Theo Nash
Having an alcoholic parent can be scary and intimidating, and it can affect your emotions and mindset. It's important to remember that you're not alone and that there are things you can do to cope with the problems alcoholism creates in families. Educating yourself about alcoholism and its effects is a good first step. Understanding that alcoholism is a disease and not just a bad habit can help you to better understand the struggle your parent is enduring. It's also crucial to look after your health and well-being, and to make sure you have a support system in place. This could include friends, family, teachers, therapists, or support groups.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Understand alcoholism | Alcoholism is a disease, not a bad habit |
| Educate yourself | Learn about addiction and its effects |
| Recognise risks | Alcohol can be dangerous for parents with specific medical issues or elderly parents |
| Seek support | Join support groups, talk to trusted adults, friends, family, or professionals |
| Practice self-care | Pursue enjoyable activities, hobbies, exercise, spend time outdoors |
| Set boundaries | Have your own space, maintain physical and emotional boundaries, do not enable their drinking |
| Plan for safety | Identify a safe place, have an emergency bag and funds if you need to leave |
| Address feelings | Therapy can help process and understand emotions |
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What You'll Learn
Seek support from friends, family, therapists or support groups
Living with an alcoholic parent can be scary and intimidating. It can affect your emotions and mindset and make you feel lonely and isolated. It is important to take the necessary steps to safeguard your mental health and safety.
One of the most important things to do is to seek support from friends, family, therapists, or support groups. Here are some ways to do that:
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be a relief. They may also be able to help you in other ways, such as providing a safe space to stay if you need to leave home.
- Speak to a therapist: Therapy can help you process and understand your feelings and emotions. It can also help you build good habits that you may not have learned while living with an alcoholic parent, such as speaking up and showing emotion.
- Join a support group: Talking to others who are going through the same thing can help you feel less isolated and understood. Support groups such as Al-Anon/Alateen offer a 24-hour hotline and online support.
- Reach out to a trusted adult: If you are a teenager or young adult, consider talking to a teacher, school counsellor, doctor, or another relative.
- Prioritize self-care: Living with an alcoholic parent can be draining, so it's important to pursue activities and relationships that bring you joy and stability. This could include hobbies, exercise, spending time outdoors, or socialising with friends.
- Educate yourself about alcoholism: Understanding that alcoholism is a disease and educating yourself about addiction and its effects can help you better understand your parent's struggle. Reputable online resources, such as the NIAAA online database, can be a good starting point.
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Understand alcoholism and its effects
Understanding alcoholism and its effects is the first step in dealing with an alcoholic parent. Alcoholism is a disease, not just a bad habit. It is a substance use disorder that harms a person's health and changes the way they act, causing problems at home and work. It can also affect their finances and their mental and physical safety. Alcohol addiction can look different from person to person. Some common symptoms include drinking more or for longer than intended, and drinking specific beverages at certain times and in certain situations. Some people with alcoholism may not display many symptoms and may appear to be performing well at work and maintaining good relationships.
Alcoholism causes anguish not only for the person who drinks but for everyone involved with them. Children of alcoholic parents have a higher risk of abuse and neglect, as well as developing an addiction themselves. They may also be at risk of behavioural, psychological, and emotional problems, such as becoming withdrawn, depressed, anxious, inhibited with others, or developing a sense of over-responsibility. Living with an alcoholic parent can be scary and intimidating, and it is important to take steps to safeguard your mental health and safety.
It is important to remember that you are not responsible for your parent's choices or recovery, and that supporting someone with alcoholism can be draining. You should not feel that you have to help your parent all by yourself. While you may be worried about reaching out, it is crucial that your parent gets the help they need. It is important to make the effort to join a support group and talk to someone you trust, such as a therapist, a good friend, or a relative. You can also call a hotline for help, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the SAMHSA National Helpline.
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Set healthy boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is an important step in dealing with an alcoholic parent. This can include physical and emotional boundaries. For example, having your own space, such as a bedroom with a lock on the door, can provide a sense of safety and privacy. It is also crucial to not engage with your parent when they are intoxicated, as it may be unsafe and enable their drinking.
Another aspect of setting boundaries is financial independence. Alcoholism can impact personal finances and lead to financial instability. If possible, maintaining separate finances, such as having your own bank account, can help establish clear boundaries and reduce financial abuse.
Additionally, creating boundaries may involve setting limits on certain behaviours. This could mean not allowing your parent to borrow money or your belongings, such as a car, and refusing to get into a car if they are intoxicated. These boundaries ensure your safety and well-being while also holding your parent accountable for their actions.
It is essential to communicate these boundaries clearly and concisely to your parent. This can be challenging, and they may not initially accept that they have a problem. During these conversations, it is important to remain calm, kind, and sympathetic while maintaining your position. Having a supportive friend or relative present can provide additional support and help enforce these boundaries.
Remember, setting healthy boundaries is about protecting your well-being and safety. It is not a reflection of your love or commitment to your parent but rather a necessary step in managing the challenges of having an alcoholic parent.
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Prioritise self-care and practice good emotional habits
Prioritising self-care and practising good emotional habits are crucial when coping with an alcoholic parent. Here are some ways to do that:
Recognise the Impact
Firstly, it's important to acknowledge the impact that living with an alcoholic parent can have on your emotions and mental health. Alcoholism in a parent can be scary and isolating, and it can affect your emotions, mindset, and sense of self-worth. Recognising these potential consequences is the first step towards prioritising self-care and healing.
Create a Support System
Building a support system is essential. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, teachers, counsellors, or therapists. Having people you trust who will listen to you without judgement is vital. They can provide valuable advice, remind you to practice self-care, and help you navigate any crises or unsafe situations. Joining support groups like Al-Anon or Alateen can also connect you with others who understand your struggles and can offer support and a sense of community.
Practice Self-Care Routines
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and stability is essential for your well-being. This may include hobbies, spending time outdoors, exercising, socialising, or simply relaxing. Maintaining a healthy meal plan and sleep schedule can also positively impact your overall health and mood.
Develop Emotional Habits
Living with an alcoholic parent may have taught you to suppress your emotions or avoid speaking up to prevent triggering their drinking. While these habits may have helped you survive in that environment, they may hinder your relationships and emotional well-being in the long run. Therapy can help you develop healthier emotional habits, such as expressing your feelings, setting boundaries, and advocating for your needs.
Educate Yourself
Understanding alcoholism as a disease and educating yourself about addiction and its effects can help you navigate your parent's struggles and your own. Reputable online resources and community organisations can provide valuable information and support. This knowledge can empower you to better cope with the challenges you face.
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Be kind, gentle and sympathetic when addressing the issue with your parent
If you are concerned that your parent may have a problem with alcohol, you might fear that they will get angry, yell at you, or react violently. You may also worry that they will embarrass you or consume alcohol more secretly. However, it is important to remember that the potential benefits of this conversation generally outweigh the risks. If you are concerned about a violent reaction, it is best to have someone with you when you talk to your parent.
When addressing the issue with your parent, it is important to be kind, gentle, and sympathetic. Here are some ways to do this:
- Choose a safe and private time and place: Select a time and location where your parent will feel comfortable and safe. This will help create a relaxed environment for the conversation.
- Use a concerned and kind tone: Speak in a gentle, sympathetic, and concerned tone. Avoid a disapproving tone, and refrain from using labels like "alcoholic" or "addict." Instead, focus on expressing your worry and concern for your parent's well-being.
- Share your observations gently: Honestly and gently share your observations about their drinking habits and how it has impacted you and others. For example, you can say, "I've noticed you've been drinking more lately, and it's affecting your health and our relationship."
- Express your care and support: Let your parent know that you care deeply about them and want to support them through their struggles. Show them that you are committed to supporting them throughout their journey toward recovery.
- Focus on solutions: Be solution-oriented and positive when discussing the next steps. Offer to help them find treatment options or accompany them to their first appointment. Provide information about local treatment centres, therapists, or support groups.
- Reassure and encourage treatment: Gently remind your parent that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a brave step toward getting better. Reinforce the idea that treatment is a valuable tool for regaining control over their life.
- Avoid ultimatums: It can be tempting to issue ultimatums, such as "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave." However, this may backfire and push your parent into a defensive position, making them less receptive to change. Instead, focus on expressing your feelings and concerns without resorting to threats.
- Use "I" statements: Try to use phrases that start with "I" rather than "you." For example, say, "I'm worried about you" or "I'm concerned about your drinking." This approach helps to convey your emotions without sounding accusatory.
Remember, the goal is not to convince them that they have a problem but to let them know that you are concerned and want to help. Educate yourself about alcohol use disorders and consider seeking support for yourself through therapy or support groups. Taking care of your own well-being is crucial when dealing with a parent's alcoholism.
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Frequently asked questions
Alcohol addiction can look different from person to person. Some common symptoms include drinking more or for longer than intended, drinking only certain beverages and only in certain situations, and asking you to cover up their drinking, such as by calling in sick for them or lending them money.
It's important to remember that you are not responsible for your parent's drinking or recovery. You have a life to live, so make sure to practice self-care and pursue activities and relationships that bring you joy and stability. This could include hobbies, exercise, spending time outdoors, and socialising. It's also crucial to have a support system in place, which could include friends, family, teachers, or a therapist.
It can be intimidating to talk to your parent about their drinking, but it's important to remember that you are not alone. When having this conversation, try to use positive language and avoid labels like "alcoholic" or "addict". Instead, speak in a kind, gentle, and sympathetic way, and focus on solutions and positive next steps. For example, suggest that they visit their GP, contact an organisation like Alcoholics Anonymous, or try private therapy.
