Arielle Cruz
Loving someone with an alcohol use disorder can be emotionally challenging and physically draining. It can be difficult to know how to help them, and it may take several conversations to encourage them to seek help. It is important to remember that you cannot fix, cure, or control their drinking, but you can support them in their recovery by setting clear boundaries and encouraging them to get professional treatment. Educating yourself on alcohol use disorders and considering different ways to talk to your loved one can help you prepare for these conversations.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Educate yourself | Learn about alcohol use disorders, the recovery process, and how addiction impacts a person's sense of self |
| Plan the conversation | Choose the right time to talk, avoid doing so when the person is drunk, and present options for treatment rather than demands |
| Show support | Let them know you love them, be patient, and express yourself openly and honestly |
| Set boundaries | Protect your children, don't make excuses for their behaviour, and don't accept unacceptable behaviour |
| Seek outside support | Speak to close friends and family members, join a support group, or see a therapist |
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What You'll Learn
Educate yourself on alcohol use disorders and treatment options
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a common medical condition, sometimes called alcoholism, where people are unable to stop drinking despite the negative impact on their health, safety, and personal relationships. It can be mild, moderate, or severe, and is often accompanied by other mental health conditions such as depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, trauma, and stress-related disorders.
Genetics and family history play a significant role in the development of AUD, with hereditability accounting for approximately 60%. Mental health conditions and a history of trauma also increase the risk of AUD. To assess whether an individual has AUD, healthcare professionals use criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) to determine the presence and severity of the disorder.
Treatment for AUD typically includes medication and behavioral therapy. There are currently three medications approved for AUD in the United States: Naltrexone, which helps reduce the urge to drink, Acamprosate, which decreases negative symptoms during abstinence, and Disulfiram, which causes unpleasant symptoms when alcohol is consumed. Behavioral treatments, also known as alcohol counseling or talk therapy, are provided by licensed therapists and aim to change drinking behavior. Examples include brief interventions, reinforcement approaches, and mindfulness-based therapies.
Mutual-support groups, such as 12-step programs, also provide valuable peer support for stopping or reducing drinking. These groups are typically available at low or no cost and can be easily accessed in most communities or online. Combined with medication and behavioral treatment, mutual-support groups offer a comprehensive approach to recovery. Additionally, exercise and knowing one's triggers can be helpful tools during the recovery journey.
It is important to remember that treatment approaches may vary for each individual, and seeking professional help is crucial. SAMHSA's National Helpline is a free and confidential service that provides treatment referrals and information for individuals and families facing substance use disorders. This service is available 24/7 and can be accessed through phone calls, text messaging, or online tools.
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Recognise signs of alcohol misuse and behavioural changes
Recognising signs of alcohol misuse and behavioural changes in a loved one can be difficult, especially if they are secretive about their drinking habits. However, there are some common signs and behavioural patterns that may indicate that someone you love has a drinking problem.
One of the most apparent signs of alcohol misuse is a shift in priorities. A person struggling with alcohol misuse may neglect important aspects of their life, such as work, childcare, or personal relationships, in favour of obtaining and consuming alcohol. They may also experience financial difficulties due to their drinking, as well as a decline in personal hygiene. Additionally, they may become isolated and distant from friends and family, exhibit mood swings and irritability, and show a constant urge to drink, even when it negatively affects their behaviour and relationships.
People with alcohol use disorder may also exhibit risky and aggressive behaviours, such as driving under the influence or engaging in physical altercations. They may also be more likely to get into legal trouble, including accidents, fights, and involvement in illegal activities. Their drinking habits may also lead to problems at work or school, such as neglecting responsibilities or showing up intoxicated.
It is important to note that the personality of an individual is not fixed, and alcohol can instantly and dramatically impact their behaviour. Alcohol is a depressant that can alter an individual's perspective of reality and cause them to act out of character. For example, a shy person may become loud and outgoing after drinking.
If you recognise these signs in someone you love, it is important to approach them with compassion and offer your support in seeking professional help.
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Understand the impact of addiction on the sense of self
Alcohol addiction is a complex brain disease that can have a significant impact on an individual's sense of self. It is characterized by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse consequences, and it can lead to lasting changes in brain function that perpetuate the addiction. These changes can compromise the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for executive function, including decision-making, organizing thoughts and activities, and managing time. As a result, individuals with alcohol addiction may lose control over their actions, craving and seeking alcohol despite the negative impact on their lives.
The sense of self is deeply connected to one's ability to make choices and exert self-control. Addiction compromises these fundamental aspects of the self, as individuals become unable to choose healthy behaviors or resist the urge to drink alcohol. The compulsion to drink is driven by changes in the brain's pleasure and reward circuits, which can be hijacked by alcohol, creating a cycle of addiction. This loss of control can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and a diminished sense of agency, all of which can erode one's sense of self-worth and identity.
The impact of addiction on the sense of self is also evident in the emotional and behavioral changes that occur during the withdrawal stage. When an individual with alcohol addiction stops drinking, they experience negative emotional states, including anxiety, irritability, and dysphoria. These symptoms can be understood in terms of reward deficits and increased stress responses in the brain. The inability to experience pleasure and the heightened stress can further contribute to a negative self-image and a sense of powerlessness over one's emotions and behaviors.
Additionally, addiction often leads to secrecy, lying, and deception as individuals try to hide their substance use from loved ones. This behavior can create trust issues and strain relationships, further isolating the person struggling with addiction. The sense of isolation and the potential breakdown of relationships can negatively impact one's sense of self, as social connections and a sense of belonging are crucial for maintaining a positive sense of self.
Understanding the impact of addiction on the sense of self is crucial for effectively supporting a loved one struggling with alcohol addiction. It can help explain the seemingly self-destructive choices they make and the difficulty they face in changing their behavior. Recognizing the biological basis of addiction and the profound changes it brings about in brain function can foster compassion and motivate loved ones to encourage professional treatment and recovery.
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Learn how to offer support and set boundaries
Loving someone who struggles with alcohol misuse can be challenging, and it can be difficult to figure out how to help them. Educating yourself on alcohol use disorders and seeking outside support can help you better lend your support and get your loved one the help they need. Here are some ways to offer support and set boundaries with an alcoholic partner:
Offer support
- Educate yourself on alcohol use disorders: Learning about addiction and how it impacts a person's sense of self can help you better understand what your partner is going through. Research viable treatment options and make a list of readily available resources. When speaking with your partner, present these options and resources to them.
- Encourage your partner to seek help: Offer to connect your partner with resources such as counselling, treatment, group meetings, or mutual aid fellowships like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). You can also suggest activities that you can do together that don't involve alcohol.
- Offer options instead of demands: Instead of saying, "You need to get help," try saying something like, "I was wondering if you would consider seeing a doctor to talk about your alcohol use." Remember that it's always up to your partner to decide what course of action is best for them.
- Create a plan: Let your partner know that you're there to support them as they progress toward drinking less and abstaining from alcohol. Ask how you can be of assistance and work together to set goals and make a plan for achieving them.
Set boundaries
- Understand the importance of boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining your well-being and protecting your relationship. Boundaries provide a framework for what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, ensuring that your needs, emotions, and well-being are respected.
- Communicate your boundaries clearly: Clearly communicate your boundaries to help your partner understand the impact of their actions and encourage them to take responsibility for their behaviour. For example, you might set a boundary of not providing housing or transportation if your partner is using.
- Include consequences for crossing boundaries: Consequences are key to inspiring change. Let your partner know that there will be consequences for actions that harm you or your family. For example, you might set a boundary of not spending time with your partner when they've been using.
- Get family members on board: Involve your family members in setting boundaries and make sure everyone is on the same page. This will help ensure a healthier and more supportive environment for everyone involved.
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Seek outside help and support for yourself
Dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse can be challenging and emotionally draining. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this struggle and that seeking outside help and support for yourself is crucial. Here are some ways to do that:
Educate Yourself on Alcohol Use Disorders
Understanding alcohol use disorders (AUD) can help you better navigate the situation. Learn about the effects of alcohol, the signs of alcohol misuse, and the treatment options available. This knowledge will empower you to make informed decisions and have realistic expectations about your loved one's recovery.
Seek Professional Help
Consider seeking help from a therapist or counsellor specialising in addiction. They can provide you with guidance, support, and tools to cope with the challenges of having a loved one struggling with alcoholism. Individual therapy can help you process your own emotions, set healthy boundaries, and navigate your relationship dynamics.
Join Support Groups
Support groups such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and Alateen offer peer support and connection with others going through similar experiences. Attending meetings or joining online groups can provide a sense of community, comfort, and shared understanding. Sharing experiences and learning from others can be incredibly validating and help you feel less alone in your journey.
Practice Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is essential when supporting a loved one with alcoholism. Ensure you are prioritising your own physical and mental health by maintaining healthy routines, including proper nutrition, adequate sleep, and regular exercise. Engaging in stress-reducing activities, such as meditation or hobbies, can also help you stay grounded and resilient during this challenging time.
Build a Support Network
Confide in trusted friends, family members, or members of your faith community. Having people you can talk openly and honestly with is vital. They can provide a listening ear, emotional support, and practical help when needed. Consider joining support groups or online communities specifically for loved ones of people struggling with alcoholism, where you can connect with others who deeply understand your experience.
Remember, seeking outside help and support for yourself is a sign of strength and self-care. By taking care of your own needs, you will be in a better position to support your loved one and navigate the challenges of their recovery journey.
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Frequently asked questions
Educate yourself on alcohol use disorders and consider different ways of talking to your loved one. Make sure you are also in a good place mentally to have this conversation and seek outside support if needed.
Let them know that you love them and will support them through their recovery. Offer options instead of demands, for example, suggest that they see a doctor to talk about their alcohol use.
Avoid talking to them when they are drunk as they are unlikely to take in what you have to say. Do not shout, judge, or blame them, and do not accept any blame yourself or change your behaviour.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself and setting clear boundaries. Do not make excuses for their behaviour or cover for them. Research treatment options and present them to your loved one.
