Arielle Cruz
Alcohol misuse can be challenging to address, especially when it involves a friend. It is important to recognize the signs of alcoholism, such as binge drinking, loss of interest in activities, risky behavior, and the inability to stop drinking despite negative consequences. Approaching the topic with sensitivity and empathy is crucial. Before initiating the conversation, it is advisable to accept your own feelings, prepare what you want to say, and focus on your concerns and the impact of their drinking on you. When talking to your friend, express your worries using I statements, provide facts about alcohol's effects, and suggest activities that don't involve drinking. Remember to seek support for yourself as well, as helping someone with alcohol misuse can be stressful.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Alcohol use disorder | Binge drinking, drinking during the week and at work, drinking to function |
| Inability to control drinking | Drinking more than intended, drinking despite negative consequences |
| Hiding drinking | Drinking secretly at work or during the day, brushing teeth to mask smell |
| Lack of boundaries | Inability to uphold drinking limits |
| Impact on life | Missing work, relationship problems, DUIs |
| Physical symptoms | Shaky hands, anxiety, insomnia, sweating, nausea, high heart rate |
| Behavioural changes | Loss of interest in activities, loss of motivation, difficulty paying attention |
| Treatment | Detoxification, rehab, therapy, support groups |
| Conversation approach | Express concern, provide facts, suggest activities without alcohol, be supportive |
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What You'll Learn
Recognising signs of alcoholism
Alcoholism, also known as alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a chronic, relapsing brain disorder characterised by cravings, physical and emotional dependence on alcohol, uncontrollable alcohol use, and negative emotions when not drinking. It is important to recognise the signs of alcoholism as it can lead to significant health problems, including liver damage, depression, high blood pressure, heart failure, and certain types of cancers. It can also result in negative life consequences, such as strained relationships, job loss, and arrests or jail time.
The signs and symptoms of alcoholism can vary from person to person, but some common behavioural signs include:
- Drinking to excess and being unable to control alcohol intake
- Prioritising drinking over work, school, or other responsibilities
- Continuing to drink despite the negative impact on their life, including problems at home, work, or school
- Giving up on activities, hobbies, or events that were once important to them in favour of drinking
- Repeatedly engaging in risky behaviours while or after drinking, such as driving, swimming, using machinery, or walking in a dangerous area
- Secretive or dishonest behaviour related to alcohol consumption
- Increased tolerance to alcohol, needing more and more to feel the desired effect
There are also physical and emotional signs to look out for, such as:
- Withdrawal symptoms when not drinking, including trouble sleeping, shakiness, irritability, anxiety, depression, restlessness, nausea, sweating, tremors, and increased blood pressure
- Memory loss or "blackouts" after drinking
- Changes in mood and behaviour, including personality changes while under the influence
- Strained relationships with loved ones due to alcohol use
- Higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts
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Planning the conversation
Understand the signs of Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD)
It is important to educate yourself about the signs and symptoms of AUD. AUD is characterised by a person's inability to control their drinking, even when it has negative consequences on their life. Some signs to look out for include: binge drinking, drinking secretly at work or during the day, developing a tolerance, experiencing withdrawal symptoms, neglecting responsibilities, relationship problems, loss of interest in activities, anxiety, insomnia, sweating, nausea, and high heart rate.
Accept your feelings and prepare emotionally
Talking to a friend about their alcohol consumption can be emotionally taxing. It is normal to feel nervous or upset. Take time to accept and process your own feelings before approaching your friend. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a counsellor to help you prepare emotionally for the conversation.
Choose an appropriate time and place
Find a good time and place to talk when you are both feeling calm and can focus on the conversation without distractions. Make sure you are talking to your friend when they are sober.
Plan what you want to say
Write down your main points and practice what you'll say. Focus on expressing your concerns and how your friend's drinking impacts you. Use "I" statements, such as "I am concerned about your drinking" or "I've noticed you've been missing work, and I'm worried about your drinking." You can also suggest specific changes, such as doing things that don't involve drinking or having alcohol-free nights.
Be supportive and non-judgmental
Use positive language and avoid judging or shaming. Show that you understand their struggle and offer your support. Let them know they are not alone and that you are there for them.
Remember that it may take more than one conversation to encourage your friend to seek help. Be patient, persistent, and continue to offer your support.
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Having the conversation
Prepare Yourself:
Before approaching your friend, it's crucial to accept and understand your own feelings. It's normal to feel nervous or upset about having this conversation. Educate yourself on alcohol use disorders and the signs of alcoholism to help you prepare. Recognise that this conversation may be emotionally taxing, so making a plan and writing down your main points can help you stay focused and calm during the discussion.
Choose an Appropriate Time and Place:
Find a good time and place to talk when you're both feeling calm and can focus on the conversation without distractions. Ensure you are both sober during this conversation, as it is important that you are both in a clear state of mind.
Express Your Concerns:
Use "I" statements to express your feelings and concerns and explain how your friend's drinking impacts you. For example, you can say, "I am concerned about your drinking because I've noticed you've been missing work a lot recently." Try to be specific about the changes you've observed and how they make you feel.
Suggest Positive Alternatives:
Instead of criticising their drinking habits, suggest positive alternatives and highlight the benefits of making a change. For example, say, "Let's do things that don't involve drinking. How about grabbing a coffee instead?" or "Think about the money you'd save if you cut back on drinking." You can also encourage them to reduce alcohol consumption by saying, "How about trying a few alcohol-free nights each week?"
Offer Support:
Show that you are there for your friend and want to help them. You can say something like, "Talk to me when you want a drink. Whenever you feel the urge to drink, you can call or text me instead." It's important to be supportive and non-judgmental throughout the conversation.
Seek Professional Help:
Remember that alcoholism is a chronic medical condition that often requires professional treatment. Encourage your friend to seek help from a healthcare professional or support groups specifically designed for people struggling with alcohol use. You can offer to join them in appointments or support group meetings.
Take Care of Yourself:
Helping someone with an alcohol use disorder can be stressful, so make sure to practice self-care and set healthy boundaries. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or counselling groups. Remember that your needs are important, too, and taking care of yourself will help you better support your friend.
Remember that it may take more than one conversation to encourage your friend to seek help, so be patient and persistent while maintaining a supportive and non-judgmental attitude.
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Seeking support for yourself
It can be challenging to figure out how to help a friend with an alcohol problem. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this situation and that you should not face it alone. Alcohol misuse often affects not just the person drinking but also their friends and family. It can cause stress and worry for those close to the person. It is completely valid to feel confused, scared, angry, or hopeless about your friend's situation.
It is crucial to practice self-care and seek support for yourself while supporting your friend. Taking care of yourself will help you preserve the emotional and mental strength needed to support your friend through this difficult time. Here are some ways to seek support:
- Educate yourself about alcohol use disorders: Learn about the signs and symptoms of alcohol misuse and addiction. This will help you better understand what your friend is going through and how you can help them.
- Talk to trusted friends or family members: Share your concerns and feelings with people you trust. Involving others will provide you with a support system and help you feel less alone in this situation.
- Join support groups: Consider joining support groups specifically designed for friends and family members of people with alcohol use disorders, such as Al-Anon or SMART Recovery. These groups provide a safe space to share your experiences, learn from others, and develop healthy strategies for dealing with your friend's alcohol misuse.
- Seek professional help: If you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed due to your friend's situation, consider seeking professional help. Counselling or therapy can provide you with a confidential space to process your feelings and develop coping strategies.
- Practice self-care: Take care of your basic needs by ensuring you get enough rest, eat well, and continue to engage in activities that you enjoy. Self-care is essential to maintain your own physical and mental well-being during this stressful time.
- Set healthy boundaries: Remember that your needs are important, and setting boundaries does not make you selfish or uncaring. Learn about the signs of codependency and how to establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself while supporting your friend.
Remember, seeking support for yourself is crucial to maintaining your well-being and will also help you provide better support to your friend.
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Encouraging treatment
If your friend is struggling with alcohol use, it can be challenging to encourage them to seek help. However, by showing your support and concern, you may be able to help them see that they have a problem with alcohol and would benefit from addiction treatment. It is important to remember that it may take more than one conversation with your friend to encourage them to seek help.
Before you approach your friend, it is important to educate yourself on alcohol use disorders (AUD). AUD is a chronic but treatable condition that can develop in association with certain cognitive changes and physiological adaptations that make it difficult for a person to stop drinking—even if they want to. Consuming more than one drink a day (equivalent to a 12-ounce beer) for women and two drinks a day for men may be considered unhealthy. AUD can be diagnosed by a physician, and treatment is available. By understanding AUD, you can better prepare for your conversation with your friend and keep an eye out for any signs of potential overdose.
When talking to your friend, it is important to focus on your concern for them and how their alcohol use impacts you. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and concerns. For example, you can say something like, "I am concerned about your drinking." Provide facts and information about how alcohol affects health, and offer tools and resources that can help them make a change. Ask if you can join them in a doctor or counselor appointment. Suggest activities that don't include drinking alcohol, such as exercising, meditating, or other relaxation practices.
If your friend is already receiving professional treatment and relapses, suggest that they try a new approach or experiment with different self-help groups. You can also encourage them to lean into any treatment that seems to be working. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, and what works for one person may not work for another. Treatment options include behavioral treatments, counseling, medication, and mutual-support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or other 12-step programs.
Throughout this process, it is important to take care of yourself. Seek support from friends, family, community, or counseling groups can help you manage the stress of supporting your friend. Remember, your needs are important, too, and taking care of yourself is not selfish. You may also want to consider joining a support group specifically for loved ones of people with AUD, such as Al-Anon or SMART Recovery for Friends and Family. These resources can help you set healthy boundaries and protect yourself from codependency or unhealthy emotional reliance on your friend.
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Frequently asked questions
Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is defined as the inability to stop drinking despite damaging effects on a person's life. Signs of alcoholism include developing a tolerance to alcohol, experiencing withdrawal symptoms when trying to quit, and continuing to drink despite negative consequences. Other signs may include neglecting responsibilities, such as work or family obligations, and experiencing relationship problems.
Your friend may be addicted to drinking if they are using alcohol in higher amounts or more often than intended, continuing to drink despite recurring social or interpersonal problems, or drinking despite being aware that it is causing or exacerbating a physical or mental health problem.
It can be challenging to talk to a friend about their drinking, but it is essential to try. It may be helpful to educate yourself on alcohol use disorders and plan the conversation in advance. When speaking to your friend, use a kind and understanding tone and express your concerns directly. Focus on concrete, observable behaviours and consequences, and listen to your friend's thoughts and concerns.
It is important to remember that your friend may not be ready to admit they have a problem. They may be ashamed or scared of seeking help. Continue to offer your support and concern, and consider seeking help from a healthcare professional or support group for friends and family of people with alcohol use disorders.
You can support your friend by offering to make phone calls and fill out paperwork related to rehab admissions, suggesting activities that don't involve drinking, and providing information about the tools and resources available to help them make a change. Remember to also take care of yourself and set boundaries.
