Vivian Marlowe
Alcoholism is a growing problem in the UK, affecting not only the person with the addiction but also those closest to them. Living with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally and physically draining, impacting your life, health and relationships. It can be challenging to know how to cope with an alcoholic partner, but there are several ways to help you and your partner navigate this difficult journey.
Firstly, it is important to recognise the signs of alcoholism and understand that your partner's drinking is not your fault. Alcoholism is a medical condition, and your partner needs professional help to recover. You can encourage them to seek treatment, but remember that recovery is their decision to make. While you may want to protect your partner from harm, it is crucial to step back and allow them to face the consequences of their actions. Focus on yourself and seek support from friends, family or peer groups like Al-Anon. Educate yourself about alcoholism and its treatment, and be prepared for when your partner is ready to talk or seek help.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Priority | Focus on yourself and other affected household members' physical and mental health |
| Step back | Allow your partner to face the consequences of their actions |
| Outside support | Seek support from close friends and family members, or join a group like Al-Anon |
| Therapy | Attend therapy to learn how to cope with your partner's alcoholism |
| Time for yourself | Take time for self-care to ensure your own health and well-being |
| Don't give up | Remember that you are not alone, and there are people who care about you |
| Don't enable | Avoid trying to control or stop your partner's drinking |
| Research | Educate yourself about alcohol addiction, triggers, and available treatments |
| Conversation | Have the conversation when your partner is sober, and be honest about your feelings and the impact of their drinking |
| Treatment | Encourage your partner to seek treatment, and act quickly once they accept help |
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What You'll Learn
Recognising signs of alcoholism
Alcoholism is a type of "alcohol-use disorder" which can be treated. It is different from "harmful drinking", which is a pattern of heavy drinking that causes damage to one's health without actual dependence. Alcoholism is often associated with high levels of stress, and the negative coping mechanisms that one adopts when drinking can become rooted habits over time.
- Giving precedence to drinking over other daily activities and responsibilities.
- Experiencing withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, tremors, or impaired judgement when stopping drinking.
- Showing signs of increased tolerance to alcohol (having to drink more for the same effect).
- Regularly binge drinking or drinking until you black out.
- Experiencing extreme mood swings or overreacting to situations.
- Having to drink alcohol to feel happy or confident.
- Failing to fulfil expectations due to drinking, such as missing work appointments because of being drunk or hungover.
- Continuing to drink despite negative consequences for health or life.
It is important to note that recognising alcohol addiction in oneself can be challenging, and denial is a common response. However, admitting to having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol is the first step towards recovery. If you are concerned about your drinking habits or those of a loved one, consider taking an Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test (AUDIT) to assess your alcohol intake.
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Seeking outside support
Coping with an alcoholic partner is a challenging and often emotionally draining experience. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that there are many sources of support available to you. Seeking outside support is crucial to helping you cope and giving you the tools to deal with the situation appropriately.
Firstly, it is important to recognise that you are not the cause of your partner's drinking, and you are not responsible for their choices. It is also not your role to control or stop their drinking. Instead, you can encourage them to seek treatment and support their recovery by setting clear boundaries.
There are various peer support groups available, such as Al-Anon, which was founded specifically for families of people with alcohol abuse problems. These groups can provide you with valuable coping skills and help you to detach from your partner's behaviour, allowing you to focus on your own self-care. You can also reach out to friends and family members for support.
Therapy is another option to consider. Talking therapies can help you reduce stress and provide you with coping mechanisms. Additionally, you can encourage your partner to attend psychological therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy, to strengthen their recovery and better cope with triggers.
If you are unsure where to turn, you can contact helplines such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline, which can provide information on support and treatment facilities in your area. Organisations like UKAT can also advise on alcohol addiction treatment and rehab centres.
Remember, seeking outside support is an important step in helping both yourself and your partner through this challenging time.
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Encouraging therapy
Alcoholism can have a huge impact on relationships and the ability to maintain them, and it is important to recognise the signs and help your partner get the treatment they need. It is also important to remember that you are not the cause of your partner's dependence and that you are not responsible for their choices regarding alcohol.
As a partner, your priority should be to focus on yourself and your own physical and mental health. It is important to take some time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system in place. You can seek outside support from close friends and family members, or join support groups such as Al-Anon, where you can speak to others who have had similar experiences. You may also want to consider seeing a therapist to ensure you get the right level of support.
When it comes to encouraging therapy for your partner, it is important to approach the situation carefully and sensitively. You can start by carrying out some research to gain a good understanding of alcohol addiction and the treatment options available. Look into the addiction treatment services in your area, such as local community alcohol services, so that when your partner is ready to seek help, you can show them the professional support that is available. It is recommended to encourage your partner to attend psychological therapy to strengthen their recovery. Available therapies include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which helps patients cope better with triggers, and motivational interviewing. Your partner may also benefit from a 12-step programme, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), which provides a support group to help individuals maintain abstinence.
Remember that the decision to seek alcohol treatment ultimately needs to be made by your partner. They must recognise that they have a problem before they can take the first step towards recovery. You can be a positive influence by encouraging them to get help and suggesting different treatment options, but avoid trying to control their drinking, as this is likely to be counterproductive.
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Avoiding self-blame
Living with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining and can have a serious impact on your health and well-being. It is common to experience feelings of self-blame, but it is important to remember that you are not responsible for your partner's drinking or their recovery from alcohol use disorder (AUD). Here are some ways to avoid self-blame:
Understand that you are not the cause of their drinking
It is crucial to recognise that your partner's drinking is not your fault. They alone are responsible for how they handle their emotions and their recovery. Alcohol use disorder is a chronic medical condition, and just like other chronic illnesses, it has several potential contributing factors. You would not blame yourself for your partner's diabetes or cancer, so try to view alcohol misuse in the same light.
Free yourself from blame
Understand that you did not cause your partner's drinking and that you cannot control or cure it. Your partner is responsible for their own choices regarding alcohol consumption. By passing full responsibility to them, you reduce the likelihood of them becoming defensive or angry, allowing them to place more trust in you during their recovery journey.
Focus on yourself and your household
Prioritise your own physical and mental health, as well as that of other household members affected by your partner's alcoholism. Take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system in place during these challenging times.
Seek outside support
It is important to have a trusted group of people who can listen and provide support. Speak with close friends, family members, or a therapist to get the emotional backing you need.
Educate yourself
Educate yourself about alcohol addiction, including triggers and available professional resources. This knowledge will help you better understand what your partner is going through and prepare you for when they are ready to talk about their problem or seek treatment. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to support both you and your partner through this challenging time.
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Having the conversation
Having a conversation about your partner's drinking can be very difficult, but there are things you can do to prepare. Firstly, it's important to remember that you are not the cause of your partner's drinking, nor can you control or cure their drinking. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a chronic medical condition, and your partner is responsible for their own recovery.
Before having the conversation, it's a good idea to carry out some research to gain a good understanding of alcohol addiction. This will help you to explain the types of behaviour that are worrying you and recognise any attempts to deceive or undermine you. You could also look into the addiction treatments available in your area so that you can show your partner the professional support that is on offer.
When you do have the conversation, make sure it's when your partner is sober, and be honest about your feelings and the effect that their drinking is having on you and your family. This may include the impact on your relationship, your children's wellbeing, and your worries about their health.
Remember that your partner may need a crisis to happen before they recognise that they need to change, so don't try to save them every time there's an incident or issue. Instead, focus on yourself and your own support system, including friends, family, and peer support groups.
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Frequently asked questions
Alcohol addiction is when your partner is no longer able to control their drinking despite the negative impacts on their health, life and your relationship. Some signs include:
- Regularly coming back drunk without disclosing where they went or whom they met.
- Spending a lot of money with no explanation.
- Losing interest in things that were previously important to them.
Having a conversation about a loved one’s drinking can be very difficult. Here are some suggestions:
- Carry out some research and gain a good understanding of alcohol addiction beforehand.
- Have the conversation when they are sober.
- Be honest about your feelings and the effect their drinking is having on you and your family.
Here are some suggestions:
- Do focus on yourself and your household.
- Do learn to step back and seek outside support.
- Don't try to control their drinking.
- Don't give up or take things personally.
Your partner may seek professional treatment through therapy or rehab centres. Available therapies include cognitive behavioural therapy and motivational interviewing. They may also opt for a 12-step method or join support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
Coping with an alcoholic partner can be emotionally draining and it is important to take care of yourself. Here are some suggestions:
- Seek out peer support groups such as Al-Anon, where you can connect with people who are going through similar situations.
- Educate yourself on alcohol addiction, its triggers and available treatments.
- Take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system.
