Arielle Cruz
Living with an alcoholic can be emotionally, financially, and physically exhausting. It can be challenging to know where to turn, but there are actions you can take to help both yourself and your loved one through the difficulties posed by their drinking. It's important to remember that you did not cause their drinking, nor can you control or cure it. Instead, focus on yourself and your own support system, and encourage your loved one to seek professional help.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Ensure your safety | Trust your instincts and leave if you feel unsafe |
| Understand the nature of alcoholism | Alcoholism is a chronic disease and the sufferer is unlikely to want to stop until they reach a crisis point |
| Don't enable their alcoholism | Avoid making excuses for them or covering up their drinking |
| Seek support | Reach out to friends and family, support groups, therapy or helplines |
| Focus on yourself | Look after your own well-being, form an independent life, and set healthy boundaries |
| Encourage treatment | Suggest they speak to their GP or a specialist, but don't try to control or cure them |
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What You'll Learn
Recognise the signs of alcoholism
Recognising the signs of alcoholism is the first step towards reclaiming control and beginning the journey to recovery. Alcoholism, alcohol dependence and alcohol addiction are recognised alcohol use disorders that are considered chronic. They are at the most severe end of the substance misuse spectrum.
Alcoholics may appear to choose drink over their partners, jobs and children. They suffer from an obsession and compulsion that is beyond their mental control. Alcohol has a profound impact on brain chemistry, which significantly influences emotions. Common emotional signs of dependence include:
- Secretive or dishonest behaviour in relation to alcohol
- Continuing to drink despite the negative effects on home, work or social life
- Losing interest in activities, hobbies or events that were once important
- Increased alcohol tolerance
- Personality changes while under the influence
Binge drinking is defined as drinking more than six units of alcohol in one session. Heavy drinking involves consistently drinking more than 14 units per week, especially without spacing drinks over several days or having alcohol-free days. While heavy drinking poses risks to physical and mental health, it doesn’t automatically mean someone is alcohol-dependent. Dependence involves specific behavioural, emotional and physical signs that go beyond the amount consumed.
If you are concerned about your drinking or that of someone else, help and support are available. Speak to your doctor, call a helpline or get in touch with a private addiction support service.
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Understand the nature of the disease
Alcoholism, alcohol dependence, and alcohol addiction are recognised alcohol use disorders that are considered chronic. They are at the most severe end of the substance misuse spectrum. Alcoholism is a potentially life-threatening condition that can lead to memory loss, liver fibrosis, fatty liver, cancers, high blood pressure, stroke, and even death. The longer a person continues with their addiction, the higher their risk of severe side effects.
Alcoholics suffer from an obsession and compulsion that are beyond their mental control. Alcohol is a powerful depressant, and its effects on heavy drinkers can be significant. Alcohol use disorders (AUD) affect people's personalities and the way they react to situations, causing them to act out of character. AUD can cause various mental health issues, and people with addictions can become very emotional and reactive.
Alcoholism can put a lot of strain on relationships. It can be emotionally, financially, and physically exhausting for those living with an alcoholic partner. Alcoholics may appear to choose alcohol over their partners, jobs, and children. They may exhibit major changes in their personalities when they haven't had a drink, and their loved ones may feel terrified about their health and future. Alcoholics can become irritable, lethargic, or quick to anger when experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
Living with an alcoholic can trigger feelings of self-blame and attempts to control or enable their drinking. It's important to understand that you did not cause their drinking, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. Instead of obsessively monitoring their behaviour, making excuses for them, or pleading with them to stop, it's crucial to set healthy boundaries and focus on your own well-being. Denial is a strong characteristic of alcoholism, and breaking through it may require drastic measures, such as a professional intervention.
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Take time for yourself
Living with an alcoholic can be emotionally, financially, and physically exhausting. It can take a toll on your mental health and make you feel isolated. It is important to take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system around you. Here are some ways to do that:
Maintain a level of normality
Try to stick to a family routine as much as possible. Go to work, eat meals, relax, and go to bed at the same time every day. This can help provide a sense of stability and normality during a challenging time.
Focus on yourself and your household
Prioritize your physical and mental health, as well as that of others in your household who are affected by the alcoholic's behaviour. This may include seeking professional help, such as therapy, to learn healthy coping mechanisms and recognize unhealthy thought patterns.
Step back
It is important to understand that you did not cause your loved one's drinking, and you cannot control or cure it. Enabling behaviour, such as making excuses for their drinking or covering up for them, can actually hinder their recovery. Instead, learn to set healthy boundaries and allow them to face the consequences of their actions.
Seek support
Reach out to friends and family members who can provide emotional support and help you feel less alone. Consider joining a support group for families coping with alcohol dependency, such as Al-Anon or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These groups can provide a judgement-free space to discuss your experiences and connect with others going through similar situations.
Take time for self-care
Engage in activities that help you relax and feel good about yourself. This could include finding a hobby, exercising, meditating, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself is crucial during this difficult time.
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Seek support
Living with an alcoholic can be emotionally, financially and physically exhausting. It can make you feel isolated, ashamed, and worried about the health and future of your household. It is important to seek support for yourself and remember that you are not alone.
Speak to friends and family
Talking to friends and family can help you feel less alone. They can provide a support system and judgement-free space to discuss your thoughts and feelings.
Support groups
Support groups can help you connect with people in similar situations. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Families Anonymous, National Association for Children of Addiction, and Women for Sobriety are some support groups that can help.
Therapy
Therapy can help you develop healthy coping mechanisms and recognise unhealthy thought patterns, such as self-blame. A therapist can also monitor your mental health to ensure you do not develop codependency or other mental health issues.
National Helplines
If you are unsure where to turn, you can reach out to national helplines such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's National Helpline. These services are typically free, confidential, and available 24/7.
GP or specialist treatment centres
Your GP can advise you on alcohol dependence and recovery. Specialist treatment centres can also provide support and information on the best steps forward for you and your loved one.
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Encourage treatment
Living with an alcoholic can be challenging and emotionally draining. Here are some detailed strategies to encourage your partner, family member, or friend to seek treatment:
Express Your Concerns and Offer Support:
- Choose an appropriate time and place to talk when the alcoholic is sober and receptive.
- Express your concerns calmly and without judgment. Share specific examples of how their drinking has impacted their health, relationships, work, or finances.
- Offer your unwavering support throughout the treatment process. Let them know that you are committed to helping them achieve sobriety.
Provide Information About Treatment Options:
- Educate yourself about the various treatment options available, including therapy, support groups, inpatient or outpatient rehab facilities, and medication.
- Present this information to your loved one, highlighting the benefits of each option. Emphasize the potential for recovery and improved quality of life.
Address Denial and Resistance:
- Alcoholics often deny the severity of their problem or resist seeking help. Gently but firmly confront their denial by presenting factual evidence of the negative consequences of their drinking.
- Encourage your loved one to take a self-assessment test or participate in a preliminary evaluation with a healthcare professional.
Involve Friends and Family:
- Consider staging an intervention with the help of a professional interventionist. Interventions can be powerful tools to help the alcoholic understand the impact of their drinking on those around them.
- Include close friends or family members who can share their concerns and encourage treatment. Ensure that everyone involved remains supportive and non-confrontational.
Offer Practical Assistance:
- Help your loved one research treatment facilities, make appointments, and handle logistical concerns. Offer to accompany them to meetings or therapy sessions if they wish.
- Provide emotional support throughout the treatment process, celebrating their successes and providing encouragement during setbacks.
Remember, encouraging an alcoholic to seek treatment can be a challenging and lengthy process. Be patient, persistent, and supportive, and always prioritize your own well-being and safety.
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Frequently asked questions
Some signs that your partner may have a drinking problem include an alarmingly high tolerance for alcohol, major changes in their personality when they haven't had a drink, and irritability, lethargy, or anger when experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
It's important to understand that you are not the cause of your partner's drinking, nor can you control or cure it. Focus on yourself and your own support system, and seek help from friends, family, therapy, or support groups. Encourage your partner to seek professional help, but do not enable their alcoholism by covering up for them or minimising the impact of their drinking.
Express your concern for their safety and future, and explain the impact their drinking is having on those around them. You can also suggest they speak to their GP or a specialist treatment centre, or stage an intervention with the help of a mental health professional.
