Coping With An Alcoholic Loved One: Strategies For Support

Dealing with a loved one's alcohol abuse can be challenging and emotionally painful. It can trigger distressing emotions such as shame, fear, anger, and self-blame. It is important to remember that abuse is never acceptable, and you have the choice to not tolerate it. Alcohol abuse not only affects the person drinking but also their families and loved ones. There are ways to cope with an abusive alcoholic loved one, such as seeking professional help through support groups, therapy, and intervention. Educating yourself about alcoholism and addiction can also help you understand your loved one's signs, symptoms, and behaviors. Additionally, helping your loved one plan how to avoid triggers, deal with cravings, and cope with social pressure to drink can be beneficial. Remember, your safety and well-being are top priorities, and if the situation becomes unsafe, it may be necessary to remove yourself from it.

Seek professional help: therapy, support groups, and intervention can help both you and your loved one

Seeking professional help is a crucial step in coping with an abusive alcoholic loved one. Therapy, support groups, and intervention can provide you and your loved one with the tools and support needed to navigate this challenging situation effectively.

Therapy

Therapy can be immensely beneficial for both you and your loved one struggling with alcohol abuse and abusive behaviours. Individual therapy can help your loved one address the underlying issues contributing to their alcoholism and abusive tendencies, such as trauma, mental health issues, or stress. It can also provide them with healthy coping mechanisms and help them develop self-control and empathy. Additionally, family therapy can be a safe space for you to process your emotions, set boundaries, and improve communication and relationship dynamics with your loved one.

Support Groups

Support groups offer a sense of community and understanding that can be incredibly valuable. For your loved one, support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) provide a space to connect with others facing similar struggles, share experiences, and gain hope and strength from those in recovery. These groups often follow a 12-step program that promotes personal accountability and spiritual growth. For you, as a concerned family member, support groups can offer guidance on how to support your loved one's recovery, as well as provide emotional support and help you feel less alone in dealing with the impact of your loved one's behaviour.

Intervention

An intervention is a carefully planned process involving family and friends, often facilitated by a professional interventionist. It can be a powerful tool to help your loved one recognize the consequences of their alcohol abuse and abusive behaviour and motivate them to seek treatment. During an intervention, each participant shares specific examples of how the loved one's behaviour has affected them, expresses their concerns, and encourages the loved one to accept treatment. It's important to approach the intervention with compassion and empathy, focusing on how much you care rather than placing blame.

Remember, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, and it can be a vital step towards healing and recovery for both you and your loved one.

Don't tolerate abuse: protect yourself and any children from hurtful or negative comments and behaviour

Alcohol abuse and addiction (also known as "alcohol use disorder") don't just affect the person drinking; they also affect their families and loved ones. Watching a friend or family member struggle with alcohol abuse can trigger various distressing emotions, including shame, fear, anger, and self-blame. It is important to remember that abuse is never acceptable, and you do not have to tolerate it. If you have children, it is crucial to protect them from unacceptable behaviour and hurtful or negative comments.

Alcohol addiction can be treated, but if your partner or loved one continues to abuse alcohol and does not seek help, you may need to consider leaving the relationship or encouraging them to seek treatment. It is important to remember that you cannot force someone to change; they must want to change themselves. However, you can support them in their journey towards recovery. This may involve helping them address the underlying problems that led them to drinking, such as boredom, anxiety, or loneliness, and encouraging them to find healthier coping mechanisms.

If you are in a relationship with an alcoholic, it is recommended that you stop drinking yourself. This is because witnessing you drink can trigger their alcohol abuse and lead to a relapse. Additionally, your partner may feel that you do not support their recovery if you continue to drink. It is crucial to be honest about the situation and seek support for yourself as well. Consider attending support groups such as Al-Anon, where you can connect with others who understand what you are going through and provide you with strength and reassurance.

Remember, your safety and well-being are top priorities. If you are experiencing abuse of any kind, whether it be sexual, physical, emotional, or mental, it may be necessary to remove yourself from the living situation. This can be a difficult choice, but your health and happiness are paramount. By taking care of yourself first, you will be in a better position to help your loved one if they choose to seek treatment.

Avoid enabling: don't shield your loved one from the consequences of their drinking

Loving someone with alcohol use disorder (AUD) can feel like walking a tightrope. It can be difficult to know how to minimise conflict and stress, support your loved one, and tend to your own needs simultaneously. It's important to understand the difference between helping and enabling. Helping is doing something for the alcoholic that they cannot do for themselves when sober. For example, if an addict has lost their driver's license, you may give them a ride to an AA meeting. Enabling, on the other hand, is doing things for an alcoholic or addict that they could do for themselves if they were sober. Enabling often results in a dysfunctional dynamic where family and friends support the addict's lifestyle.

Enabling behaviours include doing all the chores and parenting responsibilities, giving them money that goes towards their addiction, and bailing them out of jail or paying legal fines. Even giving them "one more chance" can be enabling. By “protecting" the addict from the consequences of their actions, you are feeding into their addictions and delaying an opportunity to get help.

Instead, set firm boundaries. For example, instead of saying, "If you don't quit drinking, I will leave," say, "I will not have drinking in my home." Do not engage in their behaviours, such as drinking with them. This will only keep the cycle going and make things worse.

Remember, you cannot change others. However, you can change how you behave and react to your loved one. Any positive steps you take for yourself can help your significant other with their recovery from alcohol or substance use disorder.

Plan together: help your loved one to avoid triggers, deal with cravings, and find healthier coping mechanisms

Alcohol abuse and addiction can be incredibly difficult to witness in a loved one. It can be painful and frustrating to see a friend or family member struggling with a drinking problem, especially when it starts to affect your relationship and their behaviour towards you and others. It's important to remember that it's not your fault, and that you are not alone.

Firstly, it's important to recognise that your loved one may be dealing with a lot of stress, and that heavy alcohol use is often a way of managing this. Help them to find healthier ways to cope with stress and reduce their stress levels. This could be through exercise, meditation, or other relaxation practices. Encourage them to confide in others, and support them in finding social connections and building a support network.

Secondly, help your loved one to identify and avoid triggers. This could be through therapy, either individual or group sessions, or through support groups such as AA meetings. These can help your loved one to identify the root causes of their alcohol use, and give them strategies to avoid triggers and manage cravings. Therapy can also help repair damaged relationships and give your loved one the skills to stop or reduce their drinking.

Thirdly, help your loved one to develop strategies to deal with cravings when they do occur. This could be through distraction techniques, such as calling someone, going for a walk, or riding out the urge. Mindfulness exercises can also help to anchor your loved one in the present moment and soothe them until the craving passes. Encourage your loved one to approach cravings with curiosity, rather than a sense of restriction.

Finally, remember that setbacks are common in recovery, and that relapses may occur. If they do, it is not your fault. Help your loved one to prepare for relapses, and support them in finding healthier coping mechanisms, but remember that only they are responsible for their sobriety.

Educate yourself: learn about alcoholism and addiction to better understand your loved one's signs and symptoms

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a common medical condition. People with AUD are unable to stop drinking, even when drinking negatively impacts their health, safety, and personal relationships. AUD is sometimes referred to as alcoholism, alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence, or alcohol addiction. It is characterised by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences.

The symptoms of AUD focus on changes in mood and behaviour. These can include:

• Craving alcohol
• Continuing to drink alcohol despite negative consequences on relationships
• Drinking more than intended or for longer than intended
• Spending a lot of time obtaining and consuming alcohol or recovering from hangovers
• Repeatedly trying to reduce alcohol intake without success
• Failing to meet work, family, or social obligations due to drinking
• Giving up important activities to drink
• Drinking in hazardous situations
• Continuing to drink despite health conditions or mental disorders that are exacerbated by alcohol
• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when the effects of alcohol wear off, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, or a racing heart

AUD can range from mild to severe. It is important to recognise that AUD is a serious disease that requires both the affected individual and their loved ones to seek treatment. This may involve professional help through support groups, therapy, counselling, and intervention. Loved ones can play a crucial role in encouraging individuals with AUD to seek help and supporting their recovery journey.

If you or someone you know is struggling with AUD, there are resources available to help. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) provides information on support and treatment facilities. Additionally, the Rethinking Drinking website offers resources for those concerned about their alcohol use and seeking more information about AUD.

Frequently asked questions