Confronting An Alcoholic: The Right Way

how to tell an alcoholic theyre an alcoholic

Alcohol use disorder (AUD), the clinical term for alcoholism, is defined as the inability to stop using alcohol excessively despite negative impacts in other areas of someone’s life. Alcoholism is considered a disease that affects the brain, and it can be mild, moderate, or severe. While it can be challenging to figure out how to help a loved one with a drinking problem, educating yourself on AUD, considering different ways of talking to them, and making a plan for the conversation can help you lend your support and encourage them to seek help.

Characteristics Values
Heavy drinking For men: more than four drinks a day or more than 14/15 drinks per week. For women: more than one drink a day or more than eight drinks per week.
Inability to stop drinking The person cannot stop drinking on willpower alone and continues to drink despite the negative consequences.
Drinking to cope The person uses alcohol as a stress reliever or to cope with stressful situations.
Behavioral changes The person becomes frequently angry, belligerent, or moody for no apparent reason. They may also lose interest in relationships, work, or school.
Secretive behavior The person starts lying or being secretive about their whereabouts and alcohol use.
Physical signs Bloodshot eyes, alcohol on their breath, sleeping more than usual or appearing tired, and/or an unsteady gait. Other signs include nausea, sweating, rapid heartbeat, hallucinations, or convulsions.
Risk-taking The person makes risky decisions while under the influence, such as regularly driving drunk or getting into physical fights.
Withdrawal symptoms If the person with AUD suddenly stops drinking, they may experience severe withdrawal symptoms, including anxiety and insomnia.
Binge drinking Consuming five or more drinks on a single occasion.

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Recognising the signs of alcoholism

Alcoholism, or alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a chronic and potentially life-threatening condition characterised by a person's inability to control their drinking. It is a treatable condition, and with the right treatment plan, the brain and body can heal. However, it is important to recognise the signs and symptoms of alcoholism to get help for yourself or a loved one.

One of the signs of alcoholism is a person's inability to limit or control their drinking. They may drink to excess and develop a tolerance to alcohol, requiring more and more to feel the desired effect. They may also experience withdrawal symptoms when trying to quit, such as nausea, sweating, tremors, increased blood pressure, seizures, and even hallucinations or convulsions.

Alcoholism can also lead to changes in mood and behaviour. A person with AUD may rely on alcohol to cope with stress or negative emotions and may give up other activities and hobbies to drink instead. They may become isolated and have difficulty sustaining relationships or fulfilling work or family obligations. AUD can also lead to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts.

Another warning sign is when a person continues to drink despite the negative consequences. They may make risky decisions while under the influence, such as drunk driving or getting into physical altercations. They may also experience problems at home, work, or school related to their drinking. It is important to note that the negative consequences of drinking may go unnoticed by others, especially in the case of functional alcoholics, who are typically middle-aged, married men.

If you or someone you know is exhibiting these signs and symptoms, seeking help from a healthcare professional or addiction specialist is crucial. It is important to remember that change cannot happen unless the person is willing and ready to accept help.

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Understanding alcohol use disorders (AUD)

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a medical condition characterised by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences. AUD is considered a brain disorder, and it can be mild, moderate, or severe.

The risk of developing AUD depends on several factors, including how much, how often, and how quickly an individual consumes alcohol. Genetics and family history also play a role, with hereditability accounting for approximately 60%. Mental health conditions and a history of trauma are also associated with an increased risk of AUD.

The signs of AUD include behavioural changes such as frequent anger, belligerence, or moodiness. Individuals with AUD may also appear intoxicated, lose interest in relationships and activities, be unable to refuse alcohol, or become secretive about their alcohol use. Physical signs may include bloodshot eyes, alcohol on their breath, sleeping more than usual or appearing tired, and an unsteady gait.

AUD can be treated with behavioural therapies, mutual-support groups, and/or medications. Treatment can be outpatient and/or inpatient and should be tailored to the individual. It is important to note that only a physician can diagnose someone with AUD.

If you suspect that a loved one may have AUD, it is important to educate yourself on the disorder, consider how to approach the conversation, and make a plan. It may take more than one conversation to encourage them to seek help, but showing your support and concern may help them recognise their problem and seek treatment.

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Planning the conversation

Educate yourself on alcohol use disorders:

Understand the signs and symptoms of alcohol use disorders (AUD). AUD, also known as alcoholism, is characterised by the inability to stop drinking excessively, even when it negatively impacts various life areas. It can manifest in mild, moderate, or severe forms. Heavy drinking is typically defined as more than four drinks in a day or more than 14 drinks per week for men, and more than one drink per day or eight or more drinks per week for women. However, the amount and frequency of drinking do not solely define alcoholism; it is also about the inability to stop despite the consequences.

Identify specific examples:

Think of specific instances where their drinking has led to problems or negative consequences. For example, have they been getting into physical fights at bars or driving under the influence? Have they been unable to uphold their boundaries, frequently drinking more than intended? Are they using alcohol as their primary hobby and an escape from everyday life?

Consider their personality and approach:

Think about the person's personality and how they might react. Choose a time when they are sober and alone, as they may be more receptive to your conversation. Consider approaching the topic gently and from a place of concern and support. Remember that it may take more than one conversation to encourage them to seek help.

Offer solutions and support:

Provide your loved one with potential solutions and offer your support throughout their journey. Suggest treatment options, such as behavioural therapy, counselling, or support groups. Offer to accompany them to appointments or meetings if they wish. Remember that they must see the need for help, and your role is to offer guidance and encouragement.

Take care of yourself:

Helping someone with a drinking problem can be emotionally draining, so ensure you practice self-care. Connect with support groups or seek professional advice to gain the necessary tools to help your loved one effectively. Remember that you are not alone in this process.

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Offering assistance

Educate Yourself on Alcohol Use Disorders (AUD):

Understand the signs and symptoms of AUD, such as drinking more than intended, developing a tolerance, failing to fulfil responsibilities, and the inability to stop drinking despite negative consequences. Learn about the treatment options, including medication, therapy, support groups, and detox under medical supervision. Knowing the facts will help you have a more informed conversation and provide better support.

Choose an Appropriate Time and Place:

Find a private and comfortable setting where the person feels safe and supported. Avoid confronting them when they are intoxicated or in a public place, as this may lead to embarrassment or defensiveness. Ensure you have enough time for a calm and thorough conversation.

Express Your Concerns Gently and Specifically:

Start the conversation by expressing your care and concern for the person. Share specific examples of their behaviour that have worried you, such as their drinking patterns, changes in personality, or neglected responsibilities. Avoid vague accusations or generalisations. Use "I" statements to express how their drinking affects you, such as, "I've noticed that when you drink, you tend to become aggressive, and it scares me."

Listen Non-Judgementally and Empathise:

Allow the person to share their feelings and experiences without interrupting. Avoid lecturing or shaming them. Try to understand their perspective and acknowledge any fears or concerns they may have about seeking help. Show them that you are on their side and want to support them.

Offer Concrete Solutions and Resources:

Provide information about treatment options, support groups, or counselling services. Offer to accompany them to appointments or meetings. Help them research and find treatment centres or therapists who specialise in AUD. If they are open to it, suggest a detox under medical supervision as a first step towards recovery.

Encourage and Support Healthy Lifestyle Changes:

Assist them in finding alternative coping mechanisms for stress or negative emotions, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Encourage them to spend time with supportive friends and family who promote sobriety. Help them structure their time by planning sober activities and social events that do not revolve around alcohol.

Remember, offering assistance is a process, and it may take multiple conversations for the person to acknowledge their problem and accept help. Be patient, persistent, and supportive throughout their journey towards recovery.

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Looking after yourself

It can be emotionally challenging to talk to a friend or family member about their alcohol use. It is important to remember that your needs are just as important as anyone else's, and taking care of yourself does not mean that you don't care about your loved one. You may unknowingly engage in caretaking, rescuing, or enabling behaviours, and you may experience what is known as codependency, or an unhealthy emotional reliance on your loved one.

Before you talk to your loved one, take some time to accept your own feelings. It is normal to feel nervous or upset. It may help to seek support from friends, family, community members, and support groups. You could also begin counselling or therapy with a mental health professional to discuss and process your feelings. Support groups for friends and family of problem drinkers, such as Al-Anon, SMART Recovery, and Alateen, can help you learn and remember the importance of setting healthy boundaries when dealing with someone with an alcohol problem.

Remember that it may take more than one conversation with a person who has an alcohol use disorder to encourage them to seek help. It may also be helpful to plan for possible setbacks and understand that they are often part of the process.

Frequently asked questions

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a chronic but treatable condition that can develop in association with certain cognitive changes and physiological adaptations that make it difficult for a person to stop drinking. The signs of alcohol abuse and addiction aren’t always obvious. Some behavioural signs of alcohol addiction include developing a tolerance, failing to fulfil responsibilities, having withdrawal symptoms, secretive behaviour, loss of interest in hobbies, and appearing frequently angry, belligerent, or moody for no apparent reason.

The young adult subtype makes up the largest of the five subtypes of alcoholics, accounting for 31.1% of alcoholics. People within this group begin drinking around age 19 and develop alcoholism by around age 24. The functional subtype group manages to not let their drinking interfere with other areas of their life, such as relationships or work. The negative consequences of the person’s drinking typically go unnoticed by others. Those within the intermediate familial subtype start drinking much earlier than the other subtypes, usually around age 17.

Physical signs of alcoholism may include bloodshot eyes, alcohol on their breath, sleeping more than usual or appearing tired, an unsteady gait, nausea, sweating, or a rapid heartbeat.

It can be difficult to know how to talk to someone about their alcohol use. Educating yourself on alcohol use disorders, considering different ways of how to talk to your loved one, and making a plan for your conversation will help you be better equipped to lend your support and get your loved one the help they need. Remember that it may take more than one conversation to encourage them to seek help.

Treatment for alcohol use disorder can include detox, treating the underlying addiction, and offering aftercare and support for continued sober living. Behavioural treatment focuses on counselling that changes drinking behaviour, and medication such as naltrexone and acamprosate have been approved by the U.S. Food & Drug Administration.

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