Lena Savoie
Being in a relationship with an alcoholic can be emotionally taxing and exhausting. It can be difficult to accept the changes you see in your partner and you may feel resentful, bitter, or helpless. You may also experience financial difficulties, stress related to managing household responsibilities alone, and constant conflict around your partner's alcohol abuse. It's important to remember that you did not cause your partner's drinking and you cannot control or cure it. However, there are ways you can contribute positively to their recovery and your own healing. Educating yourself about substance use disorders and taking time for self-care are crucial steps in this process. While it may be challenging, it is possible to survive and even rebuild a relationship damaged by alcohol addiction.
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What You'll Learn
Recognise the signs of alcohol addiction
Recognising the signs of alcohol addiction in your partner can be difficult, especially within a culture of social drinking. However, there are some common warning signs to look out for. Firstly, people with alcohol addiction will often lie about or hide their drinking. They may also be unable to stop drinking once they have started, and will neglect their responsibilities at work, school, or home. They will also struggle to maintain healthy relationships and may experience withdrawal symptoms when they try to quit.
Other signs include an increased tolerance for alcohol, meaning they can drink more than they used to, and an inability to cut down despite attempts to do so. Alcohol addiction can also lead to dangerous behaviour such as driving under the influence, and financial difficulties as money is spent on alcohol instead of bills.
If you are worried about your partner's drinking, it is important to remember that you did not cause their drinking, and you cannot control or cure it. You should also not spend your time covering up for them or their drinking. Instead, encourage them to seek professional support, such as speaking to their GP or contacting a specialist treatment centre.
It is also crucial to take care of yourself and ensure you have a good support system in place. Living with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining and stressful, so focus on your own physical and mental health, and consider seeking therapy or support for yourself.
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Focus on your own health and wellbeing
Being in a relationship with an alcoholic can be emotionally draining and stressful. It is important to focus on your own health and well-being to ensure you can cope with the challenges of having an alcoholic partner. Here are some ways to do that:
Maintain a Supportive Routine
Try to stick to a daily routine as much as possible. Go to work, eat meals, relax, and go to bed at the same time every day. Maintaining a sense of normality and routine can help you feel more grounded and in control of your life.
Prioritize Self-Care
Make sure you are taking care of your physical and mental health. Engage in activities that help you relax and manage stress, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that bring you joy. Eat healthily and get enough sleep. Seek professional help if you are struggling with your mental health. Remember, you cannot control your partner's drinking or their recovery—focus on yourself and your own needs.
Take Time for Yourself
Living with an alcoholic can be emotionally exhausting. Ensure you take time for yourself and do things that make you happy. Spend time with friends and family who can provide emotional support and understanding. Consider joining support groups or seeking therapy to help you cope with the challenges of having an alcoholic partner.
Educate Yourself
Learn about alcohol use disorder (AUD) and understand that it is a chronic medical condition. Educate yourself about the diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. This knowledge will help you empathize with your partner's experience and make informed decisions.
Set Boundaries
It is important to set boundaries to protect your own well-being. Refuse to cover up for your partner's drinking or make excuses for them. Don't enable their drinking by bailing them out of drunk driving arrests or minimizing the impact of their drinking on your family. Focus on your safety and the safety of others in your household. If you feel unsafe, seek immediate professional support.
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Understand you are not the cause of their drinking
Living with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining, stressful, and scary. You may be worried about your partner's health, your future, and the future of your household. You may also be taking on more responsibilities and dealing with the financial strain of your partner's drinking. It is important to remember that you are not the cause of your partner's drinking. Alcoholism is a disease and a legitimate medical condition. Your partner's drinking is not your fault, and there is nothing you can do to stop them from engaging in dangerous behaviours.
People with alcoholism commonly display unpredictable or dangerous behaviour, and are more likely to be unfaithful or lie to their partners. They may neglect their responsibilities and struggle to maintain positive and healthy relationships. Alcoholism often leads to increased angry feelings and a lack of control due to intoxication, which can lead to abusive behaviour. Alcohol is known to influence violent behaviours, including physical conflicts that involve hurting themselves or others. Research shows that husbands who are dependent on alcohol are more likely to perpetrate violence against their wives.
You may feel resentful, bitter, or helpless in the relationship. You may also feel ignored, invisible, or rejected by everyone except your alcoholic partner. It is common to feel self-blame and attempt to control your partner's drinking. You may also enable their behaviour by covering for them or making excuses. However, you did not cause your partner's drinking, and you cannot control or cure it. Your partner is responsible for their emotions and their recovery.
It is critical to focus on your own emotions and needs and to ensure you have a good support system in place. Taking care of yourself is important, and you may need support to manage the stress of living with an alcoholic partner. You can also educate yourself about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. This knowledge can provide you with empathy for your partner's experience and data to aid discussions and decisions about their recovery.
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Don't cover up for them
Living with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining and stressful. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that you should not blame yourself for your partner's drinking. Alcoholism is a disease, and your partner's drinking is not your fault.
Enabling behaviour, such as covering up for your partner's drinking, should be avoided. This could involve calling in sick to their workplace when they are actually intoxicated or hungover, bailing them out of jail for a DUI, minimising the impact of their drinking on your family, or pretending the issue does not exist. While it may be instinctive to want to protect your partner, covering up their drinking will not help them recognise the problem and seek treatment.
Instead, focus on yourself and your household's physical and mental health. Take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system. Educate yourself about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. This knowledge will provide you with empathy for your partner's experience and help you make informed decisions.
Remember, you cannot control or cure your partner's drinking. They need to take responsibility for their actions and make a conscious choice to seek recovery. If you feel unsafe or the relationship is hurting you, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
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Seek professional support
If your partner is struggling with alcohol use disorder (AUD), you may be experiencing feelings of self-blame, stress, and worry about their health and well-being. It is important to recognise that you are not alone and that there is support available for both you and your partner. Here are some ways to seek professional support:
Educate Yourself
Educate yourself about substance use disorders, including the diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. This knowledge will provide you with empathy for your partner's experience and valuable information to aid in discussions and decisions about their care. Understanding the nature of alcoholism can also help you realise that your partner's drinking is not your fault, and you are not responsible for curing it.
Encourage Professional Treatment
Withdrawing from alcohol can be dangerous and even life-threatening, so if your partner decides to stop drinking, encourage them to seek professional support. Suggest that they speak to their GP or contact a specialist treatment centre to discuss the best steps forward. Remember, your partner's alcohol use disorder is a legitimate medical condition that can improve with treatment.
Seek Counselling or Therapy
Consider seeking individual counselling or therapy to help you cope with the challenges of having a partner struggling with alcoholism. A therapist can help you process the hardships and provide guidance on how to support your partner's recovery. Therapy can also empower you to improve your overall well-being and reach your personal goals.
Join Support Groups
Support groups such as Al-Anon specifically cater to families and friends of alcoholics, providing a space to share experiences and gain strength from others in similar situations. These groups can offer valuable insights and strategies for dealing with a partner's alcoholism and supporting their recovery.
Ensure Your Safety
If you are in a situation where you feel physically or emotionally unsafe due to your partner's alcoholism, it is crucial to seek immediate professional support. Alcoholism often leads to unpredictable and dangerous behaviour, including domestic violence and abuse. Prioritise your safety and well-being, and don't hesitate to reach out to relevant support services and hotlines.
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Frequently asked questions
Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a chronic medical condition characterised by an inability to stop or control drinking despite health, social, or professional consequences. Warning signs include:
- They lie about or hide their drinking.
- They regularly blackout after drinking.
- They are unable to cut themselves off once they start drinking.
- They drink in dangerous situations, such as before work or driving.
- They neglect their responsibilities.
- They struggle to maintain positive and healthy relationships.
- They experience withdrawal when they try to stop drinking.
You cannot cure your partner's alcohol addiction, but you can provide information and support to make it easier for them to seek out their own recovery. Educate yourself about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. Encourage them to speak to their GP or get in contact with a specialist treatment centre.
It is completely understandable to break up with an alcoholic if you feel like the relationship is hurting one or both individuals involved. If you are experiencing any verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, it may be time to end the relationship.
Living and dealing with an alcoholic can have a serious effect on your health and well-being. It is critical to look at your own emotions and needs. Take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system around you. Focus on yourself and others in your household who are affected by your alcoholic partner. Maintain a level of normality throughout your days by sticking to a routine.
