When To Leave A Partner With Alcohol Addiction

Alcohol use disorder (AUD), commonly known as alcoholism, is a prevalent medical condition in which individuals are unable to control their drinking even when it negatively impacts their health, safety, and relationships. AUD can lead to financial stress, neglect of family responsibilities, and an increased risk of domestic violence. Living with or being in a relationship with an alcoholic can be challenging and emotionally damaging for partners, who may experience stress, isolation, and conflict. While treatment for AUD is possible through therapy, medication, and support groups, recovery requires the individual's commitment to change. If you are considering leaving a partner with an alcohol addiction, it is important to understand the warning signs of alcohol abuse, seek support for yourself, and encourage your partner to seek help. The decision to stay or leave depends on various factors, including the impact on your mental health and whether your partner is actively seeking treatment and committed to their recovery.

Warning signs: blacking out, lying about drinking, drinking in dangerous situations

Alcohol abuse can be challenging to recognise, especially in its early stages. However, warning signs such as blacking out, lying about drinking, and drinking in dangerous situations can indicate that a person's alcohol consumption is becoming harmful and may be developing into an addiction.

Blacking Out

Blackouts are a red flag for alcoholism and a warning sign of dangerous levels of drinking. A blackout occurs when a person's brain temporarily loses the ability to transfer memories from short-term to long-term storage. This results in temporary memory loss, with the person unable to recall events that occurred during the blackout. While a single episode of blacking out does not necessarily indicate alcohol use disorder (AUD), regular blackouts mean the person is consuming alcohol beyond their body's processing capacity, suggesting a potential addiction.

Lying About Drinking

Denial and lying about drinking are common among individuals struggling with alcohol addiction. People may understate their alcohol consumption, deny drinking, or make excuses to hide the severity of their addiction and avoid confrontation. They may fear judgment, rejection, or negative perceptions, hoping to protect their reputation. Additionally, lying can perpetuate the addiction, isolating the person from potential support systems.

Drinking in Dangerous Situations

Alcohol abuse becomes diagnosed as AUD when it negatively impacts a person's life and causes harm. One indicator of AUD is engaging in situations while drinking that increase the risk of harming oneself or others, such as drinking and driving. This warning sign suggests that alcohol consumption is leading to dangerous behaviours and may indicate a developing or existing addiction.

Recognising these warning signs is crucial for early intervention and supporting a loved one struggling with alcohol abuse. While it may be challenging to confront a person about their drinking habits, doing so can make a significant difference in their recovery process and help them regain control over their life.

Financial stress: alcohol addiction can lead to unpaid bills and financial difficulties

Alcohol addiction can have a significant impact on an individual's financial stability and well-being. The financial costs associated with alcohol addiction go beyond the mere purchase of alcoholic beverages. The expense of alcohol can quickly add up, especially for those who drink frequently, including on weekdays and weekends. The cost of alcohol can include not only the drinks themselves but also additional expenses such as food, transportation, and entertainment. This can lead to a person incurring debt to sustain their drinking habit.

Financial stress and alcohol addiction can create a vicious cycle. Alcohol is often viewed as a means to cope with stress, and financial difficulties can be a significant source of stress for many individuals. The tension-reduction hypothesis or affect regulation model suggests that people tend to increase their consumption of substances like alcohol to relieve negative emotions associated with stressful experiences. As a result, alcohol may be used as a coping mechanism during financially stressful periods, leading to increased alcohol expenditure.

The financial implications of alcohol addiction can extend to other areas of an individual's life. Alcohol addiction can lead to reduced productivity, absenteeism, and even job loss. This can result in a loss of income, further exacerbating financial difficulties. Additionally, health problems arising from alcohol abuse can bring about medical and dental expenses, which may be challenging to afford. The stress of debt and financial strain can further fuel the addiction, as drinking may be used as a means to numb the fear and anxiety associated with financial worries.

The financial consequences of alcohol addiction can be far-reaching and detrimental. It can lead to unpaid bills, high-interest credit card debt, and even bankruptcy. The impact of alcohol addiction on an individual's finances can create challenges in maintaining financial obligations, such as rent or mortgage payments, utility bills, and other essential expenses. This can result in a downward spiral of financial difficulties, with the stress of unpaid bills further contributing to the cycle of addiction.

It is important to recognize that financial stress due to alcohol addiction can affect not only the individual struggling with addiction but also their families and partners. Alcoholism can lead to neglect of family responsibilities and social activities, creating additional financial burdens for loved ones. Seeking treatment for alcohol addiction and addressing the underlying causes, including financial stress, is crucial to breaking the cycle of addiction and improving financial stability.

Risk of domestic violence: alcohol addiction can increase the likelihood of violence in a relationship

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) or alcoholism is a common medical condition where individuals cannot stop drinking, even when drinking negatively affects their health, safety, and personal relationships. AUD can lead to craving alcohol, withdrawal symptoms, drinking more than intended, neglecting family and social life, and failing to meet work or family obligations.

Alcohol addiction and domestic violence are strongly linked. When an individual is inebriated, they are likely to lose control of their inhibitions, and this increases the chances of abusive behavior. Domestic violence is an abusive pattern often coupled with the impulsive effects of addiction, and it originates from a desire for control and power over another. It includes violent acts such as verbal, emotional, and physical intimidation, forced sex, and destruction of property. Nearly 80% of domestic violence crimes are related to the use of drugs, and victims are at risk of developing mental health disorders and may require inpatient treatment to overcome the trauma.

If you are experiencing domestic abuse or intimate partner violence and believe alcohol plays a role, seeking treatment for alcoholism may be a good first step. It is important to prioritize your personal safety and reach out to domestic abuse resources and hotlines for guidance. Additionally, treatment programs can help establish a recovery plan to move forward from toxic relationships.

If your partner is struggling with alcohol addiction, you can support them by refraining from drinking in front of them, as this can complicate their recovery. However, if your partner refuses treatment or the relationship becomes toxic due to abuse, neglect, or persistent substance abuse, it may be necessary to reconsider the future of the relationship. You may need to set boundaries and give an ultimatum for seeking treatment or ending the relationship.

Treatment options: therapy, support groups, medication, and rehabilitation

Deciding whether to leave a person with an alcohol addiction is a difficult and personal decision. It is important to remember that seeking help is a positive step towards recovery. Treatment options for alcohol addiction include therapy, support groups, medication, and rehabilitation.

Therapy

Alcohol counseling, or behavioral treatments, involve working with a healthcare provider to identify and change the behaviors that lead to alcohol problems. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common form of therapy that focuses on identifying the feelings and situations that contribute to heavy drinking and managing stress that can lead to a relapse. CBT can take place one-on-one with a therapist or in small groups. Motivational enhancement therapy is another short-term therapy option that aims to build and strengthen motivation to change drinking behavior.

Support Groups

Mutual support groups can provide social support and reinforce the benefits of professional treatment. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is the most common mutual help group, with meetings and online communities worldwide. Secular Organizations for Sobriety is an alternative to spiritual support groups, offering local and online groups dedicated to helping people achieve and maintain sobriety. Other support groups include LifeRing, SMART Recovery, and Women for Sobriety.

Medication

Medications can play an important role in treating alcohol dependence, and only three medications are approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for this purpose: disulfiram, naltrexone, and acamprosate. Naltrexone, an anticraving agent, is believed to reduce relapse rates and cravings and increase abstinence rates. Acamprosate also reduces relapse rates and increases abstinence. While disulfiram has been used for over 40 years, it has adverse effects and compliance difficulties, with no clear evidence of its effectiveness.

Rehabilitation

Rehabilitation facilities offer a range of treatment options, including medication and therapy. The SAMHSA's National Helpline provides a 24/7 referral service for those seeking help with mental health, drug, and alcohol issues. The service is available in English and Spanish, and referrals can be made via text or phone call. In addition, the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator provides a three-step roadmap to evidence-based treatment.

Your role: stop drinking, be supportive, set boundaries, encourage treatment

If your partner has an alcohol addiction, it is important to be supportive and understanding. Let them know that you are there for them and that their well-being is important to you. Try to formulate statements that are positive and supportive. Using "I" statements can reduce accusation and help you actively participate in the discussion. For example, instead of saying, "You're an alcoholic — you need to get help now," you can say, "I love you and you're very important to me. I'm concerned about how much you're drinking, and it may be harming your health."

However, it is also crucial to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself and build trust. Determine what behaviour is unacceptable to you, set consequences for when those boundaries are crossed, and learn to detach yourself from the toxic behaviours of the person struggling with addiction. This does not mean ending the relationship; it means treating them with love and respect while creating distance when they engage in harmful behaviours. For example, if they are late, wait fifteen minutes and then move on without them. If they are being rude, leave and go to a friend's house. If they have lied to you, calmly confront them and then disengage from the situation.

To encourage treatment, you can suggest that they contact their primary care provider, health insurance plan, local health department, or employee assistance program for information about specialty treatment. You can also recommend support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous or therapy programs that can help them rebuild their relationships and establish healthy boundaries. Remember, you cannot force someone to go into treatment if they are not willing, but you can offer your help and support throughout their journey.

Ultimately, it is important to take care of yourself while supporting a partner through alcohol addiction. Setting boundaries and practising self-care will help you maintain your own well-being while also providing a stable and respectful environment for your partner to take steps towards recovery.

Frequently asked questions