Mason Delacroix
Being in a relationship with an alcoholic can be emotionally draining, stressful, and overwhelming. It can lead to financial difficulties, increased household responsibilities, and constant worry about the alcoholic's well-being and behaviour. Alcohol addiction can also increase the risk of verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse within the relationship. If you are considering ending a relationship with an alcoholic, it is important to prioritize your well-being and seek support. You may want to encourage your partner to seek professional help and set clear boundaries, but ultimately, the decision to change lies with them. Moving on from an alcoholic relationship can be challenging, and seeking therapy or support groups can help you heal and rebuild your life.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Take care of yourself | Let go of guilt from the past, attend therapy, do not take harmful behaviour personally |
| Recognise the relationship is hurting you | Emotional distress, physical danger, financial strain, neglect of family and social life |
| Your partner refuses to change | Denial of problem, refusal of treatment, continued alcohol abuse |
| You have tried to help | Holding interventions, encouraging treatment, setting boundaries |
| You have children | Protect them from abuse and unacceptable behaviour |
| You want to stay | Stop drinking yourself, offer support, attend support groups |
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What You'll Learn
Recognise the signs of alcoholism
Recognising the signs of alcoholism in a partner can be difficult, especially if they are high-functioning and able to conceal their addiction. However, there are some common signs and behaviours that may indicate your partner is struggling with alcohol use disorder (AUD).
Firstly, people with AUD tend to structure their social activities around alcohol. They may also drink at any time of day to satisfy their cravings, choosing to drink first thing in the morning, in the afternoon, or late at night. They may attempt to justify this behaviour and become defensive when questioned. While someone with AUD may not appear intoxicated after a few drinks, their mood might change as they continue drinking. For instance, they may become highly emotional, angry, or display other significant personality changes.
Another indicator is that their drinking has begun to impact other areas of their life. They may start to miss work or neglect their responsibilities, leading to a decline in performance. They may also struggle to maintain positive and healthy relationships and refuse to participate in activities they once enjoyed. People with AUD often have a narrow range of coping mechanisms, all of which involve drinking. They may also lie about or hide their drinking and find it extremely hard to quit, even if they want to.
There are also some physical signs of alcoholism, such as unexplained weight loss or gain, broken facial capillaries, flushed skin, premature ageing, dry skin, brittle hair and nails, unexplained bruises, and jaundice. Hand tremors are also common, particularly in the morning upon waking.
If you recognise these signs in your partner, it is important to remember that you are not alone and support is available. You can speak to your GP or contact a helpline for advice and information on treatment options.
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Understand the impact on your life
Understanding the impact of an alcoholic relationship on your life is a crucial step in moving on. Alcohol addiction can have far-reaching consequences, affecting your emotional, physical, and financial well-being. Emotional distress, heightened anxiety, and chronic stress are common experiences for partners of alcoholics. The unpredictable behaviour of an alcoholic partner can create a constant state of alert, leaving you on edge, waiting for the next argument or broken promise. This can lead to long-term psychological trauma.
The financial strain caused by an alcoholic partner's reckless spending or loss of income can also be significant. You may find yourself struggling to pay bills and maintain financial stability. Additionally, the responsibility of managing household chores and duties often falls on the partner, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and exhausted. Alcoholism can also lead to social isolation as the alcoholic partner withdraws from family and social activities.
Alcoholic relationships are often marked by abuse, including verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. This abuse is never acceptable and should not be tolerated. If there are children involved, it is crucial to protect them from exposure to such behaviour, as it can leave lasting scars on their psyche.
It's important to recognise that you are not alone in facing these challenges. Support groups like Al-Anon offer guidance and support from people who understand the struggles of being in a relationship with an alcoholic.
Lastly, it's essential to free yourself from blame. Remember that your partner's alcoholism is not your fault, and you are not responsible for their actions.
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Set boundaries and seek support
Setting boundaries and seeking support are crucial steps in moving forward from an alcoholic relationship. Firstly, recognise that you are not responsible for your partner's drinking habits or their actions. Alcoholism is a disease, and your partner's drinking is not your fault. Understand that you cannot change them or control their drinking habits; they must make that choice themselves.
Setting boundaries is essential for your well-being. Be clear about how their drinking has impacted your life and relationship. Express how their behaviour has affected you and the relationship. Do not tolerate unacceptable behaviour, and do not feel guilty for prioritising your peace and protection. If you have children, it is crucial to protect them from any hurtful or negative comments and keep them away from someone who does not respect your boundaries.
Seeking support is also vital. Offer to help your partner find professional help, such as counselling, therapy, or support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). You can also suggest local support groups like Al-Anon, which provide guidance and support from others who understand the struggles of having a loved one struggling with alcoholism. Remember, family involvement is key to the recovery process.
Additionally, consider your own support system. Reach out to friends and family, and consider attending therapy to help you process any trauma or difficult emotions resulting from the relationship. Remember, it is okay to take a step back and re-evaluate your situation. Prioritising your well-being is crucial, and there is no shame in seeking a healthier future.
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Prioritise your well-being
Prioritising your well-being is crucial when moving on from an alcoholic relationship. Here are some steps to help you put yourself first:
Recognise the impact on your well-being:
Understand that living with an alcoholic partner can deeply affect your emotional and physical health. The stress, worry, and responsibility of dealing with their addiction can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even long-term psychological or physical trauma. Recognise that your peace and protection are just as important as theirs.
Set boundaries and don't enable their behaviour:
It's important to set clear boundaries and not enable your partner's denial or destructive behaviour. Avoid making excuses, lying, or covering up for them. Their alcoholism is not your fault, and you are not responsible for their actions. Focus on maintaining your peace while supporting their recovery by encouraging them to seek professional help.
Seek support:
You don't have to go through this alone. Reach out to support groups like Al-Anon, which offer guidance and support from people who understand your struggles. Consider attending therapy to help you process the impact of the relationship and develop tools for moving forward.
Take care of yourself:
Make self-care a priority. This may include practising self-compassion, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and surrounding yourself with supportive people. Remember, you cannot control your partner's drinking, and their recovery depends on their willingness to change. Focus on what you can control, which is your own well-being and healing.
Know when to step back or leave:
If your partner refuses to acknowledge the issue or seek treatment, it may be time to consider your own path forward. It's okay to prioritise your well-being and seek a healthier future, even if it means ending the relationship. You can still offer support from a distance, but sometimes creating space is necessary for your own peace of mind.
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Move on and take care of yourself
Moving on from an alcoholic relationship can be challenging, but it's important to prioritize your well-being and seek a healthier future. Here are some steps to help you move on and take care of yourself:
Recognize the Impact:
Understand the toll the relationship has taken on you. Alcohol addiction can lead to financial difficulties, increased responsibilities, emotional exhaustion, and constant worry. Recognize the strain it has caused and acknowledge that moving on is a necessary step towards healing.
Seek Professional Help:
Consider attending therapy or counseling to process your experiences and develop tools for living a healthy life. Therapy can help you address any feelings of guilt or heartbreak and provide a safe space to work through your emotions. Remember, there is no shame in asking for help.
Join Support Groups:
Support groups like Al-Anon offer guidance and support from people who understand your struggles. Sharing your experiences with others who have been through similar situations can provide comfort and help you feel less alone. These groups can also guide you in taking care of yourself and making your needs a priority.
Set Clear Boundaries:
If you choose to stay in the relationship and support your partner's recovery, set clear boundaries for yourself and your partner. Communicate how their drinking has impacted your life and the relationship. Offer support in seeking professional help, but remember that you cannot control their actions. Their recovery is ultimately their responsibility.
Practice Self-Care:
Prioritize self-care and engage in activities that promote your physical and mental well-being. This can include exercising, eating healthily, practicing relaxation techniques, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. Taking care of your basic needs and engaging in self-care activities can help you rebuild your sense of self and resilience.
Protect Yourself and Your Children:
If you have children, ensure that you protect them from unacceptable behavior and hurtful comments. Alcoholism in the family can deeply impact children, and it's important to shield them from any potential trauma. Don't hesitate to keep them away from situations that may be harmful or unsafe due to your partner's drinking.
Remember, moving on from an alcoholic relationship is a process, and it's crucial to be patient with yourself. Take it one step at a time, and know that seeking help and support is a sign of strength.
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Frequently asked questions
If your partner refuses to change and their drinking is causing you distress, it might be time to leave. You should also consider leaving if their drinking is impacting your financial situation, your physical or mental health, or the safety and well-being of your children.
Alcohol addiction can put a strain on both partners and the overall health of the relationship. You may experience financial difficulties, stress from managing household responsibilities, and frequent conflict around your partner's alcohol abuse. You may also find yourself in an abusive relationship, which is never acceptable.
You can support your partner by encouraging them to seek professional help, such as counselling, therapy, or support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). You can also offer to stop drinking with them, as drinking in moderation can complicate their recovery and make it harder for them to quit.
If your partner refuses to acknowledge their drinking problem or seek treatment, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship. You can try setting clear boundaries and having heartfelt conversations about how their behaviour is impacting you, but ultimately you cannot force them to change.
Moving on from an alcoholic relationship can be challenging, but it's important to prioritise your well-being and seek a healthier future. Consider attending therapy to help you process any guilt or heartbreak and develop tools to live a healthy life. You can also try reconnecting with loved ones and repairing relationships that may have been damaged by your partner's drinking.
