Evicting An Alcoholic Adult Son: Steps To Take Control

how to push out your adult alcoholic son

Alcohol addiction is a disease that affects not only the person struggling with it but also their families and relationships. It can be challenging for parents to deal with an adult child's alcohol addiction, and they might feel angry, confused, or unsure of what to do. It is important to remember that you are not alone, and with the right approach, professional support, and treatment, recovery is possible. Here are some ways to help your adult son struggling with alcohol addiction:

Characteristics Values
Recognise signs of alcohol addiction Increased tolerance, withdrawal symptoms, bloodshot eyes, neglecting responsibilities, sudden mood swings, etc.
Understand the underlying factors Biological, psychological, and social factors
Educate yourself about addiction and treatment options Research treatment programs, consider professional intervention, and maintain your own mental health
Set clear boundaries No drinking at home, no intoxication, no disrespectful behaviour, no lying, etc.
Encourage treatment without enabling Offer emotional support, encourage healthy hobbies, and hold your son accountable
Choose an appropriate rehab program Inpatient rehab, outpatient treatment, sober living houses, etc.
Provide ongoing support Maintain a positive attitude, participate in family therapy, encourage support groups, avoid substances in front of your son

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Recognise the signs of alcohol addiction and understand the treatment options available

Recognising the signs of alcohol addiction is the first step to helping your adult son get the treatment he needs. Alcohol dependence or addiction is characterised by a strong, often uncontrollable, desire to drink. This means drinking at a level that causes harm to one's health and well-being. Some warning signs that your son may be struggling with alcohol addiction include:

  • Drinking more or for longer periods than intended.
  • Expressing a desire to cut down on alcohol consumption but being unable to do so.
  • Spending most of their time drinking or recovering from the effects of alcohol.
  • Experiencing family, work, or relationship problems due to their drinking.
  • Bloodshot eyes or strange breath odours.
  • Engaging in secretive or suspicious behaviour.
  • Neglecting responsibilities, including childcare.
  • Sudden mood swings or changes in personality.
  • Increased tolerance, needing more alcohol to achieve the desired effect.
  • Prioritising drinking over other activities or obligations.

If you recognise these signs in your son, encourage him to seek professional help. Alcohol addiction is a disease that responds to treatment, and your son needs to be treated as someone with an illness. Enabling behaviours, such as helping your son hide his drinking or providing excuses, should be avoided. Instead, hold him accountable and offer encouragement, letting him know that seeking help takes courage.

Treatment options for alcohol addiction vary and can be tailored to individual needs. Healthcare professionals provide two main types of treatment:

  • Talk therapy: Licensed therapists help individuals build coping strategies and skills to stop or reduce drinking. This can include one-on-one, family, or group sessions.
  • Medications: Non-addictive medications can be prescribed by a doctor to help individuals stop drinking and avoid relapse.

In addition to these treatments, there are different levels of care intensity:

  • Outpatient programs: These allow individuals to maintain their regular routines and privacy while receiving treatment during the day and returning home at night.
  • Residential programs: These offer 24/7 supervision by medical and psychological professionals, providing support during alcohol withdrawal.
  • Intensive inpatient programs: These provide medically-directed 24-hour services and can help manage withdrawal symptoms.

To determine the appropriate level of care, a complete assessment of your son's alcohol problems and complications is necessary. The cost of treatment is also an important consideration, and you can explore options like insurance coverage or out-of-pocket payments. Additionally, telehealth services, including phone or video sessions for talk therapy, are now covered by insurance companies and Medicaid in many states.

Remember, recovery from alcohol addiction is not just a matter of willpower. It is a complex process that often requires professional treatment and ongoing support.

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Stop enabling behaviours and set boundaries

If you are the parent of an adult son who struggles with alcohol addiction, it is natural to feel concerned and confused about what to do. Alcohol addiction is a disease that often requires professional treatment. While you cannot force your son to quit drinking, there are ways to help and show your support.

Enabling your son's addiction will only cause harm to both of you. Enabling includes helping your son hide his drinking, providing excuses for his drinking, and even buying alcohol for him. It can feel like an act of kindness, but it keeps your son from facing the consequences of his actions and may prevent him from seeking help. Instead, hold him accountable and encourage him to seek treatment.

Setting boundaries is essential for your self-preservation and safety. Boundaries are not about controlling your son or making him change; they are about establishing how you want to be treated and creating a path to healthy relationships. Examples of boundaries include refusing to serve alcohol at your home, not engaging in arguments when your son is intoxicated, and not providing financial support for his drinking habits. Write down your boundaries and the reasons for setting them to gain clarity and reinforce them.

It is important to remain calm and concise when communicating your boundaries. Stick to the facts without overexplaining, blaming, or becoming defensive. Offer encouragement and let your son know that seeking help takes courage. Avoid ultimatums, threats, lectures, criticism, and confrontations, as these can cause frustration and defensiveness. Remember, your priority is to keep yourself and any other family members safe.

If your son is open to treatment, help him find a suitable rehab program. Consider factors such as age, insurance, location, and treatment approach. Detox and residential programs provide 24/7 supervision and support to manage withdrawal symptoms. Family therapy can also be beneficial, allowing family members to establish healthy communication patterns and understand their roles in supporting your son's recovery.

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Encourage your son to seek professional treatment and support groups

Encouraging your adult son to seek professional treatment and support groups is a crucial step in helping him address his alcohol addiction. Here are some strategies to guide him towards getting the help he needs:

Offer Encouragement and Support

Express your concern for your son's well-being and let him know that seeking help is an act of courage. Remind him that you are proud of his progress and encourage him to continue on the path to recovery. It's important to approach these conversations with empathy and compassion, avoiding any judgment or criticism. Let your son know that you are there to support him throughout the process.

Provide Information and Resources

Educate yourself about alcohol use disorders and treatment options. Learn about the different types of treatment programs, such as detox programs, residential or inpatient treatment, intensive outpatient programs (IOP), and standard outpatient care. Research local treatment centres, therapists, and support groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Share this information with your son and offer to assist him in navigating insurance coverage, making appointments, or attending initial sessions together.

Establish Healthy Boundaries

Creating healthy boundaries is essential for both your son's recovery and your own well-being. Boundaries provide a safe and supportive environment that does not enable destructive behaviour. Communicate these boundaries clearly and consistently, and ensure they come from a place of love and concern rather than anger or punishment. It's important to remember that while family support is crucial, professional treatment is often necessary for successful and lasting recovery.

Address Relapses with Care

Relapse is a common part of the recovery process, and it doesn't mean that treatment has failed. If a relapse occurs, encourage your son to re-engage with treatment as soon as possible. Help him understand that returning to treatment is an opportunity to reinforce the strategies he has learned and to prevent further setbacks. Offer emotional support and assist him in making the necessary arrangements to get back on track.

Build a Solid Support Network

Encourage your son to surround himself with a supportive network of non-drinking peers and loved ones. Suggest that he explore mutual-help groups, such as Al-Anon, which provide a community of people going through similar struggles. Participating in aftercare programs, individual therapy, and family therapy can also promote healing, education, and healthy boundaries for your son and the entire family. Additionally, consider joining support groups or seeking counselling for yourself to better understand addiction and support your son's recovery.

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Consider residential detox programs and sober living houses

If your adult son is struggling with alcohol addiction, it is important to take action as soon as possible. Alcohol addiction is a disease that often requires professional treatment. Residential detox programs and sober living houses can be effective tools in helping your son recover from alcohol addiction and maintaining long-term sobriety.

Residential detox programs provide 24/7 supervision by medical and psychological professionals who can help your son manage and reduce withdrawal symptoms. These programs offer a structured environment with daily treatment, allowing your son to focus solely on his recovery. After completing a residential detox program, your son can transition to an outpatient program, where he attends treatment sessions during the day and returns home or to a sober living house at night.

Sober living houses provide a safe and supportive environment for individuals in recovery from addiction. These houses are typically substance-free and promote a sober lifestyle. Residents are expected to follow certain rules, such as maintaining sobriety, adhering to a curfew, and participating in group meetings or therapy sessions. Sober living houses offer a sense of community and peer support, which can be crucial in maintaining long-term sobriety. Residents can relate to one another's struggles and hold each other accountable, fostering a sense of camaraderie and understanding.

The cost of sober living houses is generally comparable to renting a modest apartment or home, and residents are responsible for paying rent and, in some cases, utilities. While sober living houses are not licensed or funded by governments, they often emphasize the importance of 12-step group attendance and peer support in alignment with recovery principles.

When considering a sober living house for your son, it is important to research different options as each house has its own rules and structure. Some houses may be better suited to your son's specific needs and preferences. Additionally, you may want to involve your son in the decision-making process, ensuring he feels comfortable and supported in his chosen sober living environment.

By enrolling your son in a residential detox program and subsequently transitioning him to a sober living house, you are providing him with the necessary tools and support to overcome his addiction and establish a solid foundation for long-term sobriety.

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Take care of your own mental health

Dealing with an adult alcoholic son can be stressful and overwhelming. It is important to take care of your own mental health and well-being during this difficult time. Here are some ways to do that:

Educate Yourself

It is crucial to understand alcohol addiction and its treatment options. Educate yourself about the signs of alcohol addiction, the impact of alcoholism on the brain and body, and the symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. This knowledge will help you prepare for what to expect and enable you to better support your son.

Seek Professional Help

Consider seeking individual counselling or therapy to take care of your mental health. Counselling provides a safe space to express your feelings, address your concerns, and learn healthy self-care practices. Additionally, consider joining support groups for families and friends of people with alcohol problems, such as Al-Anon. These groups offer mutual support and guidance from people who understand your situation.

Establish Clear Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential for your well-being and your son's recovery. Boundaries provide a safe and supportive environment that does not enable destructive behaviour. Communicate these boundaries clearly, enforce them consistently, and ensure they come from a place of love rather than anger. Remember that boundaries are not about punishment but about creating a healthy dynamic that encourages your son to seek help.

Avoid Enabling Behaviours

Enabling your son's drinking can hinder his recovery and negatively impact your own mental health. Enabling behaviours may include helping your son hide his drinking, providing excuses, or agreeing with his reasons for postponing treatment. While it may feel like an act of kindness, it keeps your son from facing the consequences of his actions and recognizing his need for help. Instead, hold him accountable and encourage him to seek treatment.

Practice Self-Care

Taking care of your needs is crucial. Self-care can involve different practices that promote your physical and mental well-being. By prioritizing self-care, you will have more energy and resilience to navigate the challenges ahead. Remember, your well-being is important, and taking care of yourself will also benefit your son's journey towards recovery.

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Frequently asked questions

Some signs that your son may be dealing with alcohol abuse or addiction include drinking more or for longer periods than intended, being unable to cut down on alcohol use, neglecting responsibilities, sudden mood swings, bloodshot eyes, and strange breath.

It is important to approach conversations about alcohol use with empathy and understanding. Offer encouragement and let your son know that it takes courage to reach out. Educate yourself about addiction and treatment options, and research treatment programs that specialize in young adult males. You can also suggest that your son enrol in detox or residential programs, or join support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Avoid using ultimatums or threats, lecturing or criticising, blaming, confrontations, or referring to your son as an addict or alcoholic. These approaches can increase shame and resentment, and may push your son away. Instead, approach conversations with compassion and non-judgment, and focus on encouraging your son to seek help.

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