Lena Savoie
Living with an alcoholic can be challenging and take a toll on your mental health and happiness. Alcoholism affects not only the person with the addiction but also those closest to them. It can put a strain on relationships and increase the risk of abuse and unsafe living conditions. It is important to understand that you did not cause their drinking and cannot control or cure it. Prioritising self-care and seeking professional support for yourself are crucial steps in maintaining your well-being while living with an alcoholic. This involves engaging in activities that bring you joy, such as hobbies, exercise, and spending time outdoors, as well as connecting with supportive friends and family. Educating yourself about substance use disorders and their treatment options can also help you better navigate the situation and provide support to your loved one. While it is important to offer help and encourage your loved one to seek treatment, you must also set healthy boundaries and avoid enabling behaviours that may perpetuate the addiction.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Focus on yourself | Ensure you are not neglecting your own needs for the wants of the alcoholic. |
| Practice self-care | Carve out time to do things that make you happy, spend time with supportive family and friends, exercise, spend time outdoors, eat healthily, and stick to a sleep schedule. |
| Seek professional support | Meet with a therapist, join an online support group, or attend an in-person support group. |
| Learn about addiction | Educate yourself about substance use disorders, including the diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. |
| Avoid enabling behaviours | Do not cover up for the alcoholic, make excuses for their drinking, or bail them out of trouble. |
| Be honest | If someone asks about the living situation, be honest and speak up about what is happening at home. |
| Do not accept unacceptable behaviour | Do not tolerate any form of verbal, emotional, physical, or financial abuse. |
| Have an emergency plan | If things become dangerous, have a bag packed and an emergency fund stashed away. |
| Encourage treatment | Encourage the alcoholic to seek counselling, treatment, group meetings, and other resources. |
| Consider an intervention | Discuss the impact of their drinking on you and other family members and offer options for seeking help. |
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What You'll Learn
Focus on yourself and your own well-being
Living with an alcoholic can be stressful, take a toll on your mental health, and even be dangerous. It is therefore important to focus on yourself and your own well-being.
Firstly, you must face the reality of the situation and be honest about what is happening at home. Alcoholism can cause friction in relationships and lead to feelings of self-blame and guilt. It is important to understand that this is not your fault and that you cannot control or cure your loved one's drinking. You did not cause it, and you cannot control or cure it.
Secondly, take time for yourself and ensure you have a good support system. Self-care is crucial; make sure you engage in your hobbies, stick to an exercise routine, spend time outdoors, eat healthily, and get enough sleep. You can also seek professional support by meeting with a therapist, joining an online support group, or attending an in-person support group. Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous offer a safe space to share your experiences and gain insights from others in similar situations.
Thirdly, form a life independent of the alcoholic. Do things that make you feel good about yourself, maintain connections with supportive family and friends, and find activities or hobbies that you enjoy.
Finally, be aware of enabling behaviours and set healthy boundaries. Enabling includes making excuses for your loved one's drinking, covering up for them, or bailing them out of trouble. Instead, learn to step back and allow them to face the consequences of their actions. This can be a wake-up call and show them that their drinking is driving a wedge between you.
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Educate yourself about substance use disorders
Substance use disorder (SUD) is a complex condition in which there is uncontrolled use of a substance despite harmful consequences. It is a mental health condition where a person experiences a problematic pattern of substance use that affects their health and quality of life. Substances change how the brain functions over time, releasing dopamine, a feel-good chemical in the brain. However, once the substance wears off, the brain and body crave more, even if continued use is unhealthy. SUD can significantly impact a person's emotional well-being, relationships, education, and career, and in many cases, it can be life-threatening.
There are several things to educate yourself about when it comes to substance use disorders. Firstly, understand the diagnostic criteria. There isn't a single test for SUD; instead, healthcare providers evaluate medical history and behaviours surrounding substance use. They may order drug tests to determine the types and amounts of substances in the body and evaluate prescription drug monitoring program reports. A provider will also assess mental health history, as SUD often co-occurs with other psychiatric disorders. According to the DSM-5, a person must exhibit at least two symptoms over 12 months for a diagnosis of SUD.
Secondly, it is important to know about withdrawal symptoms. With continued substance use, the body can develop tolerance, requiring larger amounts to achieve the desired effects. When the substance is withheld, withdrawal symptoms can occur. These symptoms vary depending on the substance and can range from mild to severe. In some cases, medical supervision is necessary during the detoxification process to ensure safety and comfort.
Thirdly, educate yourself about treatment options. Effective treatments for SUD are available, and the first step is recognizing the problem. Interventions by friends and family can be helpful, but self-referrals are always welcome and encouraged. Formal assessments by medical professionals are crucial to identify the presence of SUD and develop a treatment plan. Treatment options may include counselling, group meetings, medication (in some cases), and various therapeutic approaches.
Lastly, understand the impact of SUD on the individual and their loved ones. SUD can affect a person's personality and how they react to situations, leading to emotional and reactive behaviours. It can cause friction in relationships and put a strain on marriages. Family members living with an individual suffering from SUD may experience feelings of self-blame, attempts to control the substance use, and enabling behaviours. Educating yourself about these dynamics will help you identify unhealthy patterns and seek appropriate support.
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Avoid enabling behaviours
It is important to remember that your behaviours can enable an alcoholic to continue their addiction. Enabling behaviours are those that allow the alcoholic to continue their addiction without facing any consequences. These behaviours can include:
- Providing financial support or purchasing alcohol for them: This includes giving them money, even if it is a loan, as it may be used to buy alcohol.
- Doing their chores and responsibilities: Taking on their responsibilities, such as parenting or household chores, allows them to avoid the impact of their drinking and continue their addiction.
- Making excuses for their behaviour: Calling in sick to their workplace when they are intoxicated or hungover, bailing them out of jail for a DUI, or minimising the impact of their drinking on your family are all examples of this.
- Ignoring dangerous behaviours: By ignoring excessive drinking and drug use, you are avoiding confrontation and allowing the behaviour to continue.
- Prioritising their needs over your own: Enabling behaviours often stem from a desire to protect and help the addict. However, it is important to set healthy boundaries and prioritise self-care.
To avoid enabling behaviours, it is crucial to:
- Detach with love: You can still love and support the alcoholic without enabling their addiction. Set healthy boundaries and communicate your concerns when they are sober. Offer to connect them with professional resources, such as counselling, treatment, or group meetings.
- Educate yourself: Learn about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. This will help you understand your loved one's struggles and make informed decisions.
- Focus on yourself: While it may seem counterintuitive, taking care of yourself first is critical. Examine your emotions and needs, and consider joining support groups like Al-Anon, which provide guidance and community for families affected by alcoholism.
- Avoid controlling behaviours: Instead of obsessively monitoring their drinking or whereabouts, release control over their alcohol use. Understand that you did not cause their drinking, and you cannot control or cure it.
- Encourage treatment: Support your loved one in seeking professional help and recovery programs. Offer to accompany them to meetings or therapy sessions, and provide emotional support throughout their journey.
Remember, enabling behaviours may provide temporary comfort and avoid confrontation, but they ultimately hinder the alcoholic from facing the consequences of their actions and seeking long-term recovery.
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Seek outside support
Living with an alcoholic can be stressful, take a toll on your mental health, and even be dangerous. It is important to seek outside support to help you cope with the challenges of living with an alcoholic.
First, it is crucial to recognise the signs of alcoholism and understand that your loved one's drinking is not your fault. Alcoholism is a disease and your loved one is suffering from an obsession and compulsion that is beyond their mental control. You did not cause their drinking, and you cannot control or cure it.
Second, educate yourself about substance use disorders, including the diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. This knowledge will provide you with empathy for your loved one's experience and solid data to aid discussions and decisions about their care.
Third, build a support system of trusted people who can listen and offer help. This can include close friends and family members who can provide emotional support and practical help if needed.
Fourth, consider joining a support group like Al-Anon or Alcoholics Anonymous, where you can connect with people who have had similar experiences and gain insights from others who understand your situation. These groups offer a safe and non-judgmental space to share your experiences and feelings.
Fifth, seek professional support for yourself, such as meeting with a therapist or counsellor. A mental health professional can help you process and understand your emotions, set healthy boundaries, and advocate for yourself and your loved one. They can also provide guidance on how to best support your loved one's recovery while taking care of your own well-being.
Remember, seeking outside support is an important step in helping yourself and your loved one affected by alcoholism. You don't have to go through this alone, and by reaching out for help, you can find the strength and guidance to navigate this challenging time.
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Be honest about the situation
Living with an alcoholic can be stressful, emotionally draining, and dangerous. It can take a toll on your mental health and overall happiness. It is important to be honest about the situation you are in.
Firstly, you must face the reality of what is happening in your home. Alcoholism is a chronic medical condition characterized by an inability to stop or control drinking despite health, social, or professional consequences. Alcohol is a powerful depressant, and its effects on heavy drinkers can be significant. Alcohol use disorders (AUD) can cause various mental health issues, and those affected can become very emotional and reactive. They may become withdrawn, defensive, and even aggressive as addiction takes over. This can create an enormous emotional gulf between you and the alcoholic, making it hard to have meaningful conversations or connect with them.
Secondly, be honest with yourself about your role in the situation. Ask yourself if you are doing anything to enable or facilitate their drinking. Enabling behaviours include covering for the alcoholic, making excuses for their drinking, bailing them out of legal trouble, minimizing the impact of drinking on your family, or pretending the problem does not exist. Enabling only supports the alcoholic in unhealthy ways and can lead to codependency and trauma bonding.
Thirdly, be honest with others about your situation. If someone important to you, such as a teacher, boss, or family member, asks about your living situation, speak up about what is happening at home. Ignoring the problem or covering up the alcoholic's drinking is a form of enabling and can prevent them from getting the help they need.
Finally, be honest about the impact the situation is having on you. Living with an alcoholic can be overwhelming and isolating. It can affect your self-esteem and sense of worth, leaving you feeling scared, resentful, or guilty. Prioritize your own well-being by seeking professional support, such as therapy or counselling, and connecting with support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon. These groups offer a safe space to share your experiences and gain insights from others in similar situations.
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Frequently asked questions
Living with an alcoholic can take a toll on your mental health and overall happiness. It is important to continue to seek moments of joy in your daily routine. Make sure you are engaging in hobbies, exercising, spending time outdoors, and sticking to a healthy meal plan and sleep schedule.
Alcoholics may appear to choose alcohol over their partners, but they suffer from an obsession and compulsion beyond their mental control. It is important to understand that you did not cause their drinking, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it.
You can provide information and support to make it easier for your partner to seek their own recovery. Educate yourself about substance use disorders, including diagnostic criteria, withdrawal symptoms, detox, and treatment options. Offer to connect them to resources such as counselling, treatment, and group meetings. Encourage them to seek professional support to stop drinking, as withdrawing from alcohol can be dangerous and even life-threatening.
You may need to issue an ultimatum for their sake and yours, but only if you are prepared to follow through. Tell them they must engage with alcohol treatment and change or you will leave the relationship. Looking after your own well-being is your responsibility.
