Healing From An Alcoholic Father's Emotional Abuse

Living with an alcoholic parent can be incredibly challenging, and the impact of a father's alcohol addiction can persist into adulthood. Children of alcoholic parents often experience emotional difficulties, such as guilt, anxiety, anger, embarrassment, and depression, and may develop behavioural issues. They may also be at a higher risk of substance misuse themselves. Dealing with an emotionally abusive alcoholic father can be even more traumatic. It is important to recognise that you are not alone and that support is available. Seeking help from hotlines, support groups, therapy, or trusted adults can provide valuable guidance and comfort. Additionally, understanding the underlying causes of your father's behaviour can help you process your emotions and work towards healing.

Recognise the signs of alcohol use disorder

Recognising the signs of alcohol use disorder can be a crucial step in understanding and addressing the challenges associated with an emotionally abusive alcoholic father. This disorder, also known as alcoholism, is characterised by a person's inability to stop or control their alcohol consumption, despite the negative impact on their health, safety, and personal relationships.

Behavioural Changes

• Increased frequency and amount of alcohol consumption beyond what was intended.
• Inability to cut back on drinking despite expressing a desire to do so.
• Spending a significant amount of time drinking or recovering from the effects of alcohol.
• Strong urges to drink, leading to an obsession that interferes with other thoughts.
• Neglecting personal obligations, such as work or family responsibilities, due to drinking.
• Giving up previously enjoyed activities to prioritise drinking.
• Engaging in dangerous behaviours while under the influence, such as driving or operating machinery.

Physical Changes

• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not drinking, including trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, or seizures.
• Increased tolerance, requiring more alcohol to achieve the desired effect.

Mental/Emotional Changes

• Intense cravings for alcoholic beverages.
• Continuing to drink despite the negative impact on relationships and social connections.
• Feeling depressed, anxious, or experiencing other mental health issues that are exacerbated by drinking.
• Using alcohol to cope with a medical condition or mental disorder.

It's important to remember that recognising these signs is just the first step. If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, seeking professional help and support is crucial. Resources such as support groups, therapy, and medical treatment can provide guidance and assistance in managing alcohol use disorder.

Understand the impact on your mental health

Growing up with an alcoholic parent can have a profound and lasting impact on one's mental health, well into adulthood. The unpredictable and chaotic environment caused by a parent's alcohol misuse can lead to feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, and an intense need for control in children. This need for control may later manifest as controlling behaviours in relationships.

Children with alcoholic parents often learn to hide their emotions as a defence mechanism, burying their feelings of sadness, anger, embarrassment, shame, and frustration. Over time, this can result in a shutdown of all emotions, making it difficult to express both positive and negative feelings. The constant worry and fear associated with an alcoholic parent's unpredictable behaviour can lead to heightened anxiety, stress, and depression. These mental health issues can persist into adulthood, with many adult children of alcoholics experiencing higher levels of emotional distress, interpersonal struggles, and difficulties at work.

The impact of an alcoholic father's emotional abuse further extends to low self-esteem, guilt, distrust, denial, shame, and an inability to form healthy relationships. The cycle of abuse can continue into adulthood, with adult children of alcoholics more likely to choose partners with substance use disorders and struggle with their own addictions. The normalisation of unhealthy drinking habits and genetic factors also increase the risk of developing alcohol use disorders.

The long-term effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent can lead to feelings of unworthiness, causing social withdrawal and isolation. The trauma experienced in childhood can contribute to the development of mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Additionally, children may develop specific personality traits, such as an intense need for control, emotional dysregulation, and a heightened sensitivity to criticism and conflict.

Healing from the impact of an emotionally abusive alcoholic father involves acknowledging the trauma and its effects. Building a strong support network through therapy, support groups, friends, and family can aid in emotional healing and personal development. It is important to adopt healthy coping strategies and break the cycle of abuse and addiction.

Seek emotional support

It is crucial to seek emotional support when dealing with an emotionally abusive alcoholic father. Here are some ways to do that:

Recognise and Express Your Emotions

It is important to acknowledge and express your emotions. Understand that it is okay to feel the way you do. You can use words to express your feelings and thoughts without resorting to harmful actions. This can help you develop healthy relationships in the future.

Find a Support Group

Consider joining support groups like Al-Anon or Alateen, which offer a 24-hour hotline (1-800-344-2666). Connecting with others going through similar experiences can provide valuable peer support and help you feel less alone.

Seek Professional Help

Consider therapy or counselling to help you process your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Therapy can assist in breaking negative cycles and building positive habits that may have been challenging to learn while living with an alcoholic parent.

Safe Spaces and Hotlines

If you feel unsafe at home, it is crucial to find a safe place. If you are considering running away, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE. Additionally, if you or a family member are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call 911.

Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Practising self-care is essential for your well-being. Be kind to yourself and remember that you are not responsible for your father's actions. Remind yourself that the situation is not your fault and that you deserve peace and happiness.

Find a support group

It is important to remember that you are not alone in dealing with an emotionally abusive alcoholic father. Alcohol problems and addictions to drugs are called substance use disorders, and they can harm a person's health and change the way they act, causing problems at home and work. The impact of a father's alcohol addiction isn't limited to childhood, and can result in persistent emotional and social difficulties in adulthood, including low self-esteem, anxiety, anger, and resentment.

Support groups can be a great way to cope with the challenges of having an alcoholic father. Talking with others who are going through the same thing can provide comfort and help you feel less isolated. Here are some suggestions for finding a support group:

• Al-Anon/Alateen: Al-Anon is a support group specifically designed for families and friends of alcoholics. They provide a safe and non-judgmental space to share experiences and offer mutual support. Alateen is a branch of Al-Anon specifically for teens affected by someone else's drinking, usually a parent. Alateen meetings are confidential and provide a safe space for teens to share their experiences and learn from others going through similar struggles. You can reach them at their 24-hour hotline: 1-800-344-2666.
• Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA): ACA is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition program for people who grew up in dysfunctional homes, including those with alcoholic parents. ACA provides a safe and supportive environment to share experiences, grieve childhood traumas, and heal core traumas. They aim to help members experience freedom from shame and abandonment and develop healthier relationships.
• National Helplines: SAMHSA's National Helpline (1-800-662-HELP or 4357) is a confidential, free, 24-hour service that provides information and referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. They offer assistance in English and Spanish and have a text messaging service (text your zip code to 435748 or HELP4U). Similarly, the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD or 1-800-422-4453) is available to call if your parent is hurting you.
• Online Support: In addition to in-person support groups, there are also online communities and forums where you can connect with others who understand your struggles. A simple online search can help you find forums, blogs, or social media groups where you can share your experiences and receive support from people who have gone through similar situations.

Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, and it is crucial to break the cycle of addiction and build healthy relationships.

Learn to express your emotions

Dealing with an emotionally abusive alcoholic father can be challenging and traumatic. It can leave long-lasting effects on children, including difficulties with emotional expression. Here are some ways to help you learn to express your emotions in this situation:

Recognize and Validate Your Emotions:

It is important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Growing up with an alcoholic father can evoke various emotions, such as anger, sadness, embarrassment, shame, guilt, anxiety, and confusion. Understand that these feelings are normal and a result of your challenging circumstances. Give yourself permission to feel and accept the full range of your emotions without judgment.

Create a Safe Space:

Find a safe and supportive environment where you can express yourself without fear of retribution. This could be joining support groups like Al-Anon or Alateen, where you can connect with others going through similar experiences. Consider seeking help from a professional psychotherapist or counsellor, who can provide guidance, support, and insight. If you feel unsafe at home, you can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline or seek emergency assistance if you or a family member are in danger.

Practice Self-Reflection and Self-Expression:

Take time to reflect on your emotions and understand how your father's alcoholism and emotional abuse make you feel. Journaling can be a helpful tool for exploring and expressing your thoughts and feelings. Use words to articulate your emotions and why you feel that way. This self-awareness will empower you to communicate your feelings effectively to others.

Build Healthy Emotional Habits:

Living with an alcoholic parent can cause you to suppress your emotions as a coping mechanism. Work on developing healthy emotional habits, such as speaking up and expressing your feelings in a safe and constructive manner. Therapy can be beneficial in helping you build these habits and break free from the cycle of substance abuse and emotional abuse. It can teach you how to manage your emotions effectively and improve your overall well-being.

Seek Social Support:

Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family members, or mentors who you can confide in. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can help you process your emotions and feel less alone. It is important to cultivate relationships where you feel understood and valued, which can be healing and empowering.

Remember, expressing your emotions is a crucial aspect of healing and moving forward. You deserve to be heard, understood, and supported. By recognizing and expressing your emotions, you can begin to break free from the trauma and rebuild your sense of self.

Frequently asked questions