When Is It Right To Kick Out An Alcoholic Son?

Deciding whether to kick your alcoholic son out of your home is a difficult and nuanced decision. It can be a very emotional process for parents, who may feel guilt, shame, self-doubt, burnout, or a sense of failure. Many parents worry about enabling their son's addiction by giving in to demands for money or extended curfews, and some may feel that kicking them out is the only solution. However, it's important to remember that addiction affects not only the person suffering from it but also their family, and that homelessness can make sobriety harder to achieve. Before making any drastic decisions, it's recommended that parents seek support and perspective from others, and consider setting boundaries and holding their son accountable while teaching them the skills they need to take care of themselves. Treatment options such as rehab, detox, therapy, and support groups are also available to help individuals struggling with alcoholism.

The impact of alcoholism on the family

Alcoholism can have a devastating impact on the family, affecting not just the person suffering from addiction but also those closest to them. It can disrupt the functioning of families, strain relationships, and harm the health and well-being of family members. The financial and emotional side effects of alcoholism can be particularly damaging.

Spouses or partners of alcoholics often experience a range of negative emotions, including fear, hurt, shame, and a sense of failure. They may try to hide the problem by taking on extra responsibilities or making excuses for their partner's behaviour. Alcoholism can also lead to financial problems if the alcoholic loses their job due to their disease, causing stress and anxiety for the entire family.

Children of alcoholics can suffer in numerous ways. They may feel guilty, believing they are responsible for their parent's drinking. They can become frustrated and angry, struggling to understand why their loved one is behaving in such a way. Alcoholism can disrupt routines, causing children to miss out on steady mealtimes, bedtimes, and regular school attendance. They may also take on additional responsibilities, such as caring for younger siblings or household chores. Older children may develop obsessive perfectionism, hoarding, isolation, and excessive self-consciousness, worrying that they are different from their peers. These emotions and thoughts can persist into adulthood, impacting their ability to form healthy relationships and causing erratic behaviour, poor choices, and a negative self-image.

Families often try to help, control, or 'cure' the alcoholic member, sometimes enabling the behaviour to continue. They may feel ashamed and try to hide the issue, but this only allows the addiction to continue impacting everyone in the family. Instead, seeking outside support and accepting that addiction is a disease can help break the cycle.

When faced with a family member's alcoholism, it can be challenging to know what to do. Kicking them out may seem like a solution, especially if their behaviour is threatening or destructive. However, it is a complex decision with potential legal implications, and it may not be the best course of action. Setting boundaries, holding the alcoholic family member accountable, and seeking treatment or support can be more effective ways to address the issue while still demonstrating love and concern.

Seeking treatment for your son

Kicking your son out of the house may seem like the right thing to do, especially if his behaviour is threatening or destructive. However, it is important to remember that addiction can have a stronghold on families and affect the way people act. It is completely valid to feel angry, guilty, ashamed, or uncertain about what to do.

Before making any drastic decisions, it is important to seek support and weigh the pros and cons. Getting treatment for your son is a better way to help him launch into the world. Here are some steps you can take to get your son the help he needs:

• Set boundaries and hold your son accountable: It is important to stick to your boundaries and hold your son responsible for his commitments. This will help him learn to take care of himself and make better decisions.
• Seek professional help: Consult a healthcare provider or therapist who can assess your son's condition and recommend the best course of treatment. They may suggest medication, therapy, or a combination of both.
• Explore treatment options: There are various treatment options available, including inpatient treatment centres, residential rehabilitation, and behavioural treatments such as counselling. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) offers an online tool called the Alcohol Treatment Navigator® to help individuals find the right treatment for them.
• Support groups: Support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous® (AA) and other 12-step programs can provide valuable peer support for your son during his recovery journey. These groups offer free and flexible assistance and can help promote long-term behaviour change.
• Family-based care: If your son is a minor or open to family involvement, consider finding a treatment program that provides family-based care. This can help your family heal and recover together.

Remember, the decision to seek treatment for your son is a brave and important step towards his recovery. It is okay to feel overwhelmed, and you don't have to go through this alone. Reach out to professionals and support groups for guidance and support throughout this process.

Legal considerations for eviction

Evicting a child, especially one with an addiction, is a complex and emotionally charged issue. It is important to understand the legal considerations and implications of such a decision. Here are some key points to consider:

• Age of the Child: The age of the child is a critical factor. If your child is a minor, the legal options for eviction are limited. In most states, the "age of majority" is 18, but this can vary. For example, in New York, children can receive child support until they are 21.
• Tenant Rights: If your child is considered a tenant or sub-tenant, they may have certain rights that protect them from eviction. This is especially true if they have been paying rent or have established a "tenancy at will" by staying at the property for an extended period. In such cases, you may need to provide a formal notice to vacate and follow the legal eviction process.
• Notice and Eviction Process: Depending on your jurisdiction, you may be required to provide a notice period before initiating eviction proceedings. This could range from 30 to 60 days, depending on the length of their stay. Proper notice must be given, and it is essential to stop accepting any rent during this period to remove legal defences to the eviction.
• Court Proceedings: If your child refuses to leave after the notice period, you will need to file paperwork with the court to initiate eviction proceedings. These proceedings may be referred to as "forcible entry and detainer" or "unlawful detainer" actions. A court hearing may be held to determine the outcome.
• Evidence: To strengthen your case for eviction, you may need to present evidence of your child's alcohol or drug use. This can include filmed footage, pictures, paraphernalia, or sworn testimonies.
• Legal and Professional Support: It is highly recommended to consult an attorney or legal professional throughout the process. They can advise you on your specific circumstances and ensure you are taking the appropriate legal steps. Additionally, consider seeking support from law enforcement and treatment professionals to help your child address their addiction.

Remember, the decision to evict your child is significant and can have both legal and emotional consequences. Understanding your rights and responsibilities as a parent and landlord is crucial before taking any action.

Setting boundaries and sticking to them

It is understandable to want to help your child when they are struggling with alcohol addiction. However, it is essential to set boundaries and stick to them to ensure your child's safety and well-being, as well as your own. Here are some considerations for setting boundaries and sticking to them:

Recognize the Problem and Seek Treatment:

It is crucial to recognize the signs of alcohol addiction and understand the impact it can have on your child and your family. Educate yourself about alcoholism and the various treatment options available. Early identification and treatment can greatly improve the chances of recovery. Treatment options include inpatient rehab, outpatient programs, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), medication-assisted treatment, and support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Create a Healthy Environment:

An environment with easy access to alcohol can hinder recovery. Remove alcohol from your home and set boundaries, such as not allowing your son to come home drunk. Help your son develop new hobbies and interests to distract him from alcohol and enable him to explore new places and meet new people.

Set Clear Boundaries and Hold Yourself and Your Son Accountable:

Communicate your boundaries clearly to your son and be consistent in enforcing them. For example, you may set a boundary that your son must seek treatment or agree to certain rules while living in your home. Hold your son accountable for his commitments and be willing to enforce consequences if he does not respect your boundaries. At the same time, hold yourself accountable by following through on your words and commitments.

Seek Support and Avoid Isolation:

Addiction can affect family dynamics and leave you feeling isolated. It is crucial to seek support for yourself and your family. Connect with support groups, such as Al-Anon, to gain perspective and guidance from others who have gone through similar experiences. Consider finding a treatment program that provides family-based care to help you navigate this challenging situation together.

Consider Legal Options as a Last Resort:

If your son is an adult, you may legally evict him from your home, especially if he displays disruptive or violent behavior. However, this should be a last resort, as homelessness can make the path to sobriety more difficult. Consult an attorney or legal professional to understand your options and the laws in your area. Remember that treatment and support are often more effective in helping your son address his addiction.

The emotional impact on parents

Deciding whether to kick an alcoholic child out of the house can be an emotionally challenging and complex process for parents. The decision is often influenced by a range of emotions, including guilt, shame, self-doubt, burnout, and feelings of failure. Parents may also experience fear, worry, desperation, powerlessness, and uncertainty about what to do. The emotional impact on parents can be significant, and it is important for them to acknowledge and address these emotions effectively.

Parents may struggle with the idea of enabling their child's addiction by allowing them to stay in the house. They may feel conflicted about providing financial support or accommodating their child's demands, such as extending curfews. Setting boundaries and holding both themselves and their child accountable can be challenging but essential in addressing the situation. Parents may also grapple with the fear of their child facing homelessness and the potential impact on their sobriety and their relationship.

The decision to evict an alcoholic child can be influenced by the child's behaviour. If the child displays disruptive, violent, or threatening behaviour, or is unwilling to change, parents may feel compelled to take action. In such cases, eviction may be considered a necessary wake-up call to prompt the child to take their addiction and recovery seriously. However, it is crucial for parents to recognise that addiction affects not only the person suffering from it but also the people around them.

The decision to kick an alcoholic son out of the house is never easy, and parents may grapple with a torrent of emotions throughout the process. It is important for parents to acknowledge their feelings, seek support, and make informed decisions while prioritising their wellness and the well-being of their child.

Frequently asked questions