Coping With An Alcoholic Partner: Strategies For Support

Being in a relationship with an alcoholic can be emotionally and physically draining. It can feel like walking a tightrope, with many unsure how to minimise conflict and stress, support their partner, and tend to their own needs. It is important to remember that you did not cause your partner's drinking, and you cannot control or cure it. However, there are things you can do to support your partner while protecting your own well-being. This includes educating yourself about alcohol use disorder, seeking out peer support groups, and setting clear boundaries.

Understand it's not your fault

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a chronic medical condition, and like many other chronic conditions, it has several potential contributing factors. It is not your fault that your partner has AUD. You are not the cause of your partner's substance abuse issues, nor are you responsible for their recovery. It is common for someone with AUD to try to blame their drinking on circumstances or people around them, but you must not buy into this.

It is important to understand that you cannot change your partner. They have to want to change their relationship with alcohol and find their inner motivation to seek treatment. Alcohol addiction is powerful and almost always requires a treatment plan formulated by a professional. You do, however, have control over your actions, and there are things you can do to improve your life while coping with a partner with AUD.

You must take care of yourself first. Self-care, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual, is key to your ability to cope. Exercise, meditate, participate in a hobby, or do whatever promotes your mental health. You will be better equipped to support your partner when you've created a stable foundation for yourself. It is also important to set boundaries for yourself and your relationship. For example, refusing to drive your partner if they lose their license due to drunk driving will allow them to experience the full consequences of their behaviour.

Living with an alcoholic partner can be stressful, and it's likely you'll need support to help you manage. Focus on yourself and the other people in your household who are affected by your alcoholic partner. Concentrate on your and their physical and mental health. Do try to maintain a level of normality throughout your days. Stick to a family routine, so go to work, eat meals, relax, and go to bed at the same time every day.

Seek support

It is important to seek support when coping with a partner's alcohol addiction. This can be a stressful and emotionally draining experience, and having a support system is crucial.

Firstly, recognise that you are not alone. Alcohol addiction affects not only the individual but also their loved ones. It is common to feel exhausted, drained, terrified, sad, and angry. It is important to remember that you did not cause your partner's drinking problem, and you cannot control or cure it. Free yourself from blame and understand that they need outside help.

Seek out peer support groups, such as Al-Anon, which is specifically designed to help families of people struggling with alcohol abuse. These groups can provide valuable coping skills, help you detach from your partner's behaviours, and offer a supportive community of people going through similar challenges.

Therapy can also be immensely helpful. Research has shown that even when the partner refuses to seek help, family therapy can reduce stress and provide coping mechanisms. Educate yourself about alcohol use disorder and the available treatments. This knowledge will better equip you to manage your expectations and communicate with your partner effectively.

Additionally, practice self-care. Self-care is essential for your ability to cope. Take time for yourself, engage in activities that promote your mental health, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Focus on your physical and mental well-being, and set clear boundaries to protect your peace and encourage your partner's recovery.

Finally, remember that there are numerous resources available to help both individuals struggling with addiction and their affected loved ones. Hotlines like SAMHSA's National Helpline offer free, confidential referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community organisations.

Educate yourself

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a chronic medical condition characterized by an inability to stop or control drinking despite health, social, or professional consequences. It is a powerful addiction that almost always requires a treatment plan formulated by a professional.

Educating yourself about AUD can help you better understand your partner's situation and manage your expectations. Here are some key aspects to focus on when educating yourself about alcohol use disorder:

Understanding the Disorder

AUD is a medical condition that can manifest as mild, moderate, or severe. It is characterized by a compulsive need to consume alcohol despite the negative consequences. This can include an inability to control drinking habits, prioritising alcohol over other responsibilities, and continued drinking despite health or social issues.

Recognising Denial and Blame

It is common for individuals with AUD to be in denial about their drinking problem. They may downplay their consumption or blame their behaviour on external factors or others around them. Recognising this denial can help you address the issue more effectively and prevent you from taking on unnecessary blame or responsibility for their actions.

Available Treatments and Resources

Familiarise yourself with the treatment options available for AUD. This includes professional intervention, therapy, support groups, and medical detoxification. Understand the role of organisations like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and support groups for families, such as Al-Anon, which can provide valuable resources and coping strategies for both you and your partner.

Impact on Relationships

AUD can negatively impact relationships in various ways, including financial problems, psychological consequences, and codependency issues. Understanding these potential challenges can help you identify and address specific areas of concern in your relationship.

Self-Care and Boundaries

Taking care of yourself is crucial when coping with a partner's alcoholism. Practise self-care, set boundaries, and focus on your physical and mental health. Remember that you cannot change your partner; they must find their inner motivation to seek treatment. However, by educating yourself and utilising the available resources, you can support both your partner and yourself through the recovery process.

Practice self-care

Being in a relationship with an alcoholic can be challenging and overwhelming. It is important to remember that you did not cause their drinking, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. While supporting your partner, it is crucial to simultaneously take care of yourself. Here are some ways to practice self-care:

• Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your physical and mental sensations. It involves staying in the present moment, sticking with your thoughts and feelings, and exploring emotions and thoughts that you may have avoided in the past. Mindfulness can be uncomfortable, but it will help you get in touch with your inner self and combat symptoms of poor mental health.
• Support groups: Seek out peer support groups, such as Al-Anon, which was founded to help families of people who struggle with alcohol abuse. These groups can provide you with coping skills, help you detach from your partner's behaviours, and offer a supportive community of people going through similar experiences.
• Healthy boundaries: Set healthy boundaries with your partner and at work. Avoid enabling behaviours such as making excuses for your partner's drinking or covering for them. Instead, focus on taking care of your own needs and well-being. This may include taking time off, setting work boundaries, and prioritising self-care activities.
• Physical self-care: Take care of your physical health by engaging in exercise, eating a healthy diet, and getting proper sleep. Addiction takes a toll on your body, so it is important to focus on healing and thriving.
• Social connections: While it is important to connect with others, it is also crucial to spend time alone. Find a balance between social activities and alone time, and surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this difficult time.
• Self-reflection: Self-care practices often involve self-reflection, which can lead to greater self-awareness. By understanding your triggers, vulnerabilities, and needs, you can make more informed choices during your recovery journey and enhance your self-esteem and self-worth.
• Professional help: Consider seeking professional help for yourself or your partner. This may include therapy, rehab, or support groups specifically designed to help individuals dealing with alcoholism and its effects on relationships.

Set boundaries

Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of coping with a partner's alcoholism. It involves taking care of yourself and making choices that protect your well-being while also encouraging your partner's recovery.

Firstly, it's important to recognise that your partner's drinking is not your fault. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a chronic medical condition, and your partner is responsible for their own recovery. You should not blame yourself or try to control their drinking. Instead, focus on your own actions and the steps you can take to improve your life and well-being.

Boundaries can take various forms. For example, you might refuse to drive your partner if they lose their license due to drunk driving. This would allow them to experience the consequences of their actions and potentially motivate them to seek treatment. It's also important not to cover up for your partner's drinking or enable their addiction. For instance, bailing them out of jail or paying for alcohol-related damages may inadvertently support their drinking.

Additionally, self-care is a vital aspect of setting boundaries. Alcoholism can impact your own health and well-being, so it's crucial to prioritise self-care practices such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that promote your mental health. By taking care of yourself, you will be in a stronger position to support your partner.

Seeking support is another important boundary to set. Coping with a partner's alcoholism can be emotionally draining, and you don't have to go through it alone. Reach out to support groups like Al-Anon, which is specifically designed for families of people struggling with alcohol abuse. Therapy can also be beneficial, providing you with coping skills and a supportive connection.

Finally, remember that your safety is paramount. If you feel physically or emotionally unsafe at any time, don't hesitate to seek immediate professional support. There are various helplines and treatment referral services available, such as SAMHSA's National Helpline, that can provide confidential assistance and connect you with local resources.

Frequently asked questions