Noah Vinter
Writing an obituary for a loved one is an emotional experience. While obituaries traditionally deal with the basic facts and milestones of a person's life, the question of whether to include personal struggles, such as alcoholism, is a complex one. Some people choose to be honest about the deceased's addiction to raise awareness and help others facing similar battles. Others prefer to focus on the positive qualities of the person and believe that mentioning alcoholism adds unnecessary pain and stigma. Ultimately, the decision is a personal one and should consider the potential impact on the bereaved family, especially if there are children involved.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Full name | First, middle, and last names |
| Maiden name | |
| Nickname | |
| Suffixes | Jr. or Sr. |
| Date and place of birth | |
| Date and place of death | |
| Cause of death | |
| Family members | Who the deceased is survived by |
| Funeral arrangements | |
| Membership in organizations | |
| Hobbies and special interests | |
| Accomplishments | |
| Highlights of their life | |
| Noteworthy experiences | |
| Charities they support |
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What You'll Learn
Whether to mention alcoholism
Whether or not to mention alcoholism in an obituary is a complex question and depends on a variety of factors. Obituaries are a way to honour the deceased and preserve meaningful details of their life story. They are also a way to deliver the news of someone's passing and share funeral arrangements.
Some people believe that mentioning alcoholism in an obituary is unnecessary and can be hurtful to the family, especially if there are children involved. They argue that obituaries are not the place to air a person's personal problems and that most people already know about the alcoholism, so it is not necessary to include it in the obituary. Additionally, there may be a desire to protect the deceased's privacy and dignity, especially if they struggled with addiction.
On the other hand, some people feel that being open and honest about alcoholism in an obituary can be beneficial. It can raise awareness about the dangers of alcoholism and addiction, and it can also help to reduce the stigma associated with these issues. In some cases, it may even inspire others who are struggling with addiction to seek help.
Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to mention alcoholism in an obituary is a personal one and should consider the wishes of the deceased and their family. It is important to balance honesty with sensitivity and to remember that an obituary is about celebrating a person's life, not just their struggles.
If you choose to mention alcoholism in the obituary, it is important to do so in a respectful and thoughtful manner. You can acknowledge the person's struggle with alcoholism while also highlighting their strengths, accomplishments, and the positive aspects of their life. It is also crucial to consider the wording carefully to ensure that the message is conveyed in a sensitive and dignified way.
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Balancing facts and storytelling
When writing an obituary, it is important to strike a balance between delivering the facts and telling a story. This is especially true when writing about a loved one's struggle with alcoholism. While it is essential to be truthful, you also want to honour their memory and capture the richness of their life.
Begin with the facts: the full name of the deceased, including any nicknames, their date and place of birth, and their age. You can also include their marital status, hometown, schools attended, degrees earned, occupation, military service, and membership in organizations or places of worship. These details provide a framework for the story of their life.
The next step is to paint a picture of who they were as a person. Describe their hobbies, special interests, accomplishments, and noteworthy experiences. This is where you can bring their unique personality to life. Were they brave, fearless, and beautiful like Victoria Rae King, who "lived a life that was all her own"? Or did they have a "thirst for life" like George, who was a "loyal son, brother, and friend"?
When addressing their alcoholism, there are a few approaches to consider. Some people choose to be direct, clearly stating alcohol as the root cause of death, as in the case of Rachel Marshall. Others may prefer to allude to a "long struggle with alcohol abuse" or a "battle with addiction" without explicitly mentioning the word alcoholism. It is important to consider the potential impact on the family, especially if there are children involved, and whether the deceased would have wanted their alcoholism disclosed.
Ultimately, the decision to include or omit details about alcoholism in an obituary is a personal one. As New York Times obituary writer Margalit Fox says, "obits have next to nothing to do with death, and in fact absolutely everything to do with a life." So, focus on celebrating their life, capturing their essence, and preserving their memory for future generations.
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Announcing the death
When announcing the death, it is customary to include the individual's full name, their date and place of birth, as well as their date and place of death. You may also want to include their maiden name if they were married, any nicknames they were known by, and their age. For example, "Smith, Jane Elizabeth (Janie), aged 65, passed away peacefully at home in Sydney on 10 January 2024."
The announcement of death can be made using a variety of expressions, such as "departed," "passed away," or "went to be with her Lord." Choose the phrase that best reflects your beliefs and preferences.
In addition to the factual details, you may also want to include a brief statement about the cause of death, especially if it was related to a long struggle with alcohol abuse. For example, "after a valiant battle with addiction," or "as a result of a tragic accident related to alcoholism." However, it is important to consider the potential impact on the family, especially if there are young children involved, and whether the deceased would have wanted their struggles mentioned.
Remember, the announcement of your loved one's death is just the first part of their obituary. It sets the tone and provides essential information, but the rest of the obituary will focus on honouring their life and preserving their memory.
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Summarising their life story
Begin with the basics: their full name, date and place of birth, and any other names they were known by (nicknames, maiden names, etc.). You can also include their age and the date and place of their death.
Then, move on to their life story. This can include their hometown, schools attended, degrees earned, occupation, military service, memberships, hobbies, special interests, accomplishments, and noteworthy experiences. You can also mention the people they were close to, such as family members and friends.
For example, you could write about how they were a loyal friend with a great sense of humour who always lit up the room. Or how they had a passion for caring for animals and writing.
If you choose to include their struggle with alcoholism, be mindful of how you frame it. Some people choose to be open about it, while others prefer to focus on the person's positive qualities and accomplishments. Ultimately, the decision is up to you and what you think is most respectful and accurate.
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Listing their closest family members
When writing an obituary, it is important to include a list of the deceased's closest family members. This can be done in a few different ways, depending on the specific circumstances and your relationship with the deceased. Here are some ideas to consider:
Preceded in Death and Survived By
One approach is to mention those who have preceded the deceased in death and then list those who are still living. For example, "Preceded in death by his father, John, and sister, Mary. Survived by his mother, Jane, and brothers, Robert and Michael." This format can be adapted to include extended family members, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews, if desired.
Listing Family Members by Relationship
Another option is to list family members by their relationship to the deceased. This can be especially meaningful if you want to highlight the impact they had on their loved ones. For example: "Loving son of Jane and the late John, cherished brother of Robert and Michael, beloved uncle of Emily and Jacob, and devoted cousin of Sarah and Daniel." This format allows you to emphasise the love and connection within the family.
Including Spouse and Children
If the deceased is survived by a spouse and/or children, it is customary to mention them by name. For example, "He is survived by his loving wife, Emily, and their three children, Jack, Sarah, and Daniel." If the deceased had a large family, you may choose to mention the number of grandchildren, great-grandchildren, or even include extended family members such as in-laws, step-children, or close friends who were like family.
Honoring the Deceased's Wishes
Ultimately, when deciding what to include in an obituary, it is essential to consider the wishes of the deceased and their family. Some people may prefer a more concise and traditional format, while others may want a more detailed and personalised approach. Remember, an obituary is a tribute to your loved one, so including their closest family members is a way to honour their legacy and the impact they had on those around them.
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Frequently asked questions
There are differing opinions on this. Some people think that mentioning the deceased's alcoholism could help others facing similar struggles. Others believe that it is unnecessary to mention it, as the family and friends of the deceased already know about it, and it could be hurtful to emphasise it in an obituary.
An obituary should include the deceased person's full name, date and place of birth, marriage, hometown, schools attended, degrees earned, occupation, military service, memberships, hobbies, special interests, accomplishments, and noteworthy experiences. It should also include a reference to the deceased's family, including those who may have preceded them in death.
An obituary need not be dry or formal. It can be creative and unique in the way it presents information. It should be a tribute to the deceased and paint a picture of who they were.
