Battling Alcoholism: Strategies For Dealing With Angry Family

Alcohol abuse and addiction, or alcohol use disorder, can affect not only the drinker but also their family and loved ones. Living with someone with an alcohol use disorder can trigger feelings of shame, fear, anger, and self-blame. It can be challenging to watch a loved one struggle with a drinking problem, and it can be painful to witness the deterioration of a relationship. Family members often try everything they can to get their loved one to stop drinking, but this can leave them feeling lonely and frustrated. It is important to remember that you did not cause their drinking, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. While it may be difficult, it is important to allow natural consequences to occur, as this can push the person towards seeking help. There are support groups available for families dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse, such as Al-Anon, and free helplines such as SAMHSA's National Helpline.

Seek support from friends, family, therapists, support groups, or community resources

Caring for someone with alcohol problems can be stressful and take a toll on your health and well-being. It is important to seek support from others, including friends, family, therapists, support groups, and community resources.

Friends and Family: Friends and family can provide valuable support and guidance to those struggling with alcohol abuse. They can offer a listening ear, emotional support, and help the individual stay motivated and accountable during their recovery journey. It is important to remember that friends and family may not always know how to provide the best support, so seeking guidance from professionals or support groups can be beneficial.

Therapists and Counsellors: Professional help from therapists or counsellors can be crucial in treating alcohol problems. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, can help individuals identify the thoughts, feelings, and situations that contribute to heavy drinking and develop coping strategies to manage stress and avoid triggers. Therapy can also address any underlying mental health issues that may be contributing to alcohol misuse.

Support Groups: Support groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Al-Anon, offer peer support for people struggling with alcohol abuse and their families. These groups provide a sense of community, understanding, and shared experience, which can be comforting and empowering. Support groups often complement professional treatment and provide ongoing encouragement during recovery.

Community Resources: Various community resources are available to support individuals and families affected by alcohol abuse. These include helplines, such as the National Helpline for Mental Health, Drug, and Alcohol Issues (1-800-662-HELP), which offers confidential referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community organizations. Other resources include online tools like the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator, which helps individuals find suitable treatment options near them.

Remember, seeking support is essential for both the individual struggling with alcohol abuse and their loved ones. It is important to take care of your own health and well-being while supporting a loved one, and there are many resources available to help you navigate this challenging journey together.

Understand alcohol dependence and recovery to feel more in control

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a condition that affects millions of people and their families. It is important to understand the science behind alcohol dependence to better understand the recovery process and feel more in control.

Alcohol Dependence:

Chronic heavy drinking can impact several areas of the brain, including those involved in motivation, memory, decision-making, impulse control, attention, and sleep regulation. When a person drinks alcohol, it activates reward circuits and links the pleasurable experience with "cues" such as people, places, and things. These cues then gain motivational significance, and the person may feel compelled to drink again in similar situations. This process is known as "incentive salience." Neurotransmitters such as dopamine, GABA, glutamate, and opioid peptides are involved in this stage.

Withdrawal and Negative Affect:

When a person with AUD stops drinking, the reward circuit activity decreases, while stress circuits in the extended amygdala become activated. This change fuels negative emotional states such as anxiety, dysphoria, and irritability. The person may feel that alcohol provides temporary relief from these negative emotions, leading to a cycle of dependence.

Treatment and Recovery:

Understanding the neuroscience behind AUD can help explain why it becomes difficult for a person to stop drinking without assistance. Treatment options include behavioural therapy, medication, and support groups. Behavioural treatments can help individuals identify the root causes of their alcohol use, repair relationships, and develop skills to reduce their drinking. Medications such as naltrexone, acamprosate, topiramate, and gabapentin can also help decrease cravings. Support groups provide a sense of community and connection with others going through similar experiences.

Family Support:

It is crucial for family members of individuals with AUD to seek support as well. Substance use disorders can cause problems at home and work, and witnessing a loved one's drinking and relationship deterioration can trigger distressing emotions. Family therapy sessions can be beneficial for both the affected individual and their family members, aiding in repairing relationships and providing a better understanding of the disorder. Support groups such as Al-Anon and Alateen are specifically designed for families and teens dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse.

Understanding the neuroscience of alcohol dependence and the available treatment options can empower individuals and their families to take control of their lives and support each other during the recovery journey.

Don't try to control or cure your loved one's drinking

Alcohol abuse and addiction, or "alcohol use disorder", affects not only the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. It can be challenging to know what to do when you're concerned about a family member's drinking. It is important to remember that you cannot control or cure your loved one's drinking. Here are some things to keep in mind:

While it is natural to want to help a family member struggling with alcoholism, it is important to remember that you cannot control their behaviour or force them to stop drinking. Trying to control their drinking may only lead to frustration and resentment for both you and your loved one. Instead, focus on what you can control, which is your own actions and reactions.

Offer Support and Encouragement

You can play an important role in your loved one's recovery by offering your support and encouragement. Let them know that you are concerned about their health and wellbeing, and offer to accompany them to appointments or meetings with a healthcare provider or addiction counsellor. You can also offer to help them find local support groups or treatment facilities. Remember that recovery is a long process, so be prepared to provide ongoing support.

Take Care of Yourself

It is important to prioritise your own physical and emotional well-being when dealing with a loved one's alcoholism. Make sure to schedule time for self-care and relaxation, and maintain your own health and happiness. Consider joining a support group for families dealing with alcohol abuse, such as Al-Anon, where you can connect with others in similar situations and learn coping strategies. Additionally, seek support from trusted friends, a therapist, or other members of your community.

Set Boundaries

While offering support, it is also crucial to set healthy boundaries to ensure that your loved one's drinking does not negatively impact your life. Be honest about your feelings and communicate your needs and expectations clearly. For example, you may choose to avoid drinking around your loved one or keep alcohol out of the house. Setting boundaries can help you maintain a sense of balance and protect your own well-being.

Encourage Healthy Alternatives

Instead of focusing on controlling your loved one's drinking, encourage them to develop healthy alternatives. Suggest hobbies or social activities that can distract them from drinking and provide a positive outlet for their energy. Team sports, clubs, and other healthy pursuits can help your loved one develop a healthier lifestyle and reduce their reliance on alcohol.

Don't cover up their drinking or make excuses for them

Alcohol misuse can be stressful and worrying for friends and family. It can be difficult to communicate your concerns and find ways to help a loved one cut back or quit drinking. It's important to remember that you shouldn't cover up their drinking or make excuses for them. Here are some reasons why:

Firstly, enabling an alcoholic to continue their behaviour by covering up for them will only allow their addiction to worsen. By doing so, you are removing the potential consequences of their actions, which could be a catalyst for change. If they are never confronted with the negative impact of their drinking, they may never feel the need to change.

Secondly, making excuses for an alcoholic family member can be emotionally draining and damaging to your own mental health. It is essential to take care of yourself first; ensure you have a support system and people to talk to honestly about the situation. Joining a support group, such as Al-Anon, can provide comfort and help you develop coping strategies.

Thirdly, by covering up for an alcoholic, you may be enabling them to neglect their responsibilities and cause harm to themselves and others. Alcohol misuse can lead to financial and legal difficulties, as well as abusive behaviour. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for their actions, and by excusing their behaviour, you may be inadvertently allowing these issues to occur.

Finally, covering up for an alcoholic family member can hinder their recovery. It is important to encourage them to seek professional help and support them through treatment. This may include joining them in family or group counselling sessions, suggesting activities that don't involve drinking, and being patient during setbacks.

Remember, it is not your responsibility to fix the problem, but you can play a supportive role in their journey towards recovery.

Encourage your loved one to seek help and support them through treatment

Dealing with a family member's alcoholism can be emotionally challenging and take a toll on your health and well-being. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that you do not have to go through this alone. It is crucial to take care of yourself and seek support from others. Reach out to trusted friends, a support group, your faith community, or a therapist. Joining a group such as Al-Anon, a free peer support group for families dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse, can be a great source of comfort and help you develop new tools for coping.

You can encourage your loved one to seek help by offering to accompany them to doctor appointments, group meetings, or counselling sessions. You can also sit with them while they call a helpline for advice. It is important to choose a time when your loved one is not drinking, and you are both calm and focused. Choose a private, quiet place where you won't be interrupted. Express your concerns in a caring and compassionate manner, focusing on the effects their drinking is having on their health, your relationship, and the family. Remember that you cannot force someone to stop drinking, but you can offer them steps to address the problem.

You can also educate yourself on the dangers of alcohol misuse, treatment methods, and rehab options. This knowledge can help your loved one understand the consequences of their actions and the benefits of seeking help. It is also important to build a solid support network for your loved one, as their motivation for recovery depends on the encouragement and support they receive. Encourage them to take up non-drinking activities, join mutual-help groups, and make amends with those who have supported them.

Remember that recovery is a lifelong process, and relapse may be a part of it. Approximately 66% of people who enter treatment experience relapse, but many are able to navigate through it and return to remission. After the formal treatment program ends, ongoing treatment or aftercare programs can be beneficial. This may include continuing counselling, mutual-help groups, sober living environments, and alumni events and programs.

Frequently asked questions