helping them avoid triggers, and accompanying them to outpatient treatment. However, it is crucial to set boundaries and not enable their addiction by covering for them or providing alcohol.

Set boundaries and avoid enabling

Alcohol abuse and addiction, or "alcohol use disorder", affects not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be difficult to communicate your concerns and find ways to help your loved one cut back or quit drinking. It is important to remember that you cannot force a loved one to enter treatment unless they are ready. The best options are to offer support, listen intently, provide resources, and follow through with any consequences you set forth with them.

Enabling occurs when someone covers up or makes excuses for the person who has a substance use disorder. As a result, the person with the disorder doesn't deal with the consequences of their actions. Well-meaning loved ones may bolster their denial or prevent them from facing the natural consequences of their actions. It is not your job to "cure" your loved one's alcoholism, but allowing natural consequences to occur can push a person from the pre-contemplative stage to the contemplative stage of overcoming addiction.

You can set boundaries and avoid enabling by not covering up for your loved one and talking about their addiction openly. You can encourage them to get sober by telling them to look at their treatment options or go to support groups. You can also accompany them to outpatient treatment if that is something they need. However, you should not support their addiction by making excuses for their drinking or helping them acquire more alcohol.

It is important to take care of yourself while helping a loved one with an alcohol problem. You can seek support from friends, family, community, or counselling groups. You can also reach out to groups such as Al-Anon, which is a mutual aid organization for people who have been impacted by another person's alcoholism.

Provide resources and support

It is important to remember that you cannot force a loved one to enter treatment unless they are ready. Offer support, listen intently, provide resources, and follow through with any consequences you set forth with them.

You can encourage them to get sober by telling them to look at their treatment options or go to support groups. You can also accompany them to outpatient treatment if that is something they need. You can also support their recovery by creating a supportive environment at home and helping them avoid their triggers.

Many treatment centers have family programs to help those receiving treatment repair their relationships with their loved ones. By participating in these programs, you can repair your relationship with an alcoholic friend or family member.

When approaching a loved one about their alcohol use, the way you communicate can significantly impact the outcome. Planning the conversation carefully is essential to ensure that it’s constructive, respectful, and compassionate. Choose a moment when your loved one is sober, calm, and in a relatively good frame of mind. Avoid bringing it up during or after an argument, or when they are under the influence of alcohol, as this could lead to defensiveness or anger.

Instead of ultimatums, focus on expressing your concerns and offering support. Let them know you’re there to help and that they have options for recovery. If boundaries are necessary, communicate them calmly and clearly, but avoid framing them as threats.

You can also offer to attend their first therapy session or support group meeting with them. Your ongoing involvement can make a powerful difference. Show that you’re committed to supporting them, not just in the short term, but throughout their entire journey. This may involve attending family therapy sessions, checking in regularly, or helping them maintain a healthy, supportive environment.

Some resources that can help you help your loved one include:

• National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA): Offers information on alcohol problems, treatment, and research. Includes information for professionals, individuals with alcohol problems, and families.
• National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA): Information on substances, substance use disorders, opioid overdoses, treatment, and research.
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: Publications on topics related to alcohol and drugs, mental health, prevention, treatment, and recovery.
• Faces and Voices of Recovery: An advocacy organization that provides information and support for families and those with a substance use disorder.
• Partnership for Drug-Free Kids: A nonprofit organization that helps families struggling with their son or daughter's substance use.

Seek professional help or support groups

Dealing with a loved one's alcoholism can be emotionally distressing and challenging. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this journey, and seeking professional help or support groups can provide you with the necessary tools and support to navigate this difficult path.

Firstly, it is crucial to educate yourself about alcohol addiction. Understanding the nature of the disease and its impact on both the drinker and those around them is essential. Recognize that alcoholism is a family illness, and the recovery process involves repairing relationships with loved ones. Many treatment centers offer family programs that can help you achieve this.

Secondly, finding a support group can be incredibly beneficial. Support groups provide a safe and supportive environment where you can connect with others who share similar experiences. They offer a sense of community, understanding, and invaluable resources for coping with the challenges of addiction and recovery. Al-Anon, for example, is a well-known support group specifically for families dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse. They promote personal growth, foster shared wisdom, and provide a space for open discussions. Alateen, a subgroup of Al-Anon, caters to teens and young adults facing similar challenges, allowing them to connect with their peers.

Additionally, seeking professional guidance from a trained interventionist, counselor, therapist, or doctor can be crucial, especially when planning an intervention. They can provide expert advice and support to ensure the process is effective and minimizes the risk of conflict. It is also beneficial to encourage your family member to seek professional help and offer to accompany them to appointments or counseling sessions.

Remember, recovery is an ongoing process that requires time, patience, and commitment. By seeking professional help and support, you can better support your loved one's journey towards recovery and maintain your own well-being.

Frequently asked questions